“The fates, if you haven’t noticed, are inherently vague and slow to do anything. I was eighteen before they did anything about me and my gifts. Maybe it will be another eighteen before I get some sign of how to end our wars.” I bite it out harshly, a glimmer of resentment surfacing even though I know I should not doubt the higher powers.
We both sigh, and she grips my arm tighter, her breathing shallowing, and I look up to see what has her gasping. The dark figures of a combined pack of fifty or more wolves move through the fog as one fluid unit. I spot them too. Heading towards the mountain, it’s obvious, even from here, that the most familiar figures, our mates and our sub-pack, are leading the way. Still leaders, even under a spell. It’s a sight that crushes me.
We both stand stock still, holding breaths, watching them disappear into the fog, and my heart sinks as I lose sight of him. A fire emerges in my stomach and burns in my chest as rage builds from heartbreak.
“Screw the fates. Screw vampires…. We won’t take this lying down. We WILL get our pack back. Our men. What’s the point of being some hybrid with gifts if I stay in here crying over this? You’re right. I AM something special, and maybe us pursuing this witch and doing what we need to do will change something… if not, at the very least, we get our mates back. We make her help us and prioritize our pack above all.” There’s a tinge of anger in my voice, and I stand up rigidly, letting that despair turn into icy determination, that pain turn into a stubborn decision, much like so many months ago when I left to run free alone in the mountains and forests to find my own path. Wasn’t that when the fates started to give me nudges for help? When I let my decision and instinct take over, I went looking for a solution to my predicament.
“Chica, if anyone can get us through this, it’s you. My Luna…. You have yet to shine, and your time is coming.” Meadow’s soothing words calm my fire a little, and I smile warmly, gently her way. I cuddle into her one more time and lay my head back down on her shoulder, which is level with mine, adoring my best friend and not knowing how I would have coped had she been out there too. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
“You know, I used to think I was better alone. Stronger. I see I was wrong, and it’s not about doing things alone. It’s about relying on others and being strong together. Heroes in stories - they never do it alone. They always have friends… family…. Sisters, a sidekick. I think WE can get through this together! If I’m going to shine, it won’t be because I’m doing it all alone.” There’s some comfort in knowing this time, no matter what, I’m not alone.
“Damn right. Isn’t that what packs, family, and best friends are supposed to be there for? You know I got your back, Hermana, always. We will do this together.”
“First, we both have to rest, and as I’m not good at sleeping alone since Colton marked me, maybe you could stay here tonight. I’m sure you haven’t slept alone since Cesar and you mated up, right?” I point out, knowing that I have been dreading tonight all day and the loneliness of the lack of his presence. It’s why I have been standing here staring at the night instead of braving that big bed, and the tears fill Meadow’s eyes.
“Not a second apart since I fell head over heels for that asshole. He drives me crazy, you know. When we fight, damn, do we fight. It’s not pretty, but I would die without him. Literally, given, you know… marking and all.” Meadow laughs lightly through her weary tears, and I smile at her humor and attempt to make light of this. This is one of the reasons I love her so much. “He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him so damn much; it wasn’t just imprinting… I always had such a crush on him, even before I turned. He’s my stability, my rock, my safe place. Cesar is my Papi, and my heart doesn’t beat when he’s not here.” Cesar is all of those things to the pack too. Always mature, parental, solid, and unwavering, I could see how the fiery Hispanics could be insane when they clashed. Meadow’s temper and Cesar’s aggression, which he has shown on the battlefield many times. I bet they clash like thunder and lightning, sparking the air and self-combusting with the boom. Probably in the same way they meet in passion and why they still act like hazed lovers after years of being mates. What they have is rare.
“Colton is my everything too. There’s no life without him. We can’t fail.” We both fall silent once more, sharing the bittersweet pain and loss in the same agony of reality, pining yet unable to do anything about it.
The fog is still out there, hanging like an unwanted smell around our land, cloying and clinging to everything we can see, and I let out a breath in exasperation.
“How did the spell work on the truck go with Sierra?” I left them to it this evening while consoling many people in the town hall when I brought them up to speed on what was happening. Never in my life had I been more crushed with the weight of responsibility than in that moment when I realized that without Colton here, all hopes and eyes were pinned on me to lead.
As Luna, I become alpha in his absence, and it hit me fully when standing up on that podium and trying to reassure them that we have a plan and will get through this. I had to be stronger than I felt. I had to be Colton! Emotionally calm, stable, and sure in my wording, I remained confident in whatever I said, even though it was a million miles away from my feelings. The pressure was bearing on me with expectant eyes and expectations that I could stand up and do it without him.
It terrified me. The what-ifs. The glimpse of a future I might have to bear if we can’t break this spell and the pack’s real needs and direction were laid on my head. I don’t know if I have it in me to be what he is. I don’t know if I can lead these people long-term, yet I have no choice. I am what they have, and now I understand fully why Colton always doubted and second-guessed himself so brutally all his life. Why he always felt he wasn’t enough, and I realize I’ve stood behind his shadow and been under just as much protection as they have all this time. Sure, I was a Luna, but I never had to command while he always protected me.
I know why he feels like he isn’t doing enough when all I felt standing there was the same damn thing. I felt inferior and like a failure.
“The sun is almost down; we should go to bed. Try and sleep. We have an early rise and a long drive if we leave this place in one piece.” Meds cuts into my thoughts and brings me back from the dark recesses of my mind that was starting to get back that weight of despair. I need not to let myself ponder.
“You’re right. We should try.” Even if I already know it won’t happen, maybe I can give Meadow the sense of companionship that she may sleep. She needs it more than I if she intends to drive us seven hours across the country without stopping.
I follow her when she moves, and she stops at the bed and stares at it for a long moment, somehow lost in thought or memory, and a tear rolls down her cheek.
“Meds?” I walk to her, but she shakes her head and inhales heavily.
“He asked me if I still loved him as crazily as when we first imprinted last night. Lying in bed, in his arms. It’s like he knew something was wrong and stupidly thought it was that. He said he felt like things were off, not with us, but in general, and he had a sense of foreboding suffocating him. Of course, Cesar's first thing that comes to mind is us…. if we fell apart, so would he. So, he asked me, and I…… I told him he was stupid and to stop talking loco. I could have just told him yes, and that I loved him more than ever, but I didn’t. I was sassy. I gave him attitude because he woke me up, and I was snappy because I’m hormonal as hell. A moody bitch, what with the blood moon coming and now….. what I wouldn’t give to have him laid in bed and asking me that stupid question all over again.” Meadow breaks, her voice cracking, her body heaving, and the tears fall at speed while I instinctively go to her. Pulling her into my embrace protectively. Pain is eating me up inside for my feelings and taking on some of hers.
“He knows you love him. Cesar is one of the most loyal, happiest wolves in the pack. He can never keep his hands off you, Meds. Don’t think this way. It’s only hurting you,” I try to console her, but she shakes her head, acting like a lost child and suddenly so young and fragile in my arms.
“I give him such a hard time. I’m always giving him attitude. I should be sweet-talking my man and sexing him anytime he cuddles up, right? I don’t. I’m moody and harsh, pushing him around because he lets me. I’m jealous, possessive, and bossy as hell. He’s the best thing in my life, and I take him for granted and make life harder for him.”
“Meds, this is guilt talking and despair. Cesar knows you love him. Your relationship is normal and healthy. You do give him love and affection. I’ve seen it on multiple occasions, and damn girl, that jealous streak when a Chola, as you call them, makes eyes his way. I think he more than knows that you need him to survive. Cesar doesn’t stop how you are because he likes it.” She’s crazy not to know this. Cesar worships the ground she walks on. He lights up when she strolls into the room and never rejects her touch or affections. He’s quiet and less vocal about his love, but it’s obvious to everyone that she is his Queen. He patrols by her side, sticks to her like glue and beams proudly when she handles things herself, showing how tough she can be.
“We weren’t talking… this morning when we went out. We weren’t together because I was sulking, that he woke me with such a stupid question. Such a stupid fight. And we searched separately, two different packs, because we are both stubborn assholes when we bicker, and we gave each other a wide berth. The last I had seen of him was him glaring my way as we split to go off into the woods. That’s it…. a glare, a standoff, and then he was just gone.” Her whimper turns into full-blown snotty sobbing, heaving as she tries to breathe through her emotional hysteria, and my resolve crumbles.
“Oh god, Meadow.” I squeeze her half to death, willing my hug to comfort her. No wonder this is messing her up. I can’t imagine how much worse this would feel if Colton and I had fought before the fog moved in. Being apart, having him mad at me before we lost them. It explains why she was so quiet and introverted when it happened and why now she’s so emotional.
“Well, when we break this stupid curse, you can make it up to him. Stop thinking that this is it because it’s not. We have a plan. We are going to keep going until we fix this. You think I’m going to let my mate stroll out in the woods and leave us to run things, pick up what he abandoned, and allow him to live a life of leisure out there? Hell no. He needs to get back here and take the wheel once more, and Cesar needs to come to pick up his woman and shake some sense into her about how much he adores her.” It’s a half stern statement and half jest to lighten her mood and stop myself tumbling with her.
“Yeah, right…. Shower him with love and smack him in the face for putting me through all this and stupidly getting himself caught in this fog. Does he have any idea what an idiot that makes him?” Her sass pushes through the tears, the outrage that he abandoned her, and I giggle at her turn in mood. She’s still quietly sniffling, but the lightness of her words has me squeezing her tight as Meds composes herself at an impressive speed and shows me that tough lady I met so many months ago.
“Tell me about it. I owe Colton a strangling for this one.” I smile, but it doesn’t reach my heart. Talking this way is helping, though, like it's temporary and just a blip we will fix. That it’s not serious, and they are out there intentionally giving us a hard time like naughty boys looking for attention.
Meadow seems to find strength from somewhere and straightens up, pushing her shoulders back, lifting her chin, and wiping her face clean of the tears.
“Right, this time, I mean it. Bed, Chica. You have looked exhausted for days, and this can’t be helping. Come on. We can cuddle as long as you know it’s not going to second base. I don’t do girls.” Meadow smirks, wiping her face for a second time to dry it fully, and I throw out my hands in mock exasperation.
“Ughh, I only agreed to bed share because I thought I was getting something out of it.” I wink cheekily, throw my hair over my shoulder as though I’m sulking, and then beam at her with a smile I hope reaches my eyes. We both grin warmly, and I pull off my clothes and head to my closet to find my nightshirt. Normally I’m all about the sexy negligees for Colton’s benefit, but tonight I want to sleep in one of his t-shirts. I need him around me in some way. I need his smell, his presence, his aura. To give me the strength to get through this trip and something to hold onto to keep me sane.
Meadow is already in casual wear; she pulls off her hoodie, which I only now realize is Cesar’s because his scent is subtly lingering around it. I hadn’t even noticed her change of style until she pulled it off to reveal a shirt I’d seen him wear over baggy grey sweats that are too big for her. She’s more of a flaunt what you’ve got, girl, so I guess, much like me, she is using his clothes in place of her mate.
We climb into bed, and I clap my hands to kill the lights. Something Colton insisted on in our room, given how reluctant he is to ever get back out of bed when we get into it.
“This witch better have some answers, I swear.” Meadow snuggles down into the duvet on Colton’s side of the bed and curls closer to me, catching my hands as I lay beside her to turn on my side, so we are face-to-face mirroring positions. It feels weird to be like this with her, somehow intimate and in a bed that has seen embarrassing scenes between my mate and me. I try not to think of it.
“The fates are sending us to her, given my previous experience with their hints…. I think it’s our best chance at breaking this spell. They never steered me wrong before.” Despite cursing the fates earlier, I still believe they will put me on the right path. I pray so, anyway.
“I hope Sierra is right, and she’s wolf friendly, else we might end up in a worse state than our boys.” Her hushed tone injects a hint of seriousness between us, and I shiver a little.
“Yeah, as long as it’s quick and painless, I don’t think we will care.” I giggle to lighten the mood, ignoring the real chance that this may not go well and refusing to ponder it, and Meadow sighs heavily.
“I’ve been thinking this afternoon. We should take Carmen. She might be useful, and she can drive. She will be useless here and weight to Sierra’s load while we’re gone. It might take her mind off this with us and give her something to do. I know I never liked her, but the girl is a fighter, and her skills made her a good fit for our pack in the past. She can hold her own in a battle, and we don’t know what we are driving out into tomorrow.” Meadow’s gaze locks on mine, that shrewd mind seeing a plan that she thinks will give us our best chance. I stay silent for a while, thinking it over and weighing it up before nodding slowly. Seeing the why in her suggestion and respecting that Colton always values Meadow’s input in everything like this.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. There’s going to be a part of her that tries to take on this responsibility because it was her mom. Maybe helping will lighten that weight and focus her on something else while it’s still raw.” I know Carmen has skills, and before there was a ME in her pack, she was seen as capable and tough.
“You’re amazing. Do you know that? I don’t think I could show the same kind of compassion and care to Cesar’s ex, almost mate. You really are a born Luna. You and Colton, you’re a perfect fit.” My face warms at her words, and I intertwine my fingers in hers. My heart is throbbing with many conflicting emotions, but I focus on taking one step at a time.
“I don’t have a choice. We are all in this together, bound by blood and bonds. She’s one of us. The pack needs all of us to survive. Even her.”