I hate this pessimistic attitude she has, but I get it. It's the hard-knock lack of self-worth because life has booted you in the face repeatedly, and you learned never to hope for anything better. Resigned to disappointment, pain, and suffering, accepting it rather than crying at every crumbling block. I guess I used to have it too, when life kept throwing me down and hurting me unfairly. It kills your worth and your self-esteem. It clouds the skies and makes you see only darkness and sunless days. Carmen has been through enough and has yet to find any reason to think beyond how worthless she is in the grand scheme of things. Such a contrast to who I thought she was back in the pack days of the mountain.
Maybe after this is over, when we find the witch, break the spell, and life can somehow get back to a semi-level of calm, she might start to see it's not always bad. She'll be with us in the homestead and our gentler, more peaceful way of life where the pack look out for each other and genuinely care about maintaining the safety and peace to thrive. We can't stop the war from happening, but with us in the stead, a new life, safety, and freedom from people like Juan, maybe she will start to heal. With time to grieve, time to process everything that has happened in the past months. With support from me, Colton, and the subs. This time we owe it to her to be better as her pack. They all do.
Maybe she might find love the normal way with one of the wolves she had never paid much attention to. It happens. There are enough of them that she maybe never gave all of them a second look or a chance while they stood in Colton's shadow. I can hope, anyway. It will ease my guilt if I know she found someone to replace what she lost and what I took, giving her a small sense of happiness.
"You two, seriously... Gawd. Someone's trying to sleep over here." Meadow sits up, rubbing her eyes, and I frown at her. I am not impressed with her complete lack of empathy when it comes to Carmen, but she smiles, catches me off guard, and shoves Carmen in the shoulder a little harshly. "Could you stop being such a drag, bringing the mood down, and be thankful that I haven't kicked your ass into touch yet?" She jests, yawns, and tries to stifle it with a clenched fist before settling herself lazily upright.
"You could try!" Carmen glares at Meadow, that snidey bitchy tone back in place and that aura of frost, but Meds smirks at her with equal sass.
"Oh, baby girl, I wouldn't need to try...I already know you would be a two-second flick of the wrist. Don't put too much value on your skills when you're up against me, Puta."
"Meadow, really?" I sigh, startled at her meanness and even calling her that after all this time, wishing these two would stop and not wrapping my head around Med’s lack of compassion regarding Carmen.
"Relax, Luna. I would be worried if she were being nice to me... I would think she's sick or dying. I can take Meadow being a bitch. It's what I'm used to." Carmen seems like she's trying to set my mind at ease, but she can't be because it's Carmen, and she's spiky at the best of times. She can't be telling me in a roundabout way that this is okay and expected.
"Well, skanky puta, as long as we all know where we stand, heh?" Meadow grins again, catlike and smug, getting the same hostility as before when these two clashed as tempers heat subtly. There's an undercurrent of brewing fire as Carmen sighs and eye-rolls dramatically, seemingly more irritated than annoyed.
"And here I thought that specific nickname was left at the mountain... Guess you did miss me, Sweetie pie." Carmen flexes her shoulders and glances at Meadow, who winks in a mock sarcastic way. The flirt in her shows face because she uses it when the fight flexes.
"Why, when it suits you so well." She flutters her lashes at the other girl and pouts her lips, almost kissy-kissy. I stare wide-eyed, mouth gawping at the weirdness that is happening. I think I might be about to be stuck in a femme fight right here in this cab, and I don't want to see fur flying.
"Yeah... Maybe! I was drunk, he was willing, and I was heartbroken. I wanted to wound Colton even an ounce of what he did to me. I didn't think it through or what it would cause. And then.... he didn't want to know me after. Either of them. That's what I get, huh? I guess I really am a Skanky Puta!" Carmen mimics Med’s heavy accent with the last two words and doesn't sound like she's looking for sympathy or a fight, just stating facts. I'm silent in dazed awkwardness as these two seem oblivious to how uncomfy this is getting. Neither giving a toss that they are brewing to battle under the nose of their so-called Luna.
"You play with fire, and you get burned. You should have known better than to mess with Colton's family. I think he could have forgiven anyone else but not him... You brought it on yourself, and I'm still pissed at you for it." Meadow huffs, crosses her arms, and shoves her feet on the dash to get comfy. Meadow's pose is casual and loose, making it clear she is not intimidated, and this is usually when you should be the wariest of her. She can turn in a flash and, with her speed, calm to death switch in a blink. I squirm in my seat, trying to visually warn Meds to cool down and back off, my expression being blanked by her regardless.
"What's new? Meadow being pissed is a daily occurrence. I wouldn't know what you looked like if you didn't always snarl my way." Carmen eyes me with a slight raise of her brow, not backing down either, while Meadow glares right back at her.
"Don't be making funnies about me, puta. I will still own your ass." It's a veiled threat with intent, and the air notches up in degrees as I begin to feel hot. I can't even with the swirling toxic smog around me coming from both sides. Wriggling as I feed on their hostile moods.
"Yeah yeah... Like anything you can do would be worse than anything Juan did. I'm not as scared of you as I once was." Carmen sighs and points at a road sign for a turning that isn't clear, with both arrows signing for our destination, and Meadow sits up to gesture to the left. Nodding, she should go that way. She swivels her head and looks around to be certain. A break in the standoff as the focus is redirected and then returns to battle mode as soon as she sits back.
"I think I could make that change." Meadow grins salaciously; this time, I've had enough of this almost testosterone-like pissing competition of strangeness.
"Enough. Meds, behave. Carmen, ignore her. Can we go back to silence to save my brain from a second headache?" I sigh, tired, weary still, and not wanting to spend the rest of this drive listening to these two out bitch one another with threats of violence.
"Know your place. Lorey is MY best friend... she don't need any more femmes in her circle!" Meadow spits, annoyed that I stuck up for Carmen in a way, her ego bruised and her feelings bashed as she turns back to curl up against me possessively. Linking her arm in mine with a tug and settling her head on my shoulder, back in the position she slept. She fully hems me into my corner and turns her body so her butt faces Carmen as she snorts in disgust at her.
I giggle as it hits me full frontal and completely lifts my mood.
Meadow is jealous!
That's what all this posturing is and why she changed her tune so God damn fast once we hit the road. It's as cute as when Colton gets territorial and ridiculous over equally absurd things, and I beam, enveloped in affectionate warmth, that my crazy Chica is sulking over this.
Her asking Carmen along at the house changed rapidly when she realized I was not being hostile and asked her to give Carmen a chance. I see it now, why she's being so cold and looking to upset the girl. I stopped hating on her and have shown her a modicum of compassion, and Meadow is a hot fiery Latino with a green streak a mile high at times. All this, Meadow is very wolf in her possessive and almost territorial protection of a femme she considers her family. I may not be her mate, but she's my momma wolf, my sister, my best friend, and she doesn't like it one bit that I'm trying to let Carmen redeem herself. I laugh inwardly, hug Meds with more force than necessary, and shake my head at her.
I love you, you crazy femme. God, I now know what Cesar deals with if you ever see someone as a threat, and I bet this is nowhere near the intensity of what he deals with. She will never replace you.... stop with the hostility.
I mind-link her so Carmen doesn't hear, and Meadow frowns at me accusingly, that sulky hint of a tantrummy child all over her pouted, pretty face. Her eyes are blazing with fire.
Just don't get too cozy, and remember which sister always had your back. I don't need a sob story to make you care about me... this bitch better realize we come as a pair, and she's a temporary add-on.
Oh, Meds, you're impossible, but I love you.
I must hold in my beaming smile, twisting in my seat to stare out the window while I cover the urge to laugh and chide her verbally.
You better love me more than everyone else, with the exception of Cole. Or I may stick that skank under the truck and drive over her a couple of hundred times.
"Go back to sleep. I want to nap too." I warn her affectionately, being verbal and letting Carmen hear, so she knows she's about to get peace once more. I dismiss Meadow's behavior and curl back, wrapping my arm around her snugly. She throws Carmen a sideways glare and then smirks as she nuzzles against me and closes her eyes. She really is hopeless.
Without her mate to take all this attention and jealous swirling affection, I may have to deal with the heightened version until we get our pack back. I feel sorry for Carmen in all of this and wish Meds would ease up for now.