“Carmen? Jasper….” I don’t know what words I intended, but his name dies on my lips with the pain from my heart at saying it. I realize I have no idea how to console her when I don’t even know how to process that my brother stands against us. Her aura changes to cold and closed stiffness instantly.
“Don’t. Karma, remember? I deserved this.” She shrugs, that controlled mask of indifference back in place, and moves off, throwing her feelings away. Sill walking without looking back, and I silently shake my head.
No, you don’t.
I maybe used to think she deserved all kinds of awful to happen to her for her part in my pain, but not anymore. I hate that she now suffers all the things I did in some strange balance that seems to be intent on making her feel everything I once suffered through – the death of my mom, the loss of the pack, the mistreatment under Juan’s care. The rejection of an imprinted mate because of who she is. Walking alone as though cut off from the shore while trying to find her place in a new order of things. She’s the outsider now.
Carmen doesn’t deserve to keep being put through all of this, and she’s stronger than most. To keep getting up to fight over and over again. Jasper was always so loving, so loyal, and I know that if she weren’t a Santo, he would be the kind of mate she could only dream of. As a brother, he was everything in my world, my rock, my haven, and I don’t doubt a mate would be even more cherished. He would love her in ways that would heal all her wounds, protect her, and show her what worth and stability are, as he showed me.
She had the wrong name…. and nothing to do with a feud that meant her mate despised her for that one detail alone. Jasper is an idiot not to see beyond his hatred.
“I should see Sierra first while you see what the kitchen offers. I’ll come right back, I swear. She’ll want to see me, know I’m safe. I know how she is; her worry won’t subside without it. Besides, I have to tell her about….” I glance down at my stomach, feeling awkward and still not fully confident in this new little fact. I still need to confirm it, but deep down inside, since Leyanne told me, I have known it to be true. I can sense something I ignored before; I’m certain it was two little lives.
Carmen nods sadly when I catch up with her and loosely link my hand in hers, a natural movement borne of being friends with Meadow. She hesitates, flexes her fingers, and her hand pauses but doesn’t pull away and avoids looking at me directly.
“I can get something for you and bring it to her suite. Even if the witch monopolizes her attention, Sierra will be happy to see her daughter in the flesh.” Her tone is tight, a slight lacing of something under the surface that I can’t read. Her emotions are shielded effectively, and I sigh inwardly that she won’t let her guard down, not even around her Luna.
I’m glad she doesn’t argue with me the way Meadow does on this, and we part at the inner stairway when we get inside the house. The air and the atmosphere alone make me see how much tension I’ve been holding in my body these last couple of days, and I exhale to release some of it. My body sags at the familiar and safe surroundings, the very air in this space calling me home and soothing that eternal weight of pain in my chest. If he weren’t missing in this scene, this would be heaven to return to.
It feels less despairing than before we left. We have the witch, we have crazy revelations about my mother, and we have hope of not only fixing this mess of this spell but ending the war. Something we never knew how to achieve before. Which, if we do, leaves only one little problem left in our list of all things we have lost sleep over in recent months.
Juan Santo and our mountain.
With the threat of vampires out of the way, our focus on saving our people might become a priority when we get Colton back. And then Jasper… my brother is out there in the world posing a new threat if he sticks to his word and comes after my people for what was done to our family. I can’t even contemplate that right now and what will happen if he holds true to his word.
Jasper against me… or even against Colton. I know he would lose. He’s strong. His gift is speed which is why he probably escaped Juan so long ago. His hyper-speed compared to other wolves is twice as fast, but he’s no alpha, and he would never be a match for my mate. Colton is stronger, has more aggression in his pinky, and is battle-worn and calculative in a fight. I don’t know of Jasper’s training these past ten years with the vampires, and I was shocked at his level of hostility, but I could still sense he wouldn’t be able to take me alone, let alone with my mate.
I don’t want to fight him, especially not when at the root of his goal is the pain of our loss. He loved our pack, our family, and our parents. He lost everyone; he even thought I was gone. His home. He has had to carve out life within the lap of those he once feared as the enemy. Creatures he rose against in battle and had been ingrained to fear since childhood. Living with vampires for a decade can’t have been all that great.
And then there’s that which completely confuses me…. vampires accepted a wolf and let him live, not as an enslaved person or a mistreated being, but as one of them. They initiated him into their coven from what Darrius blurted out, which raises many questions about the morality and laws of what we once believed were only monsters. It seems this breed we never knew existed is far superior in so many ways to those things out in the woods. Miles apart physically but also in morality too. It shakes everything I thought I knew about them.
I need to talk to Leyanne about the difference between the born and the turned, and if there is one, how the hell we create peace once more so that no more blood has to fall on either side. I don’t fancy our chances should the born vampires come into play and be the ones to stand in battle against us instead.
I can’t even begin to contemplate my own heritage, and that’s a whole head mess I’m leaving aside for now. If I’m royalty… I’ve been killing my kind for the past months and hating them, while maybe I might have had a chance at stopping this. My head aches with all of it, and I don’t even know how to start pulling it apart, turning it over, or figuring it out. That’s always been Colton’s forte. Lay them out logically to see things and figure out the chess moves.