Back at the ranch a damp wind stirred the fading leaves of the cottonwoods. Crows cawed and circled around aimlessly, as Lenora pulled up next to the barns. She felt unease set into her heart even as she reminded herself to be positive. Gathering up her bag of lingerie, she slammed the truck door behind her. Tomorrow she would be in the city with Clay; she tried to calm the anxious feeling in her stomach. Maybe she was just nervous, she thought.
It was not until sunset that the wind brought in a raven-haired girl in a jacked-up Toyota. As Lenora met her on the porch, she realized the girl was a woman, and she was Clay’s ex-wife.
Of course, she would stay for dinner, Lenora thought, Clay was not yet in from the North Pasture. Lenora tried to make small talk, as she mixed pastry flour for the pot pie, all the while anxiety growing in the pit of her stomach. Crystal was beautiful.
“Where are you living now?” Lenora said.
“In Missoula. Of course. But maybe Polson soon. I can’t stand the lonesome feeling of winters at these ranches. You know? Wait, you haven’t been through a winter yet. Well, you’ll see. It’s crazy how lonely and cooped up you start feeling,” Crystal said.
Lenora tried to calm herself. She glanced out the window to see Clay come cantering in on his mare, Moon. How could her aunt still be in town, she thought? Why was she here, and what could she possibly want from Clay, Lenora wondered.
Thankfully two trucks pulled up at that moment; one was Byron’s truck, and the other belonged to the feed guy. Annie came in to help with the potatoes, and she was cordial to Crystal. Was there a secret that no one was telling her? Sometimes these ranch people were so quiet, it frightened Lenora. Would she ever learn to read between all the lines, she thought, the way they did?
As the pie baked Annie finally grasped Lenora’s arm and led her down the hallway away from their visitor.
“Don’t judge him too harshly,” Annie said. “He was just a boy, really.”
Lenora felt dread deep in her stomach. “What’s going on? What happened?” Lenora said.
Annie sighed. Lenora was trying to be patient. What was going on, she felt the stab of hot anger.
“I’m only doing this,” Annie said. “Because I love both of you.”
“Clay was young. And, oh so handsome,” Annie said. “And maybe a little headstrong, and the very lovely girl with black hair; who came to care for the children the next ranch over, saw him and he her, and they fell in love. Well. Well, that was Crystal. It was classic really; he got her pregnant and then they got married in a bit of a rush. It was not perfect but it worked, sort of. Clay was a good father despite his own youth. All seemed as if it was going to be fine, until the night before the child’s second birthday; the baby simply died in his sleep. Crystal blamed Clay for making them live so far from the hospital.”
Lenora could see Clay with a baby in his arms. She imagined the child’s dark hair and large, brown eyes, just like Clay’s.
“But Crystal comes back from time to time. And then they try and make it work again,” Annie said. “Clay still feels responsible is all. He can’t help it. She’s not always very stable, that one. She needs his help, or just to know that someone cares about her. That’s all.”
“I see,” Lenora said.
“I’m sure this time will be different though,” Annie said.
“Yes. Yes, of course.”
When they returned to the kitchen the men had come in from chores, and Crystal was out with them in the big dining room. Lenora could hear Clay’s voice but not what he said. Jesse came to help bring dishes out to the table and Byron was preoccupied with the feed rep, Bill Simms. Lenora carried out the hot potpie and could hardly look at Clay where he stood speaking with Crystal. She knew he looked at her and she felt like a coward when she did not meet his eyes. Instead she used the heavy pie as an excuse to look at the table. Silently, she told herself; it was a fling anyway, and if this cowboy wants to go back to his old flame, so be it.
Dinner was plated, and the feed man talked about getting them switched over to a different feed brand. Lenora kept her mouth firmly shut and would not meet Clay’s eyes across the table. The only time she spoke was when Bill, the feed rep, tried to steer them away from their current horse feed.
“Why switch from a feed that works for our horses? Why should we move away from something that is more natural to what a wild horse would eat? And aids in digestion? Plus, it keeps our horses looking wonderful,” Lenora said.
“I agree,” Byron said.
Lenora smiled at her uncle and he nodded back, she ate the rest of her meal in silence.
After dinner Jesse and Annie were on dish duty and Lenora excused herself. She stepped out onto the porch to find Crystal and Clay standing facing each other. Clay’s face was in the shadows, so Lenora could not see his eyes, but he had a hand resting on either of Crystal’s shoulders. Crystal turned and looked Lenora fully in the eyes— had the two women been wild mares Crystal would have just pinned her ears at Lenora and shot out a high, hind kick.
“Is everything okay, Clay?” Lenora said. Her voice sounded high and whiny to her own ears.
“It’s fine, I’ll be in in just a little while, Nora,” Clay said. He seemed embarrassed and did not say anything more. He looked as if his past and future were colliding and leaving him feeling out of control.
“I need to talk to my old husband about something. Go on in now,” Crystal said.
Lenora backed away, turned and mumbled something before heading back into the house. Her stomach knotted around the pot pie.
She half expected Clay to be a step behind her to explain what was going on. When she realized he was not, her throat felt raw and her eyes stung. The worst part, and maybe the reason she was reacting so strongly to Crystal, was that the two of them looked so right together. Clay and Crystal looked perfectly natural and amazing standing out on the porch with the sun setting behind them. They looked like they belong on a ranch in the west. Perhaps she was jealous. Crystal was a true beauty by anyone’s standards: her heavy, black hair, perfect complexion and long, long legs were only the beginning. That girl definitely did not look like she had had a baby, with her flat stomach and lean arms and thighs; she looked like a very sexy Miss Montana. Was Lenora envious of Crystal because she herself was so, so white, she wondered. How ironic. She instantly felt supremely bad. She had no idea the trials and tribulations Crystal, or her forbearers, might have gone through at the hands of her own, white ancestors. She really felt like a good cry in Major’s mane was what she needed. The way she felt left her feeling too angry and confused. But she was scared of what she might find on the front porch. She went into the bathroom and took a quick, hot shower. Resting her head against the glass door she remembered the dark timeand realized she could get through this. Overall, she was a pretty, mature women; even though she felt fifteen years old again and jealous as hell right at the moment. She would grow through this and one day look back and smile. The very thought of looking back made her cry a few tears, which scalded her cheeks more than the steaming shower. She really wished she could go see her horse. Since she could not, she put lavender lotion on her legs and pulled on a form fitting, black dress.
As Lenora checked her email, she realized a trip back to Chicago was coming up on Sunday. She could take care of the last medical bills and catch up with Liz and the other girls from the barn. Overall, she realized she needed more girl time. What about the lady from the cute boutique? On a whim, she rummaged through her purse and found the card with Rosa’s cell number scrawled across it in purple pen. Without giving herself time to think she dialed the number.
“Hi there,” Rosa said.
She sounded as if she knew exactly who it was on the other line.
Lenora laughed despite herself: “Hi. This is the crazy girl, who bought that lingerie from you?”
“Well, I’m so glad you called,” Rosa said. “I could use a drink and tonight seems the perfect night for doing just that. I bet you have a story about a good-looking cowboy to tell me.”
“I do.” Lenora said.
“The Painted Pony?” Rosa said.
“Yes, of course,” Lenora said. “Give me twenty minutes.”
The bar was quiet; a few regulars sat on stools facing the polished mirrors, and two men played a game of pool under the hand-hewn beams holding the place up. Over by the jukebox, a man nursed a drink and an album of some sort. Lenora felt like she had stepped into some kind of eighties movie but could not back out now. She sat at a sunken booth and waited only a moment for the bartender to bring her a cold Corona.
Rosa entered the bar with a flourish of turquoise scarf and tall boots.
“Two shots of tequila, Timmy,” She called to the bartender and sat down across from Lenora. “So, did he like the silk?” Rosa said.
“I don’t know,” Lenora said.
“So, what’s the problem?” Rosa said.
“His ex is back,” Lenora said.
“Oh, crap. Tim! Another round, pronto!” Rosa said.
The first round had not yet arrived.
“That little, black-haired thing doesn’t have a hold on him except in the past. One thing I’ve learned about living here; is these people don’t let the past go easy. But, but when they do, it’s for good. Don’t give up. Do you hear me? This is hard country stuck between the mountains the way it is,” Rosa said. “He’ll come to his senses in no time, I’ll bet.”
Two empty shot glasses a piece sat on the table between them. Lenora felt dizzy. Someone had put an old Patsy Kline song on the jukebox.
“The mountains breed very stubborn, and, if I may say so, not always the brightest people.” Rosa ran her hand through her black curls. “Nevertheless,” she continued. “You have your heart on a cowboy, so we had better figure out what’s going on in that thick skull of Clay’s. But, in the meantime, let’s get drunk and sing some karaoke.”
Lenora laughed and downed her third tequila; suddenly the world did not seem so cold and uncaring anymore.
Five, or maybe seven, shots later, the Dixie Chicks’, “Wide Open Spaces” played on the karaoke machine, and the door to the bar banged open. Clay with rain-jeweled hair and a heavy coat walked in. Lenora felt a thrill of joy to see him, even in her inebriated state, and smiled to herself but kept up the beat with Rosa; who it turned out could really sing, tequila or no. Quite a crowd had gathered at The Painted Pony, once word of two drunk girls singing about cowboys went around the town. A group of rowdy men were drinking hard, and singing along as well. In general, it was the most fun Lenora had had in a very long time.
She watched Clay warily as he ordered a beer and sat at the bar with the others. Lenora decided to ignore him and continue with the song.
Somewhere after, “Before He Cheats,” and maybe her eighth shot, Lenora had to take a break. She and Rosa stepped outside into the chill rain, the air felt wonderful on Lenora’s hot face. Headlights pulled into the parking lot, and a tall cowboy got out of a dually truck and headed towards them.
“Uh-oh. I’ve been found,” Rosa said.
“What the hell, Darling?” The tall man said.
“Just having a little fun on a miserable night!” Rosa said.
“I can tell,” he said.
Just then the door to the bar opened, spilling golden light across the gravel parking lot, and Clay emerged. He was gentle as he took Lenora’s elbow.
“Can we talk?” Clay said. He turned to Rosa’s husband, a smile quick and full of white teeth spread across his face.
“Hi Landon. Nothing like these gals, really, is there?” Clay said.
“I think you’ve found one as feisty as my Rosie,” Landon said. He pulled his wife close enough to plant a swift kiss on her perfectly made-up lips.
Lenora did not know exactly whom Clay meant, but imagined it was she and Rosa to which he was referring. In her drunken state she had no idea if his observation was a compliment or an insult. Lenora was feeling distinctly dizzy, now that they were outside and away from the music and bright lights.
“Sure, why would there be anyone else like us?” Lenora said. Knowing full well her tone was dripping with sarcasm, she wished she could stop, but her tongue and lips moved all on their own.
“You want to tell me why your ex-wife is back?” Lenora said. “Why you’re touching her like that? The wife you had a baby with and never even told me about? Why didn’t you tell me your baby died?”
Something in her drink-sodden mind realized what she had just said, a second before Clay’s eyes became very sad, and then his face went blank. Lenora felt like she was on a bucking horse; her world was tilting and she was going to hit the ground hard but the ride had started; or in this case the words had left her mouth, and there was no going back. She would just have to try and land as well as she could and then access the damage when her head was clear.
“I’m driving you back to the ranch. C’mon,” Clay said.
Rosa quickly wrapped her arms around Lenora. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “The two of you just need to talk your way through this.”
Rosa released her, and Clay headed towards his truck. Lenora followed, wishing she was not drunk and sad.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I, I just want to…I just wanted to understand,” Lenora said.
But the damage was done. Clay barely looked back as Lenora followed.
“I didn’t think the right time had come… for me to tell you,” Clay said.
“Really?” Lenora said. “How intimate do we have to get? For you to let me into your head and heart a little?”
“I thought I told you everything you needed to know,” Clay said.
“Really? I told you everything about my asshole ex, about my mom dying. I told you about lying on the bathroom floor and not wanting to ever get up again,” Lenora said. “I bared my soul to you.”
“I know you did,” Clay said.
He helped her into the truck. She wanted to reach out and grab him and feel him hold her. Obviously, the past still hurt him, he seemed so distant. He climbed in and started the engine. The vinyl seats were cold against her legs. She rested her head on the window and tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. Suddenly, in less than six hours, her new love had fallen to pieces around her. She slumped against the passenger door as they drove home in silence.