The horses breathed steam as the sun rose and filtered through the pines to the east. It was Sunday, the day of the trail ride with her father. Clay held the door to the horse trailer and Lenora untied their two horses and backed them out. Before they had time to wrap legs and throw saddle pads over the horses’ backs, Amos had pulled into the gravel lot in a blue and rust Chevy with a small, gray horse trailer behind.
Lenora realized this was her father. The thought made her heart tighten. Having gone through so much life without this parent, it seemed like a strange gift to now have him.
She watched as Amos climbed out of the truck and took off his hat as he approached. Her mind began racing as she wondered if she should hug him or shake his hand. She had no idea.
Thankfully, he stopped on the other side of the horses and nodded to Clay and then looked at Lenora. She could see as much worry and unease in his eyes as she was sure reflected in her own— this was not easy for him either.
“Hi, thanks for asking me to come riding today,” Lenora spoke first.
“Of course,” Amos said. “Sure am glad the weather decided to hold. It’s a pretty ride up, but not much fun with sleet in your face.”
Clay had moved off and adjusted the rigging on his saddle. Lenora suspected he was giving her space and tried to be thankful, not terrified. Who knew that relatives, especially long-lost parents, were the scariest social encounter, she thought.
“This your Arabian horse?” Amos asked.
“Yes,” she said. “This is Major Temptation.”
Amos picked up her horse’s hooves, looked in his mouth and ran his hand down all four legs. Lenora knew he was trying to connect with her in the only shared thing they had at the moment— a love of horses.
“Well, he’s no quarter horse,” Amos said. “But those are some good strong legs and hard hooves.”
Lenora smiled, that was the closest she was probably ever going to get to a compliment for her horse from a true cowboy like her father.
“Let’s see your horse,” Lenora said.
“I bred and raised him myself.” He rested his hand on gelding’s withers. The horse sniffed at Amos’s sleeve.
Lenora could hear the pride in his voice and wondered again why her mother had never shared this man with her.
The three of them rode single-file up the winding, mountain trail. Hemlock branches hung in thick curtains making their trip up seem like an enchanted journey. There were moments where the sun shafted through in pure brilliance. Lenora ran her hand through Major’s mane, letting her fingers catch on a snarl.
Nearly forty-five minutes later they reached the top and let the horses stand and blow. Lenora sucked in her breath as she saw the sun glance over the frozen falls. Wave upon wave of perfect, clear glass gave way to rings of milky ice. The waterfall was suspended in winter splendor. She climbed down from her horse and walked to the rocky ledge. The sight of the easterly sun caught in thousands and thousands of crystals took her breath away. She felt a man approaching and turned to find Amos standing beside her. She could not help but look back, searching for Clay. Their eyes met. She wondered how she would ever repay him for being her silent and strong friend. For a quick moment, she wished they could be standing here alone, as lovers again.
The thought faded, and she realized she had been given the greatest gift: she was getting to know her father.
“It’s breathtaking,” she said.
Amos smiled and turned to her, his eyes no longer seemed so unsure. They could find common ground. It was not too late for a relationship to form, grow strong.
Late Monday night, tossing in her rumpled bed sheets, Lenora realized what she had to do in the morning. She had already planned a trip into Missoula for the following day. The timing was right.
Before anyone was awake, she fed the horses and laid out two loaves of banana bread on the kitchen counter. It was still dark as she turned on the truck headlights and headed out of the ranch. A jackrabbit darted across the hard-packed snow just before she made it to the paved road, its ears flat back against it small skull. Driving with her knees, she undid the lid of her big thermos and smelled the richness of coffee, vanilla and coconut oil— her favorite morning beverage, with an extra-large portion today, since her night had been far from restful. The sun rose as she listened to a mix of the morning news and Hank Williams Jr and Willie Nelson. Her first stop was the huge furniture store on the east side of town. She found the linen curtains she wanted and also two heavy end tables. The mattresses she had ordered the month before had arrived, and she drove the truck around to the back of the store to load them up.
“You have someone at home to help you unload these?” The bigger loading guy asked.
“Yes. I sure do,” Lenora answered. How wonderful, she thought, that she had a whole assortment of family back at the ranch. After being raised an only child with one parent, she was finding family a true luxury. Of course, knowing Clay would be at the ranch helped as well.
Finally, her last stop— the fancy grocery store for the few things she could not source closer to the ranch. It was now close to eleven A.M. and time to make the call. She pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and dialed the number. Her mouth was suddenly so dry that she could not swallow, but she did not hang up. She remembered the isolation and fear she had experienced stranded along the mountain highway with a flat tire. She had breathed her way through a tire change and out of the emotional wreckage of her previous life— she could do this. The phone range four times. She almost thought it would go to voicemail, and she could forget her whole stupid idea.
“Hello” on the other end.
“Um, Crystal?” Lenora said.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“This is Lenora, from, from Bear Dance Ranch? My aunt and uncle and well, well, Clay lives there?”
She felt lost, rambling. What was she thinking, she wondered, ex-wives were not flat tires.
“Oh, yeah. I know who you are,” Crystal said. “Why are you calling me?”
“I was actually wondering if we could meet,” Lenora said.” I know it’s weird. I just need to talk to you.”
“Yeah, sure. You want to come to my place?” Crystal said. “I’ll text you the address.”
Then the line was dead, and her phone beeped at her a moment later with the street numbers. Lenora was shaking. She closed her eyes and took three deep breaths, which sort of worked to calm her nerves. She closed her eyes again and pictured Major’s sweet face and then galloping him through the valley next to the ranch. That was better, she could drive. She started the truck and drove east along the river, then through campus and to a run-down apartment complex.
Lenora looked through her grocery bag and found a bottle of espresso and coconut water, maybe this would be a good gift. Feeling ridiculous with the coffee, and yet convinced she needed to bring something, Lenora knocked on the door. Crystal opened immediately and waved Lenora inside. The living room was filled with two potted plants and a huge blanket made of native designs hung on the wall. Lenora handed Crystal the coffee and coconut water mixture and watched the puzzlement on Crystals face give way to a smile.
“I really like this brand,” Crystal said.
“Yeah, me, too,” Lenora said.
“Want to sit down?”
Lenora sat on an under-stuffed couch, covered with another blanket close in color to the one on the wall. Crystal went into the kitchen and returned with two glasses of water.
“It’s all I have,” Crystal said. “Unless you want whiskey?”
“No, this is perfect,” Lenora said.
“So,” Crystal said. “You’re here to ask me about Clay?”
Lenora took two gulps of water. Crystal was watching her. The woman was more beautiful than Lenora remembered ,her dark hair a curtain falling around her bare, sleek shoulders.
The pang of pure jealousy that shot through Lenora’s belly surprised her. This woman had made a baby with Clay.
“So, you want Clay?” Crystal said. “That’s why you’re here. To ask me what’s between us?”
“Yes,” Lenora said. “And, also, to ask you to come to dinner at the ranch. If you want.”
Lenora was grateful for the other woman’s ability to speak the truth, even though she detected an angry edge to the words. How must she look to Crystal, she wondered? She was the new woman entering late into the story of their lives and losses.
“He’s picked you already,” Crystal said. “About time he should pick someone. We ended a long time ago.” She swooshed her long hair back in a fierce gesture. “I left him a long time ago. I don’t like those ranches so far out. I don’t like the mountains bearing down. I don’t like being away from other people and then coming into town and blinking like moles just surfaced. I don’t like his life.”
Lenora felt it too as she came into the city that morning, her brain amazed by the traffic and speed of everyone hurrying. She had recognized it even more when she returned to Chicago. Maybe, she thought, this was why her mother had fled the mountains and the solitude. Though, unlike Maura and Crystal, Lenora felt herself melting into the wildness and loving the new shape her mind and emotions took as they formed to her life at the ranch.
“I think my Mom must have felt the same way. Though she never spoke of it to me,” Lenora said.
“Oh, yeah Annie’s dead sister,” Crystal said.
Only then realizing her harsh words, Crystal looked Lenora straight in the eye.
“I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s hard to lose your mom and all,” Crystal said. “I lost mine when I was pretty young, so I don’t really remember her. But still it’s hard.”
“It’s actually embarrassing how hard it was for me,” Lenora said. “I felt really weak and silly for a long time. I was this depressed slob who cried all the time and lived on frozen pizza.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Crystal said. “Clay’s been like, the only real family I’ve had in a while. That’s why I still go and see him. You know? When I’m lonely.”
“I don’t know if he told you?” Lenora said. “But I overreacted when you came to stay last time. My ex-husband was unfaithful. And I, well, I felt threatened. I’m late to know all the details and history out here.”
Crystal picked up a pack of cigarettes lying on the table next to the jade plant and flicked out a single white stick. Her fingers were long and delicate. Lenora watched and mulled over Crystal’s last words.
Lenora was just starting to realize how rough Crystal’s childhood must have been, no wonder she was drawn to Clay; most flight creatures like horses were. Clay had a way of making the world seem small and bite-sized , Lenora thought, no need to tackle all of it in one day. Just a few short months ago, she had been in Crystal’s position: no family, no husband and the whole world in front of her.
“Maybe,” Lenora said. “You would like to come and have dinner on Christmas Eve? I was going to cook something special, and Annie is making pie. It might be nice.”
She had no idea why her face was getting hot, she could only imagine what she must look like with her red appearance and her freckles all mapped out across her cheekbones.
“None of my business,” Crystal said. “But I think you still have a thing for him. Why else would you show up at my place? I don’t imagine you’re here to make friends.”
Lenora was silent for a long moment. She looked down at her clasped hands in her lap and gathered her thoughts as best she could. “Like I said before; my ex-husband was not faithful. I guess I don’t trust very easily now. Plus I’ve only been divorced for a year.”
It was actually almost two years, Lenora thought. In many ways the marriage had been over for a year or more before that.
“I’d really like you to come for Christmas Eve dinner,” Lenora said.
“Yeah,” Crystal said. “I might. I do like coming out every once in a while. I don’t work at the diner anymore. I’m at the casino near Polson now. Better money, you know? So I guess I’d be closer. Wouldn’t be much of a drive over after work.”
“Okay,” Lenora said. “So it’s settled. Christmas Eve. Around six o'clock or so.”
Setting her empty water glass on the card table Lenora stood. Crystal stayed seated. Lenora’s heart was racing, but she made it out of the apartment door and down the single flight of stairs and to her truck. She wondered if everyone could see that she was not over Clay Darkhorse. Perhaps she should have accepted Crystal’s offer of whiskey.
***
Three days after Lenora’s meeting with Crystal, the first guests arrived at Bear Dance Ranch. Lenora pulled off her apron and hurriedly washed the last of the flour off her hands. Out on the front porch she met the Reynolds, with their two teenage sons and a large Labrador Retriever.
Lenora’s stomach was in knots but she took a deep gulp of the cold air and smiled. “Welcome to Bear Dance Ranch,” she said.
“This is so beautiful!” Both the husband and wife exclaimed at once.
“Jake Reynolds. And my wife Jennifer. Our boys Todd and Kevin,” the husband said.
“This is so much prettier than your pictures online,” Jennifer said. “Once we pulled off the main road and started towards the ranch, we had to keep pinching ourselves that the place was real! The snow is so lovely too!”
Lenora no longer had to try and smile. This was going to work, she realized. She turned to find her Uncle Byron and Aunt Annie standing on the porch behind her. She saw them suddenly through the eyes of the newcomers: Byron with his heavy, oiled coat, wooly chaps, cowboy hat and wild rag. Annie had her hair in a braid and beautiful silk scarf and long wool coat. She wondered where Clay had gotten to; he would fulfil the guests’ dreams of the Montana Cowboy.
Amazed, she watched her aunt and uncle become cordial hosts. Before Lenora knew it the whole group was in the kitchen eating muffins by the hearth. Then the Reynolds drove their car down to the converted bunkhouse. Clay appeared around the side of the barn on a stocky bay gelding. The light snow had caught in Clay’s shoulder length, black hair, and his eyes stood out dark and strong against the pale blue sky. Lenora’s heart jumped in her chest; Clay looked like a painting sitting on his horse. Lenora heard Jennifer’s surprised, “Who is that,” from behind her.
Clay dismounted and shook hands all around. Of course they loved him, even the teenagers put away their phones to touch the gelding’s nose and smile awkwardly at Clay. After everyone had petted the horse and been promised lessons tomorrow morning in the arena, Lenora led the way into the refurbished bunkhouse. The hardwood floors had been sanded down and refinished; they were the color of an old whiskey barrel. Heavy carpets in natural colors highlighted each room, and the furniture was old but carefully restored. The linen curtains were thrown open to highlight the true centerpiece of the living room, floor-to-ceiling windows. They revealed a stunning view of the river twisting around the foothills of the west pasture and the glittering snow covered mountains.
Lenora turned to see the expressions on their faces; she had done well. The looks of admiration and delight were perfect affirmation.
“I’ll leave you to get settled in. Dinner is at seven, and I will bring it down,” Lenora said.
Back in the ranch house she worked on a salad with arugula, toasted pecans and chunks of roasted butternut squash. She drizzled maple syrup vinaigrette over all of it. Polenta with goat cheese and shitake mushrooms, steamed asparagus and small but perfect cuts of steak filled up the large, white plates.
Lenora covered all the food and set the trays on the heated mats before putting on her parka and making the trek down to the bunkhouse. She was efficient and polite and left her guests with plenty of food and instructions to leave the dishes in the hallway. In the ranch kitchen once again, she dished up the remaining food for dinner. The high from the arrival of her new guests was wearing down, and she was tired enough to wish she could skip dinner and just take a hot bath. Tomorrow would be an early day, with barn chores to be done and then breakfast for nine hungry people. But, oh, was it worth it. The three-day stay of her guests would bring in as much as three heifer yearlings sold at auction. This was the beginning of better times for Bear Dance Ranch, she just knew it.