Christmas Day brought a pink infused sunrise. Lenora struggled out of bed and sat next to the window to see the sun light the mountains and snow-covered fields. As she looked down, she saw a small package wrapped with a white bow sitting on the window sill. Curious, she opened the package and found a silver pendant in the shape of a horse head. The workmanship was extraordinary, and when she turned it over “forever” was etched on the back. She hoped it was from Clay. She opened the clasp and put it on, letting the pendant drop under her shirt to lay hidden next to her skin.
Before Liz had to leave for the airport, Lenora and Annie saddled three horses and took their guest out to see the beautiful morning. The light made the snow glitter and the horses were eager, prancing and tossing their heads with joy to be alive on such a beautiful day.
“Thanks so much for having me at Bear Dance Ranch,” Liz said. “This has been the best Christmas a city girl like me could ask for.”
“Come again in the spring,” Annie said.
Lenora smiled, wishing her friend could stay longer.
Late Christmas evening after taking Liz to the airport and caring for the ranch animals Byron, Annie, Clay and Lenora sat around the fireplace. Lenora was exhausted. The guests, her early morning and the huge Christmas feast had all been so much.
“Good news everyone, two days before our next guests arrive,” Lenora said.
“So soon?” Clay said. “I feel like the Reynolds just left.”
“I know,” Lenora said. “But this is a busy time of year with the holidays. Look on the bright side; if we can do well this winter we can repair all of the fences along the drive and maybe renovate the shed into a kitchen and dining area.”
“I’m getting used to the idea,” Byron said.
“Me, too,” Annie said. “Just so long as we have breaks to recover in between.”
They all sat in silence, listening to the fire until Suzie got up and stretched her back legs. The dog wanted to go out. Lenora opened the door and let her out onto the porch. When she turned Clay was standing behind her. Heart pounding, she closed the door and looked up to meet his eyes. This was the first time they had been alone since their encounter in the kitchen the night before. Impulsively, she touched the necklace hidden under her shirt.
“Do you like it?” He asked.
“Yes.” She wanted to say more but not sure she trusted herself.
“Would you come out to my quarters so that we can talk? We need a little privacy,” Clay said. He nodded back towards her aunt and uncle in the living room.
“Now?” Lenora said.
“Yes.” Clay’s eyes were dark and hard to read in the dim light of the hall, but his face had the intense and determined look she was starting to recognize.
Lenora reached for her heavy coat and scarf. “I’m going out for a bit. Goodnight,” she called to her aunt and uncle.
A few snowflakes drifted down to the white earth. Their breath was thick as morning fog as they made the short walk to Clay’s quarters in silence. Inside the small but warm room, Lenora took off her outer layers while Clay added another log to the woodstove. Lenora sat next to the window. She pulled the curtain back to watch the snow fall and waited for Clay to speak.
“What was last night to you?” Clay’s voice was so low that she had to turn towards him in order to hear his words.
“A mistake,” Lenora said. She had to be firm in her resolve tonight.
“A mistake?” Clay said. “Really?”
He poked at the fire with a steel-tipped rod. She could tell he was angry.
“Clay,” she said. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to mess up what’s between us.”
“Oh, yeah? What is that exactly?” His voice was no longer low and soothing.
“I mean, I don’t want to lose you as a friend and as the Ranch Foreman. I could never live with myself if my aunt and uncle lost you, because I couldn’t keep my hands off of you!”
“I’m sorry, I guess I keep thinking if I give you time you’ll change your mind,” Clay said. “But you really think I’d be immature enough to leave Bear Dance if we didn’t work out?”
“No, I don’t. I just know how strange everything gets after a breakup. I mean, I don’t want to worry about the future. Annie and Byron have been great by taking me in, and I don’t want to mess everything up.”
“Then don’t. Just trust for once that life will work out. Ok? Come over here, and sit with me.” Clay was not asking. “You act like you were some crazy stranger your aunt and uncle took in. You’re their family. They love you. And you have more than pulled your weight around this place. You have as much value here at the ranch as I do, and you have to know that’s the truth.”
Lenora sat on the loveseat next to him and he put his arm around her. Her body did tingle at his touch, but she felt too tired to do anything more than lean her face against his chest. He put his other arm around her until she was enfolded in his warm, minty scent. Soon, her whole existence was his body holding hers, the firelight flickering on the walls of the tiny cabin and the beating of his heart under her hands.
She must have drifted off, because she woke as he lifted her and carried her to his bed. Such a shame, she thought that she had fallen asleep and missed a chance to simply be held by him. Now, even more than before, she cherished every second that he touched her.
“I can walk,” she mumbled.
“I know,” Clay said. “But you’re tired. Plus, I like the way you feel in my arms.”
She did not fight him as he helped her pull out of her jeans and sweaters. She smiled to herself thinking how he only ever seemed to see her in plain, cotton underwear. Then he stripped down. She could not help but watch the way his skin glowed in the warm light from the woodstove. He pulled on a t-shirt to sleep in and crawled in next to her. Lying still in his arms, she wished he would kiss her, touch her. But he lay still and was a gentleman and held her only as a friend. She turned her head away from him on the pillow and tried to only let a couple of tears soak into the soft flannel. She tried to remind herself this was what she wanted.
During the night she woke and rolled over. Her body was alive with the knowledge she lay nearly naked next to Clay. She slid her hand under his shirt and let her fingers explore his smooth skin. Nestling her face into his side, she breathed in his smell and was rewarded by mint, honey, saddle soap and the other musky smell, which was all him.
“Careful, Darling. Don’t wake me up with those sexy hands of yours and expect me to lie quietly,” Clay said. “Don’t push your luck. I never claimed to be a saint.”
“I thought you were asleep,” Lenora said abashed.
She giggled a little and pulled her hands out from under his shirt. Actually she wished he would act first, initiate the intimate caress she secretly wanted. She could hardly be the first one to act, now that she had been so adamant they be friends and not lovers.
“So, when I’m asleep, you think you can do as you please?” Clay said. “How would you like to wake up and find my hands all over you?”
She knew she would love it, but saying so would not further her case. He rolled toward her, and they were suddenly face to face; though she could not really see his lips, she felt his warm breath on her cheeks and eyelids.
“I’m sorry for pushing you. But just know whatever you end up deciding about me and about us; I don’t love Crystal anymore. I haven’t for a long, long time. Though, I’ll admit I’ve gone back to her a few times in the past. But, as I think you know, she’s had a rough go of it. And in a lot of ways I’m the only real family she has.”
“I realized that, finally. And so, I went to her apartment and invited her to the party,” Lenora said. “I actually think we could be friends at some point in the future. I was pretty jealous of her in the beginning though.”
“Why was that?” Clay said.
“Well, because of you. And because she’s so pretty,” Lenora said.
“You’re very, very beautiful, Nora. I swear you don’t see yourself in the mirror,” Clay said. “Plus, you have one hell of a heart.”
He kissed her gently on her forehead. She smiled, burrowing into him and the warm blankets.
“Thanks,” Lenora said. “I think you have a pretty great heart too.”
“I really hope you’ll consider having me in your future,” Clay said. “You just think about it and get back with me, okay? Just promise you won’t use Crystal as an excuse anymore? We both know that you’ve been afraid to commit to me, to us. And that’s only in part because of my ex-wife.”
“Okay,” Lenora said. “I promise.”
Promising was one thing, actually coming to terms with her fear about the future was another altogether. Funny, she thought, that Clay would see through her attempts to use Crystal as a diversion from her own fear of a new relationship. But of course he would, she thought, he read horses and cattle every day.
“Have you known for long that I’m afraid?” Lenora said.
He was quiet in the close darkness. She shifted against his body and felt the skin on the back of her legs tingle with joy at his nearness.
“I don’t think I knew until you came back from Chicago,” Clay said. “Picking you up and seeing the look of pure terror in your eyes made me realize what was really going through your head. I only wish you would have looked into my eyes. Then you would have realized I shared the very same look.”
“Fear isn’t something you just know how to control. Not just like that. Or at least I don’t,” Lenora said. She bit her lip and pulled away from him. He was acting like she had rationally decided to expect the worse outcome in their relationship; that was hardly how it had happened.
“I’m not saying you planned it, so stop getting so huffy,” Clay said. He grabbed her as she pulled further away from him in the bed. “Come on, we’re just talking. I’m just saying that I wish you would have told me exactly how scared you were. Maybe I could have assured you a little? Or at least, I could have told you my fears. We could have gotten it all out in the open.”
“Yeah, well,” Lenora said. “I was just trying to survive at that point. It’s not easy getting a divorce and losing one’s mother all within a year. And then, on top of that, I moved to a strange place and met a new guy who just so happens to still touch his ex-wife on the front porch after dinner.”
She was angry and decided there was no reason to hide that fact. Pulling away from his arms, she sat up in bed her hair a wild mane of chestnut and gold. She arched her eyebrows and looked at his face in the half-dark to see what he would say in response.
“Touching my ex-wife?” Clay asked. “What? You mean putting my hands on her shoulders? Touching means something way different, Darling. I think you know very well what my sort of touching does to a woman.”
“You arrogant asshole!” Lenora was out of the bed and searching for her pants in the dark room.
“Wait, I’m sorry,” Clay said. “I was just trying to be funny. Please don’t go. I’ll be deadly serious from now on. I promise.”
He found her hand, then quickly drew her fingers up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. She tried to pull away, still angry, but he jumped out of bed and stood behind her.
“You don’t have to make fun of me,” Lenora said. “I saw you touch Crystal in a familiar way. Seeing that sent all kinds of alarm bells through my head. I don’t want to be with a guy who wants other women. I’d rather live alone for the rest of my damn life than be with a guy who will betray me and abuse my heart.”
“Yes,” Clay said. “I’m sorry if I ever led you to believe that I was untrustworthy. You can trust me. I’m kind of crazy about you, if you haven’t noticed already.”
The sound of the wind outside their cozy nest warred with the thundering of Lenora’s heart. She took two gulps of air and decided she would have to forgive him. He was too earnest, she thought, and after so many months of observing him it did seem like he was telling the truth. Crazy about her, she thought, that sounded amazing. His fingers brushed against her cheek and tangled in her messy hair. The tingle of his touch had suddenly grown to a surge of pure desire leaving her toes and fingers trembling. Maybe he stepped towards her, or she towards him, Lenora had no idea, suddenly his arm was around her, and his other hand lifted her up. She responded by wrapping her legs around his body. He looked down just as she looked up; his lips were liquid, as fiery and pure as mountain moonshine. She opened her mouth to welcome his tongue and let him possess her soul. He was rough as he pulled off her thin undershirt. He tossed Lenora onto his bed and stripped away his own clothing. Pulling her panties off, he threw them across the room. He nestled between her legs and kissed her as ravenously as before. Her whole body grew damp and hot as she wrapped herself around him.
The outside world slipped away as he turned her cold and tense body into a fine-tuned instrument, which only woke to his touch. She threw her head back and gasped for air as he moved away from her neck and down to nip and lick at her erect nipples. He suckled and teased and finally bit so that she cried out. Her body loved the mix of pain and pleasure. She felt the core of her heat pulsing between her wet legs. He ran his hand across her vulva and then slid his finger into her wet folds. She gasped and gripped his shoulder with her free hand.
“Do you like that?” He said. His voice was deep and raspy and full of the night and unabashed lust.
“Yes,” she said.
His response was immediate and intensely gratifying, as two fingers breached the limits of her body, and then his thumb rubbed along her swollen clit. She gasped and felt his lips hot and rich on her throat and then her mouth. She kissed him back as if she could drink in the night and ward off tomorrow. She felt the velvet skin of his penis and she pushed him off of her with all her strength. Then naked with her hair a flowing mane of fire around her shoulders, she straddled him. Loving the feel of his muscles hidden just beneath his golden skin, she ran her hands over him, then turned and took the full breadth of his erection into her mouth. She felt his fingers brush along her backside, and hoped he was enjoying the view as much as what she was doing with her tongue. A gasping moan came from his throat, and then his hands pulled her back until he could lick her exposed clit while she suckled him. He pulled away first, effortlessly flipping her around so that he was above her, and they faced each other.
“Dear God, that felt so good,” he said. “But I’ve been too long without you to play this game.”
“You’re mine tonight,” she said. Smiling, she flicked her tongue across her lips. Tonight was outside of time and boundaries.
With her pulse hammering in her ears, and his naked body stretched beneath her, Lenora moved to take him in. He arched his back and thrust, and she was wet with hunger as she welcomed him and his man-ness. The night seemed to be one for dropped guards and full hunger. She reared back, his erection still buried deep inside of her. The change in position sent shocks of deep pleasure vibrating through her body, and her throaty gasp of desire brought an impish grin to his face. Then he moved; the rhythm deep and lasting with a steadiness of drums around the fire from times both past and present. Never before had any man made love to her as Clay did, now. She was his in a deep way that had nothing to do with traditions or society, and everything to do with passion so lasting the very mountains must be built upon it. Was this, she wondered, how the ocean and the land felt as they came together along smooth, sand beaches and rocky, irregular coastlines? She knew this coupling was more than sex and deeper than touch.
“Yes, yes!” She was shouting and damp with sweat, he thrust so deep she swore there would be nothing left of her. Yet still she pushed down onto him, and as the bolts of electricity shot through her delicate nerve endings; she came with the force of a tsunami.
They wrapped their arms around each other and held on, as if each were the last piece of driftwood in the shipwreck that was life. Slowly, as their breathing stilled, they held each other, the sweat drying on their tired bodies. Finally, sleep caught them, pulled them under together.