Folded on the couch, I stayed, for the third Sunday in a row, feeling not only fat but ripe, in all the wrong places. Beth’s recent decisions, I could not agree with, though she still stayed at my house, she’d spent multiple days out with Steve in reconciliation.
Without having Ean to down talk my obsessive, particular ways, I was beginning to slip back into protection mode. Angry with Beth and annoyed to be alone, I suffered, waiting on emails from my boyfriend which were few and far between.
Hearing the door click open and close, I knew Elizabeth was home.
“Amy?” She called.
I clicked off the television, ready to run to my room and not hear all about her date with her cheating husband.
She walked into the living room, dressed in a small black dress. “Hey, how are you?”
Glaring at her, I sneered. “Oh, fine.”
She smiled, “Amy.”
I got up, my hips aching, that had become a new sensation the last week or so. She trailed me into the kitchen.
Taking a new glass from the cupboard, I filled it with filtered water from the fridge. “I’m gonna go to bed.”
Beth sighed. “Can I talk to you?”
“About what?”
She slipped into a stool, I had a feeling this would turn into a full conversation, which I wasn’t sure I had the patience for.
“Steve has been really nice.”
I wanted to roll my eyes but refrained. “Okay.”
“Amy, he asked me to come home.”
Twitching, I drank my water.
“What do you think?” She breathed, “I’ve told you everything he said these past weeks.”
“I don’t know, Beth.” I grumbled, getting more annoyed by the second.
“Amy, please,” She begged.
“I don’t know what you want me to say to you,” I snarked, “I can’t possibly condone—”
“Condone?” She echoed.
“Yeah!” I exclaimed.
“It’s not like your relationships have been perfect, Amy. Try to understand it from my side.”
“I don’t though!” I shouted at her, “I don’t get it. Richard cheated on me, I would never think to take him back!”
“You weren’t married for eight years.”
“Once a cheater, always a cheater,” I chimed and that shut her right up. I walked towards my bedroom to end the ridiculousness of our conversation.
“If it was Ean—”
I spun around, cutting her off. “Ean would never do something like this!”
“You can’t say that.” She snapped.
“Don’t bring my boyfriend into your husband’s shit pile.” Turning, I walked into my room and slammed the door. Though it made me feel horrid, I felt she’d made poor decisions.
I busied myself in the washroom, drawing a warm bath and hoping it’d kill a headache and my soreness. As I waited on the edge of the tub, I checked email on my blackberry. Bogged down with work emails that had collected over the weekend, none from Ean, which had been my hope. I started a new message.
To: Ean Hunter
From: Amy Black
Subject: Am I like a horrible person or something??
I don’t think what Beth’s doing is right and she wants my approval. I can’t give her that. I don’t understand what she wants me to say. Am I just supposed to suck it up and support it, because I don’t think it’s right. It’s not right. It’s not. Right?
I’m so confused and now she’s mad at me.
I miss you.
-Amy
I sent it, staring, hoping he’d reply soon, not to say I was desperate but I was—for him, more precisely. With the tub about full, I stood and stripped my stretchy, forgiving items of clothing to reveal my not so modest stomach and it’s budding stretch marks.
My body had transformed in the weeks to a baby boat, factual reality.
Slipping into the warm water, I relaxed, my blood pressure dropping.
I heard the front door open and close, Beth leaving. I’d upset her enough to make her go, likely for Steve too.
Grumbling, I sunk into the water and closed my eyes, figuring it about to become a very slow, agonizing week while I waited for Ean to come off his job.
Time passed in the silence of the bathroom and I started to nod off, the sudden sound of my cell phone snapping my eyes open.
I reached out, slipping along the tub as I snatched the blackberry from the toilet seat, squinting at the call display, I didn’t recognize the number but decided to still answer it.
“Hello?”
There was a crackling pause. “Amy.” Ean’s distant voice came through and I sat up, sloshing the water.
“Ean.” My heart pounded, never in my life had I been so happy to hear someone’s voice.
“How are you?”
I squeaked, “I’m alright.”
“Really? You sent like twelve emails in three days.”
‘Pathetic’ came to mind, “I’m sorry.”
He laughed. “It’s okay.”
“I thought you didn’t have a phone.”
“I don’t.” He still laughed, “I told the camp supervisor that my pregnant girlfriend is going insane. He let me use the satellite phone.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s not funny.”
“Well, it is nice to be missed.”
“I’m bored and fat.” I deadpanned.
He chuckled. “I’ll be home Friday. I can’t wait to see you and that belly.”
“Yeah, it’s huge and in the meantime, I’m stuck here with Beth, who—”
“I read the new email.” He cut me off, “You need to let her be, Amy. I told you that before I left.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Amy, it’s her life.”
I creased my brow. “You make it sound so simple.”
“Sweetie, it is simple. You were a good friend now let her make up her own decision on Steve.”
“I’m not going to sit around and agree that getting back together with a cheating asshole is right.”
“You don’t have to agree, Amy, just don’t voice it.”
I laughed. “Ean, what would you know? You express every freaking opinion and emotion you have.”
He went quiet.
Wrinkling my nose at his no reply, I panicked from the silence. “I’m sorry.”
“I can’t really argue the truth, can I?”
“I’m sorry.” I repeated.
“But I do only speak up about things that are my business—”
I flew at that point, “This is my business!”
“It’s not really, Amy.”
“She’s staying in my house!” I exploded.
“You don’t get an award for being a friend.”
“Hey.” I grunted.
“Sweetie, just don’t be stubborn and lose your friend.”
“Argh, Ean, you’re so frustrating!” I snapped.
“How am I frustrating?”
“Because you’re always right.” I admitted and he laughed, “Shut up.”
“Alright, calm down. You’re not allowed to stress yourself out.”
“I am calm, I’m in the bath.”
“Oh, how’s that going?” He got interested and sidetracked.
“What do you mean?”
He chuckled. “Nothing, sweetie. I need to go.”
“Why?” I broke to the realization of being all alone again.
“Because I’m on the satellite phone.”
“Oh. Yeah, okay.”
“Okay,” His amusement still in his voice, something I was missing, “I love you.”
My heart pounded as the phone line between us fuzzed. “Mm, Ean?”
“I can’t really hear you, sweetie, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Ean . . .” I breathed as the call ended, my hand pulled the cell phone back and I stared at the black screen. The call felt unfinished, hanging, even a tad apprehensive but I couldn’t quite place my feelings. Dropping the blackberry to the floor of the bathroom, I lied back into the bubbles and tried to shake the butterflies consuming me, whatever that meant.
~~~
Elizabeth hadn’t come back.
It being seven in the morning on Monday, her work clothes all pressed and fresh in my walk-in closet, I was worried. As I made my way to my vehicle in the parking garage, I texted her.
‘Beth, where are you? Are you okay? I’m sorry.’
Ean would have been proud. I, however, was not but I felt it right to apologize to her. After a night of restless sleep, it had given me more than enough time to think and ponder over what was right or wrong.
The only thing right was Ean.
Like usual.
I missed him so much and last night had not been any easier in that regard. Pulling into the parking arcade at work, I shut my car off in the reserved spot. My eyes caught the sign, Reserved: VP Amy Black. I hadn’t used the place a whole lot, but now with aching hips, it had become quite convenient.
Making my way to the top floor of the highrise, I stepped into my office. Doug and the CEO of our company greeting me. My heels paused on the white carpets as I fumbled for words at their early appearance.
“Morning.” I bustled.
“Morning, Amy.” Doug first to speak.
“What’s going on? Emergency?” I headed to my desk, acknowledging Larry on my way.
I dropped my purse aside and turned to them, waiting.
Doug sat on the couch and Larry followed.
“We hate to do this like this, Amy.” Larry started.
“Do what?”
“Why don’t you sit?” Doug offered.
I narrowed my eyes. “I’m good.” The air around me had become thick fast. I had become accustomed to Trace greeting me in the mornings, Doug had been keeping to himself and Larry I hadn’t seen in months.
“Alright.” Shrugging his lazy shoulders, Doug continued, “Here’s the thing, Amy. Larry and I have analyzed all our current projects and your end has been slacking. We’re sure it isn’t your fault but we’re sure it can chalk up to you likely not feeling yourself, being, how far along are you?”
“Seven months.” I growled.
“Yeah.” Doug nodded, “We don’t want to play games, this is changing everything as far as you and your ability to do this job are concerned.”
“What do you mean?” I shot.
Larry stepped in to finish the conversation. “We have to make the best decision for the company.”
“You’re firing me!” I shouted at them.
Doug cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t put it like that—”
“What are you doing then, Doug?” I shot.
Larry sighed. “Amy, it’s nothing personal, you know this. We’re suggesting you go on maternity leave.”
“Oh, right!” I started to laugh, “Meanwhile, my job will be replaced and when I come back in six months, there will be no job.”
“We can’t replace you.” Larry clarified, “Technically.”
“Oh, whatever.” I shot at him, “You’ll just find me another lower position, you might as well toss me now.”
Doug grunted, “You can look at this however you want, but we cannot continue to run the company this way, we need you to step back.”
Taking a moment, I stared at them, they were serious. My blood pressure rose, I could feel it and that couldn’t be a good sign.
“Perhaps you should sit.” Larry offered.
“I’m fine.”
With a sudden silence, I was given enough time to fill with panic.
“Amy.” Doug stood, “This—”
“No, I get it, Doug!” I cut him off. “You might as well of just fired me.” I grabbed my purse and headed for the door, they tried to call me back but I had little interest in hearing anything further.
Forced maternity leave! Were they joking! I fumed, passing Chantel as she called after me as well. Like I wanted to sit around and become the laughing stalk of everyone!
Coming to the elevator, I felt my tears. Everything I’d given up for this job, everything haunted me as I became an emotional wreck. The elevator was slow to come, but when it did, I was thankful for it’s empty status. Pressing the parking arcade button, the doors began to shut, giving me enough time to see the profile of Trace’s face as he made his way down towards my office.
It upset me more and as the elevator ascended, I felt the buzzing in my pocket of my cell phone, with no intention to answer it, I began to cry. The elevator making one stop, I tried to hide my face from the people entering.
Had I just quit? I couldn’t say. I hadn’t said it to them directly. So I must have still had my job. No, I had no job . . .
They had gotten their way, if I had stayed in that office, breaking down in front of them, more humility would have come then I could have handled. I no longer had a job.
The doors opened to the parking arcade and I waited to exit behind the few other people. Walking around, searching for my white beamer, I realized I hadn’t gone to the right floor.
I searched for the stair door, having done this a few times when I’d pulled too many late nights. Heading down the narrow staircase, I wiped my tears, my cell phone still buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it from my jacket pocket and I looked up to see several texts from Beth, squinting, I tried to read the first message.
My tears, my feet navigating the stairs and my trembling hand, made it near impossible for me to read. I looked up, the door to the right floor only a mere flight away, with a quick glance back to my phone, the text became clear even against my blurred vision.
‘I’m okay, Amy. Where are you, though, I came to see . . . ‘
“Oh . . .” I looked up, my toe catching a broken tile. Grabbing for the railing, my hand missed and I tumbled the remaining stairs. My forehead met the bottom stair with force, knocking me unconscious as I landed on my side on the cold cement at the bottom.