“Well, Amy, everything looks excellent.”
I sat up once the jelly was removed from my stomach. “That’s good.”
“We’re getting close, do you have any questions?” The witch doctor asked me though she had become more of a confidant over the past month alone without him.
I thought it through. “If I go into early labor, I’ll just go to the hospital?”
“Yes, I will meet you there.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
“You need to call me if your water breaks or if you’re having patterned contractions. At least, if you’ve called, I can help and come check on you, even if it’s nothing.”
“Okay.”
“So, we’ll see you every week now till the baby comes.”
“Okay.”
She smiled. “Are you okay, Amy?”
I blinked, confused I tried to figure out what she meant, but she must have guessed that because of Ean’s disappearance it meant something. “Uh, yeah.”
“Alright, you just seem down.”
“I’m just tired.” I passed off my depression to the pregnancy, appearing to be legit enough.
After listening to her go on for another ten minutes, I was free and clear of the midwife office and on my way towards my car, when my cell phone rang.
Rolling my eyes, expecting it to be Beth, I screened the call without glancing at the screen and slipped into the leather of my sedan. It was balmy temperature outside and being almost nine months pregnant, air conditioning couldn’t have come any sooner.
My phone rang again as I flicked on the refreshing air, sitting back in the leather, still refusing to answer the caller.
As I drove out into traffic, I was interrupted yet again by the phone ringing.
“Oh my god!” I exclaimed, grabbing the cell phone and looking at the call display to see, my pesky yet caring friend calling.
“Beth, what do you want?” I snapped into the phone.
“Woah, preggo, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me that, when you’re the one that just incessantly called me!”
“This is the first time, I’ve called.”
“What?” I shot.
“Yeah, no, I was just calling to see how the appointment went?”
“Like usual. That’s how.” I answered, annoyed, wondering who had called the two times before.
“Yikes, I swear, you just keep getting more and more angry, why don’t you just call him and makeup?”
I growled, “That would defeat the entire purpose of his leaving. Like I have said to you the past month.”
“Amy, you’re just being stubborn, and I really don’t want to have to call him when you’re labor, which I know, you’re going to make me do.”
“So, this is about making your life easier, when I’m the one that’s nine months pregnant!”
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re not sorry.” I shot, rolling my eyes.
“Well, kinda.” She gave me.
“Can I go now?”
“No.” She laid firm, “How’d it go?”
“It went like nothing.” I explained, “Listened to the heart beat, got a sentence for every week appointments, regular shit.”
“Wow, I’m still going with you should call him.”
“You know?” I shot. “I don’t have time for this.”
“But come on!” Beth urged, “It’s not that hard to say sorry, Amy.”
“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t?” She said in disbelief.
“I don’t know!” I slammed on my breaks as someone cut me off. “I’m going to kill that fucker!”
“You want to kill Ean?” She questioned.
“No!” I rolled my eyes, “This guy that just cut me off.”
“Oh, yeah.” She showed little interest. “So, it went good?”
“Normal.” I repeated.
“I hope the baby comes soon.” She swooned.
“I have to go.” I droned.
“Why?”
“Because.” I had nothing, “I do.”
“You’re just being grumpy.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“There’s a difference?” She chuckled.
“Kay, bye!” I chimed.
“Okay, okay, bye. See you tonight-”
“Why?” I cut her off, “What’s tonight?”
“Steve’s company gala. You were invited weeks ago.”
“Oh, shit.” I swore. Remembering, but only vaguely as that had been the same week, Ean had walked out on me.
“You forgot, didn’t you?”
“No . . .” I hesitated.
“No?”
“Yeah.” I admitted, “But it’s baby-brain.”
“Okay. So, are you coming?”
“Yeah.” I needed something to take my mind off things and what better than a party I could not drink at!
“Great, see you tonight, hun.”
“Uh-huh. Bye.” I waited for her to return the goodbye and hung up the phone.
As I drove home, all I thought about was what I was going to wear, considering nothing fit me. Passing by the mall parking, I shot over two lanes of traffic and as someone honked, all I felt was Ean’s disapproval for being so careless.
Shaking his face from my mind, I parked in the underground parking and got ready to try to find something that would fit over my massive stomach.
~~~
Two hours in and I was holding the only dress in my hand that fit and as I stepped up to the counter, withdrawing my Visa at the same time my phone rang.
Stuck behind a woman who was picking apart sale items, I decided to answer the call.
The call display showed up; Annabell H.
Knowing it was likely just my past job, I answered it—much to my dismay to hear I had left something else in the office that needed to be picked up immediately.
“Hello?” I croaked into the phone.
“Hi there,” Came a female voice of a somewhat saucy undertone, “Is this Amy Black?”
Wow, full name, she must have felt special. I held my comment. “Somehow managed to find me.”
“Oh okay, great.”
I wrinkled my nose and stepped up to pay as the cashier greeted me.
“Okay.—” I tried to continue the conversation, handing my snug dress to the lady.
“I’m Annie, Ean’s sister.”
I stopped dead in the middle of the Visa transaction and blinked, “Huh?”
“Yeah.” She continued in my ear, “Annie. His sister.”
Why the fuck did I answer my phone!
“Okay, that’s great?” I tried to retort her natural bitchiness.
“Sorta.” She snapped, “I was wondering if you’d want to meet for coffee?”
I burst into a laugh as I signed the bottom of the receipt and grabbed the shopping bag from the lady. “Thanks.” I chimed and walked away, about to hang up the phone.
“I’m serious.” Annie explained, “We need to talk.”
“I’ve never even met you.” I hissed, feeling my panic starting to arise.
“Technically, you did. When you left my brother’s house, the day you told him you were pregnant.”
I could feel the implosion of myself coming. “I didn’t know you were his sister.”
“No, you thought my brother was a player.”
“I did not!” I argued with her.
“Well, you thought something.”
And this chick wants to have coffee with me?
“I really don’t have time.” I concluded. “Have a dinner gala tonight.”
“It’ll only take fifteen minutes.”
“I’m not meeting you for coffee.” I paused in the middle of the crowed mall.
“Amy, something has to be said. You’re like what, nine months pregnant?”
“That’s really none of your business.” I snapped.
“But it is, cause it’s my mother and me, watching my brother suffer.”
“How is Ean suffering!” I burst, “I’m the one that’s pregnant.”
“While my brother is convinced that you are the best woman for him on the planet! Even though, you’ve done everything to prove other wise.”
“He walked out on me!” I shouted, causing a few people to stare at me, I began to walk towards the elevator.
“But you kicked him out! He told me what you did.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure he left out all the needy details of what he did!”
“You’re such a bitch.” She snapped.
I stopped and fell quiet.
“You want everything from my brother when it suits you. You should have had an abortion, the things Ean has put up with from you is insane. Literally, you are too fucking selfish to have a kid. You won’t cut it but I guess, you can afford a nanny. The kid’s probably better off-”
“Shut up!” I shouted, “You don’t know me and you don’t know anything about our relationship!”
“Yeah, well it’s probably all for the best, I told Ean he deserves better.”
“Right, like Claire, right?” I snapped, “Pretty little country girl, a housewife in the making?”
“Claire was the best person, I’d ever met. That is why I’m having a real hard time figuring out why Ean loves you.”
“Well, maybe she wasn’t . . .” I tapered off, stumbling and not finding the right ugly words to say about someone who was dead.
“I’ll let you go.” Annie hung up the line and I clutched my phone so hard, I was surprised it lasted under the pressure.
“Fucking bitch.” I hissed.
~~~
The stress of arguing with someone I’d never met in person, combined with the fact that I was shoved into a dress too small, only heightened my state of annoyance. By the time I had arrived at the company dinner, I was so freaking exhausted mentally and physically, I knew I would not be lasting long.
Beth found me right away, talking to me as I drooled over the wine passing me by. Nothing she said stuck, I just had no desire to socialize or care.
Forty minutes in, she had managed to drag me around with her to the different groups of people she had to greet, much to the dismay of my sore feet and cramping stomach.
As I sipped my water, she interrupted my depression that had become my existence. Here, twenty-eight years old and I had nothing to show for it, besides a pregnant stomach. I’d never in my life felt so washed-up, yet, Beth had managed to pick herself back up to the top after a cheating husband.
“Amy, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I grumbled, I hadn’t said a word about the conversation with his sister and I didn’t plan on it either.
“Nothing?” She echoed.
“No, nothing.”
She sighed. “You’ve been quiet all evening.”
“I’m just exhausted.” That excuse had really started to work well.
“No, I get that.” She glanced to my stomach like I needed another reminder I was fatter than all hell. “You’ve just been off.”
I shrugged.
“Amy.” She stopped me from drinking my water. “What’s wrong?”
“Seriously, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
She nodded. “Okay, I’m just concerned and you can tell me.”
I stayed quiet as she got pulled away from me, promising to be back but that’s when I made a break for it. I couldn’t handle any more of the pompous, perfect atmosphere.
I found myself at the valets when Beth’s long distance call of my name rang clear.
Looking over my shoulder as I waited for my car in the hotel lobby, she jogged up to me in her five-inch heels.
“You’re leaving?” She burst.
“I’m-” I huffed.
She waited.
“I’m tired.”
“Come on, Amy, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “Not a thing. I’m pregnant. I’m done. My life is over. You should just let me rot.”
She blinked. “What?”
“I should just give you the kid, at least, you want it!”
“Amy!” She snapped. “That’s awful.”
I smiled, about to laugh. “What’s awful, is being me, Beth!”
“Are you this upset about the baby coming? Or is this about Ean?” She didn’t let me answer. “I told you to call him, how many times?”
“Forget Ean!” I shouted.
“Oh god . . .” She shook her head, letting me pace a few steps, “Amy, you’re going insane.”
“What would you know?” I snapped.
“I know enough, that he’s probably sitting there, hoping, you’ll call or go to him.”
“Why would I do that!”
“Because at some breaking point, that I think you need to figure out, going to be with him, is a hell of a lot better than being alone.”
I stared at her. “I’m not alone.”
“You’re not?”
“But I like being alone!” I caught myself.
“Amy.”
“I do!” I tried to convince myself more than her.
“No, hun, you don’t.”
I rung my hands to my hair. “His fucking sister called me!”
Beth stepped back, “What? Really?”
“Oh god! She’s such a bitch, Beth!”
Beth raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, I’m a bitch too!” I admitted.
She smiled, “Well—”
“No, I am. Aren’t I?”
“I don’t think that.” She assured me, “You’re just very set in your ways. And unfortunately for Ean, he wasn’t always in them. Which is probably why you kicked him out.”
“I kicked him out because he was forcing me to make up with my mother!”
“And I’m not saying he was right to do that.” Beth held up her hands. “I’m just saying, he didn’t fully understand and he just wants you to be happy, Amy. That’s all.”
I grumbled, shaking my head.
“Okay,” She tried again, “He wants to make you happy, which is a lot more than most people have every attempted to do for you.”
I held back my tears and put my VP game-face on. “I need to go home.”
“Okay.” She gave me a hug, “See you later. I’ll call you tomorrow and thanks for coming.”
With a nod, I left and found myself back in my apartment, in my bed, about to pig out on a chocolate bar I’d been stashing the whole week.
My cell phone, despite the texts from Beth, stayed quiet and I realized, my entire life would remain silent, if I let it.
Three weeks of hearing nothing from him.
Three weeks of . . . nothing but being all alone.
Cramming the last of the chocolate bar in my mouth, I made a break from my bed to my dresser, where I found whatever would fit me. That happened to be, a snug tank top and yoga pants.
I fled my apartment on the basis that I hoped he would be as forgiving as he had been every time I’d screwed up previously. Except this time, I wouldn’t screw up, well, I’d try not to. Sometimes I would screw up, but promising him something, something . . .
I tried to think of that ‘something’ as I rounded the zillionth corner on the five-hour drive. I expected to see the corner gas-station soon but everything in the pitch dark was testing.
I’d had driven past it, in my fit of trying to figure out what I’d promise him, I flew past his house at almost four in the morning.
Exhausted, stressed and not really with it, I spun a quick u-turn that ended with me almost in the ditch, but my foot on the breaks saved me.
The last thing I needed was him coming to my rescue, again.
In his driveway, I parked the car outside the house but noticed his white truck wasn’t there. A phone, if he’d had one, would have come to use, or perhaps I could have emailed him. But I hadn’t and now, there I was.
I got out, knocking on the door but after five minutes and pretty persistent knocking, I knew he wasn’t home.
Again, I felt the overwhelming affirmation of failure.
I slipped my hand to the door knob and imagined it opening, twisting it, it came free from the frame and I smiled, I should have known better.
I walked inside, the smell of the timber hitting me, his cologne, amongst the Bushman smells.
Inside his bedroom, I sat on the bed and looked around.
I wanted it to feel like mine again—like months ago, but it didn’t.
Something was missing, something . . .
The sun, in the new depths of the morning air, seeped in through the closed blinds and illuminated his dresser top. My tired eyes looked up, catching the outline of a small box on the top.
I stood, tilting my head, wrinkling my nose.
Something of Claire’s?
I bet he was missing her, especially with after everything I’d put him through.
I grabbed the small box, knowing full well some form of jewelry sat inside and I popped it open.
The sight of the very well-cut diamond ring inside made me stop, pause, my breathing ceased. I tried to down talk my emotional side, saying it wasn’t for me. It couldn’t be for me, could it?
Something like that? That beautiful? That perfect?
The feeling of the lump going down my throat was harder than ever and I slammed the box back down on the dresser and backed away.
I knew what the something was.
I dashed from the room, grabbing my purse and out into the breaking sunlight.
Squinting, I hurried to my car and got in, peeling out of his drive and feeling the sharp sensation of cramping in my side that had been persistent the entire trip.
My tires screeched on the pavement as I made my way south. Very south, at a brisk, not Ean Hunter approved speed.
Beating my fingers along the steering wheel, I felt the warm, uncomfortable feeling of wetness soak my seat.
“What the-” I glanced down and since I was sure, my car didn’t produce water naturally, I was left with only one conclusion, my water had broke.
I slammed on the breaks and jumped out of my car, as fast as I could before I felt a severe cramp in my side.
“Oh shit!” I swore. “Bad, bad, bad.” I attempted a pathetic reach for my purse on the passenger side, only to get a no reception on my phone. I began to whine, knowing the massive onset of cramps in my back, my water breaking and my heightened stress of not having Ean over the past three weeks had been enough to put me in labor.
I needed a phone or help, either would have been amazing.
Climbing back in as another dull cramp took my side. “First babies are slow!” I hollered at my stomach.
But I guess if I had ignored all my early signs of labor as cramps and in my venture for Ean, I had been bat crazy blind to it—it didn’t surprise me.
I sped off, sitting in the wet seat and cringing my way through the vile reminder that I was having a baby. A month early.
I roared out a disapproving annoyance as my stomach shook with cramps. I checked my phone again for service and it had one measly bar.
Not knowing what to do or who to call, I called the only number that came to mind and pressed the phone to my ear as I drove much too fast.
“Nine-one-one emergency. Police, fire or Ambulance?”
I paused, falling silent.
“Hello?”
“I’m having a baby.” I choked out.
“Are you at home, ma’am?”
“I’m in my car, on the highway.”
“I’m going to stay on the line with you while I transfer you to the ambulance, one moment.”
I hadn’t even realized the car was at a dead halt in the middle of the road, due to my foot slipping the gas and as another contraction came, the operator returned.
“Are you okay, ma’am?” It was a new voice.
“I’m driving.” I breathed.
“Please, pull over. Do you know where you are?”
“Yes.” I pulled the car over on the side of the road and pushed my hazard lights on under instruction to do so.
“Please, tell us where you are, so we can dispatch an ambulance.”
I mumbled out a general location as I moaned through another contraction.
“Are you pushing?”
“No . . .” Except, I thought I felt a pressure.
“Do you know how long you’ve been in labor?”
“Are you fucking slow!” I shouted into the phone.
The operator paused. “Please, stay calm.”
“You really would not be saying that right now, if you were me!” I burst, screaming as the contractions came again.
“We have an ambulance dispatched, I’m going stay on the line with you ma’am.”
“That’s . . . fab.” I croaked, choking on air.
“Breathe.”
“I can’t!” I gasped, dropping the phone on the leather passenger seat. I no longer cared about talking to them, I knew my fate and he would be there any minute and I would die knowing that.
I looked up the highway, the sun now breaking the crisp mountain tops and blinding me from the rest of the road. I squinted and threw my head back into another contraction.
The operator on the phone called my name but I could hardly focus on the task at hand, let alone trying to grab the mobile again.
The faint sound of sirens filled the summer air five minutes later and I looked ahead to see the outline of the emergency vehicle on the horizon.
I reached for my seat recliner, not liking the pressure on my stomach or on my hips. Lying back, I had minutes, not even, to prepare myself.
I covered my face with my hands and moaned, the tightening of my stomach made me push.
I screamed. “This is so bad!”
The driver’s side door opened and I removed my hand enough to see Jason staring in at me.
He blinked. “Holy shit.”
I began to rub my face, wake up, wake up, wake up! Trying to convince myself I was in a dream, that I’d never left my apartment.
“Amy, it’s okay.” He assured me, nervous as he pulled my hand from my face.
“Where is he?” I felt my tears.
Jason looked over his shoulder.“Um-” And jogged away from me, right into his partner, who was silhouetted by the sun but I knew his form well enough.
A quick few words to each other and he came running towards the vehicle. “Amy!”
I looked up at him, as he crashed into the open door and got to me.
“Amy!” He repeated.
“I’m sorry.”
His face was covered in concern and I was a sobbing mess to boot. “What?”
“I’m sorry!” I threw my chin back as another contraction took.
“Chin down, chin down.” He grabbed my cheek and directed me.
I cried my way through the pushing. “It’s hurts, Ean, make it stop!”
“Amy, shh.” He stayed calm, Jason showing up with a rolling cot. “You need to get out of the car.”
I began to shake my head. “I can’t move!”
Ean swallowed. “Are you done?”
“No, I’m still pregnant!” I shouted at him.
“I meant the contraction,” He explained.
“I guess. . . .” I moaned, falling back in the seat.
“Jason, help me once I get her sitting.”
“Yep.”
Hearing them communicate, brought me peace, comfort and all things safe.
I followed Ean, leaning on him, letting Jason lift me with his help. They lied me down on the cot and then, in between my next contraction, I was in the back of the ambulance.
“You drive,” Jason said.
Ean stared at him. “Get in the fucking driver’s seat, Jason.”
“You can’t be doing this, Ean! Conflict of interest much?”
“I don’t care! Drive.” He grabbed the back doors and slammed them shut, coming over top me as he struggled to get his breath about him. “Amy?”
I attempted to see through my tears. “I’m sorry.”
He swallowed and reached up for a blood pressure cuff. “Where were you?”
“At your house.”
“I’m on the night shift. Obviously.” He started to assess me, and though it was hot, I couldn’t fully enjoy it once another contraction hit. Amazing, calm and level headed, he managed to walk me through the contractions much better than I had been doing myself.
“I-it hurts.”
“Just breathe.” He went to start an IV in my wrist.
“Oh god, don’t!”
“No don’t, Amy.” He got my vein with the needle tip, let the elastic band go before I even noticed and got the fluid dripping the line.
“God, you’re good at that.” I jostled from the bumps in the highway.
He glanced at me. “Well, I do it a lot.”
“I’m sorry.”
He swallowed and got up from beside me, checking something. “Why didn’t you call?”
“What?” I breathed, “I couldn’t . . .” My body tightened into another push and I did just that.
He grabbed my pants by the waist and pulled them off me.
I screamed with agonizing pain as I pushed.
“How long have you been in labor!” He demanded.
“I don’t know!” The concentration let up.
His eye wide with realization as he spoke, “You’re going to have the baby.”
I stared at him, pausing only briefly, before I began to push again.
In between the shut down of my mind, minutes and minutes of burning pain, I heard his faint directions as he delivered our baby.
The doors opened, and the relief rushed me, as my eyes followed his soft murmurs to where he held what looked to be—a baby.
Jason clambered in. “Holy shit!”
Ean looked to him, reaching for a towel, and bringing the baby into a hold as he rubbed the child in vigorous motions with a towel.
“I told you to pull over sooner!” Ean snapped.
Jason watched. “I—”
The baby let out a cry and my heart slammed with my gasp of realization. My tiny baby was in his arms and all my focus went to that little being. “Oh, Ean.”
“He’s coming, mama.” Ean lied the baby at my feet as it gave out a bellowing little cry and he snipped the umbilical cord. I watched in awe as he seemed to get everything done, even though he must have been about ready to freak out.
He was a dad and now, too.
“Ean. .” I tried to speak.
He got up, tripping around the cot but protecting our child in his arms.
I looked up as he lied the baby along my chest.
“It’s a boy.” He breathed, his voice crumbling in his chest.
“Really?” I started to cry.
He nodded, sitting down beside me as Jason looked on.
I warmed, never feeling like I felt watching the tiny, gray looking pudgy faced thing, we’d made.
Jason put a blanket over us as Ean leaned forward and stared at the baby, sniffing, holding back some sort of tears.
Jason patted him on the back. “Congratulations!”
“Thanks.” Ean let out, smiling.
I cuddled the small little being closer. “Is he okay?”
Ean nodded. “He’s perfect.”
“Are you sure?” I said in the softest, loved full voice I’d ever possessed in my entire life.
Jason smiled at me. “Gotta trust Ean, this is like like his sixth baby.”
“He’ll be okay, but we should get to the hospital,” Ean said to his partner.
“Oh, there’s my cue.” Jason nodded. “Congratulations, Amy.” He jumped out of the back and slammed the doors.
“Your sister called me.” I admitted.
“Hmm. She’s a bit nosey sometimes.” He surveyed the baby and me, still doing his job. “Sorry.”
“No.” I shook my head, “I’m sorry. I am.”
“Well, I’m sorry for forcing you to see your mother.” He said quickly, checking something.
“I need to get over myself.”
He paused. “Hmm.”
I smiled, perhaps he agreed with that statement but he was not going to say it aloud. Caressing the cheek of my new little existence, he squawked, drawing my attention to him. “He’s so big.”
“Pretty good size.” Ean agreed, “Around seven pounds, I’m guessing.”
“I expected him to be smaller.” I looked at the man I’d spent the last three weeks hating. “I didn’t know, I was in labor.”
“Says every woman ever.” He tried to hold back his laugh.
I fell quiet.
“I’m not delivering our next baby.” He concluded.
My breath hitched as our eyes did that fusing together thing. “Why not? Apparently, you’re excellent at it.”
His amusement faded. “You want to have more kids with me?”
I gave him a nod. “Yeah, but first, I want to get married.”
He put his hand on the back our baby. “You also want to marry me, now?”
“If that ring is for me on your dresser?” I whispered, testing the new waters between us.
He leaned in to me with a smirk. “Yeah, that’s for you, sweetheart.”
I took his cheek in my palm and brought his lips to mine. Though it had only been weeks, it felt like months and in that moment, I knew I had found my home and by that, it meant wherever Ean Hunter was, I would be.
Indefinably.