Candace
At the tree line where the half-destroyed woods give way to the large, open area full of all the various delegations' colorful tents, someone laid out piles of clothes for anyone drawn into the Haze. I hover nearby, waiting for a moment when no one is looking.
I can't let them see the burning mark on my collarbone. If someone asks me anything, I'm going to lose the shreds of composure I gained sitting alone after Hollis left and break down, which I absolutely can't right now. The rejuvenation ritual starts in-I glance at the sky-less than an hour, when the sun fully crests the horizon. Raven and Estrella need me. I can worry about the fact that my mate thinks I'm a cruel joke after that.
Mother's voice echoes in my head. "A daughter is an alliance. Your only job, when your Haze comes, is to convince the Goddess to make you a good one."
If my mate doesn't want me, what am I then? Nothing at all?
My lower lip wobbles, and I sink my teeth into it. Bad train of thought. That doesn't matter right now.
A cluster of girls, two of which sport mating markes on their backs and chests, pull three dresses from the pile and finally leave. I take the split-second opening to dart in, grab one for myself, and dress alone in the tree line.
Hollis was right about one thing. Escuro looks so much worse than I even feared. The trees and grass are all the same gray as Estrella's scars. I was always impressed by Luna Delaney, keeping her pack alive under such difficult circumstances, but now I think she must have even more magic than I realize.
With my thoughts on the real adversity people here have overcome, I set off through the sprawling camp to the tents we set up upon our arrival yesterday. On the way, I pass Mother's prison wagon. Nearly a full platoon of soldiers stand around it. Finn thinks it's overkill, but I understand. Until a few days ago, Nessa sat in the dungeon at Solberg Castle next to Mother. Taner led a mission to apprehend her on the border of Snowcrest a few months back. Then, while we were in the process of transferring Mother to the prison cart for this trip, Nessa somehow escaped. Just the idea of her out there somewhere makes me sick. She doesn't seem to have her father's violence-despite her involvement in the plot against Anwen and Estrella, she never held a weapon-but I know her-better than almost anyone else. I don't think this will be the last we hear of her.
Our trio of silver-and-blue striped tents is a busy warren of activity. Servants dart back and forth between the three. Reddish smoke puffs out of the Sundrop Gem tent nearby, where I expect Raven and Estrella are finishing the final batch of their concoction. I duck into the tent Ingrid and I are going to share for the length of our stay here.
"Thank the Goddess!" she says as I walk in. "I was about to send out search parties. Did you and your mate decide you could squeeze in another round?"
"Ingrid!" I squeal.
She laughs, fidgeting with her hair in the mirror. Long, blonde strands dangle messily out the back. She never can do it on her own.
I step closer, release the combs attempting to hold her hair in place, and start over. "I didn't actually meet my mate."
She looks at me in the mirror. "Truly?"
I nod as pain streaks through my body and turns my vision slightly gray at the edges. "No one called to me."
"I'm sorry." She pats my hand. "Or congratulations? It seemed like you didn't want to go."
"Just tired from the trip." I need to distract her. "Where did you get this dress? I don't think I've seen it yet, and it really suits you."
Ingrid smiles and plucks at the seafoam-colored fabric. "I got the idea from Estrella and made the gown myself. Well, with a little of Bright's help. She complained the whole time. Our whole court's more colorful, now that Anwen is over there. Have you noticed?"
"I did." I push a bejeweled comb into place in her hair, then the second. "You're so lucky your hair is thick enough to hold these. You and Mother both."
She laughs. "We could hold them in your hair if you even let me use a little glue."
"Never!" I put a hand to my nearly waist-length hair. It's too fine for anything but a few pins and the braided styles Tess is so talented at, but I still love it.
"Fine, fine." Ingrid shakes her head. "Let me help you pick something out."
I smile. "Of-"
If I let her pick out the dress, she'll choose something I need help getting into. Ingrid's taste has always been elaborate. And then she'll see the mark. She'll know I lied.
"Of course not," I say.
Ingrid blinks. "Why not?"
"Because...." I glance at the flap of our tent. "Because when I was walking in, I overheard one of the servants saying they needed music for the ritual, and I happen to know you brought your lute."
Ingrid blushes prettily. Mother always said she had a perfect strawberries-and-cream complexion.
"I did, but I wasn't thinking-"
"Go see!" I put the final comb in her hair and squeeze her shoulders. "You're so talented. There's no way you won't improve the ritual."
"Okay!" She bounces up, glowing with excitement. "I'll go talk to Raven and Estrella. They'll know what they need."
She scurries out of the tent, and I slump onto my bed. I didn't hear anything about music, but I know those two won't be able to refuse an excited Ingrid. And she really is talented on that lute of hers. A few days of hearing about how wonderful my sisters-by blood or otherwise-are sounds like a much nicer time than a few days fending off Ingrid's questions.
A trumpet blares three blasts to indicate the ritual will start in half an hour. I really do have to get dressed. I strip out of the clothes I found at the edge of the trees and sort through my dresses. A soft brown one with a high neckline catches my attention. Just the sort of thing to let me fade into the background while the rest of them take the spotlight. Normally, I'd pick one of the gray-greens that brings out the hints of color in my eyes. Mother said they made me look pretty as a picture. But today, disappearing sounds better than anything else I can imagine. I put on undergarments and slip the dress on over my head. With everything fastened and tightened, it hides my unimpressive behind and draws polite attention to my chest-but never so much that my future mate could get jealous.
Not future mate anymore. Just mate. Who doesn't want me.
Tears well up in my eyes, and I swipe them away. Not now. After the ritual. Or maybe when we get home. Then, I'll confess to everyone. Kieran and Raven won't mind me staying in the castle for the rest of my life. Kieran doesn't care nearly as much about marriage alliances as Father did.
Right?
My stomach starts twisting itself into knots, and I know I need to go. I smooth down my dress one last time, leave my hair loose, and rejoin the world outside the scant privacy of the tent.
Estrella and Raven stand in the middle of the chaos. Estrella clutches what looks like a wine decanter, but judging by the ribbons of gold threading through the liquid within, that's the concoction she and Raven have been working on almost nonstop since Raven used an early version of it to save Estrella's life from her own wolfsbane encounter. Raven presses a hand to her own back, her swollen belly jutting out ahead of her like another participant in their conversation. I step up to them.
"When we introduce the serum, I think," Estrella is saying.
Raven nods slowly. "That would be a nice time for some music. It would make the whole thing a little more atmospheric." She smiles at me. "Good morning."
Estrella smirks. "How was-"
I put a hand up. "No mate. Keep talking about the ritual"
The wave of pain that sweeps through me is so severe I almost lose my footing. Estrella studies me, but Raven has too much on her mind to do anything but plunge forward.
"Shouldn't the holy woman be here by now?" she asks.
"Yana will meet us at the site," Estrella replies.
Another trumpet. Two, this time.
"Which we should be moving toward." She hefts the decanter carefully. "Are we ready?"
"I think so." Raven's smile is a little worried.
I put my hands on both of their shoulders. "The two of you are some of the smartest women I've ever met. I'm sure you're ready. This is going to be incredible."
"Thank you." Raven kisses my cheek awkwardly around her belly.
Estrella chuckles. "With you on our side, how could we fail?"
Ingrid sprints up to us, lute in hand. "What are you still doing here? We have to go!"
"All right, all right." I begin escorting everyone toward the ritual site Estrella and Raven picked out. We join a flow of well-dressed nobility, all heading to the spot. If they're right-and I really do think they are, no matter what certain Snowcrest princes might say-we are all about to see the closest thing to a miracle anyone other than the Goddess Herself can produce.
That is almost enough to make me forget the burning in my collarbone and the sinking feeling that I've failed the one job I was ever given.