Candace
I shrink lower in my seat. My mark brands my skin like a hot iron, and I just swallow the pain. Eva found me hiding out at the edge of the party, trying to convince myself to join in and risk seeing either of them. I tried to warn her that I wasn't very good company, but she's too good of a friend to take no for an answer.
That only makes me feel worse.
"He's right," I say numbly. "It wasn't very funny."
"See?" Hollis grins at Eva. "Even she admits it. Nobody likes bird stories."
I nod. I've heard that enough, though usually without the edge of venom in Hollis's voice right now.
"Please can we talk about something interesting?" he says.
Eva's gaze flickers between the two of us. I can't read anything in her green eyes, which are so like Hollis's.
"What in the world are you doing?" She shrugs out from under his arm.
I suck in a breath. I've never heard her sound so offended before.
Hollis puts up his hands. "I'm just trying to make this party fun-"
"No, you're being a dick." She glares at him. "Look, I'm really sorry you didn't get to have sex last night. Mating would've made everything a lot easier. But that doesn't mean you get to take your bad mood out on our friend."
My stomach twists itself into sick, acidic knots. What would Eva say if she knew Hollis was behaving like this because he did mate last night? Because the mark of my teeth is searing itself into his shoulder? Memories flash through my mind-his strong, competent hands, his hot mouth, his smell so potent in the night.
"It was a joke," Hollis says. "I'm sorry you didn't have sex last night, but you used to have a sense of humor."
I wince. He's lashing out at everyone. I can't let him hurt Eva. But I can't find my tongue to stand up for her like she deserves either.
"Don't waste your time lying to me." She crosses her arms. "I know when you're joking, and I want you to apologize."
I could tell Eva. I could pull her aside, whisper it quietly. I could stand on the table and declare it, explain why Hollis is being so cruel right here and now. I could do anything but sit here in complete and total silence, like I did when I watched Mother beat Raven.
"Fuck no," Hollis scoffs. "Candace knows it was a joke. Don't you?"
Finally, he looks at me. There's a hard mask over the depths I saw in his green eyes last night, something cold and harsh. He's hiding from what happened.
"You don't have to answer that." Worry and frustration wrinkle Eva's brow. She has no idea what's going on with Hollis. "You don't have to do anything he tells you to."
There's my opening, if I want it. But what good would telling Eva really do? Hollis is obviously never going to accept me as his mate. If I stay quiet, I'm the only one who has to hurt. Clearly, Hollis isn't.
"Thank you." I put my hand on Eva's. "I don't think he was joking, but I have other rounds to make, so I'd rather just go."
She frowns at me like she's trying to read my thoughts through my skull. I pray she can't. Between memories of Hollis and my latest dream, there's nothing in there I want her to see.
Finally, she nods. "All right. But just say the word, and I'll kick him out myself."
"Understood." I stand and walk away from the table with no idea where I'm going. I've made all my rounds, and I have no real interest in talking to any of these people again. All the smiles, the music-it's too much. I just want to lie down and forget I ever met anyone from Snowcrest Canyon.
If this is the last time I'm going to see him, I deserve one last glance. I look back over my shoulder.
Eva is talking to Hollis seriously, visibly still upset with him. But he's watching me, his eyes unguarded but holding an expression I can't understand. As soon as we make eye contact, he looks away.
I turn around and keep walking. My feet lead me to the edge of the celebration where the lights are dimmer, and the music is quieter. The remains of a headache from my dream pulses in my temples in time with my aching mark. I watch the party spin on without me.
On a normal night, I'd be on the dance floor, matching Anwen partner-for-partner. Or, I suppose Baz now. Anwen hasn't been more than six feet from Estrella since the two of them arrived. Dance lessons were one of my favorites growing up and the easiest skill we were forced to learn. If I can impress a man with my grace, I don't have to know all the right words like Anwen always seemed to or have the royal bearing Kieran was born with.
The two of them twirl by with their wives, Kieran and Raven slower than the music calls for. I smile and wave when they do, but something in my chest aches. Growing up, Kieran was properly scary. He had a temper, and he tormented Raven almost as much as Mother and Father. Anwen didn't scare me, exactly, but he had a way of always popping up where I least expected him with the piece of information I least wanted him to have. They were both dangerous. And so was I, though in my own small ways. I ran the variety of noble daughters with an iron fist, passing down edicts about who could and could not be invited here or there. We were our parents' children. But now, they have Estrella and Raven. Their mates softened them, showed them a way to be better. I've been trying to find my way ever since that dream, the one that showed me how wrong I was about Raven, but I was looking forward to my other half-wondering how he would balance me out. Now, I'm destined to remain off-balance forever, fighting the cruelty in my blood.
Ingrid's smell catches my nose. Of course, she's out here. And I think my own head might not be the best place for me right now. I follow the trail around the circle of the party until I find her fidgeting with the draping sleeves of her gown.
"I let Kieran introduce me to everyone he wanted," she says defensively before I even open my mouth.
I smile. Ingrid hates balls and other big celebrations. She can't stand people talking about nothing over the music she'd rather be listening to-and she seems to have escaped the cruelty that infected her three oldest siblings. I wonder what that's like.
"I wasn't going to accuse you of anything."
"Thank the Goddess." She deflates. "Because I didn't, he still has a few 'suitors' picked out."
"Really?" A chill runs down my spine. Mother used to introduce us around like she could convince the Goddess to mate us to certain men just by putting us in their proximity. I assumed Kieran would've stopped that practice.
She waves a hand flippantly. "Suitors, allies-they're all boring people with no opinions they're willing to share."
I exhale in a gust. He has stopped.
"You look wound up." A small smile creeps over Ingrid's lips. "Don't tell me you're not even enjoying this."
Usually, I'm on the dance floor, keeping up with Anwen partner for partner. I shrug.
"It's been a long couple of days."
She grabs my hand. "Sneak out with me."
"What? No. Kieran will notice and-" And what? Get upset? The worst he can do is yell. After Mother, and Hollis, and the mark that won't let me relax, a little yelling might be downright peaceful.
Ingrid's smile grows. "See? You're considering it. That's how I know you need this. If you're tired enough to consider breaking the rules, you have to."
I look at the party behind us. Eva and Hollis are dancing now, seemingly over whatever happened at the table already. My mark hurts, but so does my chest.
"Okay," I say.
Ingrid claps her hands together. "Here's what we're going to do-"
***
I stand in the middle of the ashen battlefield, taking in the suffering around me. I open my mouth and-
Something shakes my shoulder. I blink awake and rub my eyes. Ingrid's plan worked like a charm, but she wanted to stay up and talk, so I can't have been asleep for more than an hour yet.
The thing shakes me again. I turn and see a hand reaching through a split in the tent. My heart hammers. I take a deep breath.
Pine. Amber. Snow.
Hollis is standing outside my tent, waking me up in the middle of the night.
"Don't scream," he whispers. "This is important."
My stomach twists. His scent is intoxicating, but after the way he treated me, I feel like I'm already hungover.
"What?" I ask.
"Can we talk?"