Candace
I tug Hollis away by the wrist-the least romantic place I could grab him, because even though I assigned all my favorite guards to Mother, I don't trust anyone enough to actually admit who my mate is-and pray under my breath that he actually was just walking by. If he overheard a single word of that, he'll never look at me again. After the past few days of stealing moments with him, a pattern is becoming obvious. The times he stays with me come after I've been strong. During the Haze, I was too out of my mind to worry. Since then, he likes me when I walk away rather than take his teasing, when I admit a dream that makes me sound insane to believe, when I sneak away with him rather than attending to my responsibilities.
And if those are the times I feel most like Eva, that's just not something I'm going to think about.
But if he heard me with Mother... I'm never weaker or smaller than I am when I'm with her. Going to her at all is a weakness. I just need to talk to someone, and I know what Ingrid would say. She'd tell me I'm being ridiculous, to stand up for myself and declare my mate to the world. If he doesn't want me, everyone should know that he's disobeying the Goddess.
The times Hollis seems to like me best are the ones I feel most like Ingrid, too.
We arrive in the small circle of now fully living trees that has become our spot over the past few days-far enough away from everything that no one can overhear us if we're reasonably quiet, close enough that no one asks questions about how long we're taking to get places when summoned. Small, dark purple wildflowers dot the tall grass. A squirrel chitters in the branches. A bit away, a thrush sings.
"So," Hollis says, "your mother."
Panic fills my limbs, only to be chased away by the ice of Mother's voice: Your greatest weapon is your body. If you won't use it in the mate bond, where will you?
I throw my arms around Hollis's neck and crush my mouth to his. Fear dampens the usual thrill of his taste. His hands find my hips, and he falls into rhythm. Since the night after the first ritual, we haven't stolen enough time to have sex yet, but this is quickly becoming familiar. When I realized that yesterday, it filled me with warmth. Today, it makes me taste bile.
Hollis pulls back. "I don't know how long I have. I'm supposed to be cooling off so I don't kick the asses of the morons I'm trying to teach how to shoot."
Mother again. Men like to talk about two things: themselves and your body. Keep the conversation to those, and you'll break hearts.
"I bet you're a great teacher." I force a giggle and run one of my hands down to his bicep. "You're certainly strong enough."
He laughs. "I'm a crap teacher. Strength only makes me a better archer."
"You could teach me." I smile coyly. "It can't be that hard."
Just like she promised, I watch his pride ruffle.
"I don't have a bow here, but I promise it's not as easy as it looks." His grip on my waist tightens. "It's all about control."
I lean into him, appreciating the hint of a rasp in his voice. "Controlling what?"
"Everything." He bends down until I can feel his breath on my face. "Do you think you could do that?"
"I could try." I purse my lips slightly, trying to tempt him into kissing me.
Instead, he spins me around, pressing his front to my back. With one hand, he points my face at nothing in the brush and pulls my arms up as though I am holding a bow. I start to forget why I was distracting him in the first place, if I even was. It's so easy to lose myself with him.
"Inhale," he murmurs in my ear. His hand glides down my chest, lingering on my clothed breasts before settling on my stomach. "Can you feel it?"
His hardness against me? I grind against him. "Yes."
His laughter is more air than sound. "The tension in your abdomen, carrying up into your arms when you inhale."
"Then no." I laugh fully. "I just feel like an idiot."
"Well, you're not holding a bow," he grumbles. "It's different."
I twist in his grasp to face him once more. His hands drag on my dress, pulling my skirt higher. "I believe you completely. But I think I'll stick to fighting as a wolf."
"You fight?" He smirks down at me.
"I know... some self-defense."
His smile only grows. "Then stop this."
Before I can blink, Hollis hooks his arms under both my thighs and lifts me off the ground. Instead of fighting him, I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on. Want courses through me.
"Some self-defense." He chuckles.
"You're not going to hurt me." The words taste bitter in my mouth, but I cover them with another kiss.
Hollis melts into me. There's no shake in his arms, no hint that holding me is any strain. He could throw me all around this clearing without breaking a sweat. I clutch him tighter as desire begins to burn between my legs. He only has a few minutes, but maybe we could-
A branch snaps. Hollis rips back from the kiss and drops me in a flutter of skirts. I grab another tree so I don't fall over. When I look at him to demand what he's thinking, I find him trained like a scout wolf in the direction of the sound.
My heart pangs. Over the past few days, he seemed less and less like he was fighting the instinct to bolt when we were together. I thought he was actually getting used to the idea. Getting used to me.
A thin, brown rabbit hops out of the bushes in the direction of the noise, sees us, and bolts back the way it came.
"Why so jumpy?" I push to my feet and brush myself off. "It's just a rabbit."
"Because-" He turns back to me, and the words seem to catch in his throat. "Well, there's a reason we're here and not in my tent."
My mark aches. "Right. We should probably go. There shouldn't be anywhere that we are, not like this."
He stares at me for a long moment. "I have enjoyed these past couple of days."
Me too. And that's the worst part.
"But you don't think we're in a place to start telling people, do you?" He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "We haven't talked about anything yet."
He's right. Of course, he's right. And there's no way to tell anyone-other than Mother-without telling everyone. That's why even Ingrid doesn't know yet.
"No, I don't." I stare at the bushes the rabbit hopped off through, wishing I could follow. "We need a plan."
"Right." He takes a step closer. "But we don't have time to come up with one now. I need to leave before people start wondering."
I look up into his green eyes, trying to read whatever truth exists in them. "It would be really, really bad if people found out."
"Exactly."
He leans in to kiss me again, not hearing the difference between the two things we said. Telling Eva, especially without a plan, would be catastrophic. But her finding out any other way would be much, much worse.
I tilt my head up, and our mouths meet. It's what I'm supposed to do. Be the mate he wants. And he's not exactly signaling subtly, his hands roaming over me again. But suddenly, the kiss feels hollow. What did Eva say? She wants to know the man beneath the animal. Hollis and I made perfect sense during the Haze, when we're having sex, and we make no sense outside of it. I'm still just the animal to him.
Something sharper than desire burns through me. Hollis likes me when I'm strong. When I make the dangerous choice instead of the safe one. I break the kiss.
"What am I to you?" I ask. "A body-or a person?"
He takes a step back like I tried to hit him. His already pale skin goes paler. "A body? What do you mean?"
That thing keeps burning. "I mean, is what we have just physical? Do I exist to you when you're not touching me?"
"Of course you exist." He cups my hip gently, like I'm a hot stove he's afraid of burning himself on. "And we will talk. But right now, we don't have time."
"We're never going to have time." I pull out of his grasp. "We had ten days. Five, now. And then we disappear to different kingdoms. So should we talk when we can or waste that time touching each other?"
Something in him hardens. He scoffs. "You call that a waste? It seemed like-"
"I do," I say over his words. "When the other option is figuring out our future, I do."
"Our future?" His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. "Look, I just came here to make out for a couple of minutes. You can talk about the future with someone else because I don't see one for myself with"-he looks me up and down-"this person, okay?"
My mark sears like it covers every inch of my skin as Hollis shakes his head and leaves without another word.
Good work, Candace. Really strong.