It's so nice to be with my mother. Her warmth, always loving heart, and gentle gaze warm my soul. Despite all the troubles, all the situations we endured together under father’s oppression, she always tried in every way to save, shield, and redirect the fire to herself. She gave love as she could, at a time when she had nothing and saw nothing good herself. Father destroyed everything good in our family. He killed us morally, every time he raised his hand against us or wounded us with words.
— He seems not bad, — she slowly says first, — this Vlad.
I smile. I lean against her shoulder:
— He’s complicated. But the main thing is his promise. He will help us, Mom. You and Timur.
— And who will help you? — she strokes my short hair. — Who will save you, my dear?
I sigh.
— I am already saved.
I know it's a lie. But I doubt that Vlad told my mom that the time would come when he would leave. I doubt he detailed how this marriage is actually fictitious, despite all our relationships and moments together. So, I think Sofia doesn’t suspect that if we manage to take her abroad, I will stay here alone. Because who knows how long the advantage of the Saint will last? He said the marriage would last as long as it is beneficial for both of us. It will be necessary to fulfill the promise of saving my loved ones and press the Wild until the moment when the brothers are satisfied, and that’s it… Our paths will part forever.
— How are you saved? — she whispers.
— He’s my husband, Mom. Officially. He’s the boss at AMB. Also officially. The Wild can no longer harm me. The most important right now is you! You’re his wife, you have his underage son, so… we still have a lot of work to do.
— Here you are right. We have a lot of work to do.
— Do you still agree that you need to escape?
Mom turns my face towards her. She gently runs her hand across my cheek, touching my hair.
— We all do, my daughter. I thought that by being next to him, I could save you. But that was selfish. To be saved, one needs to act, not sit and watch children suffer: one physically; the other morally. Forgive me for not doing this sooner. Forgive me, — tears roll down the gentle face of the woman, — for not saving you from his despotism. You suffered so much. Probably the most. You were wilting at home… And now I see, despite everything, you have blossomed, my dear. You are glowing. And I see why.
— Why? — I whisper.
— You’re in love with Vlad. Your little eyes shine just by noticing him. And also, — Mom leans towards my ear wiping her own tears, — he is in love with you too. I saw it. When you ran behind the trees, he immediately rushed after you grabbing the water from the motorcycle. Vlad was scared. When it’s indifference, it’s not scary, my dear.
— I don’t know…
— I know, trust me, an old woman.
— You’re not old, — I smile.
— Alright, — she laughs, — older.
For a while, we fall silent. The morning has already claimed the right to arrive on earth, so the sun floods the yard in front of the house illuminating the dew on the grass.
I run my fingers through my hair. It feels strange that it’s so short. But I couldn’t cut off the past in any other way. I needed to rid myself of the darkness in which I lived. Even necessary. I couldn’t bear to see myself as that inept and clumsy. Not after the abuse from the Wild. Not after the physical punishment.
Now, being Vlad’s official wife, I am truly free. This is not just hope for future freedom, not a tunnel I was at the beginning of before. Now I have emerged from it and truly received a blank check. The Saint himself handed it over, with promises of life and absence of relationships. I am scared, undoubtedly. I understand perfectly that his protection is important, just like support. So when he leaves, I will be free and broken… But I won’t throw away the hopes for our future from my heart, because I am in love with this man, even though he has stabbed me in the back and hurt my soul several times.
Part of me knows — I will not return to that life again. I will not be silent. I will learn to speak. To demand. To fight. I will learn to live how I want. The golden cage that held me in chains has finally been shed. I can finally be who I want to be. To live! To truly live! I just need to give freedom to my mom and my little brother. And then the problems will disappear. Yes, my heart will ache, but isn’t the freedom I’ve longed for more important? If the Saint doesn’t give us a chance, then what’s the point in comforting myself with hopes any longer?
Yes, he is incredible. He attracts everyone to him. He catches with his eyes, manners, and the danger that makes the heart rebel. The strength and power he possesses is alluring. I trust him with all my heart. I even forgive him for what he did because I knew from the very beginning, heard and saw the hints — they wouldn’t coddle me. The Saint has a goal, and he will achieve it. The Saint will stab, and I will regret turning my back, not facing him… And that’s how it happened. But what’s the point of constantly worrying about the fact that he doesn’t even give a chance? He has repeatedly said that nothing will come of it... The main thing is the goal. Emotions are just a side effect. They govern him, but he also governs them. So, having fulfilled the agreement, he will leave. He warned. I have to be ready. I need to have bandages to wrap my heart and soul and to step forward in life, only now without the chains on my wrists that the Wild put on me…