I didn't ask what he meant because he just left me with a series of uncertainty. I don't recall what dream he was referring to, but I believe I know what he meant because this was how it generally happened to me every night at the time. Maybe he realized how powerless I was in my dream. Perhaps I dreamt about what those men did to me again. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that nightmare. Maybe it'll pay me a visit every night, although I'm not sure why he'd be sad to merely see me like that.
I just remained there staring at the door, not leaving its front till he came in. When he brought me the porridge, he didn't say anything. I just stared at it and didn't accept it since I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it due to my weakness. He sighed and returned to his seat, possibly because he realized that I had no intention of touching it. He used the spoon to scoop the porridge and placed it in front of my mouth. He glared at me since I didn't open my mouth.
"How can you regain your strength if you don't want to eat?" He placed the bowl on the side table, and my eyes followed it. I want to eat it, but I think he's trying to test me, so I can't. Even if I want to eat, my pride in him makes it difficult; I won't eat if he does it against his choice.
"If you're hesitant to serve me, don't force yourself." I crawled back into bed and wrapped a blanket around my entire body. I closed my eyes to keep my hungry stomach at bay, but he was still not pushing me to eat three minutes later. To my chagrin, I stepped away from the blanket and gave him a terrible look. I expected him to compel me to eat and explain that what he was about to do was not against his will.
"What?" he laughed, but I covered my body again, and my ears became red since I looked like a child throwing a tantrum. But then I felt the bed move, and afterwards I sensed the hug from behind me. He wrapped me even tighter in the blanket. I didn't say anything since I could feel him kissing me on the forehead given the fact that I was still covered in blankets.
Sorry," he kissed my head and hugged me again, but he didn't stop explaining. "I am not obligated to help you. It's enjoyable for me.”
I couldn't say anything because of what he opined, but a warm touch tickled my heart. It's also been a long time since I've felt tenderness, so that's extremely nice to feel it again. What if I let myself fall under the spell of love once more? What if I believe that love is sacrosanct and that it would not allow me to fall into the traps of phony love and care again? Yet, notwithstanding my many options, why did I get infatuated with this man? Something made me want to get to know him better after a month of watching and working with him on a project.
I took away the cover, and he withdrew his arms from me. I turned to face him and moved a bit to check whether he was honest in his eyes. I understood the eyes would never lie when he didn't remove his look from me. Those eyes are genuine, filled with worry, care, and, most importantly, a streak of love that I'm not sure whether it's truthful because he doesn't know me very well yet. My hand moved on purpose and kissed him, unbeknownst to me.
"It's not my responsibility if you catch my fever," I murmured before kissing him once again and slipping my hand around his neck. He yanked on my waist, causing me to slam against his chest. Our tongues were slicing as his hand moved across my body.
"Ah...!" I couldn't keep the snarl from leaving my lips as he slid his hand into my dress and caressed my chest. He pinched my nipple, causing me to release the kiss and elevate my neck. He caught my neck and licked my Adam's apple. But, in the midst of our frantic excitement, he abruptly came to a halt, prompting me to open my eyes.
"You have to eat first because we don't know if you'll pass out after we have sex," he added forcefully, and I arose from my reverie. I fixed my clothes and proceeded to find the bowl. I was going to take the spoon when he took it away and put the spoon in front of me again. "Just sleep here," he continued, and I returned my gaze to him.
I didn't say anything and simply nodded in response to what he said. It's already late at night, so it's not a bad idea for me to sleep here. When I was done eating, he handed me the water, but I didn't drink it. Not because I lack ability, but because I want him to have me drink it. I can't swallow what I am doing because I appear to be a teenager seeking affection from a partner. I was successful because he put the glass in my mouth. Because the smile on his lips couldn't be wiped, I knew he knew I was only acting.
I was going to kiss him when he removed the glass in my lips, but he diverted his face from me. He leaned back, making it impossible for me to reach his lips. I gave him a blank stare, but he only squeezed my nose and messed up my hair.
"We can't do it yet. We must first ensure that you are not in discomfort tomorrow, as your fever may worsen if you are exhausted.”
That's what he told me two weeks ago, but he hasn't touched me since, and when it comes to talking, he's stingy.