When I awoke, it was still pouring heavily, but I was no longer next to Lucas. I soon sprang from my slumber and groaned next to me. I glanced around and assumed he was simply standing there, but there was no other trace of him in the room save for the fragrance he left in my room. I bent on my knees and brushed my hair with my finger. The hefty boulder that I believed had vanished reappeared in my chest. I had no idea my tears were already falling. I believed we were alright, but we weren't.
The scent of meals and the opening of the door interrupted my sobbing. When I turned around, I noticed he was still without wearing anything on his lower body. He appears to be a model who has to be painted. With a grimace on his face, he placed the tray on the side table. He sat next to me and hugged my head to make me stop weeping, but it only made me cry harder.
"I'm not going anywhere, so why are you crying?"
I simply shook my head at him. How do I tell him that I'm so worried that everything that happened last night was just a dream? How can I tell him that I'm terrified of being left behind because it could give him an excuse to take advantage of me? I don't know how to get rid of my anxiety since he could decide tomorrow or the next that I'm not worth his time.
Maybe I'm really desperate for attention and affection, and I can't get over the little love he showed me. Perhaps I was entirely submerged in the love he bestows. But maybe it's not such a bad thing if I choose to be happy at least once in a while, isn't it? I didn't say anything to him and kissed him while my tears were still running down my face. He didn't break our kiss, but he wiped the sorrow from my eyes.
When we finished cuddling, he grabbed for the tray and placed it on his lap. There is a lot of food on the front, not just casual cuisine. While he was feeding me, my mind was wondering if he was all right. I stroked his forehead to see whether he was still hot, and his temperature had dropped. I was able to breathe in some way.
"I'll take you into the office later." He wasn't looking at me when he said that. I also just stared at the food. There’s a worry building up inside me that I don’t know where it’s coming from. Isn’t it because until now we still don’t have a label? It was as if I was groping in the dark about what I should do to get rid of all this fear.
“What are we?” It just came out of my mouth on its own. I don't know what to call this relationship. It's as if even though there are feelings that are developing, many things are not possible. It's as if you're not allowed to step on the possibilities that are forbidden to step on. I know I’m too demanding if you look closely but is it wrong to know what I’m worth?
"We are happy."
"That's not the right answer." I looked at him but he did not look up at me. He was just playing with the fork so I added to what I was saying. “I mean. You told me you love me. Isn't that reason enough to consider that we are in a relationship?”
He let go of the fork and looked at me. He stroked my loose hair and smiled at me. I was just watching him how he would look different because of what I announced.
“I was wrong. It's supposed to be 'I miss you.' ”
Because of what he said my heart fell to pieces. It's like I'm choking. What else can I expect? Why do I hope?
“We are sports here, Aria, right? Everything we want, we both crave.” I can't stand him continuing. I'm afraid that when I speak I'll just cry over and say what I shouldn't. So just to accept everything, I just nodded.
"A-Ah ... I-I need to prepare for work." I removed his hand that was holding me and got off the bed. I didn't even wait for him to speak or stop me. I went straight to the bathroom and there I let out all the tears that I had been holding back. Fortunately, I was able to speak.
I soaked myself in the bathtub. But while I was soaking, I just realized that there is no office day today because it's Sunday. I want to hit myself with a rock. When I realized that, there was a knock on the bathroom door.
Since I didn't lock it anymore, he turned the doorknob and entered. I didn't look at him and just played with myself in the water. Since my bathtub was big, he joined me, and the water spill out. He place behind me and then played with my hair.
I leaned on him as he snatched my chest and played with my nipple. I turned and looked at him. Every time I see his face I can’t help but get hurt. As he said, sex is all between the two of us. I moved away from him a little and faced him.
"Sit there." I pointed to the edge of the bathtub he was leaning against. He did not speak and just followed what I instructed. When he sat down, I placed his standing cock in the middle of my chest and gave him a tit job. As his cock hits my lips I suck it.
I stopped for a moment and just squeeze his cock and sucked the pee hose but after a while, his sperm exploded in my mouth. I tasted his milk and then sneered.
"You came too much."