Jaheim
I can't get out the hotel fast enough.
What the fuck?
I power walk out of the lobby, ignoring the confused look on that woman’s face behind reception. My body’s shaking violently. I haven't felt like this for so long, and it scares me.
This is exactly why I lead the life I do, to avoid situations like this.
Control.
Always in control.
But right now? I’m not.
I run to my car and then press the gas so I can get as far away from Harmony as possible. My body’s screaming for me to go back to her, but I know that’s just because I'm not in control anymore.
That side is.
The side I've spent eight years suppressing to the point of pain, but what Harmony always seems able to provoke out of me with just a brief encounter.
I felt the beginnings of this when she left my apartment yesterday, but I brushed it off cuz I felt better after I stroked one out, but when I was in that shower with her, it was even harder to ignore it, and I knew I should have left right there and then.
But my unbearable need for her and my curiosity of how it would feel to be inside her clouded my judgement.
My biggest fucking mistake since I laid eyes on her.
My heart is still racing, and the scent of her body on mine is driving me insane. I lose concentration and swerve the car, barely missing a tree. I need to calm down and get her scent off me. I can't go home to shower, not like this. My sister would wonder what the hell was wrong with me, and I can't risk being that around her...
I follow signs for Meech Lake Falls, flooring the gas. When I reach, I jump out of the car before running as fast as I can towards a deserted area. I jump into the water fully clothed, ripping them off my body while in the water so I can hide her scent from my nose.
I scrub my body with my hands, ignoring my dick that’s desperate for release. I wish I had some bleach so I could make sure none of her was left.
I climb out of the lake and lie on my back across a large rock. I can barely smell any of her on me now, but I can still taste the memory of her on my tongue. The urge to return to that hotel room to apologise and then fuck her raw for making me feel this way overwhelms me, but I can't.
I dunno what the fuck she is.
I know what she sounds like, though.
Don't get me wrong, I've Googled the fuck out of what I am, but in eight long years, I ain't ever found anyone who looks or smells like me when I’m that.
And I’ve travelled.
I accepted many years ago that I’m just a freak of nature, an abomination, someone’s fuck up. Something that should be locked up, and definitely would be if anyone knew about what I was.
That's why I gotta stay away from her.
I ain't trying to get caught out for accidently killing some girl I don’t even know, and I don't wanna be treated like a lab rat either.
I'll just go back to Ontario for a while, regain my control by finding a submissive.
Yeah, that’s what I need to do.
Then all this lusting after a damned teenager will go away, and I can forget all about the beautiful but dangerous, Harmony.
***
I stay in the forest overnight and then return home early hours. I go straight into the bathroom to shower while Carisse is still asleep on the couch and try to think of how I’m gonna tell her I’m leaving her here by herself.
I can’t stay in Montréal; I can’t risk seeing Harmony again.
Things between us get more intense with each meet, so if I see her again, I know I won’t be able to control myself. What if what I read about that mate shit is true? What if she is the one woman who was created for me?
But I don’t even know if that’s what I am for sure. I mean, yeah, I suppose I look more like a wolf than anything else when I become that, but it ain’t the kind on two legs. And I’m a hell of a lot bigger, too.
I manage to rid all trace of Harmony’s scent from my body before going to my room to get dressed into sweats. I climb into bed and stare up at the ceiling, still not being able to switch off and sleep. I spent the whole night thinking of how out of this world her pussy felt, and the way she looked at me when I was inside her.
It was already well past being intense, but I knew from the way she looked at me when I threw her onto that bed that I was scaring her; I could smell it on her. It was then that something literally switched inside me and I realised that things between us would be different, so I rethought my plans.
But no matter what I thought, all that went out the window when she touched my neck and ran her nails over my skin. Feeling her hands on me was more than just a touch, it was as if I’d found my true purpose in life.
Finding her.
I fought so hard to control the moment, stop from burying myself inside her to give her all of me, but I knew I was close to physically hurting her because there was no way I’d be able to hold back.
And that’s when I knew I had to leave.
I don’t know how many times I shifted, or how many trees I ended up ripping from their roots in that woodland. And even after all the time I spent there as my other self, it did absolutely nothing to quell my crushing need to return to her.
I manage to sleep for a couple of hours until my cell ringing wakes me up.
It’s her.
Has she been unable to sleep like me?
My cell soon stops ringing and then a text comes through.
Harmony: What did I do?
Dammit. Why does that make me feel so fucking bad? I don’t hurt women emotionally, and even when I inflict physical pain on them, ultimately, it’s for their pleasure, not because I actually get off seeing them distressed. Being a dom isn’t about that shit for me, it’s about gaining a woman’s trust so that I can be in control.
Always in control.
I sit on the bed to text her back.
Me: Nothing. I just can’t see you again.
Harmony: Meet me. We can talk.
Me: I can’t. I’m sorry if you think I played you or something, but it ain’t like that. It’s me. It’s all me.
I block her number and then make my way to the living room.
Carisse looks up at me. “You okay?”
I sit beside her on the couch. “I got a call from Janelle. I need to go back to Ontario for a while. There’s something I need to take care of.”
She frowns. “Oh… okay.”
“I’m sorry for having to leave you on your own, but it’s work, y’know?”
“Sure. I understand.”
“This place is paid up for a couple months so just focus on school and getting your licence, alright?” I pull out my wallet and give her one of my credit cards. “Use this if you need to. I’ll be back soon; I just don’t know when.”
“Alright.” She takes the card and leans against my side. “Thank you for everything, Jah. And I’m sorry for disturbing your life.”
I wrap an arm around her. “Hey, you ain’t. I’m at the end of the phone if you need me, okay?”
“I know.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that. I just need to deal with this shit.”
The only way I know how.