I watch Jyeon from my seat at the board meeting. Sitting next to his chair at the head, he’s up and walking around as he talks out what he has on the projector, yet I can’t focus on what he’s saying. I’m distraught inside. All day it’s been eating away at me, ripping me into pieces, and I can’t think of anything else, no matter how I try.
I watch him closely for signs, changes, and anything to help clear this muddy mess out of my brain and find myself hating him for making me feel this way. Despising the very ground he walks on.
He came back around two, and I happened to be in the parking garage when he pulled in. I wish I hadn’t been, but it was a coincidence as I was returning from an onsite inspection.
I saw them. Together. That bitch from Biochem in all her perfect feminine glory. Like some scene from a tacky romance drama.
She got out of his car and went to hers, parked discreetly in a dark corner of our own building, and then left. The fucking blatant audacity. I don’t even know how to process that at all or the way they looked. I was far enough away that he didn’t see me, but it was like watching a Jyeon I hadn’t seen in a long time. Smiling, relaxed, walking companionably beside her as he escorted her to his car, shoulder to shoulder and touching. Warmth and friendliness in him that used to belong to me when we were children. He looked carefree and happy for once, and it felt like a knife being twisted in my soul.
All the signals were there. Her flirty giggly behavior and his attentive and charming self I never see aimed my way. Shocked by the utter blatancy of it. I was paralyzed to my spot. I was stuck in my car seat like a mute and incapable person who couldn’t budge an inch or make a sound. I couldn’t look away and felt like every single part of me was aching and throbbing in agony.
I held it in, shaking all over, and the urge to throw up almost suffocated me, but I didn’t break. No matter how much it hurt and ripped the rug right out from under my feet, I tried to be logical and tell myself it might look like something; it’s not that I was jumping to conclusions. I want so badly to convince myself it’s not what I feel.
This isn’t who Jyeon is. Even after everything. He’s not the type to have an affair and betray me. He’s always been obedient and respectful and does everything expected of him. Our marriage may be cold and empty, but it symbolizes a union between our families and is the glue to keeping OLO afloat. OLO is everything to Jyeon, and he wouldn’t hurt it. His mother would never accept that behavior, and Jyeon isn’t the kind of person to disgrace his family. To tarnish the Park's name. It’s why I can’t get my head around it after seeing it with my own eyes.
“Vice President Park?” A voice flickers through, and I blink back to reality, realizing Yoonha sitting opposite me is strangely staring at me, and I clear my throat and sit upright. I am suddenly aware of the room of suited men patiently poised for my response. I curse myself for dropping the ball.
“Sorry, can you repeat it?” I catch myself faultlessly and look around at the eyes all focused on me, finding Jyeon is the only one staring at the notes in his hand. He’s not made eye contact with me since he returned.
“The Biotech funding, phase one, has been completed? Is that right?”
The name is like a bitter taste in my mouth, and I press my lips together and steady myself before pasting on a bright face. Clenching my fists under the table as it conjures up that woman in my mind’s eye. At them, together, the bile rises in my throat.
“Not yet. The funds are in process….” I state blankly and see many simple nods around the table. Jyeon seems immersed in his papers, satisfied that his plan is steaming ahead, yet I can’t let this go. The board signed off on this venture and has been eager to get things in motion to start seeing the benefits.
“but…..” I add in deliberate afterthought, my heart rate elevating and palms become sweaty as eyes dart back my way, and even Yoonha frowns at me. It’s not like me to be indecisive.
“Some things flagged up in the risk report amendment that I missed the first time. I’m putting a hold on the payments until I run an investigation team through the details once more. So, we hold off and excise our cooling-off period to its fullest before we commit with cash.” I even convince myself, and despite knowing how petty it is, it feels like the only weapon I have. Fucking with business deals over some stupid floozy.
“What are you talking about? What risks? Why am I not hearing of this until now?” Jyeon is right on me, looking at me solidly for the first time across the table from his standing spot, and I can read the mild panic in the depths that gives me a slight sense of satisfaction. This project is his current baby, and if she’s the reason, I don’t intend to make it easy on him at all.
“I only learned of it today. I hadn’t yet gotten my head around it to discuss it with you.” I smile, fake as always, and as his eyes narrow on me with a confused frown, I raise one brow and smirk. Resentment rises in the pit of my stomach, and I loathe his face while he looks so innocently at me.
“I’m sure it’s nothing but a little blimp in our relationship ….. with biotech….. but I like to kill any little flies in my ointment before they become a problem.” I deliver it coldly and catch the flicker of hesitation in his eyes, the twinge of his brow, and the appearance of one dimple as he flexes his jaw with tension. He can’t be sure, but he feels like I’m onto something. I can read it in him because I know him so well.
“What kind of blimp? If I know the issue, I can pinpoint the reasons faster than wasting resources with a team.” He grits his teeth, seemingly frustrated and unprepared for this.
“Why, because you’re on such good terms with their representative and doubt she’d lie to your face because you trust her?” His eyes widen slightly, and he falters, expression jumping from confused to mild shock, and then he straightens it to hide it all. I know my words are loaded, hate-driven, and stupid, given where we are, but the closed-down way it shocks him makes it worthwhile.
“She? I thought the Biochem spokesperson was a man?” Yoonha swipes in, seemingly only catching up with changes and another sign Jyeon hasn’t been sharing all that much in the Biochem deal with his younger brother, who’s meant to be in the loop of all things.
“It was. They apparently replaced him with someone else in the company. Claire White. She’s been here to see Jyeon in his office to introduce herself, and he took her for lunch today.” I add it airily, holding no punches, and close my files in front of me with precision. Keeping my mannerisms slow and graceful. My voice is light and airy, as though I’m not worried about some skanky woman wading into my marriage.
The heavy silence is, of course, I know, all men turning to look Jyeon’s way in question that he would act so personally with a spokesperson of a company we haven’t yet taken control of. There’s a process to things, and it’s known that my job as VP is that I should be the one taking her to lunch when the time is right. This raises so many questions for him.
“Claire White? Why is that name familiar?” Yoonha forgets this is a board meeting and verbalizes his thoughts. It's a bad habit he’s had since he was a kid, and it’s why he’s unable ever to keep himself in his own lane when it comes to Jyeon’s and my problems.
“Let’s call it a day and reconvene when we have more definite answers. Sohla, my office. We need to talk about this.”
Jyeon closes us all down, and the murmur of disgruntled board members signals they disagree. They have questions but respect him enough to leave them in his hands. Eyes darting between us, and he knows this is something else, something more significant. His fierce tone tells me I’ve pissed him off, and Yoonha gets up cautiously.
“Me too. I want to know what’s happening.” He eyes me and then his brother again, catching onto the tension, and that stubborn protective side kicks in. He always did play buffer between us, and I love him for it now, even if it’s unwanted.
I get up, pick up my files, and lead straight to Jyeon’s office. Holding it all in, don’t look back while the room clears and the suited shareholders depart in a flurry of noise. I march right into his space, leaving the voices of him and Yoonha behind me, knowing fine well he won’t let his brother join us. Not when this is about his girlfriend.
I walk over to his desk, throw down my files and wander around before planking myself in his seat and turning to face the cloudy cityscape. Wondering if we will ever see an end to this constant rain and miserable weather of late. It’s been unbreaking for weeks. I feel like it matches my mood, and if I saw the sun just once, maybe I’d be doing better of late.
“What the fuck was that?” Jyeon loses his temper as soon as he storms in and slams the door behind him, banging it hard, so it subtly vibrates the wall on either side and pictures swing, yet I lose all my fight. My energy dwindles, my head clouds with a sense of cotton wool, and I can’t face this. I’m battle-worn and weary, and I don’t want to do this with him anymore. It’s hard to come out on top when you’re the only one with invested feelings.
“What’s the relationship between you and her?” I ask blandly, robotically, preparing myself for the worst. I just want the truth, so I know. So I can deal with it and see where I go from here.
“She’s the representative of the company I’m investing billions in. The company that I see as my personal project. My baby. She’s nothing else. Why are you like this?” His anger is evident, with strained words and a fiery aura. His denial, however, wounds me. That he would disrespect the years we have known one another. Despite our rocky romance, we have been business alliances for so long, and he’s usually so blatantly honest on other fronts that this brings my hackles back up, and revives my fight-or-flight instinct fiercely. It would show a modicum of respect for me if he didn’t lie to my face so blatantly.
“You know, if you get caught fucking an employee from that company, it’s all over for you and them. It’s gross negligence and misuse of power. She’ll lose her job and reputation, and you’ll lose your seat on OLO for a million legal and ethical reasons. You’re a married man to the VP of your own company.” It’s a warning, my only real way of digging my claws into him because I know an emotional plea will do nothing. It’s not like he’s afraid of losing my love or our marriage.
“Sohla!” His warning tone through gritted teeth only fuels me.
“It would bring the entire deal into question about your motives and hers and exactly what private deals you two made between the sheets. Don’t you think?” I add it with venom avoiding his eye and yet feeling his gaze burning into my side profile as I stare blankly ahead. My eyes are misting over, and yet I feel dead inside. It’s not the satisfying deliverance of a blow I thought it would be.
“I can’t believe you’re threatening me. You really have sunk that low, huh? What is it? That you don’t control me? Or is it that you see her as a threat? It’s all in your head, and you should see about that……. Get out. This is pointless and stupid. Don’t make problems where there aren’t any.” Jyeon turns on his heel to storm away as he does anytime we have conflict, yet I’m not done. Biting down, refusing to be shaken.
“She shouldn’t buy expensive presents for you that leave paper trails if you don’t want to get caught. One-of-a-kind custom leather jackets from a place easily handing out information about its buyers.” I lie through my teeth and snort sadly as he pauses mid-step, his whole body taut instantly, and I know I hit that hammer right on the nail. His back to me, but I can tell his jaw is tensing, and he’s trying to formulate a response or an excuse.
He stands there, and I sit here, and the silence stretches only seconds, but it feels like hours. Whether it seems that way or not, it's an admission of guilt. If she’s buying him those kinds of gifts, this is more than a business alliance. He wore it right in front of me to take her for lunch. Even if he’s not yet screwing her, the emotional affair has already begun.
“I’m not having an affair. This is all in your head, and I’m done talking about it. Believe what you want, but this conversation is over.” Jyeon stalks off towards his changing room, and I know he’ll slam the door, lock it tight, and not come out until I’m gone. He can’t admit it because he knows I’m right. This is a weapon I could use to destroy him and her. I just hoped he would be honest with me for the sake of how we used to be.
My hands are shaking in my lap, and my legs are too weak to take my weight, so I give myself a few minutes. Swallowing to bring back the moisture in my mouth as my body vibrates, I blink rapidly to curb the tears threatening to come. There’s a damn building inside of me that’s fit to bursting, yet I somehow find the ability to suppress it. It’s an acute type of pain, similar to the day I found out my parent’s died, yet somehow different. Somehow more devastating.
I don’t know how I find the strength to get up and walk out of there, but I do. I don’t stop when I hit the foyer, and I carry on to the elevators in a state of trance and a blank expression, taking nothing in. Everything feels like it’s tumbling down, and I can’t breathe properly.
I somehow make it to the parking garage as though I blinked, and I was here, holding it all tight and stumbling to my car, beeping it open and sliding in as my legs finally cave. I close my eyes, rest my face on the steering wheel, and try to breathe through my anxiety attack, everything heavy and unresponsive, while deep in my heart, I know he’s lying to me.
I fumble for my cell phone and pull up a search page, keeping it low on my knees, so my steering wheel continues to support me by my forehead, and I type in the words ‘private investigator’. I am close to crying for the first time in a long time and hesitate to press on the links.
I didn’t lie about needing a team to investigate the plausibility of Biochem. I won’t give that bitch a single cent of OLO’s money before I know for sure what is going on between them. If it’s what I suspect, I will tear her down, rip her out of that company, and rake her through hot coals for daring to walk into my life and muscle her way in. I won’t lay still and have him ruin me in yet another way after everything I sacrificed for him.
Jyeon will pay in other ways, but I need proof that I’m not insane, and this is not in my head. My heart loves that man in all her stupidity, and she knows when something is deeply wrong.