I tap my nails on my desk in agitation as I watch the hands of the clock tick on and on in what feels like slow motion. It feels like this morning is dragging more than a month in a jailhouse, and neither Yoonha nor Jyeon has shown up for work at all yet. I’m listless, can’t concentrate or focus, and nothing I do is easing the tightly wound ball in my abdomen that I know is stress. After ten, I’m pissed at both of them for this impromptu AWOL behavior when we have so many things going on before lunch.
We run our own departments and must regularly bring one another up to speed. I have a pile of documents six inches thick that require both of their signatures next to mine, and we’re supposed to have a strategy meeting with senior staff in under an hour. They never miss them, and now, more than ever, we must stay on top of all the new investments these few months.
I’ve resisted calling Jyeon to find out exactly where he is because, after last night, I don’t have it in me for another emotional battle between us. I don’t trust myself not to bite at him when I’m still this emotionally fragile. My head’s a mess, and despite taking one of my mother’s Xanax to calm myself at five am, it has done nothing at all for me.
I never slept, and I’m finding it difficult to concentrate or stay neutral today with sheer fatigue. I push everything out of my head, but I don’t know; lately, it feels like all the strings I’m holding tight are starting to slip out of my fingers, and the more I try to grab on, the more I lose them. My precariously constructed house of cards that keeps everything balanced and in check is starting to wobble, and the wind is only just starting to pick up.
I have that same gut heaviness and high anxiety tension that plagued me all hours, coursing through me now. It has me on edge. It stems from the feeling that he was behaving out of sorts last night for the Jyeon I have known all these years. I don’t like it. It’s like I’m losing control, and my reality is starting to crumble and crack.
“Has my husband come in yet?” I bark my question via the intercom at my assistant, Valerie, knowing fine well his schedule had nothing out of the office today, so he has no excuse for tardiness. I’m hostile today in all ways, something that’s frequent as time goes by, and I even came suitably dressed in a black tailored pantsuit and red spike heels, ready for war.
“Yes, Ma’am. He’s only just gone into his office with someone in tow.” She answers sheepishly, and I grind my teeth and inhale slowly to cool my inner chaotic energy. I don’t bother thanking her and sweep up without hesitation. Swiping the paperwork into my hands from my polished surface, I march with determination to see him.
Yoonha, I don’t give two rats about showing up late; he’s only a director. His presence isn’t necessary today at our meeting, but the CEO needs to be where the CEO belongs and not fucking around elsewhere. Yoonha could go on vacation for a year, and this company would still tick along nicely. If Jyeon took a week off, it would cease to run without everything piling on me.
I march past my receptionist and Yoonha’s without flinching or checking if he’s there and bypass Jyeon’s secretary even though she stands up to try and intervene. Flustered like always at my appearance, it grinds on me that she still tries to stop me.
“Vice president Park, the president has a guest from….” I blank her and open the door without knocking and stroll in. It’s usually me who deals with any meet and greet outside of our own company employees, so whoever it is should have come through me first. No matter who is with him, as VP, I have a right to barge in if I feel like it, and most companies we deal with already know who I am.
I swan in, bristling with attitude, not stopping as my eyes scan his desk and see he’s not there before turning right to his couch area and spotting him and his guest. Cozily in his seated area. I pull on my indifferent mask, my high and mighty posture, and smile politely before heading their way. Acting as though popping in and finding a newcomer is a pleasant surprise.
She’s a tall leggy brunette in a tailored red dress, high-heeled shoes, a fitted jacket, and an air of superiority that screams a higher position than an assistant. She’s sat on one couch, holding a file, while he’s on the nearby single seat, leaning towards her and explaining something as he spots me. Nothing registers on his face or changes his demeanor, and he nods my way with a pasted-on half-smile and oozes polite vibes. His dimples barely show face, and I know he probably had to force that out with extreme effort.
“This is our Vice President, Sohla Park, my wife.” He stands up to encourage me to come over, all Mr. Business and my eyes stay locked on him as I close the gap and slide in to sit down on the couch opposite whoever this is. Looking her over with interest and nod with a gracious bright smile because she doesn’t have the sense to stand to greet me as she should. She’s attractive, slender, and probably around my age, only she has a much less severe fashion style and seems softer than my ice-cold imposing presence. Her femininity oozes in abundance.
“Ahh, I’ve read a lot about you. I’m Claire White, liaison for Biotech. Your husband has just informed me that our investment agreement looks likely to go ahead, and I was discussing the fine points in what steps our company has laid out for the next five years of growth.” She doesn’t miss a beat. With a warm silky voice and feathery light lashes, she flickers my way seductively, uncrossing her leg smoothly before crossing it the other way and leaning forward to extend her hand to me. A very precise and elegant mannerism grates on my nerves for no reason. Her perfume hangs in the air between us, and I can’t help but recognize it as the same one I wear.
“Pleasure’s all mine.” I reach out and shake it briefly, my cold hands are like ice cubes compared to her warm velvet skin, and despite having no reason, I instantly dislike her. There’s nothing obvious standing out; it’s just a feeling.
“Oh, you’re so cold. Do you have indigestion? That can really mess with the circulation in your hands. I have some antacids in my bag if you’d like some.” She smiles widely, soft, sweet, and overly caring, and I shake my head, sensing this is an act to redeem herself to me. I didn’t eat today, so my blood sugar is low and has nothing to do with acid if my body temperature is low. I’m so used to it that I don’t notice anymore.
“I…”
“You skipped breakfast, didn’t you? How many times have I told you not to do that?” Jyeon cuts in, his tone aggravated and stern, and he eyes me with a furrowed brow before I can speak. Getting up, he marches to his desk and renders me speechless by hitting the intercom.
“Yeah, get us a breakfast box serving for the VP and coffee with extra sugar and cream. Make it snappy. Thanks, Dee.” He calmly commands his assistant and turns to head back our way, and despite myself, it pulls the rug from under my feet, and I don’t know how to feel or react. Like a slap in the face, he bowls me over with the unexpected request. It’s not just the food but the fact he still remembers how I drink my coffee even though we haven’t shared one in years.
I avoid his eye contact when he comes back, pasting a smile on my face as though this is his everyday loving nature, although I can’t figure out if this is for her benefit or if he genuinely is in the mood to give a shit about me. We play-act the perfect happy couple for anyone that isn’t family so much, and this is probably an extension of that. I shouldn’t overthink it.
“You know me too well, Darling.” That is all I can force out without sounding strained, pushing that fake adoring smile his general way, and I catch her lingering look at him as he settles himself back down to his previous position. It’s a flicker of a moment, less than a half-second, but I catch it. The undeniable appreciation and admiration for a handsome man and his care for his wife melt her heart. It makes me uptight, suddenly suspicious of her motives for showing up here like this, and I focus back on the documents on my lap. Mentally chastising myself for being this stupid and knowing that my insane thoughts have become a problem lately. Maybe it’s because we’ve become more irritable towards one another, colder and crueler of late, and I feel like he’s slipping further away.
“I only came to hand you these. We need them processed quickly. I’m awaiting signatures to get the ball rolling. I wasn’t aware Biochem was sending someone so soon when the ink hasn’t been applied to the agreement yet.” I raise a brow her way, then at him, and wonder how this wench got in here when I was the one dealing with their male liaison only a week ago when digging through their financial projections. I don’t have a clue who she is. They didn’t inform me of a liaison replacement.
“I hate to admit it, but I wanted to come and introduce myself face to face. I’m recently recruited to biotech and have followed OLO’s success for several years. I admire what you two have done for your company and how far it’s come to become an industry leader in such a short time. I shamelessly came to meet in person my idol who put his company on the number one spot.” She oozes honey with every word, and her eyes keep straying to my husband, making it clear that despite saying it’s both of us, it’s him she wanted to meet. Jyeon smiles back, but there’s nothing in it, and it doesn’t reach his eyes. It's just a polite acknowledgment, making me feel a little less tetchy and paranoid. If she enamored him, my current state of mind would have me ripping her hair off.
“So, you have a thing for my husband… well, his brain?” It’s an off-the-cuff remark, through a half laugh, steeped in fake jest, and I smile so brightly I pass it off as friendly banter. I catch Jyeon in my linear sight flexing his jaw subtly and signaling he knew it was a catty remark and didn’t like it one bit. His shoulders hunch forward slightly to signal he’s moving into a bad mood because of me. Not understanding where this bitchiness has come from when I have only just met the woman.
“You could say that. I could learn a lot from someone Like Jyeon Park, top of his field and infamous in investment banking …..and of course you, Sohla.” Her response is equally veiled but over-dusted with the same fake humor as mine. Leaving my recognition as an obvious afterthought to point out she caught my meaning.
“My apologies, Miss White. We have a meeting soon, so you can leave all this with me, and I’ll be sure to email you if I have any questions. I’ll contact you for a formal meeting when we have a definite investment decision. It’s nice to put a face to the name on the emails, and I hope to be working alongside you very soon.” Jyeon is playing mediator, and it’s obvious he’s in no mood for this or me. I can feel his static sizzling in the air and know I’ll get his cold shoulder and harsh words as soon as she leaves.
He stands up to signal she should go, and I know it’s because I have pissed him off, not her. I cut their brief meeting short, and I’m not even sorry. He doesn’t like entertaining when I sour his mood and knock him off his charm game. I’m like a black cloud to him every day. No one else is ever in the wrong beside me, no matter the scenario when it comes to him.
“I’ll look forward to it.” She stands too, and I follow, all passing polite handshakes and empty pleasantries as she is escorted out of the room by Jyeon in a hasty manner, and he doesn’t give her time to linger for chit-chat. I stand my ground and sit back down, with no intention of leaving here, picking up the documents I brought and steeling myself for a showdown when he returns. I mentally tell myself I did nothing out of order here, even if my gut says otherwise. He’s my husband, and I have a right to walk in here anytime I choose and challenge women giving him the eye.
“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Jyeon throws the words my way as he walks to his desk, not back over here. Making it clear he’s not bothered about my presence and has no intention of talking to me. All warmth is gone from his tone; now she has too, and I get up, snatching the files, and march over to him instead. Tossing them on his desk with a show of aggravation and hating the change in him now we’re alone.
“Did I interrupt your cozy little meeting? Might want to call Dee back and cancel the food you so thoughtfully ordered me, now the act is over.” I spit back and pick up his fountain pen from the holder before casually tossing it on the paperwork.
“I need those right now.” I order him, inwardly hostile and unsure why I’ve been feeling this way from the second I got up this morning. It’s like a growing storm in my belly that I can’t stop expanding.
“What is it? Threatened by a pretty face and a nicer personality with an equal IQ? Worried I might realize other women are not that bad.” He doesn’t look at me. He pulls it all towards him and flips them open to sign, rotating his shoulders before picking up the pen and flicking the lid off.
“When did you start taking impromptu visits from company personnel without an appointment? Is our CEO so accessible that any tramp can walk off the street and get into our senior offices for a cozy couch-to-couch visit?” I bypass his scathing remarks I know are designed to hurt me. I know jealousy is at the root of this insecurity and how I’ve been feeling since last night. And yes, her attractive appearance annoyed me from the second I looked at her getting so intimate with Jyeon in here.
“When the personnel hits a ten on the attractive scale, I guess. We all need a nice view to relieve our daily stress from time to time.” He looks up at me this time, locks me dead in the eye with a severe tone, and I know one hundred percent he’s only saying this to wound me because of this, last night, what yesterday was, but it still stabs me in the heart. We’re in the midst of the cold war again, and I swallow hard as my emotion gets the better of me.
“You’re an asshole. Go screw yourself.” He touched a nerve, the one weakness I don’t think I could overcome. If he ever betrayed our marriage that way. I snatch the contracts from the top of the file he’s already signed, my hands shaking but my tone bitter, and I try my hardest to keep myself steady.
Jyeon catches my wrist and tugs me forward over his desk before I can make my moody getaway, pulling me, so I stumble on my shoes, and he stands up to meet me face to face, mere inches apart over the wooden surface.
“Have some professionalism, VP Park. We’re at work. Control yourself. Stop acting like an immature, insecure, jealous wife because you lost that right long ago.” He tosses my wrist aside, so I lurch forward and have to palm slap his desk to save myself from falling over and glaring right back into his face. Meeting cold and blank, with eyes so dark and honed in on me, makes me momentarily pause. Words fall out of my mouth as a sharp tool to stab him right back.
“Yoonah told me to divorce you because he loves me, and I should start a new life with him.” I throw it out there, even though Yoonie has said it so many times before, but I have never used it to wound Jyeon. Jyeon flinches, his eyebrow flickers, and his jaw tenses noticeably so one dimple appears, and I know deep down this isn’t because of me but that his little brother would want to betray him that way. It cuts his heart deeply, even with their strained relationship, and I catch that sadness moving through his eyes for the briefest moment. A punch of guilt hits me low, and I regret saying those words to him.
“Maybe if you married him in the first place, our lives wouldn’t be this shit. What exactly is your point in telling me this? You hoped it would make me jealous? That I’d care? You think I don’t know he’s been in love with you since we were young? I know you don’t feel that way about him whether he does or doesn't, so it’s a moot point.” Jyeon stalks away from the desk, air thickening as his dark mood grows. He moves towards his window and stiffly stands as he stares at another gloomy, misty city day that matches my emotions lately. His posture is rigid and cold, and I hate him as I stand here, filling up with many conflicting feelings about what he makes me feel.
“You married me without feeling that way… why can’t I do the same. How about it? You want a divorce, so I can be happy with the one Park brother who has a fucking heart?” I don’t mean it, but sometimes I want to hit him with anything I can lay my hands on. No matter how petty it makes me, or stupid, or how pathetic I am by doing this. I want to feel something from him beyond his resentment. I want to feel something inside of me beyond this emptiness.
“You think I’d let you move on to my brother to ruin his life and happiness the same way you destroyed mine? Over my dead body. You’re poison, Sohla. A dark invasive poison that infects and grows and never lets you go. Once you get into the bloodstream, you’re lifelong cancer that can never be fully cured.”
Even for Jyeon, that’s the cruelest thing he’s ever said to me and the most hateful. In all these years, he’s never outright been so nasty about me, especially not right to my face, and it knocks the wind out of my sails and leaves me speechless. Momentarily dazed and shocked that he has this kind of venom.
“I love my brother too much to inflict you on him. I hope he sees sense, finds a nice girl, and forgets everything about you in time.”
“Why are you still here then? Why are we still in this if you hate me so much? The shares of the company? This…?” I blurt out, tears welling inside me as I gesture around his office, knowing fully that our shares of equal parts are a significant reason our families forced this marriage and pushed us three together.
I hold twenty-eight percent that my parents left behind, only rivaled by Jyeon inheriting all his father’s and mother’s on top of his inheritance to match me. Yoonha has eight, being the baby boy who was never born to take over, and the board and shareholders have the rest. So in terms of control, either of us could take the helm.
Yoonha is soft, and if I married him, I don’t doubt he would give me his to overtake Jyeon and oust him from his own corporation if I wanted to be that spiteful over this. It’s been there in the back of my mind all these years that Jyeon knows the only way to keep things as they are now is to stay married and keep me on his side. He leads because I let him. After all, he is my husband, and I was raised to respect the marital home and family hierarchy. Without a marriage, I could fuck him over and take everything away.
“We promised our parents we would marry even if it kills us. Till death do us part, baby. Ill-fated love and all that.” Jyeon sounds sarcastic, with a sneering hint in his voice, and he throws me a cold glance over his shoulder.
I return to calm and indifferent as though he’s said nothing more than good morning and let it all slide back into that cage inside my heart where I don’t let things get to me. Shield me from pain and numb the world so nothing can get to me. It’s been failing these last few days, and I know it’s making me crazy. I need to eat more and sleep more, and maybe I’ll be able to control it much better than I used to. I huff under my breath, unable to say anything.
“Pick up your food from Dee, don’t waste it. The last thing I need is for you to pass out in the strategy meeting because you bypassed another meal. You look like hell…. Go do something about that.”
And there it is, swings and roundabouts of Jyeon Park. Delivers crushing cruelty in a few sentences and cold standoffish hate for me. Then, he tells me to eat the next moment and points out I don’t look well while still hiding behind his uncaring attitude. It’s no wonder I live with constant whiplash and can’t get a handle on whether I love this man or not.