I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at her effusive praise. I wanted to tell her that there was no God, that I was no angel, but I kept my thoughts to myself.
As she held her baby close, feeding him with her breast, I felt a pang of envy and sadness wash over me. The sight of a mother nurturing her child reminded me of what I had lost. I closed my eyes, trying to push away the memories.
. MY NAME IS JASAMINA.
JASAMINA
I couldn't stop looking at him. This filthy-looking man had been my savior countless times. He kept more secrets than a priest, and I wondered what his story was. His downturned lips when I mentioned God made it obvious he didn't believe in Him.
I was curious about him. How could an alcoholic always take care of me when I needed help? Where did he get the money for the drugs and food he gave me? Who owned the house he gave me months ago?
I wanted to help him the way he helped me, but he doesn't seem to care about that. He only cared about drinks. I wished there was a way to repay him for his kindness.
"Where have you been all this while?" I was genuinely curious. I glanced over at Jaimie, who was sleeping peacefully.
"Just here and there," he evaded, keeping more secrets than anyone I'd ever known.
"How have you been? Can't you tell me anything about yourself?" I asked softly, my eyes pleading with him. I needed to know about this man.
"It's better if you don't know," he replied matter-of-factly.
He asked me instead, "Why were you out on the streets again?"
"Somebody recognized me and ratted me out to those who were searching for me," I replied carefully, without revealing who I was. I told him how Vivian had betrayed me and called the police on me, how I had escaped through the back door. I told him how I had changed my name, hair color, and Jaimie's name and clothing pattern after he left.
I told him how a good woman had helped me by giving me her house address and money so I could escape from the cops when they came. I had arrived here on foot, buses and trains because I was scared people would suspect me due to the news.
He listened attentively to my story, saying nothing. Afterward, I was scared. Would he ask who I was? Who I was running from? Why I was running?
Instead, he surprised me. "You said we're in Texas now?" he asked incredulously.
"You didn't know?" I replied, surprised, my fear vanishing.
He shrugged. "I never cared. Where did you say you're headed again?"
I told him the address the woman had given me.
I wondered if he would help me get there, lead me and Jaimie there. The truth was, I wanted him to lead us there. I didn't want to stagger my way there alone, and I didn't want him to leave abruptly again.
"Would you go with us?" I blurted out. Then, bit my lips for speaking without thinking. It was weird, but he was the first man I had ever felt safe with. After being married to a psycho like Dale, this man showed me kindness against his better judgment. This drunkard had become someone I cared about deeply.
"Yes. I will go with you," he answered in a voice so low, I almost didn't hear him.
My lower lip trembled and I knew I was on the verge of tears. I didn't expect him to agree, and staring at his face, I could tell that he was agreeing against his better judgment.
"Thank you so much, thank you," I whispered, sincerely. Suddenly, I felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted from my shoulders.
"It's alright, Lady. You and the baby can't go on like this for a few days without some care. You're not in the strongest of health, and the baby needs care too. You have to be able to stay strong to avoid whoever it is you're running from."
His words were like a healing balm to my battered soul. This man...this drunk...who I don't even know, was doing everything to help me survive.
"Thank you so much," I was weeping at this point, unable to help myself.
Clearly uncomfortable, he changed the subject. "I think the baby is done feeding. Time for drugs."
I drew back, my bare nipple hanging out and the sleeping Jaimie's mouth several air breaths away.
"Oh!" I quickly covered my breast with my blouse, my cheeks heating up. I picked a glance at him, and his face and expression never changed. He didn't look ruffled.
He's the first man I know that wasn't going lusty at the sight of a woman. It made me remember the first time he helped me and I offered him my body. He'd declined.
He's the most confusing man I've ever known.