"INA, I’m going to the restroom … Ah! Uhm, I’ll go to the washroom," I whispered to Mother. She was confused for a few seconds but eventually realized that I wanted to pee.
“Ask Theresita to escort you,” she reminded me. We are now at the church, right in the middle of the mass, but I can’t hold my pee any longer.
Theresita accompanied me and as soon as we got out of the restroom, Angelito, Juanito’s youngest brother, blocked our way.
He had his arms crossed over his chest and he was glaring at me. Theresita and I looked at each other. I don’t recall doing anything that might have offended him.
We slightly bowed our heads in greeting but he continued blocking the way.
“May I talk to you, Binibini?" Angelito asked me, making me want to laugh out loud. He looked so cute. The Alfonso genes really are great. I think he’s only about 12 but he speaks with so much maturity.
“Of course,” I responded. I had to fight the urge to pinch his chubby cheeks.
“Please come and follow me, Binibini,” he said as he placed his hands behind him. Theresita asked to stay behind by the restroom and I followed Angelito to the Church’s garden.
When we reached the tiny garden, he stopped walking and turned to look at me. “I would just like to ask you something, Binibini,” he said. It’s as if an elderly man inhabits the being of this cute kid. He must have noticed that I find him funny which explains his puzzled look. He continued talking nonetheless.
“It won’t be too long and you will be part of our family … But, that would only happen if your wedding with Kuya Juanito would push through,” he said with a straight face and looked at where his brother was seated. He was inside the church, flanked by Don Mariano and Doña Juanita. I forgot that they always go together as a whole family. That’s why seeing one Alfonso means more chances of seeing Juanito as well!
“Don’t worry Binibini, I’m now privy to your secret,” he continued speaking. His words made my smile disappear. So he knows that I’m not Carmelita? “Kuya Juanito told me on the night I found you in his room,” I breathed a sigh of relief, but became nervous again when I realized that somebody might have overheard what he just said!
Annoying! Why did Juanito have to tell Angelito of our plan! I didn’t even mention our plan to Maria and Josefina.
"Binibini?" I was brought back to reality when Angelito spoke again. I couldn’t believe that this little boy has been treating me like an equal! If I can only challenge him to a fistfight!
“It’s difficult to reason out with, Father, and Don Alejandro will surely throw a fit when he learns of your plans. That’s why if I may suggest, please don’t push through with this plan of yours. His expression changed from one of earnestness to worry. He seemed to be genuinely worried about us.
“I don’t want my brother to be hurt. I’ve realized that he also doesn’t want to be married … especially to you. But it would only be difficult for everyone if you don’t get married.” I felt my eyes grow as large as saucers. Did I hear right? Juanito does not like me?!
I stifled a cough, “He said that he doesn’t like me?” I asked him. I tried my best to lower my voice to a whisper. I don’t want to make a scene in front of the churchgoers.
“He didn’t say directly. But I’ve noticed that it is Binibining Helena who has a pure heart, prim, and proper, whom my brother seems to be fond of.” Angelito explained as if he was promoting Helena. I couldn’t blame him. Helena is pretty and kind after all.
“To be honest, if Father and Don Alejandro didn’t see you together by the mango tree that night, Kuya would have started courting Helena and asked for her hand in marriage from Captain Flores,” he added. I took a deep breath. Why does it seem as if I’m ruining someone else’s love story?
“Don’t worry. I also don’t approve of this wedding,” I just want to go back to my own time. “But as they say, if there’s a will, there’s a way.” I can’t just take things sitting down. Juanito will be gunned down on the day of our wedding if it pushes through. I should start putting my plan into action as early as now.
Angelito looked at me. I think now he understands that I also don’t like his brother. And because of that, it looks like we are now on good terms.
“You really love your brother, right? Look at you, you’re about to cry,” I teased him. He immediately held back his tears.
“I-I’m not about to cry. There’s just something in my eye,” he reasoned out. I just nodded my head. I couldn’t help but pinch his chubby cheeks. “If Emily were only here, people would surely think you’re twins because you both have plump cheeks.”
“Emily? Was she the one who helped you escape that night I saw you in my brother’s room?” Angelito asked. I miss my family so much that I forgot that they do not exist in this period.
"Huh? Ahhhh …. That was Theresita." I felt my heart beat faster. This kid is smart.
"Theresita? Whose family does she belong to?" he asked. I noticed that his eyes seemed to sparkle at the mention of Theresita.
“She’s one of our helpers,” I answered and the smile on his face suddenly disappeared and a frown claimed its place. I was supposed to say something but Theresita approached us.
"Binibini, Doña Soledad might already be worried," said Theresita. I forgot that I only asked permission to go to the toilet. Theresita acknowledged Juanito by slightly bowing her head. This caused Angelito to be self-conscious—his sombrero fell off his fingertips and he seemed ruffled.
"G-good morning ..." Angelito was not able to finish what he was about to say because Juanito suddenly joined us.
"Binibining Carmelita!" he called on me, causing us to look at him all at the same time. Juanito arrived at the worst possible time. Angelito was starting to make the moves on Theresita and he suddenly appeared!
“I was looking for you earlier. Good thing that Sonya mentioned that Angelito came to you,” he said with a smile that made me want to pull his face apart.
“Angelito, could you leave me and binibining Carmelita alone for a while?” Angelito and Theresita nodded. We were surprised when Angelito made a dash when Theresita turned to look at him.
I chuckled. He’s starting to be a *binata. Shy guy spotted! Just like his brother!
“It makes me happy that you seem to be getting along with my brother,” I heard Juanito say. If he only knew how annoyed I am of him right now for having ratted on our plan to stop the wedding to Angelito.
“How are you feeling? I looked for you last night but according to Sonya you had to go ahead because you weren’t feeling well.”
“I don’t know, but my head suddenly throbbed in pain.” Why was he acting all concerned anyway? From the time Helena glided down the staircase, he had forgotten that I was also there at the party.
“As per your Mother, it was your stomach which ached.” He looked confused and this made me stop. Did I really say that? I couldn’t even remember what my alibi was!
“Ah … yes, right. I think it was indigestion. I also felt dizzy and that was why we already had to go home.” I tried to wriggle myself out of this sticky situation. What is happening to me? I used to lie like a professional especially when I try to sneak out at night to go partying and my Dad never caught me.
“Are you still feeling unwell?” He continued asking me. He was about to feel my forehead and I stepped back. My reaction surprised him.
“I-I already need to go back inside. Mother might already be looking for me,” I said. I was about to go when Juanito spoke again.
“Please take good care of yourself. Eat well and sleep early. Don’t forget to exercise every so often. It would also do you good to step outside and feel the sun’s rays on your skin,” he rattled these off one by one. Is he my Father? Or is he a doctor?
"Yes, salamat, doc." I said and he smiled in response.
“By the way, Helena agreed to go out with me later at noon. Do you want to come and join us?” This made me raise an eyebrow. Is this guy making a third wheel or a chaperone out of me?
“I can’t. I have a lot of chores waiting for me at home.” This made me imagine what I actually will be doing at home later. I will just be lounging about the whole day, lying in bed while staring at the ceiling. What a productive life I have!
“Oh is that so? We would be going to the field of roses,” he continued. Is he trying to make me envious of the fact that they’re going somewhere nice? I’ve never been fond of flowers. Going there might just make me sleepy. If they’re going to the beach instead then I’ll join!
“Helena would surely love it there. Good luck and enjoy.” I took my leave but he started speaking again.
“W-what did you just say? G-gudlak?” he asked, visibly perplexed. I looked at him. I am a certified alien in this period.
"Uhm ... Maria, Josefina, and I have that expression when we wish another person the best of luck,” I explained and did the thumbs-up sign. He imitated what I just did and gave me a thumbs-up in return.
"Good luck!"
"G-gudlak!"
Why do I feel that I’m a smartypants in this day and age?
I WAS STARING at the ceiling thinking of what I can do. Why is my chest aching? How annoying. Why did he have to tell me that he and Helena are going out on a date? While here I am bored out of my wits!
Maybe I drank too much coffee. Right! That must be it!
A few minutes passed when somebody knocked on the door and Maria and Theresita peeked inside. "Carmelita, do you want to join us and Theresita? We’ll be going around the hacienda," asked Maria. Beside them, Theresita smiled and looked giddy with excitement. Is the real Carmelita really like this? Does she prefer being holed up all by herself in her room?
The thought roused me from my lazy stupor. I can’t be like Carmelita! I rose immediately from my bed.
I also wanted to be busy so that I would be distracted from the fact that Juanito must, by now, be having a great time with Helena.
We first went to the rice fields where Maria greeted all of the farmers working. She has the makings of the next *mayora doma. We proceeded next to the barn where the family kept their farm animals—cows, carabaos, chickens, and goats. At first, the panicked chickens fluttering about made me flustered, but I easily got used to their presence when I fed them. Even the goats and pigs flee upon seeing me. Do I look like an *aswang? Let’s see if I don’t pull their livers out.
We also went to the stable to check on the horses. Good thing they were calm. "Binibini, please refrain from screaming. It makes them scared,” Theresita whispered in my ear. Afterward, we visited the pond where ducks were paddling about without a care in the world.
I realized that it is actually fun living in the province. Life is simple and peaceful.
Darkness started to set in when we arrived home. I suggested that we walk instead, which made them pleased because finally I’ve gotten myself out of the house.
We were surprised to find Sonya and Helena by the front door. They immediately approached. The smile on their face makes it seem as if we haven’t seen one another in a long time. “What are you doing here?” I asked them. They giggled in return.
Sonya tugged my arm, “I heard that Eduardo will be serenading Maria tonight,” she smiled and looked at Maria who blushed a deep pink. “Kuya Juanito will be playing the guitar; Ignacio will be joining them, too,”
“I also brought Helena along. Kuya Juanito might serenade her, too,” Sonya continued. It was Helena’s turn to blush. I protested that Father might see them, but they assured me that he and Mother won’t be arriving until tomorrow so there wouldn’t be a problem.
I looked at Helena and was horrified when I saw the red flower hair clip which I gave her which was actually from Juanito!
She noticed that I was looking at the hair clip, "Maraming salamat for this gift, Carmelita,” she said as she touched it. “You’ve chosen well. Juanito noticed this, too,” She smiled. I couldn't utter a word in shock. She wore that to her date with Juanito?!
I suddenly felt nervous. There might be other similar hair clips. Juanito wouldn’t notice, won’t he?
But what if he asked Helena where she got it from?!
I wanted to faint.
“DO I LOOK fine?” Maria asked nervously. We were in her room. Everyone’s excited. It was only 7 in the evening, and only the chirping of crickets can be heard. A few moments passed when the strum of a guitar seeped through the window from the outside.
“They’re here!” Sonya exclaimed. We all rushed toward the window. I’ve never seen someone serenading a lady before and I couldn’t relate with all the excitement.
~May gusto akong sabihin (I want to say something)
Binibining, nais kong ako'y ibigin (Binibini, I want you to love me)
Ang iyong ngiti'y panatilihin (For you to keep that smile on)
Tulad ng puso mong mahinhin~ (Like your gentle heart)
~Nang una kitang makita (When I first saw you)
Sa ngiti mo'y ako'y natulala (I was struck by your smile)
Puso ko'y binihag mo (You’ve enslaved my heart)
Buhay ko'y nagbago~(My life has changed)
To be fair, the song was lovely and Eduardo’s voice was quite nice, too. He was also dressed to the nines, wearing a white barong. I glanced at Maria, she was hiding her smile behind an *abaniko, her cheeks as rosy as fresh tomatoes.
I stole a glance at Juanito who was playing the guitar. I didn’t know that he could play the guitar well. He was frowning, though. He was probably jealous of Eduardo’s beautiful singing voice.
I didn’t notice that I was already staring at him so when he looked up at us I had to instantly avert my gaze.
"Maria my love, please accept my heart that only belongs to you,” Eduardo said. I didn’t notice that he was already done singing because I was so distracted by Juanito.
Eduardo went down on one knee as Maria hurriedly made her way downstairs and outside the house. She accepted the flowers which Eduardo offered and they stared deep into each other’s eyes. The romantic spell was broken when Ignacio spoke, “Juanito, since we’re already here, why don’t you sing a song for Binibining Helena, too?” Ignacio teased Juanito and everyone turned to look at Helena who was flushing red.
Ignacio was about to say something else but Maria suddenly spoke, “What? Did I hear right? A song for Helena?” She seemed surprised, causing the mood to shift. A few seconds ago, they were all smiling the biggest smile, but now, all of us had our mouths hanging wide open.
I couldn’t believe it! So many already know of our plan! Even Ignacio knows about it!
"Ignacio, I’m asking you. What do you mean..." I cut Maria off mid-sentence. I was still looking out the second floor so my voice was a little too loud.
"Ate Maria, I will be the one to explain," Maria looked at me. The discomfort was clear on her face. She looked like she was expecting the worst.
"Maraming salamat for visiting us. You may now take your leave, gentlemen," Maria looked earnest. Juanito was about to say something but Maria already turned her back on them and closed the door. Eduardo was also about to call Maria, but Ignacio stopped him. They all left in silence and with their heads bowed.
Sonya and Helena also said their goodbyes and scurried toward the front door. They looked scared of Maria. I was quite scared, too. I didn’t expect Maria to be that fierce.
Theresita and I were the only ones left in the room. A few moments later, Maria entered, shouting, "Carmelita! Explain yourself!" She gave Theresita a piercing look. The quick-witted girl picked the signal up and left the room, leaving just Maria and me behind.
"Uhm ... It’s because ... Juanito and I agreed on finding a way to stop the wedding," I admitted. Maria looked disappointed. She winced and sat on her bed. “You know all too well how important this marriage is to our family. I also know that you’re still young and you’re not yet ready to get married, but I hope that you would understand why Father and Mother wanted for this to happen. Have you ever thought of what they would feel if they found out about this?”
I can only take a deep breath. I cannot bring myself to look at her. I was at a loss for words. I was just doing this for Juanito and for my mission.
“Don’t worry, Ate. Juanito and I would make sure that we would tell them at the right time and in the best way possible. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to tell you and Ate Josefina beforehand.”
Maria remained silent for a couple of minutes before standing up and approaching me. She held my shoulders. “I know that you must have a reason why you are doing this. I want to hear it straight from you, Carmelita,” she said, still holding my shoulders. I can’t tell her the truth.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to lie to them, but I have no other choice. “I-I still love Leandro,” I lied through my teeth. I swallowed. I wasn’t used to uttering, more so using, the name of a stranger.
But that’s the only legit excuse I could come up with at that moment. I was surprised when Maria enveloped me in an embrace and stroked my back gently. “Just what I thought. You still can’t forget your first love, can you?” she whispered. She looked at me and smiled.
Woah. I didn’t expect the I still love Leandro excuse to be effective.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, I woke up as soon as Father and Mother arrived. They brought with them a ton of pasalubong. As expected they brought home books and threads of different colors for me.
Juanito also came. He asked permission from Father and Mother for us to go out. We are now at Lawa ng Luha which is still part of hacienda Montecarlos.
We have been walking for quite some time, but Juanito remains quiet. I was silent myself because I was still sleepy. These people wake up too early.
“How was your day out with Helena yesterday?” I asked him. I decided to initiate the conversation. The silence was making me feel awkward.
“It went well.” He answered curtly, still not looking at me.
“Oh, by the way, I talked to Ate Maria last night. She agreed to our plan,” I said, but he only nodded his head. This made me wrinkle my forehead. I had been rambling yet all he did was nod.
I was so irritated that I overtook him and blocked his way. “Wait a minute. You did me wrong— why did you tell Ignacio about our plan? Angelito also knows already,” I complained to him. He just looked at me, clearly in a bad mood.
“It was Sonya who told Ignacio. About Angelito, I had to tell him because otherwise, he would tell on us to Father and Mother when he saw you in my room.” He explained. I nodded. That made sense. It would be better for Angelito to know rather than having another rumor about us make the rounds.
“The truth is—you are the one who did me wrong,” he said matter-of-factly. I raised an eyebrow at him and gave him my signature what-are-you-talking-about-bitch look.
“Why did you give Helena the gift I gave you?” He asked, turning his gaze somewhere else. I was lost for words. So he had already figured it out— that the hair clip Helena was wearing was from me.
I stifled a cough. “Uhm …. Uh … It was because I wasn’t able to buy her a gift. Aside from that, I thought it would make her happy because you were the one who chose it.” I forced a smile hoping that it would also make him smile back but he remained serious.
“If that’s the case, then I don’t mean anything to you after all,” he said, turning his back on me. He started walking back to the mansion. I called after him but he didn’t look back.
Annoying. How could Juanito be this petty?!
THAT EVENING, Mother told us that we are going to Hacienda Alfonso because the family is throwing a despedida party for Juanito who’s going back to Manila tomorrow. Josefina and I were also supposed to go back to Manila tomorrow, but I told them that I was not feeling very well so Father scheduled for us to leave on Friday instead.
To be honest, I would much rather be here in San Alfonso. At least, my ancestors are here.
Father, Mother, Maria, and Josefina had already left for the Alfonso’s mansion. I was annoyed at his pettiness. He got angry at me all because of a hair clip. What will I do with that anyway?
It was already deep into the night when they got home. I pretend that I was asleep so they won’t bother me. But it seemed as if nobody could stop Josefina from pestering me. She excitedly went to my room.
“Carmelia! Wake up! Quick!” she shouted while shaking me awake. I had no choice but to rise. “W-what the …” I wasn’t able to finish what I was about to say because Josefina thrust a paper to my face.
“A letter from Juanito!” She was giddy from excitement.
“Just put it on top of the table,” I answered and laid down again. Maybe the letter is for Helena.
“You don’t want to read it?” she asked. I rose and sat down again. I took the letter from her and saw that Carmelita was written on the envelope.
I was about to open it, but Josefina seemed so much more excited to read the letter than I was. I opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it. “Go ahead. Read it by yourself and just tell me all about it tomorrow.” She frowned and went out of my room.
As soon as she was gone, I turned my attention to Juanito’s letter. I didn’t know why I was suddenly nervous. This was his very first letter to me.
I breathed deeply. Relax, Carmela. This doesn’t mean anything. You didn’t attend the dinner party that’s why he wrote you a letter. He will probably ask you a favor. That’s it. I took another deep breath before I started reading the letter.
Carmelita,
First of all, I would like to apologize for the way I acted this morning. I thought that you were probably not here because you didn’t want to see me. I understand. You must know by now that I leave for Manila tomorrow. It’s regrettable that we wouldn’t be able to go together as you and Josefina will be sailing out on Friday.
Carmelita, if your anger for me has already gone, may I speak to you again by the port? I wish to tell you something. I shall expect you tomorrow by the dock. I shall wait there.
-Juanito.
My heartbeat was even faster. What is this I’m feeling? I looked at the mirror and saw that I was smiling the whole time I was reading his letter!
I WOKE UP early the following morning. I immediately took a bath and dressed up. When I went down to the living room, Josefina was already there. She said that Father and Mother were still sleeping. How do I ask permission now?
I let Josefina read Juanito’s letter because I know she will just keep pestering me if I don’t let her read it. “Leave it to me. I’ll tell them that you went to the garden to pick some herbs for cooking breakfast,” she said with a smile. Woah! Josefina was so supportive!
When I opened the door, I stopped when I saw Helena. She was just about to knock. She smiled when she saw me. “Wh-what are you doing here, Helena?” I asked her. She was still smiling from ear to ear.
“You’re the reason why Juanito and I have become close. That’s why I want you to be the first to know that I’m planning to say “Yes” to him today,” she said with a smile, her eyes welling up in tears. I was dumbfounded.
“I’m about to go to the port now. I will surprise Juanito,” she added. I remained rooted to the spot where I was standing. Helena will say “Yes” to Juanito. That means it won’t be long until we have to tell our parents that the wedding won’t push through.
"Carmelita?" she asked, pulling me back to reality.
“I-I’m happy for you.” I forced a smile. I was caught off-guard when she suddenly hugged me. “Thank you, Carmelita. You are a true friend,” she whispered in my ear before letting me go.
I saw that she was wearing the heart-shaped gold necklace Juanito showed me before.
I remembered the story behind that necklace. Juanito said that his grandmother asked him to give that necklace to the lady he will be giving his whole heart to. And Helena is that woman.
“I’m sorry if I kept you from going to where you were supposed to go. Where to, Carmelita?” she asked. She probably noticed that I was dressed smartly. I looked at what I was wearing. Yes, I really took time to dress up today.
“Uuhhh … nowhere really. I’ll just be walking around,” I answered. She smiled. She continued talking. She was telling me how she planned on telling her Father everything but her words hardly registered until the time she said goodbye because she has to catch up to Juanito at the port.
I followed the kalesa carrying Helena with my gaze until it disappeared from my sight. I should be happy that my plan is looking to be a success. But why did my heart feel heavy?
ALMOST A WEEK had passed when Josefina traveled back to Manila by herself. Father decided not to send me back to the convent to study because I’ll be getting married soon anyway. I busied myself with cooking, which I didn’t expect I would very much enjoy.
Juanito sent three more letters. He thought that I was still angry at him and that was why I didn’t show up at the port. I didn’t respond to any of his letters. I didn’t want to get involved between him and Helena.
In the afternoon, I received a letter from Natasha. She was inviting me to her house. Mother forced me to go with Maria. Apparently, Natasha is known for her skills in the kitchen and she is to teach me a few of her tricks. I didn’t want to go, but I got an earful of wise words and admonishments from Mother.
When we arrived at the Flores’ mansion, Natasha hurriedly greeted us. “Thank you for accepting my invitation,” she said with a fake smile.
It was not too long ago when she was fighting with me and Maria but look at her now, acting all friendly. “It was only Mother who wanted to go here.” Maria looked like she wouldn’t be backing down.
Natasha seemed unfazed. She still had a smile plastered on her face which annoyed me even more. “Off to the kitchen we go,” she said with that same fake smile. We followed her but when we reached the kitchen, she stopped in her tracks and turned to look at us.
“Oh. I forgot the book I’ve always wanted to give you, Carmelita. You will learn so much about cooking from that book. Do you mind getting it upstairs? It’s on top of the table by the stairs,” she said still with that annoying smile. Wait a minute. Is she ordering me around?
I put my hands on my waist. I was about to tell her to go get the book herself but Maria nudged me leaving me with no choice but to follow Natasha’s orders. When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw the table but there was no book on top of it. Is that woman making fun of me?!
I was a few steps down the stairs when I heard a man’s voice speak at my back, “Is this what you’re looking for?”
When I turned to look at who was speaking, a tall, fair-skinned, and brown-eyed man greeted me. He was holding a book in one hand. “Oh. That must be it,” I said then started going up the stairs again.
I was about to get the book from his hand but I was surprised when he touched my hand. “I’ve been gone only seven months yet it seems as if you’ve already forgotten about me, Carmelita?” he said while looking straight into my eye.
I removed my hand from his touch. Sure he’s handsome but it doesn’t give him the license to touch me just like that. I looked at him from head to toe. It seemed as if he and Carmelita knew each other. It's pretending time again!
“Oh. How have you been? Woah! You’ve changed a lot, didn’t you?” I smiled like an aunt who saw his nephew for the first time in a long time, just like in a reunion.
“I have to go back to the kitchen,” I took my leave from this man who knew Carmelita. I turned my back to him and made for the stairs but stopped when he touched my hand again.
“Are you still furious at me?” he asked. I wrinkled my forehead. The real Carmelita has another enemy again?
“W-why would I be angry …” I trailed off. I wasn’t able to finish what I was saying because Maria suddenly went up the stairs to join us.
“Leandro, is that you? When did you arrive here in San Alfonso?" A visibly shocked Maria asked the man in front of me.
Dear Diary,
This can’t be!
What should I do?
Leandro is here!
Dazed and confused,
Carmela