SERAPHINA'S POV
Artemis hasn't been to school since I confronted him, and he's apparently not taking visitors anymore.
I try to reach him, but I can no longer ignore the message he's sending me loud and clear: He doesn't want to see me.
I've set aside every horrific experience I've had over the past few days in an attempt to get through to him. When I fail, I lean back into my own stew of pain and guilt, wallowing in a self-pity so strong it reeks from miles away.
My back still aches from the awakening.
The burn marks are permanently etched into my skin, forming a tattoo-like pattern that sprawls artistically across my back, spiraling and then stopping just short of reaching my mid-back.
It's as if they're mocking me, taunting me for daring to explore who I really am.
Well, I've given up on that quest.
I haven't touched the book since it singed and possessed my skin.
I'm too frightened that this might be just the beginning of the physical pain I'll have to endure, forcing me to suppress my other curiosities out of sheer terror.
I've tucked it away in the back of my lowest drawer, a place where I won't be tempted to even graze my fingers over it, where I won't have to look at it and loathe myself for every decision that led me to possess it in the first place.
Other than that, I haven't left my room for school. RIP to my attendance record. If Miss Lucy ever asks, I'll come up with a believable explanation for my absence.
But how can I? I can't focus anymore; it's not just because I got burned and feel like a liar and a thief. It's the accumulation of everything, all rolled into one overwhelming mass.
I can't even look at myself in the mirror for long without questioning everything I used to be before this past week took a toll on me.
I roll onto my side on the bed, sighing heavily. Olivia, who's been suspiciously texting on her phone all morning, finally looks up at me.
"Someone could walk in here, look at you, and think you've lost all will to live."
Sighing again, I raise my head just high enough to meet her eyes.
"I don't know, Olivia. Maybe I have."
She must have noticed my mood. She leaves me alone when it's unbearable and holds me when even brushing my hair feels like too much.
Slowly getting up-wincing from the pain in my back-I find another comfortable position to talk.
"For months, I've been tormented by these things that have made me question who I am. I thought I might finally find some answers, or at least half of them. I sacrificed my dignity and Artemis for this. And what did that leave me with? A scar on my back and a major identity crisis."
These are probably things I deserve for letting my anger get the best of me and for taking Kamila's deal. Olivia looks distraught at my answer, putting her phone aside to focus on me, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
"We can still figure out what's going on with you, maybe not with that creepy book, but we can."
I shake my head, staring down at my hands. "You saw what happened the last time I tried to understand myself. I'm not so sure I want to find out anymore."
I recall the sensation of that power rushing into me, coursing through my veins. For a moment, that power felt intoxicating, almost too good-as if I could do anything.
But then came the unsettling thoughts of how easily I could have hurt Olivia when I lost control. How I hurt Artemis.
I don't know if I want to feel that again.
"What about your parents? Did they at least leave something-anything-to help you trace your roots?"
The mere mention of the word 'parents' boils my blood, my anger rising as I recall those painful memories.
"I have no memory of them. I was abandoned just outside the orphanage on a stormy night with a note attached to me that said, 'keep her, I want nothing to do with it.' I had only the clothes on my back-no keepsake, nothing to link them to me. Do you think people like that would want me digging into family history?" I snap.
Olivia recoils at my harsh tone, bowing her head in guilt. I realize I've been too harsh on her.
She didn't know; all she's done is worry and try to help me out. I quickly realize I've messed up-again.
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. You didn't know," I reply awkwardly, wanting to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Her phone beeps, pulling her attention away. She lunges for it, her fingers dancing over the screen before she sends off a quick reply.
A wide smile blooms across her face, and her bright amber eyes lock onto mine.
"I have an idea that will cheer you right up," she announces.
I raise an eyebrow, caught off guard by her abrupt mood change.
"Okay?"
"How about a walk? You take a stroll, feel the air, breathe... try to find yourself again," she elaborates, springing up from her spot and darting towards my closet. She rummages through it with purpose and emerges, arms full of clothes that she dumps into my lap.
I glance down at the assortment of garments, a wave of exhaustion sweeping over me.
I look back up at her. "It almost feels like you're desperate to get me out of here."
"Please, Sera, you haven't had a bath, and you're a few days away from developing bedsores," she says.
"That's a subtle way of saying, 'get your stinky ass outside,'" I retort.
She nods, her smile turning sweet as she gently nudges me towards the door.
"Thank you," are her final words before I find myself ousted from our shared room.
***
Taking that walk might have been the balm my soul needed.
The scenery shifts around me, the fresh air twirling through the leaves and branches, caressing my untamed hair in a way that actually soothes rather than annoys.
For a moment, I think maybe-just maybe-I'm okay.
That is, until the initial euphoria wears off and a heavy cloud of guilt settles in. I don't deserve this tranquil peace.
How could someone as selfish as me enjoy any of this?
I find myself sitting on a bench by the sidewalk, struggling to hold back tears as I stare into the distance, shaded by a generous canopy of leaves.
Footsteps come from behind me, but I'm too engrossed in my thoughts to notice. By the time I look up, Jasper is already standing there, wearing that signature wide smile, the one that makes it seem like he's untouchable-as if his heart has never been bruised by the world's harsh realities.
"Hey!" he greets.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, although it's a stupid question, especially since I didn't expect to see him.
"Just enjoying a walk," he replies.
"Taking walks must be the new trend," I say, looking away as he takes a seat beside me.
My mind drifts back to the last time we spoke so casually. It was right before the 'Ace incident,' before Artemis did what he did to protect me-a human girl he'd only known for a few months.
I had imagined Jasper being furious, blaming me, his eyes filled with hatred.
"It's been so long since I've felt this peaceful, especially with all the school drama going on," he continues, unfazed and so easily.
I'm paralyzed, unable to find the words.
"With everything that happened, I had to retreat into myself and deal with all the anger and resentment I'd been harboring," he says, finally explaining his recent absence.
I swallow hard, a lump of guilt settling heavily in my stomach. I brace myself for the blame, mentally preparing my apology.
But then he laughs, catching me completely off guard.
"Now that I think about it, it was stupid of me to dwell on all those negative emotions for so long," he says.
"You had a right to," I counter. "You lost your best friend. You could resent me."
He looks momentarily puzzled before breaking into laughter again.
"I never resented you, Sera. I resented myself."
It's my turn to be surprised, and I lean back, trying to process his words.
"I was his best friend. I saw the signs but said nothing, did nothing until his hatred overshadowed his reason. I let it get that far," he explains, his expression turning somber.
Despite the sadness in his eyes, there's a sense of relief, as if saying the words out loud has unshackled him somehow.
"I understood that, and I forgave myself," he adds, locking eyes with me.
And in that moment, his eyes-filled with sadness but still glimmering with hope-nearly bring me to tears.
"I'm sorry for what Ace did. You didn't deserve it," he apologizes, and I feel it-a bit of lightness in my chest.
A bit of hope washes over me, filling me with a sensation I thought I couldn't feel anymore: confidence.
"Thank you," I sob, pulling him into a hug and squeezing tight.
Olivia was right; I needed this walk and the talk with Jasper. Now, I feel a bit like my old self again, like the Sera who could keep fighting even when the odds were against her.
"There's another person who needs a bit of inner peace as well," Jasper utters, breaking the healing comfort of our hug.
I pull away and meet his eyes, immediately understanding what he means.
"Artemis," I say, and my heart feels heavy once again.
"I keep having the feeling he might snap and kill me in my sleep."
"I want to fix things; I want to be better. But he won't listen; he's angry with me and he has every right to be. If I could right my wrongs, I would. I just need a chance," I say, laying my heart bare and knowing I could make everything better if given the opportunity.
He smiles, as if he's been waiting for me to say this all along.
"What if I told you that I know a way to get you that chance?" he proposes.