SERAPHINA'S POV
It's been a whole week-7 days, 168 hours of pure agony.
Every single time I'd run into Artemis in the hallway, he'd look the other way, as if I were some demented cockroach scuttling about in broad daylight, acting as though I never existed.
Each time I approached to talk, he'd promptly stand up and walk away, not even attempting to mask the scowl on his face.
He clearly hates me.
Artemis Sinclair is giving me the cold shoulder, and it hurts like hell.
I have a hunch about why-perhaps it's because I stabbed him or shattered Olivia's glass globe on his head. It's a reasonable explanation - and honestly, I'd run from my crazy ass too.
However, he doesn't seem willing to give me a chance to apologize.
For the rest of today, I fixate on the little gold card in my hands. Whenever it's tucked away in my pocket, I still find myself running my fingers over its rough texture.
This card holds all the answers I've craved for months.
Every. Single. One.
I always thought having it would fill me with a kind of wild excitement, driving me to research its secrets to my heart's content. Yet, it's sat with me for a whole week, untouched, its potential locked away due to my guilt.
I should be ecstatic, but instead, there's a void.
I feel empty - chewed and spat out by the weight of my guilt.
Throughout the day, Artemis has become a ghost.
I don't know his tactics, but he's vanished to the point that I can't even catch a glimpse of his shadow. This is a stark contrast to before, when he seemed omnipresent. Those days, I always found him without even looking.
It dawns on me that he had always been there, making himself so available that it became second nature to expect him outside my classroom or beside me in the cafeteria.
My emotions are now a confusing mix.
Strangely, a few weeks ago, I would've given anything for this exact distance-for my so-called freedom. But now, all my focus and sanity are tilting on the possibility of finding him - or at the very least, getting him to look into my eyes without walking away.
He's cleverly woven himself into the fabric of my existence, and maybe even my heart, in a way I can't deny. I yearned for distance, dreaming it'd be my escape. Yet now, that very distance is the nightmare I live.
So, I was wrong.
I do need Artemis, and trying to get rid of him might have been the worst decision I've ever made.
When the final bell rings, releasing a flurry of students into the world, I'm snapped from my reverie. As I exit the classroom, a familiar silhouette catches my eye.
It's him.
I follow, matching his steps, but eventually, he vanishes. Redirecting my path, I spot him again, and my heart races.
"Artemis," I call out. Yet, he doesn't halt.
Although I know he heard, he's made a choice not to stop.
"Please, please, don't walk away," I plead, voice shaky.
He momentarily stops but remains turned away. Seizing this chance, I approach, until I'm finally facing him.
The once-warm eyes now feel cold and distant. A brief flicker of hurt, quickly overshadowed by indifference, pierces me. I'm floored.
I remember the warmth, the teasing glances, his attempts to comfort and make me laugh. But now, that version of Artemis is missing.
Memories flood back, making me realize how I often took his kindness for granted, misdirecting my anger at him.
I really fucked up.
"Hey," I stammer, trying to bridge the gap between us.
He doesn't react, the cold, dead depths of his blue eyes easily crush me.
Collecting myself, I confess, "I'm sorry about that night. I didn't- It wasn't my intention to hurt you." My cheeks redden as I recall the more intimate, dirtier parts of our night, biting my bottom lip in the process. "And it wasn't because of...what happened between...us."
It's the first time we've talked since it happened, and I haven't really considered what that kiss, so deep and consuming, meant for us. Do we act like it never happened and simply sweep it under the rug? Part of me resists that idea.
It's the first time we've talked about it since it happened, and I haven't really considered what that kiss, so deep and intoxicating, meant for us. Do we act like it never happened - simply sweep it under the rug?
A part of me doesn't what want that. In fact, it rebukes it.
"Is that all?" His voice, deep with irritation, breaks the silence.
Stunned, I look up, "What?"
"I asked if you're done. I have other things to do," he replies tersely, his expression harsher.
The weight of his words threatens to crush me. I feel cornered, almost wishing to retreat into a shell to hide myself from his biting tone.
"Why are you being like this?" I ask, voice pained and quivering. "I'm really sorry."
He scoffs, rolling his eyes dismissively. "Sorry is hardly enough. I feel insulted that you think your little speech would be enough to scrape the surface."
He starts to leave, clearly done with the conversation. But I can't let him go, not yet. Not until we've truly talked this out.
So I move, blocking his path, determination in my eyes.
"Then tell me what I can do. How can I make this right? Don't just walk away."
He looks at me, eyes cold, voice sharper. "There's nothing I want from you."
My heart drops, the crushing weight of his words weakening my knees, almost making me sway.
Was the kiss, which had stirred such a rush of emotions in me, just a fleeting moment for him? Was I merely another girl, another forgettable fling? Just a name to add to his ever-growing list?
The thought pierces like a blade.
Kamila's warning rings true: he got what he wanted, and now he's done with me.
The pain is too deep, almost unbearable.
"How could you?" I ask, voicing rising slightly. "How could you kiss me like that, and then just... walk away? Did I repulse you that much? I didn't understand what I was doing when I attacked you, Artemis."
Tears threaten, my vision blurring. I had thought he was different.
His eyes flare with anger, vivid and piercing.
"Do you think that's what this is about?" He nearly shouts, forcing me to take a step back. "Do you truly believe a measly blade you swung at me could matter so much more than our kiss? Is that why you think I'm so furious?"
He pauses, trying to control his breathing, but the anger remains. He drags a frustrated hand through his hair. It becomes clear that there's something deeper bothering him, something more painful than I'd realized.
"Why are you so shocked that I want distance now? Wasn't that part of your plan?" His laugh is devoid of warmth, dripping with bitterness.
Fear grips me, tighter and tighter.
My heart races, panic setting in. Does he know?
I shake my head slowly, praying he hasn't pieced it all together.
No.
Please, no.
"Fucking me so I'd finally get what I wanted from you, to be free of me, so you'd secure whatever favor you craved from Kamila. That was worth more than our friendship, wasn't it?" His voice falters, turning to almost a whisper towards the end.
Every word he utters is saturated with pain, a pain I inflicted with my own actions, driven by my anger and desires. Always my selfish-desires.
My head shakes involuntarily, tears building in my eyes, as I watch him struggle. If only I could rewind time. If only I could take it all back, to never agree to it in the first place.
"Artemis... I can explain," I manage to say, my voice thick with emotion, holding back a flood of tears. I take a tentative step towards him.
But he recoils, completely sickened.
"Just save it. We both got what we wanted from each other, and now, there's no point doing this. You won't see me again, Seraphina. Just like you wanted," he declares, breezing past me.
This time, I don't follow.
This time, I let him go because I know, deep down, I don't merit his forgiveness.
After all I've done repeatedly, I don't deserve anything from him.