MAYRA'S POV
"THE HELL I ALREADY TRUST YOU BUT I DON'T TRUST MYSELF." His words kept ranging on my ear, like any sweet melody. I don't know whether he meant those words or not but yet I couldn't get over the fact that even after all, he has a little trust in me.
Blinking my eyes twice, I dared to look into his direction again, whose face was full of negative emotions. Rage. Anger. Hurt. Everything was their but neither of them matched with the words he just blurted out.
He clenched-unclenched his fists and started taking slow yet rage full step towards me. The storm running in his eyes were enough for me to take steps back may be due to fear. I gulped with my fingers trembling and crossing together.
His pace fasten and that's when my back hit the wall. I gasped and froze at my place. The instincts inside me started screaming to rush away from him before he took any other step further. I brought my palm near my face and nervously ran it over my forehead, passing it down to my cheek and finally clenching them in a tight and clumsy fist on the side of my thigh. As he stood just few inches closer to me, I tried to fix my eyes over his face but miserably failed due to his intoxicating smell of Cologne which was blocking out my every senses. In a next swift moment, his palm went up and grabbed the back of my neck, ruthlessly.
I clenched my eyes shut when a sharp pain ignited. His fingers tightly pressed over my sprained neck.
To tilt my head a little to ease out the pain, I tried but only in vain. He has his hold rather tighter. Painful and ruthless enough to fill my eyes with warm waters.
"And you know what, I fucking don't care." He leaned little closer and whispers in a blank voice, his breath almost fanning over my face.
The very second next, my eyes snapped in his direction only to meet with the chocolate brown pair of eyes, holding storms in them. A tear slipped down my cheek which automatically send a smirk to curl up over the corner of his lip.
"I don't care because at the end I should have known that this all care, trust, understanding, happiness... Everything was nothing but just a lie. A lie you've been putting me through. Don't you?" He said adding to with a mocking smirk and rage filled eyes.
His fingers tightens making the pain go unbearable. More tears spurted out, the only difference was that this time I know this was all my fault.
Rehan was returning to his earlier self. Everything was slipping away from my hand but still I couldn’t do anything.
My neck pain was not hurting as much as my heart which was breaking in every single moment after witnessing the reflection of dark emotions from him.
"Please…J-just for… Once. Trust me." Shuttering a little, I whispered.
I chewed inner flesh of my cheek in various mix feelings of fear, nervousness, shame and hurt. I stole a glance of him, looking back at me with blank; emotions devoid face.
"Trust?" He said in a mockery which rather sounded like a question.
A blow of heavy exhale was let out by him and he arched up his eyebrows in a challenging way.
"TRUST?" He yelled with his eyes narrowing.
I flinched and closed my eyes shut to calm down the velocity of my rapid breath. Next, his lips smashed over mine, capturing them in a force full kiss. I gasped and tried to push him away with every strength in me but he pressed his fingers more strongly over back of my neck and his other hand finding its way through my hair. Softly roaming his fingers through my hair, he nibbled on my lower lip, harshly.
My heart constricted in my rib cage. No peace, no paradise, nothing I felt this time due to his kiss. This was a shock which was constantly making me feel guilt and shame. It was all my fault.
Trust is a big thing and once broken, it could never be mended completely.
I stood still with my fingers tightly clutching his shoulder. He shoved his tongue inside to explode with mine but this wasn't an explosion of spark, instead it was a reminder that I've hurt him.
After few minutes, my lungs felt like getting oxygen deficiencies. Tears went down towards my lips, may be touching his also. The salty taste burned over my taste buds, evoking a disgusted feeling towards me for not being able to tell him the truth.
"You're bursting in tears with your husband kissing you but not even heisted a bit before staying at stranger's place for whole night. Oh yes, I forgot he's isn’t the stranger for you now, right? Who knows to which extent you've gone yesterday’s night..." He said bitterly, removing his fingers from my neck and pushing me harshly against the wall.
I rubbed my fingers slowly over my neck to ease the pain and closed my eyes shut. The cruelty from his words hit directly into my heart. That feeling of hatred and disgust was laced in his voice.
Never I've felt, this much guilt.
I heard the fading sound of his steps which completely faded when the strong bang sound of door being closed rushed through my ear. I started and open my eyes only to find the closed door and no sign of him.
I sat on the floor with my head resting at wall and knees touching my chin. Chilled shiver went over my spine and a second next, all the tears which I was holding, finally found their way to come out.
I cried. I cried over my guilt. I cried over my pain. I cried over my hurt. I cried over my shame. I cried over Him. I cried till tears stopped.
This cruel, ruthless, brutal one was not my Rehan instead he was the one whom I was scared of. Scared that he might destroy his life. He was the Rehan whom I first met. But I know that he wasn't the real one.
Pursuing my lips together, I reached for my cell phone and unlocked it, to find the wallpaper of the picture in which I was placing a kiss over his cheek and he was asleep. Instantly smile jumped over my lips and like a sweet delicacy that picture ignited tempt in me to feel it.
And at that moment, a light sparked up in my mind. He said that he trusts me. That means I still have a chance to fix everything and I knew very well, how to do this.
I rushed down stairs and started searching for him. Tilting my neck in a position where pain was minimum, I gripped the hem of my top when found him watching outside the glass window. He had his back towards me. From his white tight fitting T-shirt, his tensed muscles were visible.
I walked to him and stood straight in front of him. After thinking twice, I met my eyes with him, which were holding anger in them. I smiled a little and with that placed my lips over his. He startled in shock but by ignoring his every action, I encircled my arms around his neck while slightly pushing myself a bit closer to him. My lips moved over his who was still figuring out that what actually was happening. I smiled again and softly deepen the kiss and that's when he started moving his lips back in synchronisation.
The sweet passion deepens every passing second and his arms gets wrapped around my waist. Taste from alcohol to mint, rushed over my taste buds. I closed my eyes in content realizing that he was still giving me dominance. His tongue met mine and my heart immediately sat on fire.
With uneven breath, we parted away from each other. I looked directly into his eyes and after passing a small smile to him I said, “Don’t forget that only you have every right on me, whether it's my kiss or trust. Don't agree on the conclusions which your mind is making instead believe what your heart is saying. You'll eventually trust me because deep inside you also know that I will never break your trust but still always remember Rehan that my care for you was not a lie and will never be."
I returned back into our bedroom without looking at him because I know that if I would have looked into his eyes then definitely I went weak and again tears would have threatened to come. Sitting on the edge of bed, I mentally pictured his smile... His breathtaking smile. Isn't it strange how it was too bold of me to just go and initiate a kiss?
What is wrong with you Mayra?
My smile went bigger and heat rushed up to my cheeks. Tugging my hair locks behind my ear, I stood and searched for the pain relief gel in the drawer. I grabbed it and walked near the balcony, taking seat on the couch not before pushing the big glass window aside.
Chill air currents entered with a little earthy smell. I heard the opening and closing sound of the door making it clear that he has entered inside bedroom. I clutched the hem of my top and took a deep breath in a hope that may be he will come here and talk with me.
Rhythmic contraction of my heart regains its velocity when I realized that he has come into the balcony. Sound of his faint steps grew closer till he reached in front of me and window. He stood there slightly blocking the sight of outside. His palms were shoved inside the pocket of his sweat pant. I tried to let out some words but as I parted my lips to say something, he turned around. His tired eyes were boring in to mine. They were emotionless and he leaned back on the edge of window.
Everything in me itched to start a conversation but it seems like my lips were sealed. Not once his eyes flickered away from my face, all he did was to look at me. Nervousness went to its peak and when I found that I couldn't look up at him, slowly I switched my eyes on my lap.
"Look at me." He commanded.
After neglecting the erratic sound of my heart, I collected enough strength to interconnect our gaze. His rock hard expression remains unchanged. My every nerves in the body felt like burning under his intense gaze. I licked my lips and again averted my eyes away from him.
"Do I have every right on you?" He asked calmly to which I instantly nodded.
"THEN WHY THE HELL YOU AREN'T LOOKING AT ME WHEN I SAID YOU TO DO SO? He yelled and to my periphery I found his fist clenching on the side.
I get startled by his sudden change and automatically my eyes went up to meet his. When the neck pain knocked again. Putting my one palm there, I tapped my fingers over there but it only worsen the pain. Under the action of reflexes, I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned my neck over the couch.
And when I reopened them, I saw him walking towards me. Clenching my fists tighter, I tried to read the emotions his eyes were displaying but he had nothing; simply devoid of everything.
"Turn."
"Huh?"
"I said turn." He repeated but before I could understand anything, he sat next to me and sifted my position; now my back was to him.
What he’s up to?
I shifted uncomfortably when he pulled me closer to him till my back was colliding against his chest. He collected my hairs to one side making my neck visible to him and at that moment. Smile danced over my lips and again the abnormal rate of breathing speeds up.
Still there's a lot more about him to which I am unable to figure out.
He snatched the gel tube from my hand and second next his fingers rhythmically danced over my neck, leaving behind the traces of goose bumps. He gently massages the gel with a feather touch and nothing could feel more relaxing than that. I don't know whether that pain was still or not because all I could feel was the warmth of his touch which was no less than paradise. I flushed and decided to stop smiling but it was impossible to neglect his touch by hiding my smile?
"What was all that you said and did in the hall?" He asked, still his tone blank.
"Truth." I replied in content.
"Stop it Mayra. Just stop all this. I am tired of your sweet talks...yesterday you didn’t answered the question I ask and today you are saying that I have every right on you? I am not enough intelligent like you to understand everything just by reading expressions. I need words to believe. Just answer me once, Will you stay with me if I have nothing? Will you stay with me even if I hurt you? Will you Mayra?" He completed his words in a tired voice and inhaled a deep breath.
Everything around us suddenly changed into deep silence which was crossed by the sound of rain pouring down and hitting the ground. The relief which I earlier felt, turned into itching silence which demanded my answer to his question.
"Yesterday I didn’t reply because I was scared." I said instead.
"Scared? Scared of what?"
"Scared of you getting addicted to me."