REHAN'S POV
"White roses." I said and the shopkeeper curtly nodded while picking out the bouquet of white roses and passing it to me. After handling him the money, I took one last look of the flower shop and returned back to my car.
As I drove through the silent trees, I couldn't stop but wonder that how far I've came. It's been six years since she was gone. After her death, I never thought that anything good can ever happen to me. But then Mayra came and everything changed. She gave me peace for which I've been craving since my childhood. That peace which makes me more human and have a hope that maybe, maybe I can also be happy. She knows nothing about my past, who I used to be or which sin I had done but still she makes me feel like she has accepted me.
I don't anymore know that she had betrayed my trust or not. Her eyes are like mirror of her soul and in them, I saw nothing but innocence. I no longer care about what had happened between us, I just want her.
I cleared my every thought as I reached near cemetery. With a deep breath, I walked inside till I saw the familiar grave.
Zara
1992-2013
Loving Sister and the Beautiful Soul.
My chest started contracted as all the memories of her started invading my mind.
FLASHBACK
"Rehan, I promise nothing will Change between us after this. We'll always remain friends."
She said with a smile and lifted her top reveling her abdomen. I shook my head in disbelief and took a step closer to her with my breath still caught up in the middle.
"It's okay if you don't want this. I will manage everything by myself." She spoke dejectedly and a lone tear rolled down her eyes. I shook my head again in no and placed my palm over her bare stomach.
Suddenly a new overwhelming emotion passed through me and automatically a smile crossed my face.
"I want this. I want our child." I whispered and that's when her eyes brighten up and she jumped into my arms. I laughed and wrapped my arms around her.
"Is there something I am missing? Why you two are eh... In each other's arm?"
Max voice snapped me back to the reality and I found her body getting tensed in my arm. She quickly pulled herself away from me and turned towards her brother who was looking at us in confusion.
"I am pregnant."
"What?"
"I said I am Pregnant, Max."
Max's face drained his color and all he did was to stare at Zara. Guilt started washing over me. His sister was pregnant with my child. I had betrayed his friendship.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?" He screamed making her startled in shock and she grabbed my shoulder for support.
"WITH WHOM? WITH WHOM YOU HAD..."
"Max. It was me. She's pregnant with-" But before I could complete my sentence, a punch hit my jaw. I clenched my fists in an attempt to calm myself down.
"I HAD FUCKING WARNED YOU TO STAY IN YOUR LIMITS WITH MY SISTER. YOU FUCKED MY SISTER, OF ALL THE GIRLS OUT THERE. HOW DARE YOU?"
I ducked my head low and pressed my eyes shut. He has every single right to react in this way.
"Max please, calm down and once listen to me." Zara started pleading after standing in between me and Max.
"It wasn't his fault. We both were drunk and then one thing happened after next...Forgive us Max." She added.
"I will forgive you Zara but not this bastard. He had betrayed my trust. He had fucking ruined your life. You don't know anything about him sister, he will run back to his usual player self and you, well you will carry his child and mess up your future." He spat with disgust lacing in his voice.
I took a deep breath and averted my eyes towards Zara who went stiffen. Do they think this low of me? Why will I leave my own child?
"Max, from now your sister is my responsibility. I promise I will take care of her as much as you do. She's going to be the mother of my child." I said and wrapped my arms securely around Zara.
"You? Are you sure? Do you both want to keep this child? You are only 22 and she's 21. How are you going to manage everything?" He asked in unsure tone and creased his temple in frustration.
I smiled, looking at her belly. I can manage everything after all I am soon going to become father.
My chest exploded with warmth and I bend to place a kiss on her stomach.
"Okay then but remember Rehan, hurt her and I promise I will make you suffer living hell." He warned and I nodded with a light chuckle.
I will never hurt her. She had given me the beautiful gift.
"I am going to become uncle. Wow, I am so excited." And here he goes to his usual self. Zara rolled her eyes and ran into his arms.
They both started laughing and I just smiled quietly.
FLASHBACK ENDS.
Suddenly the soft breeze turned into suffocating air. Sweat started dripping from my forehead while memories of Zara washed over my brain. With trembling fingers, I placed the white roses over her grave which used to be her favorite flower. She was crazy for white roses.
Whenever she was in foul mood, Max always brought those flowers and in few passing seconds her mood immediately lifts up. My heart sank deeper. I placed a kiss on her tombstone and sat on the ground.
"Today it's been six years but still your memories are fresh in my heart. You were my friend since I was seventeen and look after ten years, you still live as a beautiful friend in my heart even though you're not alive. I miss you Zara, I miss your presence, I miss your jokes, I miss all the times we'd spent together, I miss our...u-unborn child. I know it was my fault that today you and our child are not here and for that I will never be able to forgive myself." I breathed out and a familiar agony erupted making my mouth run dry.
"I miss your memories Zara." I said and let out a deep breath.
The worst kind of pain was to witness the death of someone who stays in your heart. It kills you slowly with every passing days when something happens and you want to share it with the person who was no more.
That kind of pain never heals, it only grows with time. Zara was someone with whom I had once planned my future but how unfortunate I am. I killed that future.
"Forgive me Zara." Clenching my fists, I stood up and turned only to find Max with white roses and card in his hand.
His eyes were fixed at Zara's grave. I said nothing, neither did he. Soon the silence became itching and a wave of nausea hit me.
"I will never understand that why every year on this day you come here? After all you should be happy that she is no longer part of your life then why all this crap of visiting her grave with her favorite flowers?" He spoke in a hollow tone. There was not even a bit of rage behind his voice, nothing just pure hollowness.
You'll never understand Max. Never.
"Zara, he has found new toy to play with her emotions just like he did to you." I clenched my teeth at his words and grabbed him by his collar.
"DON'T. Don't bring Mayra in between this." I warned him but he removed my hold from his collar and laughed bitterly.
"Why? Why you did this to my sister?" He asked in defeated voice and sat next to her grave. His eyes moistened as he stared at the flowers which I had placed.
In past six years, this was the first time since he had asked me something like this. I parted my lips to say but nothing came out. What I am going to say? That I wasn't capable of giving her sister, what she deserved?
"Do you know how fucking hurtful it feels to watch your own sister taking her last breath?"
I pressed my lips together and looked up at the sky. I know Max.
The sun was now hiding behind the dark stormy clouds like it was about to rain.
I sighed and decided to walk away from here but one look of the person who used to be my best friend, sitting near her sister's grave with tears in his eyes was enough reason for me to feel my demons of pain and guilt which had trapped my heart.
"What are you doing? Day by day you're getting closer to Mayra. Do you want to repeat the history? I genuinely care for that woman so stop before it's too late."
Repeat history?
"Let her go." He added.
No. I couldn't let her go. Not when she has become my reason to live. If it wasn't her than maybe I was still counting my breath instead of being alive.
"I will not hurt her." I muttered under my breath. He started laughing with venom continuously slipping from his laugh.
"Just like you said you'll never hurt Zara?"
I swallowed the fear which was rising with his every single comment.
What if he's right? What if...? Stop. Stop Rehan. Don't go there.
"You're a fucking murder and trust me your wife will fucking leave you the second she'll get to know about your reality." He spat all of sudden and stood up only to grab me by my collar.
I clenched my jaw and pushed him hard, away as much as possible. How can I forget that he's no more that Max who used to be more like a brother to me?
Like everybody else he also judged me without even hearing my side of story.
But why am I complaining? I was always the one at fault. No one cares what I thought, what I feel. And maybe Max was right about Mayra. She will also hate me the second she get to know about what I had done.
"Rot in hell you bastard." He said and stormed out of the cemetery.
***
Unlocking the door, I stepped inside that room which was the store of my memories both painful and colorful. I inhaled a deep breath and turned on the light. Suddenly all the darkness was replaced by bright light.
My eyes lingered over the pictures hung over the walls. It might be a year since I last entered into this room but still everything was same. All four walls were covered with pictures. A small smile spread over my lips as I saw the picture of me and Zara when she was busy eating an ice cream.
FLASHBACK
"Rehan, wake up."
"Rehan."
"Wakeup otherwise I will call Max and say that you're having sex with another girl." I instantly jumped from the bed and gave her weird look.
"What? Do you really want to get me killed? Your brother is fucking insane. Only because of your lie, I will never be able to watch another sun of my life." I yelled and all she did was to roll her eyes.
"I want to eat ice cream." I have a sudden urge to bang my head against the wall at her request. This girl is getting crazy day by day. It's just not more than a month of her pregnancy and if this is the rate at which she's going to behave crazy then for sure I am going to need a mental checkup in upcoming months.
"It's midnight Zara? Seriously? From where I am going to bring you a fucking ice cream?" I asked in disbelief and she shrugged her shoulders in response.
After a deep breath and took my cellphone to call that asshole.
"What the fuck do you want Rehan at this time?" He yelled in annoyed tone and from the background the sound of female moan came and he cursed in irritation.
"Did I disturbed your fucking session?" I asked to which Zara snorted.
"Come to the point."
"Max your sister wants Ice cream."
"So? It's your problem. If you were fucking my sister behind my back then the least you could have done was to use protection to avoid this day. Now go and suffer her tantrums and thanks for the remainder to never forget the condom otherwise my life will also be doomed like you." He said and ended the call. I rolled my eyes and averted my gaze towards Zara who was now crying. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and asked her what happened whilst making her sit on the bed.
"Y-Your life has doomed? I-I am sorry." She whispered in between her sobs.
"Your brother is an asshole. Don't mind his words. And Zara how many time do I have to tell you that our baby is the most mesmerizing gift you're going to give me? I want to be a father, okay?"
"Okay." She smiled and stood up to walk towards her room.
"Wait. We are going to get Ice cream."
"Really?" I nodded and lifted her up in my arms.
"Rehan, put me down you idiot. I've told you that I can walk carefully on the stairs by myself."
Ignoring her I placed a kiss on the top of her forehead and added. "I don't want to take any risk."
FLASHBACK ENDS
The raw emotions flickered in my heart, only to bring more pain. These pictures might make me smile but the hurt was inevitable. The burning sensation crept inside my chest making me unable to breath. The air suddenly started suffocating.
I killed them.
With that thought I have an urge to feel more pain till my body starts feeling numb.
I deserve it. I deserve suffering. I deserve hatred. I deserve pain. I deserve nightmares. I deserve to fucking die.
My sister, my unborn child, Zara.
I killed all of them.