REHAN'S POV
"When I was seventeen, I shifted to new school, there only I met Max and Vishal. Due to everything, I wasn't the one to talk much but they both especially Max showed me that what friendship meant. As time passed by, I became more attached to them. It felt good to at least have someone by my side after the death of Riya. I started forgetting about my pain through them. Then one day, Max introduced her sister to me. Zara her name was Zara. I took an instant liking in her, just as a friend. She used to chatter non-stop, I liked her company. After graduating from high school, our contact broke. I wanted money, at that time I thought that money was the only way to become powerful. I thought that comfort will give me peace, but I was wrong. Peace.... I never found until you came Mayra."
"One night, my life took a sudden change. I was drunk and so was Zara. We had met after years, so we were just remembering old times and I don't know next how we ended up sleeping together. When Zara informed me that she was pregnant and the child was mine, for a minute I was scared but then the mere thought about being father was enough for me to accept that child. I had always thought that I will never treat my child like my father did to me but you know what, I ended up being worse than him. My father was the one to kill my spirit, but I became the one to kill my own child because I was selfish, selfish enough to not think about Zara's happiness. For me Zara was only like a friend, she was my responsibility, she was the mother of my child but I never saw her, romantically. Even after that night, I never had any physical contact with her. But just like anything good can never happen to me, my happiness became short lived. After few months of living together in same house but in different rooms, I don't know how Zara started feeling something about me. She told me that she was in love with me. Just one word about love and I became restless. I was always scared of love. Tell me Mayra, how I was supposed to love someone when whole my life I'd seen nothing but hatred in the eyes of my own family?"
"I know it was my fault, I should have thought about that girl happiness after all she had sacrificed her life, her dreams, and her freedom just for our child. But I-I hurt her in the worst way possible. I told her that I don't feel anything for her and neither I will be able to do so. She pleaded to give us a chance but instead of that, I went to another country for my work related issues. I just wanted to escape from her. I became selfish to only think about my feeling instead of her feelings. I never tried to contact her for months, I ignored all her calls, messages. I was sacred Mayra, I was scared that I will never be able to love her, that's why I left her so that she will hate me enough to fade her love for me. But when I returned back to India after three months, everything was long gone. Max told me that his sister died because of me. She had a miscarriage. And that's how I killed my unborn child. Zara..... She had committed suicide but it wasn't a suicide, it was a murder. I murdered her feelings."
"Max told me that what she went through when I wasn't with her. She went into depression, she cut all her ties with everyone including his own brother, and she didn't took care of health. She was devastated only because of me, she had a miscarriage only because of me, and she committed suicide only because of me."
I told her. I told her everything, every sin I had done. I had never said those words aloud. But today when I did, it actually felt lighter. The past which I had buried deep, was now enclosed.
Sweat beads formed over my forehead and all the pain to which I had learned to live with, was suffocating me. Pain was the reason why in the first place I had started taking rest. Drugs had numb my body, it had numb all the pain. The feeling of losing someone was the worst kind of pain.
Tears gathered in my eyes. I had never cried even though my body was craving to release them from so long. Letting everything go was all I needed but the guilt in me was not allowing me to do so. But today when I had let all my tears go than actually it felt less heart clenching.
"Rehan, are you okay?" She asked in soft voice whilst rubbing my back continuously. Her scent was reliving but this was all the calm before storm. Till now she might have started hating me and then she would leave me. I don't deserve her. She's too pure and I am anything but that. I am the one who had snatched happiness from others, how can I deserve to have my own peace?
I let out a shaky breath and pulled myself away from her. Wiping my tears, I stood up without even taking a look on her. I couldn't watch the hatred for me in her eyes.
"Zara had left letter for me." I said absentmindedly and took out two envelopes from the cupboard.
I had never gathered enough courage to read it. But maybe today is the time.
"I know now after everything you're going to leave me but please stay till I read this letter. I couldn't read it alone." I added and again sat next to her, trying my best to avoid her eyes. I put the two letters in front of her one named "To Rehan." and another "To Max."
I had found these letters in my room. I tried to give the one to Max which was for him but he had never given me chance to do so.
Rehan,
If you're reading this letter than it means that I was no more.
I don't exactly know what to say but still if these are going to be my last words with you than I would like you to know that I love you. I love you Rehan.
You know I loved you since I was sixteen. You were always my first and last love. When you first got admitted in our school, I was a year junior but still for having a single look of you, I used to bunk my classes and wait for you in corridor. Every girl of my glass used to gossip about the new guy which was you. After all you were everything, any girl would go crazy for. But when Max introduced me first time to you, I was literary on cloud 9 because that day you had first talked to me even if it was just a single hello.
My parents were never there of me and Max and maybe that was the reason why I wanted someone to love me enough to make me forget that I was craved for love. I was silly and started picturing my fairy tale with you where we would be having our own happily ever after. It was so thrilling to think that I was in love with my brother's best friend. Curse to all those cliché fiction which I used to read.
And when we shared a night together under the influence of alcohol. I was actually ecstatic the day when I woke up next to you but when I found that I was pregnant, all the happiness vanished because I was scared that you'll never accept me or my baby. I was just 21 that time, I had many dreams to pursue but my love for you was much more than my any dream. So when you told me that whatever happened that night between us wasn't a mistake because that's how we were going to get a beautiful gift as our child, I fell in love with you all over again.
I wanted your love Rehan instead of being a burden on you. I realized that I was more a responsibility for you. And when you told me that you can't share any romantic feeling for me, I found my world stumbling.
I am going away because I was tired to being unloved. I felt like I was a burden on you. You have your own life to live and I don't want you to mess up by acting happy with me even though you are not. I know you'll never be able to return my feeling, but its okay.
You're a great person Rehan. I know if I would have stayed than you might have tried to fake an act of loving me, just to make me happy. But no. I don't want anything like that to happen.
Be happy Rehan. I want your happiness.
I love you.
Zara.
My heart skipped a beat as I clenched the paper in my hand. Why? Why Zara, why you were in love with me? I never deserved your love. You were no more, only because of me. Because of my selfishness, you took away your life. Happiness? This guilt will never allow me to be happy. A person like me don't deserve happiness.
"I want you to come somewhere with me." Mayra said and asked me to stand up. She than interlocked our fingers and with blank look on her face, she started walking. I followed her in confusion. She was not showing the signs of hatred but her face was deprived of any single emotion.
We sat inside the car and she drove to somewhere. Whole ride my heart was on the edge of falling apart. It wanted a reaction from her.
***
MAX'S POV
"Drew, please. Look this is the last one. Just finish your homework and then we would watch cartoons, okay?" I tried to bargain with him but drew being drew, he stubbornly shook his head and folded his arms over his chest.
"You make me study too much." He whined and stomped his feet. I smiled and pinched his cheeks.
"Uncle Max." He scowled in irritation and sat on the couch with a loud thump. Only Dhruv can keep me sane on this day. Today was the day when Zara had left me, six years back.
If it wasn't Drew then I don't even know how I would have lived with the pain. Every day I woke with only two thoughts one to make Drew happy and another to make that bastard Rehan suffer.
Today in the cemetery, I don't know why I behaved that way. Why should I care about Rehan when he had killed my sister? But why every year, he visit Zara's grave? He never wanted her in the first place than why?
"Mayra?" Drew's voice brought me back to reality and I looked at him confused. He just mouthed Mayra's name, don't he? I followed his gaze and my jaw dropped in shock. Both Mayra and Rehan stood there. Mayra held a void look and so was he.
Drew ran to them and hugged Mayra's leg. She than pick him up in her arms and passed a small smile to him. Rehan was curiously watching them.
No. This couldn't happen. I couldn't let him know that who Drew was.
"What the fuck you are doing in my house?" I asked Rehan in particular but he didn't replied anything. All he did was to stare at Drew which only worsened my temper.
"Max I wanted to talk." Mayra said and I nodded hesitatingly.
I gestured her to follow me and after handing Drew to Rehan, she did so.
I was reluctant to leave Drew alone with Rehan but the expressions Mayra was reflecting, from them it was clear that there's something important.
As we reached my room. She sat on the bed and took a deep breath.
"I know everything." She spoke and it took few seconds for me to realize that what she actually meant. I sat next to her and stared in the blank space.
Rehan had told her about Zara which means he trusts her and the last time I checked, Mr. Rehan Malhotra never trusted anyone.
"So now you hate him, don't you? See, I had already told you that he's nothing but a fucking monster."
She bite her lips and searched something on my face. Part of me was happy that now she'll leave him and he would finally suffer in hell but the other part was anything but happy. I had always found my sister in Mayra and it felt bad that she was in love with someone who would never return her feeling. Rehan wasn't capable of loving someone. If only he had loved my sister, she might be alive today.
"What do you want him to feel? Which type of revenge do you want from him?"
Her question took me by surprise but without thinking twice, I replied.
"I want him to feel my pain. Just like I had suffered the loss of my sister in the same way I want him to suffer living without that person about whom he cares most. I want him to feel the pain, the hurt, that empty feeling. Now that you would leave him, my revenge will automatically complete. He will suffer in agony, watching you leave him."
"I don't hate Rehan and also I am not going to leave him, no matter what will happen. Today I am here, not as his wife but as a human."
I clenched my jaw and tilted my face away from her. What the hell is wrong with this woman? How could he not hate him even after knowing the truth?
"Look at me Max." She said sternly.
"He will never love you, that sick murder was not capable of loving anyone." I spat.
"I know. I know that he will never be able to love me because Max we couldn't expect anyone to love when he's hating himself, when all his life he had seen only hatred." She countered back but this time it wasn't the Mayra whom I know. She was acting different, as if she had found something worth to fight for.
"You think that only you're the one who had felt the pain of his sister's death? No Max. It isn't like this. Rehan had also watched her little sister taking her last breath in front of him. You think that Rehan had not felt the pain? Guess what, you're again wrong. He had felt the pain of Zara's death. Zara was his friend, she was the mother of his child. I agree that he didn't love her but that doesn't mean he had not suffered her death. Wake up Max, you only want to blame him for her death because you don't have enough strength to accept that her death was nothing but a suicide. And have you ever tried to think that what Rehan was going through?
He was your best friend, wasn't he? That man was suffering and the fact was that he had blamed himself for whatever had happened. You don't know a bit about him, he had already suffered more than you want him to be. Max, all these years you had Drew by your side to move on with your life but have you ever wondered that how he was living his days all alone? Even you had lied to him about his son being dead. Revenge, revenge, revenge? How much revenge do you want? Do you want him to be dead? Tell me? Will then you accept that Rehan was never at fault?
Rehan was physically and mentally abused, his family had never loved him, his sister died and the blame was all on the twelve year old, one room of his house was still full of pictures of your sister because he misses your sister just like you do. All the pain, guilt, regret, hurt he had been through was not enough, Max? Huh? What else do you want? He was drug addict just to cope up with the pain, he had nightmares, he had panic attacks, he was in depression, and he had trust issues. How much more a person can suffer?
Will you able to love someone, if you were in his shoes? Think about it and here is the letter, Zara's had written for you. I don't know why Rehan had not given you this earlier but anyway take it. If after all this you still think that it was Rehan's fault then I beg you to leave him alone and if you think that it wasn't then, don't you think that Drew wants his father."
She placed an envelope on the bed and without saying anything next, she walked away.
I stood there frozen, her words spinning in my head.
Physical abuse? His sister? Hatred? Depression? Panic attacks? Nightmares?
Fuck, what I had done? I grabbed envelop and took out the letter from it.
Dear Max,
Forgive me.
You were the brother, any girl could ever wish for. And I know you must be hating me right now for taking this step but Max, I don't even know how to live more. I was tired of always being unloved. First our parents who had never given us anything except money. They never cared that we needed their attention instead of their money. Then Rehan who wasn't able to love me. I felt like I was nothing but burden on him. I always craved for love Max, always. But nothing matters now, nothing. I know suicide is selfish but I want to escape from every pain.
Max, you were more than a brother to me, you were my best friend. Remember all the good old days we'd shared together? I will always be in your heart Max, our memories would always be in your heart. So never feel alone, okay?
Can you promise me something? Please never hate Rehan. Never. I know you very well, you will end up hating Rehan and blame him for my death. But Max, it was not his fault. He was your best friend, I know you care for him. So never let this care die and never hate him. Give him Drew, my child will always be there for his father.
I am trusting you enough with Drew. Never break my trust and give my child to his father. I know Rehan will care for Drew more than his life.
And Max one more important thing. Stop your random flings, okay? At least find one girl who would love you. I don't want you to die single.
Goodbye Max, we'll re-meet in hell after many decades. Till then be happy and live your life.
Love,
Zara.
I folded the letter back and wiped the tears which were gathered in my eyes.
Zara. I had broken your trust. I was so much blind in hurting Rehan that I never realized that it wasn't his fault. I had kept Drew away from him.
But not now. I promise you Zara that I will fix everything.