Jacob’s POV
How…
Why…
Is it really too late for us?
My mind is in haywire. A lot of questions wanted to be answered but I have one respond to each of it.
This is my fault, and I have no right to ask any question. It doesn’t matter if I’m confused, if I’m hurt. I am the one to blame for all the pain that kicked my chest right now.
All images of Lucianna in my head are shattered into tiny pieces that I don’t know how to reassemble those again. Her smiles, her laughter, her eyes, the way she touches me…
I lose her.
I lost her?
No.
No!
She can’t! She shouldn’t leave! I need her!
‘Lucianna!’ I keep calling in her mind since I can feel her portal open. She hasn’t blocked me in.
She hears me, she heard me! But why isn’t she responding? Is that how she hates me so much? To ignore me like this? Leaving without notice but a piece of paper?!
I know I should set her free, we’ve talked about that but a part of me says she didn’t do her part. I told her, right? I said she has to say goodbye properly, not just a letter!
Something is off, she is not the kind to break promises. Is this because of what happened yesterday?
I think Roscoe really did something, he must’ve said something! Lucianna wouldn’t… fuck!
My chest felt like a wrecking ball has fallen and crashing my heart hard. I can’t breath evenly, I can’t think properly. I am losing my mind!
“Lucianna!” I screamed, tossing the things my hand came in contact to. My voice mixed with the shattering noises of the vases.
Even though I yell in my head, or roar my voice all around the pack land, I hear nothing from her.
“Fuck!”
I ran out of the house and the air filled my lungs fast. My feet halted and I snapped my head to the east where I smell… her scent!
Lucianna!
It’s her! She’s still in the pack!
If I can find her, trace this scent, I will catch up to her!
I waste no time and run fast to her direction. She’s still in my territory! She is still here! I have to-- I need to talk to her!
The scent brought me to the Hill. Lucianna is at the Hill!
I’ve never felt like this, like I’ll kill myself if I won’t be fast, if I won’t catch up to her. The scent is stilled, she’s not running away or moving away, she is just there.
As if she’s waiting for me.
Is this a prank? Did the letter really came from her? She’s here! If she really did that, she would have moved our separate ways!
Reaching the peak of the hill, I was welcomed by my sun. My bright light.
My feet moved slowly even though I want to run to her, to hold her. Because despite my in-denial thoughts, I feel like all of these are true.
Lucianna is looking at me as if she was waiting for me.
She’s waiting for me?
plhave no idea what is happening but I kept telling myself that if she really wanted to get away from me, she wouldn’t be here.
So my legs started moving closer, to her.
I need to be close to her. There’s fear, something much more stronger than whatever I had before and it’s eating in me.
“Lucia--”
“Don’t come near me.”
I froze.
My lips parted and from that four words, I think my world started to crumple down piece by piece.
She is looking at me. But her eyes seems to be blank, as if I’m just air and she don’t care if I exist or not.
It’s horrifying.
I’ve never thought that her gaze will ever give me this chills.
I exhaled lowly as I feel my body trembled.
“Baby, w-what’s wrong?…” My words didn’t came out asking because of the lack of strength in my will.
She continue to look at me with that same eyes that I think I’ll be haunted by it in my sleep forever.
“I’m leaving.”
Her simple words continued to break me.
My lips trembled and I don’t know what to say.
So she really will leave me… the letter did came from her.
Lucianna looked away from me, diverting her focus on the side, to the forest.
“Actually, I only came back because I remembered something.” she continued when she heard nothing from me.
“W-What is…it?”
Is it me? I feel desperate to hear that it is me she remembered, that it is me she came back for.
With her face turned to the side, her eyes glanced at me for a second. Even that little gesture feels like a huge rock slamming me hard.
“I don’t want to be rude, though I believe you do not deserve the respect.” she smirked bitterly. “Well, I guess letters are not enough. And I didn’t grew up stone-hearted so I came back.”
I frowned, lost for what she meant but eventually understand what she’s trying to say.
No…
I took a step forward to her but my feet halted when she spoke again.
“ ‘Please don’t go without saying goodbye.’ Isn’t that what you asked for?”
I’m not able to move and my body continued to shake. I’m on my edge.
A palm held my heart and crushed it in one clench is how I feel.
Her eyes looked up and down at me whole and when it met my eyes, she gave me a smile.
A genuine smile yet it made me feel worthless, the kind of smile I would never be proud that I gave it to her.
“Goodbye, Jacob.”
My whole body feels like I’m being pricked by hundred of thousands needles. No, please, don’t.
She turned around and I moved without thinking. I came to her and grabbed on to her, kneeling.
I hugged her legs and I cried so hard. I don’t care of pride or reputation, I don’t care of it all!
“Please, don’t leave. Don’t go, Lucianna. I’ll die, I can’t live without you. Please!”
My words repeated over and over, begging her and praying she would change her mind. But I heard nothing.
My sobs are loud, it sounded annoying in my ears but I don’t care. I have nothing to hold on to. She’s the only one I hold on since I met her, I don’t want to lose her!
“Please! I’ll do anything! Whatever you want, I am willing to do it! Don’t leave me, Lucianna, I love you so much!”
“You made a deal with me, Jacob. What you should do right now is not to honor your own words.”
Her voice is ice cold.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
“Baby, please… I’m begging you…” I buried my face in her legs, tightening my embrace because I feel her close to… leaving.
Lucianna sighed and tried to take my hands off her, which she succeeded to do.
She looked at me, leaning down to look at me. Straight in the eyes. I probably looked trash, and here she is… calm and confident.
Her hands went to my face, caressing the tears pooling out of my eyes.
“This is so… satisfying to watch…”
I hissed and tried to touch her hand on my face but she quickly retreated away.
“Do you want to see this everyday? I’ll be on your knees every fucking day, please just stay. Stay with me, Lucianna…”
“Stop.” she stood up straight and looked down to me.
This time, I felt it.
The ending… I never thought I’ll see.
“I did my goodbyes. There’s no need to waste more time here.”
I know from the way she looked at me that her resolve is strong. She did made up her mind to leave me, huh?
My head tilted up and screwing my eyes shut, I exhaled loud. Frustrated.
“Why?” I asked in a whisper. It just came out before I could think. Clearly, I don’t deserve it.
She was ready to leave but then she stopped, still having that blank expression in her face.
I do not affect her at all, it seems…
“After all of what happened, why did you made me fall into you if you knew you will leave me in the end?”
She smirked. And without stopping for a second to think, she answered.
“You’re not the only one who tried. Just that, in the end, you’re the only one who succeed to forget.”
Forget?
Haa.
I guess I’ll be that way in her head forever.
NO matter how much I regret, yes, she won’t see it. And I have no right to complain, at all.
I nodded slowly, looking down because I can’t stand to look at her anymore. It breaks me… more.
The wind blows and I know she’s gone. Her scent fading each second that I stayed still, not moving a muscle…
Maybe regrets are never enough.
All I have in my mind is to break thoroughly. I’ll break more, and more because I deserve it.
I’ll embrace the pain because this is the only thing that… she left behind.
“I’ll continue to satisfy you, baby…” is all I whispered in the wind.
**
I stayed at the Hill until the dark comes. Laying on the ground she walked into seems special to me that I want to just stay there.
Where will you go now, baby?
I miss you…
Again, I cried. At the peak of the Hill where no one witnessed an alpha’s demise.
My head can’t be reached and I ordered everyone to stop reaching out to me until further notice. I don’t want to be disturbed, I don’t want to see other people… I’m afraid that if I do, her scent on me will mix with anyone.
She’s mine.
She’ll come back, I know.
But not for me anymore.
I finally found my strength to head back home…
I chuckled at the thought. Home. I made that house for her, I want her all by myself, I want to start a family with her and I thought its better to give her a home first. But then, what did I do?
In the middle of walking in the forest, I fell on my knees and grabbed my hair furiously. What have you fucking done, Jacob!?
My body trembled and I know I will shift in no time. I started to feel my control over my wolf loosen, I’m breaking apart!
A loud roaring howl echoed around the lands as I shifted on my wolf.
**
Brent’s POV
“Then why the fuck did you let her?!” I yelled to Harley.
It’s been two days since Jacob shut us off in his world. He locked himself in his room, and no one can step inside his house patio. He’s losing his mind if so.
And now, here his Gamma is telling me that Lucianna left! She even said goodbye to him and he let her!
I thought Jacob is just taking his time with Lucianna! Like, trying to produce an offspring or something!
“How can I? Jacob talked to me before, back at the Prime pack. He said I should let her go once she wishes to.” he pout in the corner.
“He what?!”
“I think they made a deal, okay?! Stop yelling at me, my wolf is stressed out already. We misses our master.”
As much as I want to keep yelling at this idiot for letting the Luna wander without protection, I didn’t. Harley is the third in command, if he wishes to, I know he will go with Lucianna.
Jacob fucked up.
He must have fucked up.
“God, they are scandalous at the Hill as I can remember! When did she leave?”
“The day after that. I saw her leaving the east border and she said her decision is final. I had to let her go, Jacob wants that, too.”
“But he’s not functioning at all! Damn it!”
I know I have no say in this, but the pack may be placed in danger if this goes on!
“Do you think the brother has something to do with this?” Harley’s words made me snap my head to him.
“What do you mean?”
“During the FFT, Roscoe went there to watch. I think they talked in their mind, she’s changed after.”
Roscoe?
I’m not saying he’s a saint but what can he possibly tell her that can make her decide to leave her mate?
“Changed, how?”
Harley hissed. “Her mood is off, and dude, I thought she’ll kill her opponent. Our lamb turned to a lion in a blink and that’s not normal, you know. Ros must have did something, whatever it is.”
“Keep your voice down, Anabel won’t like hearing those words now.”
Harley snorted. “Is her feelings valid at all? She’s a mother, but she might’ve forgotten that Jacob is also her child.”
“Tss.” I shook my head. “Let them handle that family matter. For now, I wanted to focus on Jake. His job has piled as of now, he must come back to his senses!”
Harley stood up and patted my back. “Goodluck to that, Beta. Pray he won’t kill you if you try to come near him.”
Goddammit.