Jacob’s POV
I once again looked at the corpse, it was shredded into pieces. It’s skull was crushed, bones torned apart and cracked. There was blood everywhere, from the ground up to the trees. The body was divided into four pieces and the head was retrieved up the branch of a tree.
“Please forgive me, Alpha Jacob.” said Jordan. One of the council, head of trackers that also conduct the investigation. “I failed to distinguish the entity of the corpse, Alpha.” he bowed and the rest of his team bowed as well.
There was no question to why they failed. The core of the corpse was gone, making it hard to distinguish it. Without the core--its heart-- a werewolf wouldn’t shift back to human. No one would know if it was a werewolf or a forest wolf.
But I knew.
The moment I arrived, the air whispered to my ears. The smell of death lingered in my nose. And the howl of a werewolf called my Alpha wolf.
The corpse was a shape-shifter like us. Definitely a rogue because there was no distinguished pack scent.
“What do you think, Alpha Jacob?” Jordan asked.
I knew I should tell the truth that this corpse was a werewolf but fear would rise once my people found that something could inflict a damage like this. That someone or something was out there and could kill like this.
The possibilities of what I could do when I lose my control yesterday wouldn’t stop getting entertained. What if I did this? What if I was the one who crushed this poor soul’s core?
“Just a forest wolf.” I said and turned away, ready to leave. “I’ll be in the Hall if you need me.”
They all bowed and I started loathing myself. How could I said those words without flinching? Has conscience left me?
Why would I be guilty? I was not sure if I was the one who did that!
All I remembered was driving to the Hall and waking up naked in the forest. If I went rampant, there must be someone, some guards who caught glimpse of me. But none. There was no report, there was nothing.
So… was it me?
**
The question I had in my head was now answered. It was me. Roscoe proved that. I could see flashbacks of images in my head. A woman. The rogue was a woman and a flashback of her being chased has played.
I kept looking at my trembling hands as though I was expecting to see the evidence of my dread written on them. My heart pounded, a relentless drum against my ribcage, it echoed the fear that started to wake in me.
It was a feeling I couldn't shake, a sinking sensation that drilled its way into the pit of my stomach: had I really killed someone?
I was chasing the rogue. Then I killed her. I was a murderer now, huh?
Never heard of an Alpha who could do this, who would do that? A murderer Alpha, huh?
I groaned and leaned my head on the wall. There was whiskey in my hand, a whole bottle of it. Images flashed through my mind in a chaotic mess. The night was a blur, an inky whirlpool of half-remembered moments and hazy recollections. There was a loud howl, a struggle, and then... silence.
A terrible, oppressive silence that seemed to be making fun of me with its intensity.
Fuck.
I jumped when I felt a hand held on mine. Startled, I turned and saw Lucianna with sadness in her eyes. I groaned. Wasn’t she scared? She should be. There was no reason for her to be sad for my sake. There shouldn’t be space for pity for me.
“Go to bed, don’t wait for me.” I said and shifted so I wouldn’t see her face. The sadness in her eyes fueled the hatred I felt for myself.
Don’t pity me. Don’t be sad for me!
I groaned in frustration and completely turned my back that her hand holding mine slipped. Somehow, the disconnection of our skin made my heart pound loud in a painful way.
I wondered what hurt me. Was it the feeling that I might lose her? That she might slip away because of what I was becoming? Or was it I, pushing her away?
“I’m not scared, Jacob.” she said as if she were in my head. “I’m always here for you. We’re together in this.”
Oh, that was so hard to believe.
“Go to bed, Lucianna.” I sighed.
“No. Don’t push me away, please count on me. You should count on me.” I felt her hand on my arm and I pulled my arm away.
I irritably turned to her. “Lucianna!” the veins on my neck became visible from the increase of my voice. I saw her eyes widened and took a step back, probably startled from my reaction.
My hand combed my hair and pulled as I shut my eyes tight.
“I’m sorry. Just--” I sighed. “Just leave me alone for now.”
I knew I needed her by my side but I couldn’t. It felt like I would hurt her, I feel like I would be possessed with the darkness within and I might hurt her. What happened traumatized the shit out of me.
Lucianna didn’t leave, of course. She stayed there, and we’re both in silence. I could hear her breathing, her pulse, her heart. She was scared.
Scared of me? Of course, she feared me now.
“I want this pup gone.” her voice croaked and I turned to her with a mixture of surprised and hurt expression. “As soon as possible.”
**
Lucianna’s POV
The way the words came out of my mouth tastes like poison. A poison I decided to take.
“What?” Jacob said in a low voice. He watched me intently as if he was waiting if he misheard what I said.
I took a deep breath and walked past him so he won’t see my face. I bit my lip and shut my eyes tight before exhaling and faced him again.
I shrugged and did my best to act as if I was not bothered by it.
“Let’s just get rid of it.” I said as if it wasn’t much of a deal.
Jacob’s jaw dropped. “Get rid of--” he couldn’t finish the word and shut his eyes. “We’ve talked about this, Lucinanna. We kill the pup and we’ll make another--”
“Then we’ll get rid of it again.”
Now he looked as if I was the dumbest person ever alive. And I couldn’t question that because I knew I was.
This was not an easy decision. We talked about this and I agreed to not resort to this process but… that was before. That was when he hadn’t come home naked and huffing and out of control to the extent of… killing.
I looked away and waited because Jacob was frozen with his parted lips and his eyes from disbelief turned to anger.
“You can’t--”
“This is my body, Jacob. I chose to do this not just for you but for myself.”
“For you?! You longed to have a family, Lucianna. Don’t take me as a fool. You want to do that because of me! Do not kill our pup just for my sake--”
“Can you hear yourself? Your sake?” oh god, I was sure I would regret the next words I would utter. “You don’t think I’m scared? Don't you think I fear that one day you'll jump on me or bite my head off? I’m doing this for my safety! If this darkness is poisoning your soul because I’m carrying your child then I don’t want it! Yes, I've always dreamed of having my own family, but I don't want to meet my end at the hands of a mate who can't even control his own wolf!”
I fully grasped the devastating impact of the bomb I detonated when its effects pierced me too. It felt as though my heart was being ripped apart, my inner wolf howled in anguish, and strength drained from my body.
Or was this Jacob’s emotion?
The thought intensified the pain tenfold. I made him feel this way and I don’t know how to forgive myself.
Still, I tried to be tough.
Jacob was just staring at me but his eyes said everything. He was hurt. I hurt him. I must had stomp on his pride as an Alpha but I’d take the blame just to… just to stop him from self-destructing.
I was his Luna and I couldn’t stand here and watch him fall apart inside.
After a dead-long minute, he exhaled slowly as if the air on his lungs left him. Even that action mirrored how painful he must felt inside. Tears wanted to ran down my eyes but I held it.
"If that's all the faith you have in me, so be it. Do as you please, Lucianna." then he left.