Silas’s P.O.V
I knew it was unreasonable. On the Moon Goddess, I swear on her name, I knew what I was doing was unreasonable and pathetically unfair on her part. Still, I was impulsive and the questions had kept slipping out of my mouth even if I hadn't meant to take it out on her. Moreover, the wolf in me did not listen to reason, and I guess part of it was because of the emotional turmoil that I had been under these past few days.
My wolf got very angry seeing Zoya shut her door on me, not even bothering to let me speak or have the last word. My wolf wanted to be let out, and I felt the nearly overwhelming desire to just go loose and go for a run. I wanted to run away from all the emotions that I did not want, but was unfortunately a helpless slave to. My wolf was the perfect escape, because it was a feral creature that was guided by cold hard logic rather than emotions. My wolf only had survival instincts, and if I were to shift right now, that was all that I would feel, the high of wanting, needing, to stay alive.
But thankfully, logic won over and reminded me of the stakes: my packmates were still actively out to get me, searching every twist and turn of the mountains, determined not to leave a leaf or stone unturned. My best chance at survival was to stay hidden in this house, away from the prying eyes of the world, who were convinced that I was Lily's killer.
Of course, my wolf was not pleased because it was not able to attain the freedom it so craved. But it still understood that my desire for survival was greater than my need to please my animalistic instincts. So I stayed inside this prison I had found for myself, away from the inquisitive eyes of my packmates, stubbornly refusing logic and rational reasoning to lose against my pure, animal emotions.
My eyes drifted back to Zoya's closed bedroom door. There was a bitter taste in my mouth, a sour sting on the tip of my tongue. I did not want to think about Zoya spending her day with Ezra — his scent lingered strongly in every inch of her skin, as if unwilling to let her go without letting the whole world know that he had touched her.
It was not her fault, I knew that, and it was not right to channel my anger at her when I was angry at myself for even feeling jealous and territorial over a human woman that I could never claim.
But… my wolf had only animalistic instincts, and these impulses were angry. I could not help it. I had the sudden urge to mark her as my own yet again, and I had to physically stop myself from busting her bedroom door open right then and there.
I tore my eyes away, shaking my head. I had to distract myself from these thoughts. If I did not get a hold of myself soon, Zoya would most likely be in grave danger from my own self.
But then my mind went to Lily. There was that pang of guilt again gnawing at my chest, and even though it relit the kindle of my heart and started the wildfire again, I was somewhat glad that I was feeling it anyway, because at least the ugly emotions in my heart were gone now.
I sighed. I need to find a solution to my problem as soon as possible.
The wolf inside me tried to appeal to me again, one last time, hoping that I, too, would feel the urgency in its territoriality, and then I was pacing back and forth in the living room, my mind just barely consumed by jealousy and anger. Zoya had just returned from lunch with Ezra, my wolfish senses insisted, and I could smell his scent all over her.
I knew it was foolish to feel this way, because Zoya was human, and she knew nothing of my world or the pack, or the way my wolf was slowly getting possessive over like a mate should. But the thought of her spending time with someone else filled me with a burning jealousy that I couldn't shake off, especially if that somebody was Ezra.
I shook my head off the jealous thoughts. I must not, could not let my emotions consume me. Especially when I was the powerless one in this situation.
I could not keep indulging my wolf, not when I had a bigger problem to deal with - finding out who had killed Lily. She had been my lover, not my mate, but still my confidant, and my closest friend. Her death had shattered me, and I knew that I needed to find out the truth. But I couldn't do it alone, especially not during a time like this where I was basically exiled from my own pack. I needed help, and I didn't know who to turn to. I had kept my real identity hidden from Zoya, and I couldn't risk exposing her to danger.
I sat down on the edge of the couch and took a deep breath. I needed a plan, a way to find out the truth without risking anyone else's safety, and then it hit me — there was another pack in the valley of the mountains. They weren’t enemies of my pack, but just like any other pack in the world, they too would seize any opportunity to take over if they saw a weakness in my pack’s defenses.
But they might have information and resources that could help me. It was a risky move, but I didn't have any other options. I needed to find out what had happened to Lily, no matter what it took.
I got up from the couch and walked over to the window, staring out at the moonlit forest. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't know if I was ready for the consequences. Still… I couldn't let my fear stop me. Lily's death had left a hole in my heart, in the heart of the pack itself, and I needed to find out who was truly responsible for this.
With a deep breath, I made my decision. I would go to the valley of the mountains and find the other pack. I would approach them with caution, but I would do whatever it took to get the help I needed.
As I made my way out of the house and into the forest, my mind was consumed by thoughts of Lily and Zoya. I knew that my jealousy was foolish, but I couldn't help it. I cared about Zoya more than I wanted to admit, no doubt a side effect of the mate bond, and the thought of losing her to someone else filled me with a deep sadness and unbridled rage. But I couldn't think about that now. I needed to focus on finding out the truth about Lily's death first.
As I disappeared into the darkness of the forest, I knew that the road ahead would be dangerous and uncertain. But I was determined to find out what had happened to Lily, no matter the cost.