“There are perceptions of legato that we can create using this slow reverberation and horizontal nature,” our conducting professor, Professor Ward Leighton, says as he sways his baton left and right. A dozen of us are holding violins in the studio performance room. “It is light in the sense of floating through time without any resistance or shift in speed,” the professor continues. “Play the second stanza.”
My gaze automatically goes to the score. We’re performing the Salut d’Amour.
I rest the violin on my left shoulder, my face angled against the chinrest, and my fingers gently resting on the fingerboard. I tune to the first string and float the horsehair over the A string with the bow. While our Professor swings his baton and left hand in delicate, careful waves, my fellow undergraduates and I play in unison, producing a soft, melodious, incessant sound.
He cuts the play after four staff lines and continues with his lesson.
“Perhaps we can go for a denser legato with tension on each note. The best way to think about it is that instead of the smooth air you’re moving through, we’re shifting through thick air or possibly heavy water.” He waves his arm back and forth and comes to a halt before moving in the opposite direction.
“If I want to change directions,” Professor Leighton repeats the motion again, “I’m going to come across some resistance coming back from the other way. It does not simply flow through. This will result in a thicker, louder, or even strong sound. Let’s give it a shot.”
We play the same verse, but the professor alters the strength of his wave, resulting in a much more intense sound than the first. It’s still horizontal, and there’s no quick rebound, but it’s changing directions more dramatically than just floating.
That is very informative. I know because Lora’s eyes have a gleam to them. This is one of her best subjects.
“I heard this class is collaborating with Sebastian Records,” Professor Leighton says. “If you understand this and have mastered the flow of your rhythm through conducting, you will be able to create a lot of commendable music for the competition...”
After the lecture, each of us exits the studio classroom. Kristoff, on the other hand, was standing by the door, waiting. Lora shoots him a glare, but I can’t look at him because I still think of his conversation with Julian this morning.
“Hey, can we talk?” His voice is almost beseeching.
Lora waits until everyone has left before speaking. “Are you serious, Kristoff? What else do you need? Wasn’t it enough that your mother humiliated her? Let me just say that I don’t trust you with Candice, too.”
I grab my best friend’s arm. “It’s fine.” I turn to face Kristoff. I can’t tell him what’s going on with Julian and me right now, but he deserves to know there’s no point in continuing because I’m not coming back to him.
“Anya, please,” he begs. “If you just let me apologize.”
“Fine, let’s talk. I don’t have any more classes today.”
His eyes shine. “Can we go somewhere private?”
“Better.”
“Are you sure about this?” Lora asks me.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” I reassure her.
She sighs. “I’ll see you at home, then.”
“Sure. We have homework to finish.” I give her a friendly smile.
After that, Kristoff and I walked toward the school lobby. I also need to text Julian to let him know I won’t be able to come to his office today.
“Hold on.” I stop for a moment before pulling my phone from my pocket.
“What is it?” Kristoff inquires, his gaze fixed on my phone.
“I need to message, uh, someone.”
Me: I can’t make it today. Kristoff wants to talk. I’m sorry, but I have to do this.
Julian replied right away.
Julian: It’s fine. Let me know whatever happens, okay?
I grin as I read his message. I guess I have nothing to be concerned about.
Me: I will :)
I return my phone to my pocket and look up at Kristoff. “Shall we?”
His features harden. “Who are you texting?”
“Just someone.”
He puckers his lips into a thin line, but he gives up. “Fine.”
The coffee shop is across Whitlock, so we don’t need to walk any further. Kristoff lines up at the counter service as usual, and I don’t need to tell him what I want to drink since we do this all the time. When he returns, he’s holding a tray of Frappuccino and Americano, as well as macarons.
He sets the blended coffee on the table and sits across from me.
“What’s up?” I begin.
“Like I said, let me apologize to you.”
“I know you’re still mad at me, but you haven’t heard anything yet—”
“It’s okay, Kristoff,” I assert. “I know what you’re going to say. You’ll insist on and justify what you did wrong. It’s always this way.”
“Am I like that?”
“We promised. We talked about disloyalty, but you still did it. You should’ve told me about Lora’s sister from the start.”
He grips the hot surface of his cup. “I know where I went wrong, and I’m truly sorry. I’m just afraid.”
“Of losing me? That is exactly what happened now.”
His jaw stiffens. “You really want to end this now?”
I remain silent. I take a sip of my frappuccino to relax.
“I’m sorry about what my mother did.”
“Mm, and she’ll never do that to me again,” I promise emphatically. “I’ll make sure of that. See? She’s already won.”
“I just can’t accept that this is over,” he whispers unbelievably. “It hurts to see you like this, knowing you’re no longer mine. I can’t, Anya. I’m sure you feel the same way—”
“Uh-huh. I don’t,” I cut him off again. “I no longer feel that way about us. This is not about me or you anymore. Other people are involved. Hurt. Candice and her family, as well as yours. It’s complicated.”
“Then wait for me. I’ll make things right, and we can go back to how things were.”
“How are you going to pull that off? I don’t think you even explained everything to me. It seems like there’s still something you’re not telling me.”
“But aren’t we happy, Anya?”
“We were,” I admit, “and I’m grateful for that. Honestly, I don’t want to lose our friendship. I’m still mad at you, but believe it or not, I still care for you. It’s just not the way you think.”
His features become dejected and lost. “That’s fine with me. It means you still have feelings for me.”
“You’re not listening to me! I don’t want to give you false hope, but I want to be honest about how I feel about everything. Your family hates me, and in the eyes of everyone, I am someone you dumped for Candice.”
“I told you I could fix it. I’ll tell everyone that what they heard wasn’t true, but only at the right time. Just give me a little more time. Please, Anya, I’ll lose my mind if I lose you.”
I can see the sincerity in his eyes, but he and I are done.
“I’m seeing someone now, Kristoff,” I confess.
His complexion pales. “What?”
“What I feel for him is special.”
“Already? That’s bullshit!”
“We knew each other before I met you. Like you and Candice, I’ve had a crush on someone for a long time. I still feel the same way about him after a few years.”
“So you’ve cheated on me too?” he accuses angrily.
I shake my head in disbelief. “How dare you say that! You were the one who cheated on me. I wasn’t seeing anyone when I was dating you. I also never lied to you. That’s where we differ.”
He clenches his teeth. “Do I know him?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. Not yet.” I know how much he looks up to Julian, and telling him now would only make matters worse.
“So I do know him.” His hand tightens into a fist.
“Kristoff, I just want to say we should stop this.”
“Whatever you say. But this is not the end for me,” he insists. “I’ll take whatever you can give me for now. It doesn’t matter if it’s your friendship. I’ll try harder to win you back.” He drinks his coffee straight and then gets up. “I’m sorry. I just need to process this. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Kristoff slams his cup down with a thud and rushes out of the coffee shop, leaving me speechless.