I’ve only seen such a vast estate in movies. We go down a long hallway with white, glossy tiled flooring and a lot of doors, much like at a fancy hotel. Before making a left turn into another hall, Julian’s bedroom is at the front. My heart is throbbing at an erratic pace when he opens the door.
“Wow. I didn’t expect this,” I mumble as I find a king-sized mattress with blue and white linens, concert posters and a classical guitar on the wall, black carpeting, a desk, a bookshelf, and a collection of plaque discs and a phonograph in a corner.
“I like collecting stuff.”
“I can imagine what your adolescence was like. My teenage years were tough for me. It’s a miracle I survived.”
His expression darkens. “What was it like?”
“Um, I think we should settle. I didn’t bring anything, though.” I feel queasy in jeans.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He heads straight for his walk-in closet. I crane my neck to watch him check the doors. “Come. Choose what appeals to you.”
I amble over to the row of women’s wear. Dresses, shirts, pants, sleepwear, and even underwear are available. Nicely styled and color coordinated. Julian’s clothes are to the side.
My mouth drops. Are these Stella’s?
No, no. This can’t possibly be hers. These are too small for her...
Julian chuckles. “These belong to you. I had them ready before we arrived.”
“Oh.” My heartbeat miraculously slows. “So you had already planned to bring me here?”
“I was going to surprise you, but Stella showed up at my door the afternoon after my meeting. I’m sorry about that.”
“You still need to explain.”
“I know.”
I reach for the one that’s pink with puffy sleeves. “Who picked these? They’re so pretty.”
“Mika, my mother’s stylist, and had it sent here. I hope I got the size right.” Julian watches me as I look through the clothes.
“Did the stylist empty the store for this weekend trip? Why so many?”
“So you have plenty of options.” His mouth curls up. “But she’s just probably ecstatic. She’s never done this before.”
“Really? Not even for your mom?”
“Mom prefers making trips to the store to try out all of her fancies.”
“How about Stella?”
His expression stiffens. “No. She hates Mika’s selections.”
I scrunch up my nose and look back at the closet. “She’s my total opposite.”
“And that’s a good thing.”
Silence.
I chose silk lavender sleepwear and a pair of black lace lingerie. They’re all beautiful, and the fabric feels incredibly soft. Mika’s style is exquisite. How could Stella hate these?
Or Julian probably allowed her to be spoiled. I know because he likes doing that to me. Julian has a way of making women fall hard for him.
He looks at me from the side, his arms over his chest.
“Did Rachel like her?”
“Much like a daughter. She always wanted a daughter.”
Can’t he just lie to make me feel better? She’s probably slept in this room, changed into this closet, and made love with him in his bed. I know they’re already exes, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
“But that was before,” he adds.
“So if I do something bad, she’ll hate me too?” It’s troubling that your boyfriend’s family disapproves of your relationship.
“That’s not how it works. Stella betrayed not only me, but my entire family.”
“Okay.” I swallow dryly, shutting the closet. “I’ll just take a shower.”
“Wait.” He gently grabs my arm. “Are we okay?”
“Yes. Why wouldn’t we be?”
He releases me and nods. “Go on.”
I turn away and look for the bathroom. Fortunately, it was the first door I opened on the left side of the bed. As expected, his bathroom had to be bigger than my bedroom. There’s a shower room, a jacuzzi, and a mirror that’s round enough to see my dreadful reflection with a jealous face.
I shake my head.
Oh, and how convenient! There are new toothbrushes, fresh towels, haircare, and shower gel provided on the vanity.
I strip quietly and stand under the warm shower.
Soon after, I head back to the bedroom, where I find Julian on the phone. He looks at me and motions for me to sit on the bed. I obey.
“Yes, I’m with her.” He hangs up the call and tosses his phone on the bed.
“Is it Peter? He’s a nice guy.”
“He is.” He perches next to me. “We talked about your song. He presented the first arrangement to Ophelia. She’d like to meet you after her concert, which I believe you have tickets to.”
At last! Good news. “I got two from Peter. I hope to take Lora with me.”
“Since I’ll be helping you with your score rearrangement, you can count on my involvement. Did Peter tell you about it? I promise not to change your style.”
“I like how you arranged it. It’s fine.”
“I’m sorry if I didn’t get your permission. I just think your song deserves to be out there.”
“No, it’s fine. I should be grateful. This is all I’ve ever dreamed of, and it’s why I’m in Whitlock.” I remember the secret Peter shared with me. This is also the way to bring Julian back into the mainstream.
“I still helped a little, but Peter doesn’t just choose songs from aspiring composers because I told him to. Have you made your decision?”
“I want to do it, but I need time. I’d like to see Ophelia’s concert first. Julian, I’m honored. She’s young, but she’s already famous, which excites me. I hope we clicked.”
He captures my hand. “She’ll be delighted to sing your song, and then we’ll work on the lyrics.”
I nod. We’re making progress. Music has become our way of being together, so I’ll use it to make this relationship work. Instead of just going with the flow, I’d like to do something for the first time. I want to keep Julian close to me. Make him mine.
I love him.I can finally admit it. There’s no point in holding back.
I’m jealous because I love and admire him. I chose him because I love him. And I don’t want this to end because... I love him!
He’s given me even more than I deserve. It’s only fair that I reciprocate by trusting in him. I’m telling him everything about me.
To get myself ready, I take a good, deep breath.
“Can I tell you a little about myself?”
He cocks his head to the side, his lips curling up. It’s as if he’s trying to read my thoughts with his eyes. “Right now?”
“I want to trust you. No, I already trust you, so I won’t hold back anymore, Julian.”
His shoulders relax. He’s been waiting for this, but never forced me to say anything. He’s patient. He’s always treated me with respect, even though I’ve asked him for many things.
His eyes gleam. “Were you holding back?”
“Hey, you understand what I mean. I’m not an outgoing person. I choose my friends, I say only what I want to say, and I’m holding a lot inside me I’ve been trying to bury for a long time.”
“Hold on.” He searches for my gaze. “Are you sure? There’s no need to rush. You can tell me when you’re really ready.”
“I’m ready. But can we talk outside? I feel like I need a good outdoor view when I cry.” I grin to relieve my tension.
He laughs, amused. “We don’t need to go outside.” He gets to his feet and slides the white curtains open, showing me a balcony with two reclining chairs facing the beach. Julian then pushes the window panes.
“Wow.”
“Come.” He extends his hand to me. “Oh, get a blanket. It’s freezing.”
I do as he says and wrap the soft fleece around my body.
“Glorious!” I look around, and from where we’re standing, I see a significant portion of the estate. From a distance, I can see the pool and the garden.
Then I curl up on the chair, tucking my feet under the blanket.
Julian sits in the other chair. “Is this a good view?”
“It’s perfect. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. I was going to spread you out on my bed tonight, but I guess that will have to wait.” A smirk forms on the corners of his mouth.
My laughter broke out. “You kept me from doing my homework this weekend, so we have plenty of time!”
“Right. So, what can’t wait until tomorrow?”
“Mm.” I nod, undecided of what to say first. Ah! “There was this guy I really liked. It’s not Kristoff.”
“Oh, the guy who left you.”
“I met Hayden when I was fifteen. He was gorgeous, sweet, well-liked by many, British, and a hopeless romantic. He was a classmate. He, too, loved singing. I used to play the piano for him all the time. He was my first kiss.”
“Getting really dreamy, huh? I didn’t realize you still had feelings for someone else.”
“Not in that way.”
He rolls his eyes. “All right, continue.”
“We were inseparable. He liked my mother’s pastries and came to our house every day.”
“What happened to him?”
“Patience. I’m getting there.” I look up at the sky, and the weather is nice. The skies are cloudy, but stars are visible in the darkness. “But you’re right. He left me. He left on the same day he told me he loved me.”
“So he’s the one that got away.” He smirks, shaking his head.
“He, uh, returned to London, so I never saw him again. I felt bad because I really liked him, but I was young and obviously stupid to let him go.”
“He’s also your first love. Got it.”
I chuckle, amused by his apparent jealousy. “First love? I’m not sure. But if you asked me if I’d moved on, I’d say no.”
His pectorals tighten. “Were you hoping he’d come back? You can’t be serious, Anya.”
“Whoa, it’s not like that. Hayden is not coming back. I wish he would, but that would be terrifying.”
“Why? You obviously still have feelings for him. Is this the reason we can’t fully—”
“Hayden passed away, Julian. That’s why I won’t see him again.” My chest releases a sharp breath, and hot tears sting my eyes. “He had heart failure and had to leave for London. He didn’t tell me, and I didn’t bother trying to find out everything. I regret every moment that I did not properly return his affection.” My eyes land on Julian’s face. He’s assessing me carefully. “I was afraid because I was too young for love. He died in the operating room, but I didn’t find out until a year later when I saw her mother walking around with a box. It was for me.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, then rubs his face. “I truly am.”
I try not to cry, but I can’t stop myself. “I still keep them. We created a handmade scrapbook with our photographs in it. I’ll never forget the look on his mother’s face as she held that box. It scarred me for life. I was so clueless.”
“Oh, precious. You aren’t. He just didn’t tell you because he was afraid you’d get hurt,” Julian says softly.
“Well, I’m hurt. I should’ve said goodbye.”
“But he did say goodbye when he confessed to you.”
“Still! I should’ve known better. Oh, God.” I grunt inwardly as I stretch my arms above my head. “I had no intention of telling anyone. It still hurts. But that’s only the beginning of my woes. The same year Hayden died, my family and I were involved in a car accident...”