“Could we just go somewhere else?” I ask, watching the road as Kristoff drives toward his favorite French restaurant, which also happens to be Julian’s favorite destination for dinner. The maitre d’ has seen me with Julian, and I’m afraid he might ask me about him.
“Why?” He looks over at me. “We like it there.”
“I know. I just want to try something new. Maybe a fast-food hamburger place?”
Kristoff displays a charming grin, clearly delighted. “I’m actually craving pasta, but a hamburger is fine. I had one from Trey’s the other day. Excellent suggestion. Let’s go there.” He drives in the other way of Le Papillon, to the left.
Why did I say hamburger? Probably the first word that sprang to mind. And Trey’s hamburger sizes are much larger than my appetite, but the taste is quite satisfying.
As usual, the fast food place is packed. Inside, I follow Kristoff as he looks for an open seat. We eventually locate one in the back, left corner, for two people, and he leaves me there so he can buy at the counter.
Kristoff shortly returns with two double-patty cheeseburgers, sodas, and French fries. “This is their special for today. Trey’s cheesy beef bomb.”
I smile at the name and the enticing meal. “Because of the cheese puddle on the plate?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, but I’m not sure how to eat this.”
I snort at his amusing response. He’s gazing at the meal, obviously salivating but uncertain where to stick the knife.
In some ways, Kristoff and I are similar. We like dining at restaurants with impossible-to-eat menus.
“Let’s get started.” He cuts the hamburger in half and divides it into four pieces. He puts a fork in a chunk and eats.
“Is it good?”
“Very.” He nods, munching his meal. He wipes the cheese smudges off his lips with a napkin. “You can get one from my plate.” He motions to the other half of his hamburger.
I delicately pierce the hamburger with my fork and take a little mouthful. The cheese immediately melted on my tongue. Sweet, salty, crisp, and umami flavors combine in my mouth.
“This is delicious. I’ve only ever eaten their traditional hamburger,” I explain as I chew. “I can’t remember the last time I ate here. I just don’t think I can finish all of this.”
“Just eat anything you can.” He reaches for his soda and gulps it down.
“I’m thinking of bringing some to Lora.” I take another larger bite. I sigh with delight at the flavor.
This is a nice start. At the very least, the atmosphere between us isn’t awkward.
“So? How will you explain what you said you’d do?” I say.
“Of course.” He swallows and then wipes his mouth. “You probably already heard a bit from Lora,” he adds nonchalantly before popping a piece of Trey’s trademark honey mustard fries.
“Yeah. You broke up with her sister because she left for Germany to study music.”
“We never really broke up officially,” he admits.
“I would never have guessed that.” I keep nibbling on the food to keep the casual atmosphere. Thankfully, the hamburger is delicious.
“I cut off our communication because I was mad at her for leaving me. I wanted to go to Whitlock together, but she didn’t tell me about her plans to leave. Then after a few months, I met you. You are beautiful, smart, and mysterious. I wanted to get to know you. I’m sorry for keeping this from you.”
“You had plenty of chances to tell me about her, Kristoff.” Surprisingly, I don’t feel all that bad.
“I know, I’m just afraid, but you seemed sad back then. I wanted to tell Candice I’d found someone, but the timing wasn’t right.”
“How about now? Did you tell her it’s me?”
“Yes, but she doesn’t care. Let’s just say that she’s too practical. I don’t think she has any deep or genuine feelings for me other than her controlling behavior. It’s actually annoying. She’s so convinced she’s the only one for me.” He shakes his head, chewing another portion of his burger. “But why bother talking about her with you now? We aren’t together anymore.”
I fall silent, unable to speak because I know he’s right.
“I’m a total mess right now, Anya,” he says glumly. “I don’t think I can afford to be away from you. You ignored me in class and walked past me in the cafeteria, making me feel like a stranger to you.”
“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, Kris. But, just so you know, it was unintentional. I just couldn’t think of anything to say to you.”
“You can still talk to me. We were friends before all of this.”
“I know.” I gradually begin to feel guilty. I didn’t pay close attention to his explanations. He’s wrong, but he has reasons that I think are facts. But, as soon as I realized he had betrayed me, I entered into a relationship with Julian. I didn’t look at things from other perspectives.
I don’t, however, regret being with Julian. He makes me feel alive. Just thinking about him sends shivers of excitement down my spine. And the passion that is wringing in me is inexplicable. It’s growing fast deep into my heart.
I was happy with Kristoff, but something was absent in our relationship. Something doesn’t seem to add up.
“But if you were totally serious about me, why did you let Candice believe you would still marry her?”
“Because I feel responsible for her,” he replies flatly. “I promised to look after her.”
“Are you sure you don’t love her? Maybe you were just trying to convince yourself that you didn’t.”
He strokes his hair with his fingers. “I don’t know.”
“It’s either yes or no. You can’t date two women at the same time.”
“Am I such a douche?”
I groan under my breath at his ridiculous inquiry. “You just made it seem like you were. This isn’t you. Do you know what I think?”
He stares at me.
“I think you don’t want to end your relationship with Candice, and playing this ‘win-you-back game’“It’s not. Anya, I still want you.”
“But I’m clearly just your second choice. Why did you always take me home whenever I visited you? Why did you always make me wait for so long on our dates? Was it because you were afraid of betraying your real girlfriend?”
I finally voiced all the concerns I’d been holding for some time. When Julian showed me things I didn’t know before, I became aware of them.
Kristoff remains silent. It’s strange how his series of silences used to anger me, but now they’re just questions I needed answered.
“Answer me, Kristoff. What do you really want?”
“Okay! I’ll explain. You deserve to know.” His shoulders drop. “ I still want to date you, but you were right. I betrayed you and Candice. I couldn’t give you a real relationship because every time we were together, all I could think about was cheating on her.”
“You sound ridiculous. You cheated on me too. You couldn’t even say where your true feelings lie. How about Lora’s sister? Do you love her or not?”
“Alright. Yes, Anya, I’ve loved her,” he says with bated breath.
“Finally, some truth.”
“Though I’m still mad at what she did to me, I’m not sure how I feel about her right now. I should have told her about you, but Mom was always getting in the way, making decisions for me. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make you happy.”
I let a few seconds pass between us so that we could both breathe.
“I get it now,” I say while nodding. “That is all I wanted to hear.”
He lowers his gaze. “You hate me even more now, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t hate you, at least not anymore. But this only proved that we weren’t meant to be together.”
“That’s because you’re already dating another guy.”
“Yes, maybe, but I won’t change my mind even if I’m not seeing someone new. I don’t deserve to be your rebound.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Fix whatever problem you have with Lora’s sister. Some people will get hurt.”
He sniggers. “It’s amusing how you’re suddenly giving me advice.”
“It seems like you could have used one.”
He reaches for my hand and gently squeezes my palm. His thumb brushes against my knuckles. “Hey, are you happy with him?”
I give him a kind grin. “Very.”
He nods, feigning a smile. “It shows. I hope I can just move on as you have.”
“You can. We may not be together anymore, but we can still be friends and support each other.”
“That’s better than just being strangers.” He lets go of my hand and grabs his utensils again. This time, he grins with sincerity. “And I’m still hungry, so I’ll finish this.”
“Hey, the preliminaries are next week. Have you finished your song?” I ask, beginning a new subject. I want to lighten the mood.
“No,” he hums while chomping. “I still couldn’t get anything started.”
“It’s not easy.”
“Oh, would you like to collaborate with me? Maybe I can help you. I need your expertise too.”
I frown, yet I’m on the edge of laughing at him. “But we’re contenders.”
“I think I should give others a chance. I’m already with Sebastian Records, remember? That’s where I got my workshops from Julian.”
I squint at him. “Do you really need to emphasize those privileges?”
He laughs with finesse. “Sorry. So you want to collab with me? I’m free on Monday afternoon.”
“Do you think I’ll be able to finish it before Wednesday? The competition starts on Friday.”
“You can do anything if you put your mind to it.”
We keep talking about everything we used to chat about (minus the romantic subjects). My only concern at this point is how I will tell him Julian is my new boyfriend.
Worse yet, I fear it could ruin their friendship. He’ll be mad at Julian, the man he has always admired.