While Julian makes our dinner, I cozily curl up on his couch in front of the fire. Since I was the guest, he insisted I stay put and leave the cooking to him. I can smell the flavor and aroma but have no idea what he’s preparing.
People say, “A man who can cook is sexy, and a man who can cook well is even better.” He made me breakfast once, and I hadn’t had such a delicious breakfast in years. I also cook my meals, but I’ve been living alone for the past half-decade, so I’m curious if he’s the same way.
“When did you move out of your parents’ house?” I ask, standing in the living room, watching him.
“Ever since I’ve been able to make my own money,” he says, looking up at me. He’s ladling some sort of orange sauce onto a plate. “That was sixteen years ago.”
I do a mental count. He’s now thirty-three, so he was seventeen at the time. Our ten-year age difference sometimes overwhelms me. However, many couples have a larger gap than that, so I don’t mind. I think it’s kind of sexy. His masculinity appeals to me, and his success astounds me.
“You’ve been cooking for yourself since then?”
“Yes.”
I walk to the kitchen. I simply can’t sit still while I wait for him to finish, especially since the aroma is in the air.
“What is that?” I inquire. My gaze is drawn to the battered white meat surrounded by the sauce and creamy white toppings.
“Parmigiana chicken. A special meal for a special guest.” He sucks the sauce off the tip of his thumb.
I swallow back my saliva. Damn. I want to taste it too.
“The flavor would pair well with white wine. What do you think?” Julian asks.
“Oh, yes.” I clear my throat. “That sounds good.”
His deep blue eyes peer at me. “Are you okay? You’re blushing.”
“It’s a little hot in here.”
He chuckles. “Do you want me to put out the fire?”
The fireplace isn’t the issue! “Um, no. It’s not necessary. It’s still cold outside.”
“All right, come on. Let’s eat this while it’s still... hotHe returns to the kitchen and grabs the bottle of wine and two glasses. I walk back to the sofa and sit down. He moves the center table closer, then perches next to me.
He slices some chicken and hands me a fork. “Here.”
“Thanks.” I take a scrumptious bite, and the cheese instantly melts in my mouth, complementing the chicken’s spices. “Oh my goodness. This is delicious!”
His eyes glimmer. “I’m glad you like it.” He also consumes a piece before opening the Domaine Coch-Dury chardonnay wine. He pours it into our glasses and hands one to me. “Now, try this.”
I take a big gulp of the wine, and immediately my mouth feels like it’s been filled with colorful fireworks. It’s sweet, creamy, delicate, and juicy all at the same time. “God, this is incredible. This is how it is. Thank you!”
He lets out a soft laugh. “Spoiling you with food is definitely addicting, Ms. Scott.”
“Mm—why?”
“I get a variety of reactions from you. I hope you allow me to lavishly spoil you.”
My cheeks begin to warm up again. “Careful, professor. I might get used to it.”
“I’m not going to stop you.” He pierces a piece with his fork and tries to feed me. “Ah...”
I gladly nibble the chicken. On the other hand, if it’s the professor, I’d love to be spoiled. It seems like everything Julian does has an effect on me. Even the sound of his breathing sends a shiver down my spine. I’m getting used to his generosity... his courtesy... his concern...
It’s actually quite unnerving. An unexpected sad thought arises in the back of my mind.
How long is this going to last? In the coming weeks? Months? Perhaps next year? Or maybe he’d forget about me and leave if another woman of equal caliber entered his life.
I’m destined to be alone. I have no long-term friends, family, or relationships. I had two boyfriends: one died, and the other chose to betray me.
I met a lot of good people and made a lot of new friends, but none of them stayed. I won’t be surprised if Lora forgets about me when we graduate because that always happens. Losing friends is nothing new to me.
I never asked Kristoff strange questions because I assumed he was well aware of my reservations, but if I could, I’d ask him, “When are you leaving me?”
“Come again?” Julian’s voice snaps me back to reality.
“What?”
“What did you just ask me?”
Crap. Did I say it out loud?
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t for you.”
Julian speaks again after a brief pause. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You look sad. Behind your lovely smiles, you seem so very lonely to me,” he says quietly, setting his glass down.
A lump catches in my throat. “I’m really okay.”
“You’re not running away from this again.” He hovers his arm on my shoulders, cornering me. “What made you think I’d leave? We discussed this before.”
“It’s just a random thought,” I explain, hoping he buys it.
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“Then, if I am to answer that, can I be frank with you?”
“Of course. I’d like to hear what you have to say.”
“Because after all this, when you were done, you would leave me too. My beliefs about this won’t change. Nothing lasts forever,” I state unequivocally, looking up at his face. “You’ll meet someone you can be proud of and introduce to your family. I’ll never assume it’s me.”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
“Because.”
His jaw ticks hard. “Are you still talking about Kristoff or me?”
“No, but in a broad sense.”
“We haven’t even started, and you’re already thinking about the end? So, what’s the point of all of this?” his voice slightly rises.
“Believe me, it feels good to be in someone’s care, to be special, but I’m no longer hoping. This is me being truthful with you.”
“Isn’t that a little more difficult?”
Oh, God. I’m probably not making sense to him. I finish the remaining wine in my glass and put it away. I turn my body to the side, facing him.
“Look at me, Julian.” I place my palms on his cheeks. “I mean, just look at me. I don’t have anything else to offer you, whereas you clearly have everything.”
“That’s the point, Anya,” he murmurs, his stunning sapphire eyes examining me. “I already have everything. Except you.” He takes my hand and brings it to his mouth.
I shudder. I suddenly feel vulnerable in front of him. “Why me? You can find a better woman than me.”
“Shh. You’re right. I can. But the only woman I really want is playing hard to get.”
I sniffle, then chortle. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.” His brow furrows as if he is in distress. “Do you still love Kristoff?”
“No, it isn’t that. I don’t think it’s ever been like that with him.”
I have a special affection for Kristoff, but not to the point of falling in love with him. I’m still angry with him for betraying me. I restrained myself from giving too much to protect my heart because I knew he’d leave eventually, which he did.
But can I really do this now? Can I give Julian everything I am? What if what I’m afraid of comes true? What will happen to me then?
“Anya, you can trust me,” he mumbles as if he can read my thoughts.
His voice is like my favorite sound, urging me to simply give in. What did I do to deserve such a stunningly beautiful man?
I’m terrified and ecstatic about what he’s capable of, but I’m afraid I won’t see it if I refuse. I want to share a lot of experiences with him. All I have to do is allow myself to be happy, even if it is only for a short time.
“I’m going to ask you again. Are you sure you want to do this with me?”
“If I said no, I’d be lying.”
“So, what else is bothering you?”
My tears stream down my cheeks. I’ll be breaking promises I made to myself right now. “I don’t want to be left alone. It’s lonely. You’re right. I’m lonely.”
“Anya.” He locks his gaze on mine. “You are not alone. At least not right now.”
A leap of hope blossoms in my heart. “You’re only saying that now.”
“At the right time, you’ll realize you’re not, and you’ll be surprised.”
“You don’t even know me well enough to say that.”
“I know you better than you think.”
I stare at him. Is there anything I can say to which he doesn’t have an answer?
How could he possibly know who I am? On the surface, I appear to be a cheerful and academically inclined college student, but I had a difficult start in life. My past shaped me into the person I am today, which is why I struggle to give my all to the current events in my life. I always prepare myself in case something bad happens in the future.
“Now, back to the subject.” Julian tucks my hair behind my ear. “All I ask is that you trust me. I don’t expect you to, but at least try. Don’t you like this too?”
“I do.”
“Good.” He kisses the top of my head. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”
I cup his face and marvel at his magnificent male beauty. “How kind and generous you are to me. I’m surprised you’d want someone like me.”
“And I thought we’d moved on from that. You have such high regard for me.”
“Because you are perfect.”
“I’m far from perfect,” he whispers. “I’m just a normal guy who wants a woman. She is, however, my student. How fucked up is that? If only I had met you under different circumstances, I’d have moved things along sooner.”
“But I like this better. I want the rush of seeing you in front of the class, knowing that the professor they respect wants me.” I trace my forefinger across his chest.
He takes a deep, gruff breath and examines my face as if I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. “Getting possessive already? For one second, I thought we were going backward.”
“I was just saying that I’m afraid of what might happen to us, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop this. Am I not allowed to consider that?”
He brings his face closer to mine, and our lips almost touch. “Sure, but only if you let me claim you the same way.”
I smile in the space between our breaths. “Then I’m all yours.”
His eyes darken. I’m guessing he got the provocation. “Are you sure?”
“I’m not seeing anyone right now, professor,” I croon.
“Ah, yes.” A gleam of satisfaction sparks in his expression. “You broke up with your boyfriend. Would you like to spend the night with me, Ms. Scott?”
I playfully bite my bottom lips. “Where would I sleep?”
An impish grin spreads across his face. “In my bed, next to me.”
“Are we really crossing the line now, professor?”
“Alright. I’ve had enough of your teasing.” He springs to his feet, glides his arms behind my knees, and lifts me.
“Hey!” I squeal with delight. I wrap my arms around his neck.
“I’ll devote myself to you, Anya. Starting tonight...”