EMILY
"I was with Carson," I confessed.
"Carson?" Seth's brows arched up, "Why does that name sound familiar?"
I bit my lip, pushing my hair behind my ear, not wanting to look straight into his blazing hot stare.
"Who is this guy you were with?" He pushed, "Emily, look at me."
"Remember I told you that story?"
Seth huffed, throwing his fork and spoon onto the plate with a loud clank, "what story?"
"About my first time."
Realization dawned him, and the spark in his eyes from earlier dimmed. "Right. Carson. So you just randomly met with him for a coffee date?"
"No. He caught up with me in the parking lot and since he's new to the school and needed some help with his notes—"
"Wait a fucking minute. He goes to our school?"
"Yeah. You met him during Spanish." I was blabbering and squirming under his heated gaze. "He took your seat."
He gave out a humorless laugh, but underneath that cool exterior, I knew he was losing it. "I thought you said you hardly knew him. It didn't look like that to me at all. You guys seemed pretty close."
"We're not. He's just super friendly."
"You mean super clingy?"
"He's just..."
"I waited two goddam hours for you at home thinking you were running errands when in reality you were out on a date with your ex."
I stared at him in horror. "He's not my ex!"
"Your first fuck...whatever." He snapped, "I thought we discussed that we wouldn't date other people while we are spending time with each other."
"But it wasn't a date!"
"Sure. It was just you and him in a cozy coffee shop drinking coffee, maybe sharing a piece of chocolate cake, and picking up where you left off."
Heat burned my face. We did share a cake, Seth wouldn't know that. He was just making a wild guess which by some miracle happened to be true. "Carson met me after a long time! I wasn't in touch with him for two years like I told you, so I felt guilty for blowing him off...
Seth's gaze turned murderous.
"Not blow him in the literal sense. I never blew him. I mean I felt guilty for ignoring him."
At this point, I was just making this even worse.
"Do you have a thing for him, Emily? Be honest with me. A ten percent crush?"
"No. I don't see him that way."
"Because he's clearly still into you. I can feel it and he might want to get back with you."
I laughed, "get back with me? I don't think so. I’m still the same girl he lost his virginity to out of desperation. The same…“fat girl” but he’s not the same. It’s like you haven’t looked at me properly.”
"I'm looking at you and what I see is a hot girl with a serious inferiority complex that I'm getting a little tired of."
That felt like he'd slapped me in the face. There was a compliment in the start and then the ugly truth laced with it.
He threw the napkin onto the table, "you know what. I'm done here." He stood up, scraping the chair against the floor, and walked to the kitchen with his plate. “Do whatever you want. But if you’re going to date him, our deal’s off.”
"I'll tell him you're my boyfriend." I blurted out. “We can pretend to be in a relationship.”
"No fucking way!" He snapped, turning around to face me, hands folded across his chest.
"Why not? You wouldn't like us being seen with each other in school?"
"Don't do this, Emily. You know why we can't! You told me his family has connections with yours. If your dad finds out, my mom's job is gone! She needs the money, so do I...I can't screw this up."
I threw my hands into the air. “I don’t understand what you want from me! Am I someone convenient to have a little fun with behind closed doors?" Tears tethered my vision.
"You knew exactly what we were getting into the night you came into the studio and disrobed. We weren't doing anything under pretense."
"Answer my question, Seth. What are we doing?"
He was quiet and then softly he said, "I don't know, but I care about you and I like you. Due to the circumstances right now, we can't go any further from what we initially decided because I cannot risk this. Maybe if you weren't filthy rich, things could have been different between us."
"Oh, so now this is my fault?" I asked him. Hurt stabbed into me repeatedly. "I'm so sorry my dad's a rich man."
"You're so out of my league, it's hilarious." He scoffed.
With that sentence, he'd created a concrete brick wall between us.
I sat there, dumbfounded watching him as dumped the plates into a dishwasher.
I had never known this side of Seth.
He had a vicious temper and he was rude when he was angry.
My plate was half-eaten. Our dinner date was a disaster, courtesy of a text from Carson.
Carson was an excuse to show me the picture of reality. Seth and I were never going to happen.
His back was towards me as he worked against the counter.
I climbed to my feet, leaving the plate there on the table, and started leaving the room when he called out to me.
"I meant what I said. I like you and I want to continue what we have, but you get to call the shots on us. I always keep the door of my room unlocked for you. If you want this to stop, I'll start locking it."
"You're a hypocrite." I said, giving out a bitter laugh, "You get all territorial when a guy talks to me but then you refuse to be with me either."
"Emily—"
"Fuck you, Seth." I said, “Thanks for dinner and good night.”
I grabbed my stuff and made it half-way up the stairs when my throat was thickened with a sob. Disappointment and frustration tore through me as I slammed the bedroom door shut and buried my face in the pillows.
I’d called him a hypocrite but wasn’t I a hypocrite too?
I’d known full well what I was getting myself into when I’d dared him to kiss me the night we got drunk. I knew we couldn’t take our relationship outside of these four walls and believed that I would be okay.
But it was not okay!
Seth was right. He was being practical about the entire situation. If Dad or Cale got word that I was sleeping with Seth, they’d throw him out and Ruth would lose her job. My dad had enough power to do worse and I didn’t even want to think about the damage it would cause.
Seth was jealous and I’d tried to use his jealously to get what I wanted. A real, actual relationship with him.
My phone buzzed with texts.
Seth: I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.
Carson: Did you know? Lobsters communicate with their bladders. And the bladders are on either side of their heads. I mean, wtf!
Despite having cried a river, I had to laugh at Carson’s random nerdiness.
I could have chatted with Carson but it just felt wrong right now like I was about to cheat on Seth which was stupid considering that we would never be in a relationship.
I was needy and desperate to talk to someone. Someone who wouldn’t judge me for being selfish.
I scrolled through my contacts and stopped at the name that at one point in time had been my lifeline.
The phone rang on the other end for a few minutes until it was answered.
“Indie, hey! Can we talk?”
“Of course, sweetness, what’s up?”
I couldn’t help it as I started crying on the phone while I relayed to my best friend about the disaster that was my love life.
*~*
SETH
I expected some hostility on Emily’s part. I was completely ready to get a cold-shoulder for a week and had strategized about how I was going to diffuse the tension between us and get her to talk if nothing else.
My temper could blow a gasket when it came to Emily and other guys. I’d hated that he had taken my seat, but it got even worse when I got to know who Carson was. He was her first, and even though they didn’t have a history, it still killed me to think he’d been inside her.
Before me.
That was reason enough for me to shit all over the date and kill the romantic vibe.
I had never given two shits when the girls I hooked up with also dated other guys. That type of possessiveness never came to me, not until Emily. She was messing with me unintentionally.
I’d left her a text at night telling her I was sorry and hadn’t gotten a response which was understandable after the fight we had.
Imagine my bafflement when I woke up to the first dregs of sunlight to find a soft, warm body snuggled against me under the covers, manicured fingers laying possessively over my stomach.
I thought we weren’t going to talk?
Hadn’t she been clear last night that she didn’t want anything with me if there wasn’t going to be a relationship?
What happened between then and now?
Did I miss something?
Why the fuck were girls so complicated?
I picked up her hand and interlocked her fingers with mine.
And like a creepy asshole that I was, I watched while she slept.
My dick went hard when I noticed that she wasn’t wearing anything other than lacy underwear. Her breasts were pressed against my body, our legs tangled together. My gaze lingered over her body, stripping down the insecurities she had with it. I wish I could make her believe that she was beautiful the way she was.
I swiped the hair away from her face and kissed her forehead.
I wanted her to know how much she meant to me but baring my soul would only make things worse.
It’s not that I was against being in a relationship with Emily. If anything, that was all I wanted since I got to know her.
But she and I were never going to happen and as much I would try to convince myself that we would find a way, I wasn’t sure if there really was. She thought it was so easy to just be together because we wanted to.
A guy like me would only take her down with me.
Especially with all that I’ve left behind.
She thought I was pushing her away but in reality, I was trying to save her from a lot of heartaches. I liked living in this lie, I liked how she was wrapped around me, feeling safe, not knowing about my past.
I didn’t think it would be the same, not when she finds out that I’d been to juvenile prison.