This felt like taking a knife to my heart and being stabbed by it relentlessly. Suddenly, it was too hard to breathe, my lungs were lacking oxygen. Carson's punches to my gut would have been less hurtful.
The look of disgust on Emily's face was all that I needed to see that the damage was done. I'd fucked up pretty badly, and this shit was irreversible.
Fucking Roland and Shane.
Emily had thrown me out of her bedroom, slammed the door on my face, and locked it behind her. I stood outside for a while and it killed me to hear her loud sobs erupting from the room. It was torturous knowing I had caused her that much pain, and I couldn't even hold her and make her understand that I didn't mean any of it.
Just because I'd accepted the bet while I was high and didn't remember it, it did not mean that everything was going to be fine and dandy.
I had to find a way to fix this. Emily was angry and hurt so her reaction wasn't a surprise even though I wished it was a little different. I'd done the worst possible thing I could think of.
Reluctantly, I started packing my suitcase. There was no place for me here, she wanted me to leave the house and I could understand that she wouldn't want me to keep showing my face to her when all she wanted to do was punch me.
I packed my bag with all the essentials and decided to call the owner of my old place. George was a chill person, and he'd been in touch with me while I stayed here and had made it known that I was always welcome again.
If he refused, I’d have to find another place to crash.
I texted him.
Me: Hey man, I want to move into the house again. Preferably tonight. It’s kinda urgent. Can I come to collect the keys?
I received a text from him almost immediately.
George: Sure, buddy. Your old stuff's still in there. I never rented the place out to someone else.
Me: Appreciate it so much, Thanks! I'm on my way.
George: Everything alright?
Me: Yeah, all good.
I looked around the studio that I’d called my home for months. It was a mess and I decided to come back to get all the remaining things later.
After I was done packing, I grabbed the keys to my car and made my way outside. Although I was tempted to walk upstairs to her room and beg her to take me back, I knew she needed time for the reality to sink in. She wouldn't be angry for long.
At the back of my mind, I had a sinking feeling that things weren't going to get better anytime soon.
I pulled out my phone again and dialed the only person I knew who was still my friend.
She answered on the first ring.
"Hey."
"Sky...listen..." I couldn't keep the tremors out of my voice, "I fucked up badly. Can you please call Emily and talk to her?"
She went silent for a beat. "What did you do?"
"That's the thing. It wasn't intentional. I'll tell you about it later. Can you call her and please talk to her.”
"Sure, but you'll have to tell me what the fuck you did, Seth."
"I'll call you back soon."
I dumped my luggage into the backseat and drove away from there, watching the house get tiny in the rearview mirror.
*~*
EMILY
I spent half the night bawling my eyes out, and the other half tossing and turning. When I finally got some sleep, it was already six a.m. and time for school. What's even worse, I'd fallen asleep in my date night clothes with the makeup still on.
I'd hoped that when I woke up in the morning, this would just be a very bad nightmare, but turns out it was reality. Seth had confessed to making a bet with his friends while he was drunk, a bet that involved him sleeping with the fat girl in school.
He was the last person I thought who was capable of hurting me but then again, the people you love are the people who end up hurting you so much. Seth had not only broken my heart into a million pieces, but he'd also trampled on it until it was flat against the ground, and then hit it numerous times with his hockey stick just to make sure it stayed wrecked.
I reluctantly dragged myself into the shower to wash off the remnants of the efforts I put into getting dressed up for a date night with a guy who wanted money in exchange for fucking me.
I could almost envision Indie laughing and saying 'Told you so, bitch'
I dreaded walking into the kitchen and finding breakfast there but to my surprise, there wasn't anything.
Good. He knew he screwed up and thought he was better off not wasting his creativity in the kitchen because no amount of animal-shaped fruits was going to make this better.
I noticed the keys to the studio placed near the table near the mini-water fountain in the foyer which only meant he'd left and moved into his old place where he stayed when he initially moved into town.
I sat in the car in the school parking lot for a good ten minutes, giving myself a pep talk that stuff like this happened all the time, that this was better than Seth cheating on me with another girl but no matter how much I compared it to different scenarios, it didn't change the fact that he thought I was an easy fuck and preferred the money over me.
For the zillionth time, I wiped my eyes with tissues and fixed my makeup.
Time for showtime.
I stabbed my eyes a few times with the mascara wand and reapplied a heavy amount of my matte lipstick, made it red hot.
I'd traded the baggy sweaters for a very short lemon fril dress, that was a mix of adorable and sexy. It had a low enough neckline that my breasts teased at the top and I matched the dress with boots. I'd tied my wavy hair in a matching yellow hair ribbon.
When I walked through the hallways, I heard some whistles and a few hoots which were from the football team. I refused to cover behind oversized clothes and be tagged as "the poor fat girl who got pranked" so I'd rather be called a skank looking for attention, that's what I was going to be called anyway.
I didn't need a stupid jock to show me what I was worth. While I put a brave front for everyone to see, inside I was a sobbing mess.
He wasn't in my class during Spanish or the other two classes we took together which was great because I was not in a mood to see him.
But my luck ran out during lunch time. If I'd eaten a wholesome breakfast and not just a convenience store croissant, I would have skipped lunch but my stomach growled loudly telling me that it was time to eat. I had no other choice but to sit in his vicinity and his teammates.
I bought a slice of pizza with more grease than cheese. There was also a side dish of potato wedges and ketchup with a cartoon of flavored milk. After a few bites of the pizza, I gave it up. To be honest, I was going to miss Seth's cooking but I'd survived before, didn't I? I would be okay once again. It would be hard to explain all this to his mother but there was no other way around it.
"Look at you girl, the entire school's talking about your sexy outfit." Sky complimented as she took a seat opposite me.
I'd imagined she would be sitting with Seth and taking his side on this but I was glad she'd chosen me instead. Thankfully, all was not lost.
"Let them talk."
"Emily, I'm always here if you want to talk about it, okay?" she gave me a warm smile.
"Thanks, Sky. You have to know that just because you’re Seth’s best friend, it doesn't mean we can't be friends too. I won't ask you to choose."
"What? Did you guys break up?" That was Carson. He'd materialized out of thin air which was ironic since a guy his size could never go unnoticed.
He put his homemade food on the table and took his seat beside me. He was very particular about his diet and preferred to eat what was cooked by his family’s personal chef.
"That idiot screwed up big time when he broke your heart so no, I'm not talking to that jackass until he fixes this." Sky clarified.
"He can't fix it, Sky. Something like that is not something that can be fixed! I'm not taking him back, like ever!"
"Okay, okay...fine. Let's talk about something else."
"Why is everyone pretending that I'm invisible?" Carson asked, "Emily, why did you break up?"
"Carson, this has nothing to do with you, okay? Stop talking loudly and bringing the entire school's attention to us! That's the last thing I need right now!"
"Fine, but I just wanted to know the reason you and Seth broke up." His voice went another notch up.
"Hey, Emily..."
I turned around to find Ian Palmer, one of the guys from the basketball team. He was one of the sweet, thoughtful guys who wasn't a manwhore like the rest of the hot guy from our school.
I was glad for the interruption but I was also surprised he knew my name.
"Um..." he looked nervous. "You look hot today." His gaze dropped to my chest and then quickly to my face.
"Thanks."
"I heard you broke up with Seth."
That had to be because Carson was screaming at the top of his lungs like freakin Tarzan.
"That's right."
He cleared his throat, "I was wondering if I can take you out for coffee or something?"
From the corner of my eye, I saw Seth sitting alone, away from his jock friends, glaring at us, his jaw going hard.
I looked back at Ian, "sure, why not."
The guy smiled like he'd won the lottery. "Cool." He passed me a piece of paper, "Can I have your number or Snapchat ID so that I can text you?"
"Okay." I pulled out my pen and wrote my number on it. "Here you go."
"Uh...I always thought you were pretty but like you always wore those baggy clothes so I couldn't tell...but now you're..." he laughed, "I mean wow...
"Tone it the fuck down, Buddy."
We all turned towards the tone threatening murder.
Seth stood in front of us and snatched the paper out of Ian's hand, tearing it to tiny pieces, "and she's not a piece of meat, keep your eyes on her face."
"I...I thought she said you guys broke up."
"Seth, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? Why are you giving your number to some random guy you don't even know?"
"That is none of your business!"
He looked crestfallen. Those pure green eyes stared at me like I was the reason his heart was broken.
I pulled out another piece of paper from my notebook, wrote down my number on it, and handed it to Ian.
"Text me."
Seth didn't say anything, he didn't need to, he was silently threatening the poor guy, I hardly believed I was going to get a text from Ian after the look he was giving him.
Seth continued to stand near the table with his hands in his pockets, "I'd just like a few minutes of your time to explain myself."
"You don't have that privilege anymore, now leave me alone."
Carson and Sky didn't say a word so that meant I had their full support.
When classes were over, Seth tried to follow me to my car but I ignored him and threatened to call the police which is when he left me alone.
It was sad coming home to an empty house but I needed to get used to it. I changed out of my dress and sat down in front of the TV with a bucket of Ben & Jerry's.
An hour later, the doorbell rang.
From the window, I saw Seth's old truck parked in the driveway. I was tempted to tell him to get lost but found myself opening the door.
He looked like a mess. Tousled hair and tortured green eyes which looked like they hadn't stopped crying.
He was the one who had taken the bet and he had the audacity to look ashamed, even guilty?
I folded my arms across my chest, "What do you want?"