It took a few weeks, but Jordan and my brother managed to get the Malibu ready to run in The Street King Showdown. I was a little shocked the promoter wanted to finish it. Yes, racers crash, drivers get injured, or worse. All those things were part of the thrill of racing. But Devin had been our friend, he’d meant something to those at the heart of the street racing scene here.
It seemed wrong.
I confessed my doubts to Jordan as he put the finishing touches on the car.
“The profits made from The Street King Showdown fund the track’s bills for the entire year. So, the little guys, like Aiden, can keep their cars together and racing. Finishing it up, even late, is making that money. Add people’s morbid curiosity, should put the track well into the black.”
“It feels wrong.” I twisted the polishing cloth he handed me.
“It feels wrong because you’re afraid. It’s good for Arkadia, Raelynn.”
“Afraid?” I balked.
“Yeah, of going back and reliving it…of watching it happen again.”
I’d thought it would be the memories that got me. Until I met Jordan’s eyes and remembered how close I’d come to losing him. I was a Casey, that I feared the race had never occurred to me. I fought off the cold chill that settled across my skin with a shiver. “I don’t want to see it in my head happening repeatedly or to remember how close I came to losing you.”
“Me either.” He cupped my face and rubbed his thumbs across my lips. “So, I’ll look at you every time and remember you instead.”
“And win.” My last name was synonymous with being competitive.
He kissed me hard. “Well, yeah.”
“For Devin?” My throat was so tight I almost couldn’t say his name.
“And for us.”
****
Pulling into the track for the second coming of The Street King Showdown was much more nerve wracking than it had been the first time. There was a sense that we were missing an important part of our unit. There was no hope for a maybe next time. Our friend was really gone. Yet, life would always carry on. I slid my hand over Jordan’s as he pulled through the gate and into the pits.
A small crowd gathered around our rig as Jordan parked. Hunter, Vic, and others greeted us as soon as we stepped out of the truck. This too, was family, and it was healing. The tension slowly left Jordan’s shoulders while we unstrapped and unloaded the car.
We got to watch a few races too, to be spectators as other cars raced down the virgin surface backward toward the start line. The first part of the day was the round robins to fill the spots in the final eight that had opened with Devin’s death and one no show. A group of drivers paid the buy-in fee and raced in two different brackets. The winner of each bracket moved on to the big show.
I tried not to think about how easily our friend was replaced in this race. In truth, I tried not to think much of those first few races at all. I needed to find out if I could see the track without replaying the accident.
It wasn’t easy, but I could do it.
Eric Marshall, the skeevy out-of-town, no-prep guy raced his way back in. There was something about him that rubbed me wrong. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one, most the bets were already against him.
“Wanna go grab me a drink?” Jordan asked not long after those races, as he wiped sweat from his brow. He tuned the car as we waited on the track crew to get everything ready. Jordan would run second.
I walked the small distance to the concession stand with a nervous tightening of my stomach. I really hadn’t wanted to leave him. The last time we’d been here, our entire lives had changed. I hadn’t expected to be this nervous, this frightened. A few tenths of a second and he’d have been swept up in the crash far worse than he was. If I knew these things, so did Jordan. And it wouldn’t be long before he’d be strapping in to race down the same track he’d raced when Devin had died.
I worried for Jordan. I practically tossed the money at the girl behind the counter, I was so nervous and ready to get back to him.
As I stepped away from the concession stand a familiar, sickening laugh slithered into my thoughts. At first, I blamed it on the nerves. My heart stopped when I heard it a second time. Some of Jordan’s soda sloshed out onto the pavement as I started to shake with fear.
Frantically, I twisted my head to the left and right, searching. For a split-second, I caught a glimpse of my nightmare. I reached up and brushed my throat for the first time in months.
Through the thick crowd that had gathered at the track, in part by the fall out of the crash, I fought to see Caleb again. My heart pounded a terrified beat in my chest, and I despised both him and myself.
I was overcome with the unbridled terror of being alone in a crowd. I was vulnerable and reeling. It took everything I had not to sprint back to our pit. As it was, I was two stepping it as the crowds shifted to watch a few grudge races on the main part of the track.
“You all right, Rae?” my sister asked when I practically ran her over as I rounded the corner of the trailer.
“Yeah, fine.” I waved her off and gave Jordan his drink. For a long moment, I stood there, safe with him.
“What’s up, baby?” he asked me after a swallow of soda.
“Nothing, I…” I shook my head and took a steadying breath. Back in familiar territory, the entire thing seemed silly. Of course, I hadn’t seen Caleb here. This wasn’t his scene. That was one of the reasons I’d been drawn to him. He would have no reason to know I was here, either. He’d never really cared about my life back home. He wouldn’t have followed me, couldn’t have. “It was dumb.”
When I tried to laugh it off, Jordan caught my chin and turned my face up to his. “Spill it.”
“I thought I saw Caleb here.” I spat it out fast and instantly chastised myself for even saying it out loud.
“Where?” His concern was instantaneous.
“Over by the concession stands.” I pointed off in the direction I’d come from.
“That’s where that asshole Marshall is parked.” He turned that way, never once questioning what I’d seen. So much taller than me, he could see over most of the crowd. I only saw a sea of bodies and cars. “Did you see what he was wearing?”
“No, I thought I heard him laughing and then when I looked for a second I saw him. I glimpsed his face as he was turning the other way and walking off. I tried to see where he went, but he was swallowed up by the crowd. I thought about chasing after him. Then I panicked and ran back here.”
“You thought about doing what?” His head snapped around. “Raelynn, what would you have done if you’d found him? If that was him? And if it is, do you think it’s a coincidence he’s here?”
Jordan was pissed, his anger tainted his tone. He slipped his cap off to run his hand over his head and down his face in agitation.
“Who?” Aiden asked walking around the side of the trailer with a hydraulic jack in his hand.
Jordan’s eyes held mine for a long moment. Silently, I begged him to keep my secrets. There were some things I didn’t want my brother to know, even if my sister did. This was one of those things.
“Nobody.” Jordan sent me an angry look of warning. The sort of look that told me if I even attempted to walk away from that trailer alone he’d embarrass us both.
I didn’t need much convincing to stay put. The more time that passed, the sillier I felt. But if it had been Caleb I saw, Jordan was right. It wasn’t a coincidence.