“It’s me! Have you forgotten about me?” I scream from the top of my lungs, but there’s no sound coming from my throat. There seems to be a wall dividing me from him as I ram my fist on the invisible surface.“No! Please, come back! It’s me! Brandon, it’s Alayna,” I cry hard, but it’s no use. He can see me from the other side but remains still. Seconds later, a beautiful woman steps closer to him, and she slides her arms around his waist.My heart shatters into a thousand pieces.“Who is she, Brandon?” the woman asks, looking at me with blank, soulless eyes.“No one.”“No! It’s me, Brandon. It’s Alayna!” I shout, but there’s still no sound coming from me.He sneers at me, and I watch him hold the woman’s waist and kiss her cheek.“No!” I yell in anguish. I can’t breathe. I bang the wall once more with all my remaining strength, but I’m too late.Brandon and the woman stride away.“Come back, please!” I sob. “Oh, please don’t leave me...”“Alayna! Wake up! Alayna!” “Ollie?” I whisper.
His shoulders relax. “Thank God.”
I feel my breathing slow down, but I taste the dryness in my mouth. “I’m dreaming again, aren’t I?”
“Yes, are you okay?”
I look up at him, and whenever Ollie is here like this, I can’t help but pour out my emotions.
Ollie doesn’t have to say anything, but I know he moved into the room next door a few months ago just to check up on me. I have been like this almost every day since we returned from Athens. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep since then.
It is this very reason why I have become anxious about sleeping at night. I’ve had panic attacks during my sleep, and I’m aware of some. I first found out that I had these episodes a few years ago when Mom was waking me in the middle of the night. I was always screaming as if I were in pain.
But unlike before, the episodes in the past few weeks are clearer. I’m aware of my nightmares. I dream the same thing every night. It is always Brandon and the woman with him in Athens. I guess no one knew about this until Oliver started to see through me. I’m in my most vulnerable state whenever I’m alone at night.
“Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong, Alayna? I want to help you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s going on. You’ve been like this for a long time now,” he murmurs.
“I’m sorry, Ollie.” I touch my forehead. “You can just ignore me or go back to your room upstairs, so I won’t disturb you again.”
He sighs in frustration. “Come on, Alayna. We’ve been living together for almost a year. We’re friends, and I’m worried about you. This isn’t something I can ignore anymore. We have to tell Cassius. Maybe he can help you.”
“My case is different from Brandon’s. I’m fine, Oliver. They’re just nightmares.” I try to convince him; or myself.
He holds my hand. “You are sweating unusually. You are panting, and for God’s sake, your skin feels cold. You are hyperventilating, Alayna,” he says pointedly. “These are obvious indicators that you need to seek help. I may not be a doctor, but as Cassius’s brother, I know about this. Am I wrong?”
I jerk away from him and step out of bed. He’s trying to figure me out, and he isn’t wrong. “Leave me alone now, please.”
Silence. But Oliver remains by my side.
“All right!” I throw my hands up and fold my arms across my chest, shaking my head. “Let’s say you’re right, but I was like this before, Oliver. This isn’t new. If you think that it’s because of Brandon, I’m telling you that it’s not.”
“I didn’t say it’s because of him, Alayna.”
“It’s because of him... I’m... I’m like this againOliver steps close to me. “I understand if you can’t tell me what’s going on with you, but at least tell Casey.”
“I don’t know.”
He rubs my shoulders gently. “You need to get back to sleep, and I’ll stay here with you. Is that all right?”
I sob under my breath. Eventually, I nod. “Yes, please.”
***
“Are you okay?” I ask Oliver when I find him in the library. I place a cup of coffee on his desk. He has been working nonstop at his computer.
He picks up the cup and takes a gulp. “I’m all right.”
“Ollie, you’ve been working all day. You already missed lunch.”
“I’m okay, Alayna,” he assures with a small smile. “Don’t worry.”
I walk behind him to see what he’s working on. He is typing codes of letters and numbers I can’t understand, but I know for sure that this is a computer program.
I step away quietly, so I won’t disturb him anymore. When I head back to the door, he shouts aloud, “Yes!”
He stretches out his arms and groans as he relaxes on the seat.
“What happened?” I ask curiously before exiting.
“Brandon created this program last year, and there was an upgrade with the operating system recently, so some functions aren’t working. There’s no better programmer than him, so I tried to contact him, and he sent me the full new version today. But converting it to fit into another program is another beast, and it took me five freaking days.” He gulps his coffee again. “Thanks for the coffee, Alayna.”
“Oh, wow.” I march back to his desk. “You spoke to him?”
“Well... I... Yes... Earlier today.”
“How is he? Did he ask for me?”
Oliver can’t answer right away. It’s obvious that, as usual, Brandon refused to speak to me again.
“I’m sorry, Alayna. I’m sure Brandon’s just busy. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Tomorrow will be his fourteenth operation.”
I never stopped counting the days from the time he left, and one year has almost gone by. “How many operations does he need?”
“It should be seventeen or eighteen, I think. Don’t worry, Alayna. It will be over soon.”
“I’m tired of waiting like this, Ollie,” I say honestly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I haven’t been able to think straight. Can you just tell me the truth? Is there a chance that he might not want me anymore?”
“Oh, please don’t think like that.” Oliver swivels his chair to face me. “Brandon loves you. He’s there because you led him to the right path, and now he is close to getting better. Let’s give him more time and wait.”
I grit my teeth. “But I’m tired. I’m tired of listening to sentences that seem to be scripted. That’s all you and Cassius say to me. Why can’t he make just a single call when Cassius can all the time? I want to speak to him, Ollie. If you just let me talk to him...”
“I’ll try to tell him, Alayna,” he says wretchedly. “I’m sorry if you feel that way.”
“You told me thatAs expected, “He’s often outside, but I don’t know where he’s going,” Cassius explains.
“Is it okay for him to go out alone now?” I ask, staring at the ceiling of my bedroom.
“He’s not alone. He usually has ten guards chauffeuring him around. Our grandfather has him working on something he doesn’t tell me about.”
“Sounds like typical Brandon.” I bite my bottom lip. “He’s very secretive. But is that all you can tell me? Is he preventing you from saying anything?”
“It’s not like that. He’s just very, very busy, I promise that’s all. Why don’t we talk about you instead? Oliver told me you were hospitalized the other day. Why didn’t you tell me something’s bothering you?”
“It wasn’t anything to worry about.”
“Alayna, Oliver told me you lost consciousness. How can I not worry about that?”
I guess Oliver really told him all about it. Including the fact that I could’ve been dead by now if it wasn’t for him.
“If you could just let us help you,” he coaxes.
I shrug. “Talking to me like this helps. I’m really okay, Cassius. And I listened to Oliver’s advice about teaching freshmen Italian and Greek cuisine at a training center in Midtown while Brandon’s still away. I guess I forgot to tell you. I started working part-time there the other day.”
“That’s great, Alayna. I wish I could be there for you, but things got busier around here. I’ll try to fly to Manhattan once I clear a schedule. Brandon still needs me here.”
“Yes, he needs you more.” Cassius being with Brandon is the one assurance that he’s not all alone—if that’s still the case. He probably has some blonde next to him now. “And I’m with Ollie, so you have nothing to worry about. By the way, Casey and I are going to see another new movie tomorrow.”
He laughs. “But don’t spoil the whole thing for me. The last time you watched The Archer“I won’t!” Finally, I genuinely laugh. Whenever I speak to him like this, it’s as if all the agony and longing in my heart do not exist. The feeling never lasts, but for a short moment, I feel like I’m alive again.
“Can I talk to you tomorrow?” I ask.
“I’ll call you, Alayna.”
“Promise?”
I can sense his smile. “I promise.”
One year laterBRANDON“Are you ready, Brandon?” Cassius sits next to me and hands me a glass of champagne.
““Are we going straight to the mansion?” he asks and then frowns as he takes a sip of his liquor.“No,” I simply answer.
“But why? Alayna’s waiting.”
I shake my head. “No. I can’t.” I gulp my drink. “Please...”
“Why? What’s going on?
“It’s nothing.” I empty my glass and lean back, closing my eyes, putting on my headphones.
It’s going to be a long day...