ALAYNAAfter the intense dinner, we wait for Pauline and Brandon to leave. I admit I felt a little bad for her when Brandon dismissed her like that. Honestly, I can say I hardly know him or his character anymore. Knowing someone isn’t always sharing your past or telling a person your struggles, but giving yourselves time to learn from each other. Brandon and I barely even dated before he left for Athens. We never really had a normal relationship, so I shouldn’t be as demanding as I am.
He could make me crazy for him with the little things he did, but he could also make me feel like crap when he tossed me aside like yesterday’s trash. I would never know how his mind truly works. Is it maybe because we led a different life in the first place? Or because a normal person like me wouldn’t be able to understand a wealthy man with great responsibilities on his shoulders?
However, much as I want to move on, I can’t stop my heart from loving him. I want him to take me back, and nothing I, or anyone else, can do will change my feelings for him. I can’t stop myself from feeling jealous of the attention he’s giving Pauline—his first love. But my feelings don’t matter when all he sees is his own selfish needs. I need to preserve my self-respect. I refuse to beg him to take me back.
Six months ago, when Ollie heard that Brandon was finally going to have his first public appearance, I rejoiced. We thought he had finally recovered and was coming home. Oliver wanted to see his cousin’s progress and take me with him, but Brandon refused to see me. He probably didn’t want me anymore because of the gorgeous first love that always seemed to be lingering around him.
My mind is blank until Casey shakes my arm and shows me a bit of the pudding she baked on a small plate, white sugar crystals sprinkled on top.
“Alayna, are you listening? You can take this to him now.”
I bite my lip nervously. “Look, I know that it’s still my job to serve him, but I can’t face him. Not now.”
Cassius scowls hard. “What did he want to prove this time, after everything he did? Take that to him, Case.”
“No. She can’t avoid him forever,” Casey says firmly. “You heard him, Alayna. Brandon wants you to deliver this.”
“And hurry up because you know his temper,” Ollie urges.
“Is this a good idea? Why do you think he asked me?” I ask.
Cassius sighs. “Then there’s only one way to find out. Maybe he just wants to get used to working with you again?”
I smile at his answer. As usual, Cassius’s words make sense. “Maybe.” I take a deep breath. “Fine. I’ll do it.”
“Yes, and don’t take too long,” Casey insists. “We’re still going out tonight. We’re hitting the club, remember?”
I chuckle. “What would I do without all of you?”
I carry the tray with the pudding, still feeling tremendously nervous. I hesitate, but that doesn’t stop me from going inside. My heartbeat accelerates in suspense. There’s a part of me that wanted to see him too.
Brandon doesn’t seem to mind my presence when I place the dessert on his desk. He is frowning hard at the screen of his phone. It’s an entirely new image of him for me. Unlike before, his room is now well-lit with newly painted walls, fresh pieces of furniture, and a large open window.
“Bran—” I clear my throat. “Master. I brought you the dessert you asked for.”
“Thank you,” he replies simply, never bothering to glance my way.
“Is there anything else you need, sir?” I ask.
“No.”
“Just call if you need anything.” I don’t know which is louder—my heartbeat or my voice.
But Brandon doesn’t respond, so I turn back and head to the door. I guess that’s just it. Maybe he just wants to keep our professional relationship going despite everything that happened. Maybe it’s all nothing to him now, and I’m overthinking everything.
His emotionless reaction makes a part of me want to scream in his face how badly he hurt me, but I keep my composure. It’s one of many things I learned from Oliver and Cassius. This is probably for the best.
I exhale to calm myself. I’ve been preventing myself from inhaling because his scent is all over the room. But even as I reach for the doorknob, his scent doesn’t disappear. It’s much closer now; the mixture of spicy wood and citrus.
I close my eyes and breathe softly when a strong arm glides around my stomach. I’m being pressed against a warm, firm surface. It feels almost surreal, like my wildest dreams over the past few weeks are coming true.
I force my eyes to open, and the pressure on my stomach is still there.
“Wait, Alayna,” the voice I love whispers in my ear. It’s almost like a sob. “I’m... I’m sorry.”
I’ve been waiting for him to come to me ever since he came home. To step up and make an effort. Now that he has, it’s just as painful.
“What for, Brandon?”
“For everything, I just...” He pauses. I wait for the next thing he’s going to say, but silence envelops us.
I sniff back my tears, preventing myself from crying. I don’t want to cry over this anymore. I’m not sure what to say to him either. I can’t do anything but feel the warmth of his fingers on my skin.
“If you’re not going to say anything important, then I’d rather leave.” I move forward.
“Wait.” He pulls me back. “I don’t want to prolong this feud between us, so while you’re working here, let’s put everything behind us and—”
“Stop,” I snap. “I know what you’re going to say.” I spin around and face him. But God, I almost want to collapse. He’s drop-dead gorgeous. Well, he was already very attractive before, but right now, he’s perfect. It hurts so much to see him. “You want me to act like nothing happened.”
“It’s not like that, Alayna,” he says sharply.
“You feel like talking now, after everything you’ve done? Do you think I’m interested in listening to every fucking word you say? What’s with the sudden change?”
“You can hate me, Alayna,” he whispers hoarsely. “You can curse me or swear at me however you like, but at least let me apologize.”
“Apologize? You must be kidding!” I laugh humorlessly. “Y-you ignored me.”
He avoids my eyes.
“Why, Brandon? You’re doing this now because you feel guilty?” I take a few steps back. “Did you think I’m staying here because I want to hear your fucking apology? I am here because I need the money, and I signed a contract. Besides, I care for your cousins. They’re like my family. I can’t turn away from them after all they did for me. So don’t misunderstand.“Okay...” A muscle in his jaw twitches. “Just say it, Alayna. Let it all out. I want to know how you feel.”
I’m not sure if he’s insulting or testing me. “It’s already pointless. Why would I waste my time talking to the person who shut me off? You chose to let me live in the dark while you do things by yourself. Oh no, wait! You aren’t alone this time. So save it, Master.“Look, if you are talking about Pauline, it’s not what you think—”
“I said I don’t want to hear any empty explanations anymore!” I have no right to speak to him about his affairs, but this is something else. He’s been with her since Athens, and she’s probably the reason he refused to see me back then.
“How about you and Cassius? Weren’t you getting cozy with him in Lawrence? Are you fucking him now?”
I slap him. My hands shake in anger. I’m astonished at my own action, but I don’t regret it.
“This is the last time you’ll ever insult me, and leave Cassius out of this!” I shout. “He listened to me, he believed in me, and most of all, he’s always been there for me. It’s all I ever wanted—not someone who couldn’t even keep a single promise.”
“Did I hurt you that much?” he asks, his voice strained.
“Why do you even care?” I finally exit the room and slam the door behind me.
***
The three are waiting for me when I go back to the kitchen. Cassius blows a breath of relief as soon as he sees me.
“Well, how did it go?” he asks.
“Nothing. He didn’t ask for anything else,” I lie. I just don’t want them to know what happened. I don’t want them to know I’m still affected by Brandon.
“That’s it? He didn’t say anything else?” Casey asks curiously.
“What would he say?” I shrug and manage a smile. “Come on, you guys. He just asked for dessert.”
“All right.” Cassius steps closer to me and kisses my temple. “I guess we were worried for nothing.”
I hug him. With Cassius, I feel relieved. I feel normal. “Yes. Hey, didn’t you say we’re partying tonight? I’m just going to clean up here, take a shower, and we’re leaving.”
Casey clasps her hands. “Oh, yes! I can’t wait. And I’m going to do your makeup. We’re going to rock tonight.”
I laughed genuinely this time. If there’s one thing I would never regret about meeting Brandon, it’s meeting his cousins.
“You guys go ahead. I’m going to help Alayna here,” Ollie offers, but his gaze gives off a different meaning.
“Sure. I’ll see you later, Laynie.” Cassius leaves with a gentle squeeze of my palm. Casey goes with him, chattering about her plans tonight. Ollie and I clean up the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” he suddenly asks while washing the plates. “Didn’t he at least say something?”
I sigh and tell him Brandon didn’t speak to me, but I guess if there is someone in this house I can talk to about this, it’s Oliver.
“He tried to apologize to me.”
“He did?” he asks, surprised. “What did you tell him?”
“Look, Ollie... You know I cannot forgive him just like that.”
“I know, and I understand. I was there with you during those hard times.”
“Yeah.” I force a smile. “You’ve been very helpful. All of you. Thank you for everything. I just realized I was wrong when I thought leaving was the only escape. All I need is to accept that the Brandon I know isn’t coming back. I finally felt relieved when I spoke to him about my thoughts on all this.”
“Forgiveness takes time, Alayna. Brandon might be my cousin, and I care for him, but you’re my family now too. Whatever’s going to happen, you should know that we’re all going to be here for you.”
I chortle at his kind words. How did I ever think of leaving this beautiful family to save myself? I was being selfish. It’s time to finally see the big picture, and Brandon isn’t going to be the center of my universe.
“And I’m thankful for that, even if I’ve already bothered everyone too much.”
“Then I guess we should hurry so we can all go out and have fun. What do you say?”
I smile. “Yes. I can’t wait!”