ALAYNAThree days later, I ask Cassius if I can go outside. He allows me but tells me he has to bring me back to the clinic. He’s also being extra careful, so he comes along.
Honestly, I’m getting used to his company. Cassius is very accommodating and endlessly patient with me. After we shop for a few things at the mall, we stop at Starbucks.
“Oliver’s on his way,” he says, then takes a sip of his Frappuccino.
“I’ve been thinking.” I look at him. “I just thought of this last night.”
“What is it?”
“I want to leave tomorrow. I want to see my family.”
“We already talked about this, and of course, you can, Alayna.” He grins. “It will help you unwind.”
“But there’s still something else I want.”
He puts the cup on the table. “Hmm. Go ahead.”
“I still need to tell Brandon about this. I want to tell him formally because he’s my boss, and if you can take me there...”
“What?”
“You don’t need to stay with me,” I continue. “I just want someone to be with me while I travel. It’s too much, I know, and Kansas is very far away and—”
He chuckles. “Of course, I can take you there. I have time, but I have patients waiting for me, so I can’t stay long.”
“I just don’t want to be alone,” I repeat. Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into me, asking him for a favor like that. I’m having these mixed emotions because of him.
The lump in my lungs lightens, and the rapid beat of my heart slows down. Brandon doesn’t want me anymore, so I guess it’s time for me to clear my mind of him. He’s hurt me enough. It’s like I’ve died inside. I’m done with this stupidity.
But I know my life must go on. I have a family to support. I have to grab anything that will bring me peace.
“Did you tell Oliver that I need to speak to Brandon?”
He checks his wristwatch. “Yes, and they should be here by now.”
My eyes widen. “What? Now?”
He nods. “Yes. I asked Oliver if he could convince Brandon to see you. But are you sure you can tell him—”
“Tell me what?”The reality is all clear to me now. Brandon can walk outside his comfort zone—without his mask. I’ve already seen him once without it, but this is my first time seeing his face up close.
He’s splendid... beautiful... mind-blowing... perfect. There are no other words I can think of to describe how magnificent he is. He’s like a brand-new person and almost regal in his tailored dark blue shirt and charcoal-gray trousers.
It hurts even more to see him like this because I know he isn’t mine anymore.
Brandon pulls a chair across from Cassius and sits in it. He gazes sharply at both of us, but I can’t look directly into his eyes, so I shift my gaze. I can already feel the tension between us with no words spoken. I can’t believe Brandon can act as if nothing happened, but I feel his eyes watching me.
“Alayna, how are you?” Oliver speaks to cut the stillness. I almost didn’t notice him because of Brandon’s unnerving presence.
“I’m all right, Ollie.” I smile a little.
“I don’t have a good feeling about this,” Cassius whispers to me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper back. “I’ll tell you now.”
“Do you think this is the right time?” he asks.
“You know that we can hear you, right?” Oliver interrupts.
“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Brandon says. “Why do I need to be here? Can’t this wait, and we'll talk about it in the house later?”
Cassius grunts. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“Come on, Cassius. I know that something’s going on here.” He looks back and forth from me to his cousin shrewdly.
“Maybe or maybe not,” I say. I’m suddenly flaring up. What the hell is his game?
His jaw tightens.
“What is it you want to say?” Oliver asks. “Cassius said you have something to tell us.”
“First,” I begin, “I want to use my vacation leave so I can go to my family,” I announce, avoiding Brandon’s eyes, which never leave mine.
“That is not what you want to tell me, as per Oliver,” Brandon presses.
“I’m not finished,” I shoot back. I don’t know how I got this courage. Maybe because Cassius is sitting next to me, but my chest is getting heavy again—as if the pain there really never faded.
“I think you both need to talk alone,” Oliver suggests.
“No, I’m saying this with everyone here.” I look at Oliver and at Brandon again. “What I want to say is I just need a vacation. I’ll come back, but I cannot continue working in that house.”
“What?” Cassius and Oliver exclaim.
“This isn’t what we talked about, Alayna,” Cassius hisses.
“And I’m not going to talk about anything private anymore. I’ll try not to let my private life interfere with my work. I hope you all understand what I mean.”
There. I said it. It sounds simple, but inside I want to burn.
Oliver glances at Brandon, then back at me. “What are you saying, Alayna? Aren’t we all friends here? Besides, your contract still isn’t over.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can be friends—”
“I’m going with her to Kansas,” Cassius suddenly declares, cutting me off.
“What?” Oliver cries. “What the hell is going on?”
“I need to unwind so I’m going with her,” Cassius explains. I want to speak up, but he holds my hand under the table, assuring me that it’s okay. I understand what he’s trying to say.
“Wait, wait. What the hell is going on here? Alayna? “Don’t ask her,” Cassius says. “Of all people, you know what she’s been through, Ollie. You were there.”
“That’s true, but this is something else.”
I clench my fist under the table. I can’t say anything. I suddenly feel restrained.
“I can’t believe I came all the way here just to hear this piece of crap, Cassius,” Brandon mocks.
Oliver grabs his cousin’s shoulder. “Brandon, you promised.”
Clearly, he doesn’t care about me, no matter what Cassius does to provoke him. “I didn’t ask you to come here.”
His expression hardens. “Because I have to say something—” He looks at me. “To you, at least, but I am expecting to speak with you aloneI laugh mirthlessly. “If you’re going to say something I already know, no, thank you. I’m not interested in hearing it.”
“Did you not hear what I said?” he bellows. “I said I wanted to talk to her... alone.” He grits his teeth and is seething under his breath. He glowers at Cassius and Oliver.
“No one is standing,” I say.
Brandon squeezes his temples with his fingers, then rams his fist on the table. The people around us look in our way.
“Fuck!” he curses. He stands and buttons up his suit. None of us make a movement. “I told you I don’t want to share, didn’t I?” Furiously, he storms out of the coffee shop.
Oliver remains seated. “I thought you wanted to talk to him?”
“He did not come to talk. He came here to bring a storm.”
“Are you two even serious about what you are saying?”
“I’m only taking her there,” Cassius says truthfully. “I only said that because I’m fucking pissed at him.”
Oliver’s shoulder relaxes. “Don’t scare the hell out of me like that,” he scolds, shaking his head. “I asked Brandon to come so they could talk. I don’t know what the hell is going on with him because he won’t tell me anything. I just hoped that he’d tell Alayna.”
After another minute, Brandon comes back. He grasps my wrist and tugs at me. “Come!”
“Ouch! Brandon, what are you doing?” I cry.
“Just come!” he snarls.
Cassius stands up in a panic. “Hey, you’re hurting her!” He’s about to reach for my hand, but Bandon stops him with a glare. Cassius withdraws.
“Come with me,” he says again, then drags me outside and shoves me into his car.
I grab the door handle, wanting to get out. I can’t be alone with him right now. Not when I’m still trying to compose myself. Cassius is right. I’m not emotionally ready. I push the door open to get out, but Brandon prevents me.
“Let me go, Brandon,” I order, shaking the handle; it just won’t open.
He shuts his eyes, gripping the steering wheel hard. “Stop.”
“Let me out!” I scream.
“Hey!” he shouts back and catches my hand. “I said stop! You need to calm down.”
“Don’t do this to me. Let me out. I... I need to breathe.” Then there it is again. I’m out of breath. My eyes are getting fuzzy. I clutch my chest and groan.
He shifts his body to my side and grabs my hand. “Alayna?”
“Don’t touch me!” I shove his hand away, but he cups my face.
“What’s going on with you?”
My breath quickens. “I... I need to... I need to go out. I need to get away from you...”
Unexpectedly, he wraps his arms around me and rubs circles on my back. “Isn’t this what you want? To talk?” he murmurs as if he’s talking to a child. In my heart, I know what was happening, but my mind is messing with me. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
“Let me out, Brandon,” I plead, and my stupid eyes just won’t stop crying. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Shh...” he hushes me. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I struggle against his arms. “It hurts to be with you.”
Brandon pulls me close. My heart knows I longed for him and how badly I waited for this moment. His fingers stroke my hair tenderly, but I know he isn’t mine anymore.
“I hate you. You ignored me.” I pound his arm repeatedly. “I hate you!”
“Breathe, Alayna,” he whispers, still caressing my back.
I let out a deep breath. I’m beginning to calm down. The rapid pounding of my heart slows. I let him comfort me.
“Good. That’s good,” he says.
I bury my head in his shoulder. I miss him. I badly miss him. But I hate him just as much. He did this to me.
“Just say it,” I sob. “Just say that you don’t want this anymore—that you don’t want me, instead of making me wait.”
I raise my head and search for his eyes. And it’s an almost painful sight. He is so, so beautiful that it hurts. I attempt to touch his face, the side where he wore the mask, but he shuts his eyes and snatches my wrist.
“Not today. You need to rest.”
“If you can’t say it, let me say it for you.”
“Don’t. You don’t deserve—”
“Stop it! Stop it!” I shove him away, but he brings me back to his arms. I can’t keep having him like this. I’m tired of waiting. Why couldn’t he just tell the truth? Why couldn’t he tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore?
“I just want this to stop,” I declare. I should have done this before.
He kisses my temple. “I’m so sorry, Alayna.”
“You’re free now, Brandon, but don’t ever think that I’ll forgive you. After this day, there will be no more us.”
I shut my eyes, and everything turns dark.
I’m back in the clinic when I regain consciousness. I remember what happened before I passed out, and the pain is still here. But it’s different now. I ended everything. Now I know which path I’m going to take.
“That was really brave of you.” Cassius strokes my face. “I thought I’d never see Alayna again. The realI sit up. “Because you were right, and it’s over now. I no longer have to torture myself by waiting. Thank you for everything, Cassius.”
“You made me worry back there. I thought something had happened to you. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” I touch his hand. “Will you take me to Kansas?”
“I think I already said yes.”
“No, it’s not what I mean. Maybe stay a little bit? I’ll show you where I grew up?”
He smiles. “Maybe.”
I finally smile, and I know for sure that this time, I didn’t force myself. I embrace him. “Thank you, Cassius, for being there.”
He hugs me back. “Always.”