Chloe
Coming home from Spain was a mixed bag. I was glad to be home, I hated that I had to leave Alex behind, and I was absolutely terrified that my mother would instantly know I had been up to no good. I couldn’t keep this charade going, I had to figure out something to tell her so that I could get out of the house regularly without raising suspicion. Thankfully she was still on me about getting a job, so with a little effort, a few tutorial videos, and a lot of patience, I doctored up an ad for a personal assistant and set out to make it happen.
I concocted the plan with Jazmin over FaceTime, despite her not being in the best mood when she left, she was still willing to help me out. We agreed the job had to involve travel and I needed a reason to leave the city for long periods of time. San Francisco seemed like the best choice for commuting, Jaz agreed to be my alibi for driving me to work. The next step was figuring out who I was working for that needed a PA. Fashion consultant, politicians, celebrities, those didn’t seem right, but very quickly I picked out a large real estate firm that was actually looking for an executive PA. It was perfect, and it was honestly closer to the truth than anything else which just made it easier for me.
It took nearly two and a half weeks to pull everything together, starting with the fake interview that Jazmin pretended to take me to. We spent the day shopping in San Francisco, and I came back raving about what a great guy the interviewer was. Mama and dad were thrilled because I was finally getting a job, and I was pleased to come home with a brand-new Tom Ford handbag.
Alex came down and took up residence in a hotel downtown where I went to visit him nearly every day, all the while counting down the days until my doctor’s appointment and finally having everything together. When the day finally came and I flaunted my job offer to my mom, happily telling her that I would have to work late often, travel was expected, she was thrilled. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, I had to jet off to Rome at the end of the month with my new boss. She was less excited about that little add-on but still pleased that I was getting out of the house and being productive.
I was sitting on her bed with Dima next to me doing his homework while I read off the perks of the job, lowering my wage considerably since that just wasn’t realistic for a college drop out. Mama was fastening her earrings, getting ready for a date night with dad.
“I’m just happy you finally got a job,” she said once I finished. “Next we need to work on getting you one closer to home so that you don’t need to go back and forth.”
“Or I can get a car,” I replied. “Or move out. Who knows?”
“You know Iva would let you go stay with her and yaya if you wanted to live in Greece for a little while,” she offered. “You could work at the shop.”
“With Len!” Dima added excitedly.
Part of me was dying to go and if I hadn’t met Alex, I probably would have done it this summer. “Lena and I have sorta talked about it before, but I think I want to hold off a little longer. Maybe next summer.”
“You don’t have to,” Mama said. “But the offer will always be on the table.”
“Konnie, are you ready?”
Dad came out from the walk-in closet, pulling at his tie until it was finally straight. His buzzcut was a remnant from his army days, and the hairstyle matched my brother’s perfectly. They looked like clones of each other, and Dima was already tall for his age, Mama was on track to be the shortest member of our family. The four of us didn’t much resemble the rest of the extended family; dad’s side was all lanky brunettes, mom’s was curvy, darkhaired Mediterranean’s. But altogether like this we looked like a perfectly normal family. Just not in big group photos.
Mama gave dad a kiss and assured her she was ready to go. Dima quickly threw his math book aside and demanded a hug as they made to leave.
“The leftovers are in the fridge,” she reminded me on the way downstairs. “Don’t let him fill up on juice again, he has to finish his veggies first.”
“I know, I get it,” I answered, holding the door open for them. “I’ll make sure he’s fed and asleep by midnight.”
“Midnight?” She spun around with wide eyes, ready to remind me that he needed to be in bed well before then. “Chloe—”
“The reservations,” dad hissed, pulling her towards the car. “We can deal with the big one later.”
“Before midnight!” she yelled back at me. “I mean it, Chloe!”
“Have fun!” I called to them, waving as dad backed the car out of the garage. I waited until the car was turning off the street to close the door and fix my attention on Dima. “So should I order pizza and a movie?”
“Pizza!” He threw his arms around me and I laughed.
Dimitris passed out around ten and I brought him up to his room before hiding the evidence of our transgression. Mama couldn’t control what I did with my money, but she would still be pissed to find out I fed him takeout. They didn’t get home until well after midnight anyway, and by then I already video chatted with Alex and gone to bed myself, more than ready for the next day.
Jazmin picked me up around noon later that afternoon for my doctor’s appointment. I noticed immediately that she was wearing her extra dark sunglasses and had a very large coffee in the cupholder. Her hair was only in a messy ponytail today, nothing special. I was willing to bet she had a pretty good time in France.
“We’re just going to be really quiet, and I’m gonna need you to be gentle with me today,” she said after I got in. “Straight to the clinic then back to my place, alright?”
“Got it.”
“Good.”
I giggled to myself while watching her knuckles go white as she clung to the steering wheel. She was silent the entire ride, slowly sipping at her Starbucks and flinching at every too loud noise. I’d seen her wrecked before, but not like this, and I couldn’t begin to imagine just what exactly she was doing all week to come home like this.
Whatever it was made her a much more cautious driver and it was a miracle we actually made it to the doctor’s office on time.
“Oh god, this place is packed,” she muttered. “Fuck me, dude. Do I really have to come in with you?”
“Yes, I need moral support.” If it didn’t make me feel way more immature than I actually was, I would have come with Mama, but I wasn’t five and she was already weird about the sex stuff as it was.
“You owe me dinner after this,” she warned as we pulled into a spot near the back.
I rolled my eyes at her, she retaliated by making me wait an eternity before we finally got inside and I checked-in with the reception. The orange waiting room was packed full of moms and women who didn’t look phased in the slightest. I was thankful this wasn’t Dr. White’s office where everyone waiting would have been over the age of sixty and I would wither to death under his judgemental stare. No one here even looked twice at us.
“I can’t believe you aren’t on any birth control,” she complained as we sat there. “Seriously, how do you avoid getting pregnant?”
“I’m not exactly the hottest shit on the block, alright? I just don’t get out that often.”
She snorted. “Clearly. At least you can get condoms and whatnot.” I didn’t say anything and after about thirty seconds she slowly turned to look at me. “You are using condoms, aren’t you?”
I could have sworn that my body was on fire because of God’s anger, not because of her glare. Well, okay maybe both.
“Clo!” She smacked my arm with her clutch. “We had a whole conversation about this!”
“We both got tested!” I had to defend myself. “We’re both clean, I didn’t see the harm in it…”
“Yeah you don’t see the harm until you’re four months pregnant trying to get a call back,” she retorted. “Or sitting here waiting for the anti-itch treatment.”
“He’s clean, ohmigod you’re making this too big of a deal.” Who needed Mama when I had Jazmin?
“You can say that all you want, the reality is that you shouldn’t trust a single thing any man in this business says. I don’t care if he’s Alex or if he’s Jim Bob Jones from the ass-crack of Texas, you should always assume they’re lying.”
“I get it!”
I said it a little too loudly and several women in the waiting room turned to me with disdain. My indignance knew no shame and I glared right back at the woman who cleared her throat loudly.
“We’re here to make sure you don’t get pregnant,” Jazmin whispered. “Not to get your lights knocked out by a woman at the end of her rope.”
“I think all the venereal diseases I should have caught by now with my reckless disregard will keep me from getting pregnant.”
She brought her hand to her forehead and let out a slow, measured breath. She didn’t say anything else, and we continued sitting in the lobby watching other women come and go until finally I was called into Dr. Neilson’s office. The woman was short, sweet, and to the point, I was out in twenty minutes with a new prescription for the pill. Despite my little outburst in the office, I felt more mature when I came out, like I’d finally passed a major milestone in my adult life. I was even more thrilled when I picked up the pills from the pharmacy an hour later and tucked them into my purse. I even texted Alex a picture of them, but while he was happy for me, I was still way more excited than anyone else.
Jaz thought it was funny and her migraine was finally letting up by the time we got back to her place with sushi. Her apartment was everything I aspired to; bright colored walls, plush white carpets, and a million plants hanging off every window. The pale-yellow living room made me irrationally happy, the dark orange crushed-velvet couch was my favorite though, because without fail her cat Nutella was always stretched across the back and ready to kiss up to whoever sat there.
“Hello sweet girl,” I whispered as I scritched her little white head. “Did you miss me? I missed you.”
“Of course she missed you, she misses everyone.” Jaz fluffed up the cat’s fur. “The spoiled thing she is.”
We sat across from each other on the massive sofa, each leaning against the arm rest and gazing at the cat who looked like she wouldn’t give two shits if we disappeared right then.
I hadn’t just asked Jaz to take me for no reason, I had an ulterior motive to ask her a bunch of Alex related questions. After our time in Spain, I was beginning to feel like I was falling into the traps that she warned me about, and I needed to know how she navigated them as a seasoned vet.
“So, can I ask you something weird?” I asked, striving to sound casual and failing miserably.
“Your questions are always weird.”
“Awkward then. It’s sex work-adjacent.”
“Sure, try me.”
“Have you ever had a crush on a client?”
Jazmin’s bark of surprised laughter made me and Nutella jump. “I’m guessing that’s a no?” I offered.
She continued to laugh for a second before finally collecting herself with a heavy cough. “Dude, I knew that question was gonna come eventually but I didn’t think it would be this soon. I figured at least three months.”
“Come on, be serious!” I threw a plush cat toy at her that she immediately gave to Nutella.
“I am.” She paused and sat up straight. “Look, it happens. It’s happened to the best of us, it’s happened to me, and I’m guessing it’s now happened to you.”
I just shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I do. You don’t have to be embarrassed; I know it’s emotionally draining at times. But yes, to answer your question, I’ve had crushes on clients. Just not the same one as you.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not interested in emotionally unavailable men. Sorry.”
Alex wasn’t emotionally unavailable, he was honestly really open with me, he wasn’t afraid to tell me he missed me or wanted me. How could she say that about him? “I don’t think he’s like that,” I replied. “At least, not from what I’ve seen.”
“I was with him for a year, you’ve been with him for five minutes.”
“Yeah, but he talks to me—”
“About what?” she cut in. “About his family? Has he ever really told you about work? What about his friends?”
I opened my mouth, but words didn’t come to me.
“Clo, he’s got walls. I figured that out when we first talked about his family and I got told off for nosing into his private life – that’s how he phrased it.” She looked away and continued petting the cat. “Alex said he wanted a companion for about a year with no strings attached and complete monogamy, so I gave that to him, but there was always a feeling of being on unequal footing. He would ask about my family and I would answer in the hopes he would tell me about his, but he never did. I’ve never been with one like him, and that’s disappointing and great all in one.”
“Maybe you pushed him too hard,” I said. “I’m not pushing him, I think he’ll open up in his own time.”
Jaz stared at me for a minute and I suddenly felt very young, and very stupid.
I attempted to lighten the mood by teasing her, “Maybe you’re just jealous.”
She smirked but didn’t say anything right away, she looked lost in thought. “It’s not that I’m jealous,” she said finally. “Because I wouldn’t have introduced you two if I wanted him for myself. I guess it’s more that I’m annoyed that you two get on so well when I don’t feel that with Zamir.”
“I thought you liked him?”
She shrugged. “I do, but this won’t be anything long term, I can see that already.”
“Is that really what you want though? This type of relationship forever?”
“Isn’t it what you want?”
I was at a loss for words. I would be happy continuing on with Alex for the foreseeable future, I could see myself being happy with him if he let us become more. But I couldn’t say the same for any other guy, I had no idea how different they might be. Alex already had a certain level of controlling tendencies, what if he was on the tame end of that spectrum? And what if I entered into a relationship that was dangerous?
Alex was what I wanted; his attention, his warmth, his love. I would take him with or without the money. But I couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t enticing, because of course it was.
“I guess I just want him.” I answered with a noncommittal shrug. “I don’t really care if it’s this type of relationship, I’d be happy no matter what.”
“Now that’s a dangerous thought,” she said with a laugh. She got up from the couch and pulled a bottle of rosé out of the fridge. “This conversation calls for wine. Big glass or small?”
Both of the wine glasses were huge, but one was comically oversized and the other just bigger than usual. I pointed to the smaller of the two and she happily poured it for us.
“Maybe I can help crack his shell,” I said to myself as I took the glass.
“Crack Alex and you’ll crack the lock on his whole dirty history,” she replied quickly, eyes glittering.
“How many times have you watched Mean Girls this week?”
“Twice, and it was great both times.”
I rolled my eyes and took a long swig of the wine. It fizzed against my tongue and I couldn’t help but moan happily at the taste. She laughed and we lounged back against the couch again with my feet up on the glass coffee table.
“Maybe I could crack it though, for real,” I continued. “I think it’s worth a try, don’t you?”
“That I can’t answer for you,” she said. “That’s your battle and if you want to put in the leg work, then by all means go for it. Just remember that he’s a person and he’s allowed to have boundaries, which means he can be pissed at you for trying to bulldoze over them.”
She wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t care. I was willing to try, and I hoped that he was receptive to it because there was no other way for us to work.