Lucas' P.O.V.
Rose was in class right now with plans to eat lunch with Hailey later. I'm taking this time to read her journals, and then hang out with Leo. Work is taken care of, having stayed up late to get it done. I hated wasting time with Rose, so I have started to work at night while she sleeps. I'm awake then anyway.
I decided to read inside the small cafe on campus that Rose took me to one morning. This use to be my favorite spot to get work done when I was attending here. The smell of coffee is soothing and has always helped me to focus better. I opened up Rose's journal almost to the end of her sophomore year now.
It seemed with Ian around she was able to handle high school better. She was still picked on, or messed with, but Ian was always by her side to comfort her or defend her. I do think that Rose's first love is not her ex Julius, but this Ian guy instead. I hate to admit it, but I am a bit jealous of Ian. He was able to rescue her back then. I wish I could have. I wish I could go back in time and save her from her misery.
Dear future me,
He's moving. The love of my life is moving!
I hate today. I hate life. I hate everything.
He told me his parents are being sent overseas for business. He'll be living in London for a while. He swore we would keep in touch...we both did. There's no way I'm going to lose him as a friend. I'll write to him as often as I can.
I really wish I had a phone. We would be able to talk whenever we wanted, but Dad's never seen the point in me having a phone. He says it's a waste of money. I think I'm the only high school kid without one. I'm certain I'm the only one without a computer or internet either. The only way for Ian and I to stay in touch is through the good old fashion mailing system. Which will take for-freaking-ever.
If ever there were a time I wish I had a phone, it would be now! I feel my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to watch the most amazing thing in my life leave. High school is going to be unbearable without him here.
Do we still talk a lot with Ian now? Is he still our friend?
A very disappointed,
Past you.
So that's what happened to Ian. He moved. Somehow that made me more jealous of him. It wasn't that they had a falling out, or some kind of argument. It wasn't that Ian was secretly a dick. No, it was circumstances outside of their control that separated them. What would she do if he suddenly entered her life again? What if they one day run into each other? Would she fall for his charms? Would she leave me for him?
"What's got your panties in a bunch?" Leo's voice snapped me out of my inner spiral.
"Why you, of course. You're just so hot, Leo," I joked, because I refuse to voice these insecurities. I know they're irrational.
"Mhmm." He rolled his eyes. "Seriously though, what's up with you?"
"Just reading her journals, and getting mad at her dad. She told us her childhood was hard, but she didn't go into specifics. It's killer Leo. I hate knowing that man raised her." I shook my head, with my hands gripping the journal so tightly.
"I can only imagine. I hate that she didn't have this beautiful upbringing like I had hoped when I asked for her life story. Honestly, I think that's why you guys fit so perfectly. You have shared trauma, and as such think in a lot of the same ways."
"You think so?" I am sure he's right, but I had never thought of it.
"Definitely. You're both dark and twisty."
"So what are you then? Dark and bendy?" I laughed.
"No, I'm light and airy." He smiled.
"You should be. You deserve to be light and airy."
"Don't get soft on me. This is usually when you tease me." He arched a brow at me.
"I know that. I just..." I sighed pausing for a moment. "I just want you to be happy, Leo. I feel so lucky to have Olive in my life, but then I see you and feel kind of guilty, you know? I just want you to find your person too."
Leo kicked my shin hard under the table, making me lift my leg up fast, causing it to hit my knee with the table as well.
"Ow, what the fuck, Leo?"
"Quit feeling sorry for me, and enjoy your happiness. Of all the people I know, you're the one that deserves it. I'll find my person. I'm only 19, I have time. Maybe I'll have some fun for a little bit, gain some experience like you did." He wiggled his eyebrows at me, making me crack a smile.
"Oh? Am I your role model, Leo?" I laughed, teasing him has always been my favorite thing to do. It's how we show we love one another, cracking jokes at the other's expense.
"In fact you are."
His confession caught me off guard. I thought he would joke, or tease me. Instead he made me feel important.
"Then as your role model, let me tell you a secret." I leaned forward, looking all around us like someone was listening in. Leo leaned forward as well, getting closer so he could hear me better. "I'm the best lay there is, so if you want to learn from the best you're gonna have to sleep with me." I blew him a kiss with a wink, causing him to roll his eyes. I laughed at him as usual.
"Ass," he muttered, but I could see the corner of his lips trying to fight off his smile.
"No, but seriously, don't go having too much fun. It gets old fast, and only makes you feel lonelier." I added, being serious for once, because the last thing I want is for Leo to go down the same path as me.
"Don't worry, you may be my role model, but I'm not looking to be exactly like you. I like myself better." He winked, making me smile playfully at him.
Leo's always been easy to talk to. Someone that has always made me smile. I love playing around with him, and spending time together. He's the closest friend I have. The one who understands me better than even my own family. I just hope that he's happy. I know taking over his father's business has been hard on him. I can see it starting to suck away his soul. I need him to find happiness somewhere to counteract it. I need him and Rachel to finally admit their feelings.
How did I not notice it before?
Another reason why I love my Rose. She's so attentive.
"When you are ready to find that girl, let me know. I'll help you find her." I offered, having Rachel fully in mind.
"I don't know that I want any of your sloppy seconds." He arched a brow.
"Never. Don't want them to compare." I winked at him, joking around as always.
"Asshole," he muttered, kicking me under the table again.
"We need to get back into soccer. You still have a mean kick."
"They're reserved just for you. I'm not interested in soccer. It was always more Johnny's sport than mine."
My chest tightened at the thought of John's brightly smiling face on the soccer team. He was a teammate I could always count on. Our passes were flawless with little words needing to be said. We knew each other's moves and plays. It was like we were in each other's heads while we played.
"Yeah, he was pretty fucking amazing."
We grew silent, a sadness falling about us. I know we were both living in the memories of John right now. I can't imagine how much Leo misses him, being his actual brother. John has always felt like a brother to me too, but it's different. I know he's left a hole in each of us. One that's been hard to fill.
"Okay, enough with this sadness," he said, shaking his hands in the air as if he were blowing the sadness away from us. "Is there something you want to tell me about where you're living now?" He arched a brow knowingly, making me give him a big grin.
"I may have moved in with Rose." I wiggled my eyebrows at him.
"Are you serious?" He sat up really fast, leaning forward over the table. "You guys have only been dating like a month! That's insane." He shook his head.
"It may be insane, but it's right. It feels right for both of us, so screw what everyone thinks is a normal timeline. I know I found the woman I want to be with, so why bother waiting?"
"Lucas," he said my name in a concerned tone. "Just be careful. That's moving really fast and I don't want either of you guys to get hurt."
"I won't hurt my Rose. I'll only help her grow."
"I hope so."
We ate lunch together, talking about stupid stuff. He was playing some new video game that he wanted me to try. We talked about the new night club we want to go to. He even mentioned the new drink he concocted, which I plan to never drink. I learned from my mistake last time. Leo makes the most delicious drinks that you don't even realize there's a shit ton of alcohol in it. That next morning I had the worst hangover of my life.
"I better head off to my class. Tell Liv I say hi for me. Let's go out this weekend, all of us."
"Sounds good." I gave him a hug before he ran off in the direction of his class.
Another hour till my Rose is back in my arms.