Olive's P.O.V.
"Are you okay, my Rose?" Lucas asked as we finished cleaning up the place. Everyone was long gone now, but the evening was spectacular.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking," I answered, grabbing a cup off the coffee table that had only been half drunk. The marshmallows had disappeared in the heat of the coco, leaving this sort of froth at the top.
"What about?" He asked, taking the cup from my hands and washing it.
"I think I need to read Ian's letters," I admitted, biting at my cheek. "I need to know what he said."
Lucas went silent, which only made me nervous. He turned the sink off, facing me. He dried his hands as he held my gaze. When he approached me, his eyes softened, feeling sympathy for me. He pulled me into a tight hug, kissing my forehead.
"I'll go see my mom for a little while. I am sure she's still awake. Text me when you're done," he said, letting me go.
"You don't have to leave."
He shook his head no at me before speaking.
"You should read them alone, Rose. I don't want you feeling the need to hold back on your emotions because you're worried about what I'll think. I love you, my Rose. You do what you need to, and call me when you're done. I'll come running," he promised.
"Thank you," I whispered.
Lucas left me shortly after, grabbing the gift he still hadn't given his mother. It was late, around 10 o'clock now, but his mother was still awake and expecting him. I knew he would be fine, and I appreciated him giving me privacy for this, even if I didn't really want him to go. He's right though, I would hold back if he were around.
Taking a deep breath I dug around for the box full of red envelopes that Ian had given me last month. I had stuffed it deep in my closet, too scared to read them. Now it's time, we've said our goodbyes, and admitted our past feelings. It's time to get this over with and really move on.
There's a need deep inside me to close this CHAPTER of my life, to know exactly what he said to me in those letters. What could have been if I would have gotten them. I know it will hurt, it will tear me apart to think about, but I need to know. I need to know how he felt all those years.
**Song Suggestion: Closure by Hayd**
I grabbed the first letter I saw, not caring about reading them in order. I opened it slowly, feeling the sadness starting to well inside me already. As usual, Ian's penmanship was impeccably beautiful. I was always surprised by how neatly he wrote. His hand writing has been better than mine all of our lives.
Dearest Red,
I can't believe it's been two months since I moved away now. It feels like just yesterday we were laughing and talking for hours on end. I miss you so much!
I miss your smile, your laugh, and your sense of humor. I miss our inside jokes and our late-night conversations on my roof, and our favorite hang-out spot.
I also miss our adventures together. We've been through so much together, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I hope you have found someone to help you through the bad times. I worry about you being alone, Red.
I know I'm not the only one who misses you. My mom and dad miss you as well. I know you miss them, too. Having you in our house only made it so much better. Life feels so different without you by my side.
I hope to get a letter from you soon. I plan to return one day, so don't forget about me, Red.
Until then, know that I'm thinking of you always.
Love,
Your best friend, Ian
My chest felt tight, and for a moment I wasn't sure I could do this. I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself. I grabbed the next letter, feeling like my heart was breaking into a million pieces.
Dear Red,
I've been thinking about the time we met. It feels like just yesterday we were two awkward freshmen, bumping into each other in science class. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were someone special. There was something about you that drew me in, something that made me want to get to know you better.
And I'm so glad I did. Over the past couple of years, you've become my best friend. You know me better than anyone else in the world, and you stayed my friend, anyway. I can't imagine what life without you would be like, although I'm getting a glimpse of it now. It's miserable here without you.
I miss the way you make me laugh. I miss the way you challenge me to be a better person. No one is able to encourage me the way you do. You are the most amazing girl I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. School sucks without your sweet self by my side. I wish I could have packed you in my suitcase and brought you here, too.
I hope you're doing well. I am still waiting on that letter you promised me. I hope you haven't forgotten about me already.
Your best friend forever, (Despite the long distance)
Ian.
I could feel the tears start to stream down my face, falling over the letters in the box. I continued anyway, needing to read every letter, even if I became dehydrated from all the crying.
Dearest Red,
I'm writing this letter with a heavy heart. I feel like I've lost my best friend, and I don't know what to do.
I know my moving away has made things hard, reducing us to writing letters to keep in touch. I understand that things are different now, but I feel like you've forgotten about me. We used to talk all the time, and now we don't talk at all. I have not gotten a letter from you, instead I receive the letters I sent you in return. Maybe you've decided to no longer be my friend, or perhaps you met someone new to take my place, and are too busy to write.
I miss our conversations. I miss just being around you.
I know you're busy with your new life, but I just wish you would make some time for me. I'm here for you, no matter what.
I hope you'll reach out soon. I miss you.
Love always,
Ian
My heart was breaking, reading Ian's letters. He was hurt, thinking that I didn't want him anymore. I hated that he had felt that way, that he thought these things. I wished he could have known how desperately I needed him back then, how much I missed him.
Dear Red,
I know you're not reading these, so I decided to pour my feelings out, to admit to you what I couldn't in person. One day I'll see you again and I'll show you all these letters. I will win you over, and maybe one day convince you to marry me.
I love you Red, as much more than just a friend. You light my world on fire in the best way. Your smile is brighter than the stars in the sky. Those eyes of yours hold a fire behind that ice, one that keeps you going even when your life is thrown to hell.
I love your voice, but your laugh, God, your laugh is like magic. It sends a happiness coursing through me that makes it impossible not to smile. Your hair is the most beautiful red I've ever seen. It fits you perfectly, making you stand out as you should. You don't need to be pushed into the background, all attention should be on you.
You make my heart race and my hands sweat. I've never felt so happy yet so lost. You make me unsure of myself. It's not a feeling I am used to. I like the way you bring out this side of me I didn't know I had, an adventurous side.
Red, I hope you know how amazing you are. You belittle yourself because of the girls in school. You shouldn't listen to them, they're nothing but jealous bitches. Those girls don't know you the way I do. They see someone that they know is a threat to their standing. You're going to do wonderful things, Red, and I plan to be at your side to see it all.
I love you with all my heart. I hope you read this one day and find me knelt before you with a ring. You're my one, Red, I am sure of it.
I love you always,
Ian
I cried for a while, feeling my heart break and mend itself again. I never knew he felt this way about me. I pictured the future that could have been with him and then let it go. I let him go, along with the teenage dream I had of us together.
He's still my friend right?