Julia
"Momma, will we ever have a Christmas tree?" the sad look in her eyes tugs at my heart. Her request is such a simple one and yet, still something that I can't give her. All children should know the pure joy of a Christmas tree, the twinkling lights, and multicolored baubles. I've only ever had one Christmas tree but I've never forgotten about it.
"One year, baby, one year." It's the same line that I tell her every year but it's something that I plan on making happen.... one year anyway. "You said that last year, momma." this girl may only be three but she has an incredible brain and memory.
The girl is home-schooled by me and with the limited resources that I have you would think that she would be behind for her age but she's not, she is incredibly talented and makes me insanely proud every day. "You're smart for a 3-year-old, chicken," Helen says as she comes to sit next to us. I swear this woman reads my mind several times a week.
"I'm almost 4!" Nina rushes out proud to almost be another year older. The day she was born was both the worst and best day of my life and despite the girl having to share her birthday with Christmas day she has never complained. Yep... my little girl is a Christmas baby, a Christmas miracle. "That's right, you are." she smiles as she scoops her up and sits her in her lap.
There are only two weeks left until Christmas, which means I need to make a start on looking for her gifts. Every year she gets a gift for Christmas and a gift for her birthday. granted they're always secondhand, and from a dumpster but I've always got lucky in finding pretty decent toys for her, and for that, I'm grateful. "Momma, for my birthday this year can I have a Christmas tree, pleaseee!" she holds her hands together begging me to say yes and I swear I feel a small piece of my heart die.
She's 3 years old and begging for a Christmas tree for her birthday, what kind of mother am I? She deserves so much better than what she has, and yet things are only going to get worse. This place... our home is the only place that she's ever known. I've lived in my fair share of homeless spots and this place is the best but we have to leave after Christmas and start over in a new city where we won't know anyone and I'm dreading what that will do to her... she's going to be so sad.
"I'll do my best, baby." I mean every word I say. If this is going to be our last Christmas here then we're going to make the very best of it. I guess I need to add a Christmas tree to my list. We have trees in one corner of the alleyway so if I could just get my hands on some lights and a few baubles then I could turn that into a Christmas tree. I need to go treasure hunting.
"Do you mind if I head out for a bit?" Helen smiles while nodding as she starts reading Nina a story. I'm going to miss her, don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss all of the people here, we are all one big dysfunctional family but both Nina and I are incredibly close to Helen and she will be the hardest to leave behind but I have no choice... I have no choice.
"Yes, of course. I'll get this one to bed but be careful." her motherly auro warms my heart a little as I give them both a smile and hug before setting off on another night of hunting. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage getting what we need when there's just the two of us but I'll figure it out... I have to. I start heading down the busy sidewalk taking in my surroundings and all the people as they go about their day.
Christmas is close and it's pretty easy to tell the difference between the people that are just enjoying this time of year and the people that are late with their shopping and are in panic mode. God, what I would give to be either of those people.
Riley
"My workload is insane this time of year and I know that I'm making it harder by spending so much time trying to watch out for Gemma but I can't help myself. Fuck, this girl has me in a twist. I've tried to forget her, tried to talk to other women, even tried to tell myself that this is just all dumb, but it doesn't matter what I tell myself, I can't stop thinking about her or her little girl.
What must it be like to live that way? to raise a child is hard work, to raise a child as a single parent is the hardest, and yet she's doing it on the streets, that seems impossible, but still, she's doing it. I only caught a glimpse of her little girl that night but she looked healthy and happy which is more than some children do that have homes. I still can't shake the feeling that her little girl seemed familiar either. I know that I've never met her before but there's just something about her...
Wait, what if there is a man in her life? I've just assumed that she is a single parent but what if that's not the case? sitting here thinking all of this over has me winded as a massive realization hits me square in the stomach. I like her and I want her. Her and her little girl. But how? I've not spoken more than ten words to her so how do I feel like this and how do I know what I want already? It would just be my luck to finally figure things out only to go and find that she has a man in her life... Fuck, just the thought of that hurts.
"You ok, son?" I look up from my desk to see my granddad walking into my office with his usual smile plastered across his face. "I'm good, Pops. How are you doing?" he walks forward and takes a seat in front of me. My pop is more frail these days but at 94 years old, it's not surprising. He may be 94 and frail physically but his mind is still as sharp as a whippet and he's one intelligent man.
"I'm fine, you know me. But let's try my question again. You ok?" I look at his face before answering him and it's clear to see that he's calling my bluff here. I rake my hands through my already messy hair and let out a long moan. " I don't know, Pops."
"There are only two things in this life that get a man twisted up like you are right now and that's work and women. Now, I know that work is the best that it has ever been so that can only mean one thing... Who is she?" See, smart at a whippet. I let out a little laugh which has him smiling. "Tell me that I am wrong," he says that because he already knows that I can't.
"It doesn't matter, I can't... I just can't." I know that I want her but it still doesn't mean that I can do it. "I spoke to your mom today and she told me all about her and her... situation and son, she doesn't sound anything like her. She couldn't be any different if she tried."
"You are right, Pops but that still doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't stop me from feeling cautious about her." he nods agreeing with me but I can see his mind running away with itself. "You are right it doesn't, but it also doesn't mean that she will be the same as her either. She hurt you... Really hurt you but that doesn't mean that every other woman will too. I've been watching you over these past few weeks and I've not seen you this bothered about someone since her. If I'm being honest I don't even think that she had you this wrapped up."
"Mom. of course." he shakes his head as he rearranges himself to get more comfy. "She was just telling me some basics, she didn't say a great deal, she didn't need to but she did tell me that there's a child involved?"
"Yeah, she has a little girl. She's maybe 3 or 4 years old... cute as a button." a small smile pulls at my lips but it only lasts a few seconds as the memories of how they are living hit me once more. "Did Mom tell you that I stopped her from shoplifting at the chemist?" both my mom and Josh know everything. Mom has known everything from the very beginning then I got drunk a few nights ago and ended up telling Josh everything and as always he made it clear that he has my back no matter what, like he always has.
"Yes, she did mention it. She also told me what you did for the girl and I'm proud of you son." I always enjoy making my Grandad proud but this... what I did... Well, it doesn't feel like anything to be proud of. I just helped a woman with her basic needs. "How many nights in the last three weeks have you spent out in your car watching and waiting for her?" so many that it's somewhat embarrassing. "I've been home for two nights." he nods but doesn't say a word.
While he remains quiet my mind strays back to her face, to everything that has happened and that I know, and something inside of me snaps. "What am I doing? Why am I leaving them out there?" I stand and grab my coat as I head toward the door. "Go and get her, son. Go and get them both." I turn around to face him to find him with a beaming smile on his face. I nod but don't say a word, there's no time. I need to get to her, to them and I need to do it now.