Julia
By some miracle, I managed to find some supplies and get them back to the cottage without getting caught and without Nina noticing what I was doing. I made up a game that involved her finding certain color stones that kept her distracted, it helps that although she may be smart for her age she's still only 4 years old and doesn't put much thought into where her food comes from and for that I'm grateful. I also manage to find some more clothes for Nina and I can't wait to get her changed, she's been in her clothes for a while and I hate it.
We get back into the cottage with ease and I secure the doors once more but for some reason, it feels different in here now which is stupid. I checked to make sure the place was still empty when we got back so I'm not sure why I'm feeling this paranoia but I decide to shake it off and just put it down to our situation.
"Are we going to live here forever, Mommy?" Nina's cute little voice drags me from my disturbed mind and I'm relieved. I look over at my little girl and can't help but smile. She's sitting on the floor of a dusty abandoned cottage coloring with her new crayons and coloring book that I found for her today and yet, she looks as happy as can be.
"I don't think so, baby." She seems to think about my answer before she just simply shrugs her shoulders and goes back to her coloring. It's moments like this that I wish I could still have the pure innocence of a 4-year-old but unfortunately for me, it's been a very long time since I've been able to do that and it just plain sucks. From what I saw today there are not many shops here, I think we may have entered some kind of village and I just don't see it being long-term.
I walk out to the kitchen and reach into the back of the food cupboard, the cupboard where I've stashed my cash. After I had tucked away the money that Mandy, Riley's mom had given me I forgot about it until we got here and I swear that when I counted it I almost passed out. 5,000 dollars... Yes, Mandy gave me 5,000 dollars.
I've never in my life had that kind of money or even seen that kind of money and while part of me wished that I had noticed sooner so that I could give it back to her, another part of me was insanely grateful for her and I won't ever forget what she has done for us, what any of them have done for us and who knows maybe one day I will be able to return the favor somehow, it's wishing thinking I know but in my life, sometimes wishful thinking is all that I have.
I can only imagine what someone would say if they knew that I had stolen food and clothes today when I have this much money to my name but the truth is that I can't just go spending it willy-nilly. this money has allowed me a plan, a future for Nina and while I may hate what I'll have to do, really hate it, it will mean a roof over her head and food in her stomach that's not from a trashbin and that's all that matters but to achieve that plan I'm going to need every single cent to get us started.
After food and a story that lasted over 30 minutes Nina went straight to sleep but me not so much. It's now the middle of the night and I'm lying on the old couch with Nina cuddled into me but for the life of me I can't sleep. To be honest. I've not slept much since we got here but tonight... tonight it's worse and I still have that stupid niggling feeling, it got me so paranoid that I keep thinking that I can hear noises in the house but I've checked the whole place more than once and there's no one here and yet, I still seem to be holding Nina just that bit closer tonight.
I watch the flames as they flicker off the fire that's still burning in the old brick fireplace. the crackle and popping don't help my paranoia but I can't put it out, it's too cold. As always when I can't sleep my mind drifts back to the last few weeks and brings Riley to the front of my thoughts. I still don't know what had me so attracted to him or why he kept helping me even when he didn't have to. I still don't know why he kept coming around or why he helped us at the hospital but I know that my leaving was the best thing for everyone, even if a selfish part of me wishes that I have stayed.
Unfortunately for me, my reality couldn't let that happen, and now... Well, now every night I find myself thinking about him. wondering where he is or who he's with. As much as I don't understand much about any of this, I have come to accept that I like him in more than one way. I don't really understand how you can come to like someone that you barely know but here I am doing just that and fuck if it ain't painful. Just the thought of him with someone who isn't me makes me feel sick and angry, not angry at him because I wouldn't blame him for doing it, I mean why would he wait around for me, no I'm angry at myself for potentially ruining something that could have been amazing.
Of course, I talk myself around several times which is pretty easy considering my reality. It's easy to realize that he wouldn't want anything long-term with me, maybe not even short-term. Maybe there was more to him suddenly appearing in my life and not in a good way. Maybe I have a lucky escape, maybe not, either way. I guess I'll never know now and I have to accept that, no matter how hard that may be.
I toss and turn for what feels like hours, the more time goes on the more I feel frustrated and honestly, just plain exhausted. "Fuck!"
"That can be arranged," I swear the moment I hear those words I feel the blood drain from my body. I jump up from the cough throwing the blanket over Nina and praying she stays sleeping as I come face to face with a man as he stands in the doorway to the kitchen. I don't know who he is but he's tall, brood, and doesn't look like he gives to fucks about anything in life and as much as I try not to show him how scared I am I doubt im successful.
"Who are you? What do you want?" my voice isn't as firm as I want it but could be worse. He doesn't say a word only stares at me. He has a large scar across his right eyebrow and another one running along his left cheekbone, which combined with his lip curling into an evil smirk is terrifying. "Who are you? What do you want?" My words are firmer this time and finally, he starts talking.
"Names Reggie and I'm here to show you what happens to people who steal Mario Deluca's property!" Oh, fuck no!