Chapter 36: Governing Grief/Surprise In The Forest

Alastair:

Midnight was creeping in and there I stood outside of the Shadow Veil’s packhouse. I had begun taking up smoking since the death of Valene; it was a terrible habit even for inhumans but somehow the act of it would soothe me in some ways.

Eventually, at the behest of Harlyn, I transitioned from nicotine to something made from the local witch coven. It wasn’t habit-forming but it certainly helped with seemingly ceaseless depression and anxiety.

Though I had taken up the habit, I only took to smoking when in high-stress situations. The meeting that I was about to have on this night, would more than likely be one of those nights, and the cause of what I knew would be a stressful night was suddenly on approach.

“Alpha Wade,” greeted Ares as he approached me with a large bottle in his hand. I could smell the rich blood that heavily saturated the alcohol.

I thought about throwing away my special-made cigar and then thought better of it as I quickly noticed his countenance.

“Barbosa,” I stepped toward him as I took a puff of my specially-made cigar.

The young alpha already knew what kind of time I was on when he approached. I guessed that to be the reason why he did very little in trying to establish an ice-breaker in our conversation.

“I am going to assume that you know about how the evening panned out with the rogue creature that I and your beta found-”

“I know bloody well know what happened,” I countered frustratedly.

“He did not know anything,” Ares said without much display of emotion. He was obviously uninvested in our conversation.

“Somehow, I find it hard to believe that you allowed Beta Toran and Almeida to get very far before you decided to remove his head from his shoulders.” I quipped with visible frustration.

I watched as Ares inhaled heavily through his nose, and closed his eyes. “As I said, Alpha, the creature did not-”

“Know anything?” I finished angrily. “I’m pissed off, Alpha, not hard of hearing!” I snapped and then boldly stepped to the alpha. “Tell me, Ares…how do you expect us to find answers about anything if you kill every single bloody rogue that trespasses?! Valene is gone and I’d like to find answers! I-”

“You’re right, alpha,” Ares cut me off. “Your ward…is gone, but she is not the only one who has been lost. Or have you forgotten that I have my own vendetta to settle? I don’t have to do things your way simply because you are still mourning-”

“You will not stop my search for answers!” I growled, restraining myself from grabbing him.

He finished the rest of his bottle. “You know that is not my intention, Alastair but I will not deprive myself of my bloodlust because of your sudden personal interest in these beasts-”

“You-” I growled, Aziz, shining through with as much anger and aggravation as myself. “Listen to me, boy! Don’t make me hurt you, Ares.”

“We both know that your threat will not be so easily accomplished, Alpha.”

“You underestimate me, boy” I hissed and grabbed him by his neck, lifting him from the ground. He attempted to use his power against me but I had already used his power against him to immobilize him. “You may be the first of the goddess’s creation. Your kind may be inherently stronger, but do not mistake what I am for who I am, boy.”

When I felt his power wane by his own will, I realized that he had resigned to fighting me. I released him, and the comparatively young and resigned alpha hit the ground. Ares sat there in silence, resting his elbows on his lifted knees as he dropped his gaze to the ground.

I took that moment to calm down as well and try to continue the conversation with more restraint. “Listen, Ares, I don’t…understand why my ward’s death has affected you so but…” I paused, giving him space to deny my claim and when he did not, I became even more curious as to the details of their relationship. “But the fact of the matter is that it has, and your actions following have become dangerously close to rogue.”

“Eu não fiz tal coisa,” He muttered under his breath, hardly audible to my ears.

“You sure about that?” I replied as I was sure that I heard a subtle insistence that he had not gone rogue. “You disappear at odd hours of the night-”

“To find answers-” sneered Ares before I continued.

“Never telling anyone where you’re headed-including your brother!” I continued naming off Ares's transgressions, hoping that he would see the point.

“Zev knows that I would not do anything drastic without letting him know-”

“Blocking yourself from the pack link?” I pressed.

“If I am needed then I will be reachable,” he tried to reassure me but I was not convinced.

“That’s the problem though, Ares; you are an alpha of the last of the Silver Moon pack. They are in dire need of their alpha. And for the last two centuries, you have been acutely aware of that, adamantly seeing to it that they are always reassured that you will not abandon them.”

The more I spoke…the more logic I used, the more…confused I became by Ares’s sudden detachment and rage. He’d lost his parents at a significantly young age, and maybe it was because he was too young to understand such raw feelings at that time. It still didn’t make sense, though. Sure, he was obviously attached to the girl, but…he hadn’t known Valene long enough to experience feelings that would provoke such passionate furor.

“Don’t bother trying to figure it out, old man,” he said, seeming to read my mind, his gaze still on the ground while he spoke. He finally looked up at me, his expression almost defeated-something I had never seen from the young alpha. He stood to his feet. “Anyway, this isn’t just about your ward, Alastair Wade,” he drunkenly turned around and exhaled. “It…is all in general,” he said. “Death! Needless death to those who are actually worthy of life.” he looked at me and chuckled harshly. “I’ve met plenty of humans in my day…not more than you I’m sure,” he bitterly snickered. “But…still quite a few, but never,” he turned shaking his head again. “Have I ever met one as genuinely…good as the creature that you somehow acquired. She had a mouth on her…that was for sure,” he seemed to glean some mirth out of whatever past they shared. “Had a mouth on her,” he confessed. “And she saved my life. Even when your daughter treated her with such disrespect, she maintained her morals and respect of our kind.”

This portion of his declaration provoked guilt in me. Harlyn could surely have treated Valene better than she had, and I could have done better in reprimanding her condescending behavior.

“No need for guilt. We both know that she would not tolerate it as she convinced herself that everything that you’ve done for her was out of love-”

“And you doubt this?” I asked as I heard a hint of accusation veiled within his words. Or maybe it was just my own sense of regret that I was feeling.

“I believe that you did as best you could in a difficult situation. I also believe that you could have done better with that daughter of yours,” he said.

That, neither I nor Aziz could deny. “Unfortunately, that is something on which I have to agree.”

Ares nodded haphazardly as he turned around again and simply looked at the night sky. There was evidently nothing left for him to say. But I still had a few words left to give.

“He is concerned for you Ares,” I said interrupting the momentary silence.

“Me beta will be fine. He knows that I’ll never leave.”

“You assume far too much when it comes to your beta-when it comes to your whole pack. As erratic as you’ve been acting of late, how do you expect that they trust that you would do yourself no harm?”

Ares, back still facing me, sighed. “Guess I should go and reassure them then,” he finally turned around, clumsily bowing to me before walking off.

“You’ve lost a lot in your life,” I said as he turned away from me to leave. “No one can deny that Ares, but your pack has lost something precious as well…Zevi has lost those that he holds dear. You all have lost something, so do not allow that loss as well as Valene’s distance you from them.”

“How did you handle it, Alastair?” Ares asked me. “When she died…when your wife…died?”

“Not well, I confess,” I said. “And unfortunately, I had to learn from the mistakes I made during my grief.”

“Hm. Goodnight, Alastair,” he said and then disappeared into the night.

After we parted ways, I decided to take a swing by the only place where I usually found refuge; the forest as I approached the growing Angel Oak tree that was planted in memory of Valene.

Most unusually, the tree sprouted supernaturally fast. I should not have been so surprised, however, and my beastly counterpart obviously felt the same as he seemed to read my mind.

“You are so surprised, but even you remember how the blood of our daughter was so rich, the ground drank it whole. It does not surprise m that the soil is so rich here.”

“I guess it should say something…that Valene’s essence caused something to grow so beautifully.”

“I think Angel Oak was the perfect choice made for her spot,” complimented Aziz.

“I must agree.” I countered as I looked at the tree, lifting my hand against the steadily growing trunk. “Hello, my daughter,” I greeted the tree as I was speaking to my lost Valene herself. “You are sorely missed, and I swear to you that I will find answers…however long it will take.”

As I said this, I felt the presence of my beta from behind. “Well said, brother,” he remarked on approach. He stopped a few paces behind me before speaking again. “We will never stop searching for answers, little one,” he addressed Valene’s tree.

Silence ensued for a moment as it always did once we finished expressing ourselves. Then, I finally broke the moment’s peace. “How did you know I was here?”

Toran found amusement in this inquiry. “It is my job to know where my alpha is, Alastair. Keeps the others from concern.”

“Ah,” I said, realizing, here I was telling Ares not to make his pack draw concern when it seemed that I had been doing the exact thing. “I do not mean to worry anyone-”

“No need to explain, Alastair. I know that you think that your pack wouldn’t understand but… a lot of them do, and those who do not, dare not question it due to your greatness as a leader alone.”

“I suppose I should be grateful for that then,” I murmured before lifting my hand from the tree.

“You’ve spoken with Ares, I presume.”

“In a drunken stupor,” I replied to my beta’s assumption. “Yes, I did.”

“I’m hoping that you got through to him,”

“I tried,” I faced Toran, and shrugged. “But we both know that in the end it is Ares’s decision to make whether to fall in line or not.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Toran asked. “Surely, you realize that his erratic actions are cause for concern.”

“I realize that,” I answered, not wanting to proceed with the subject though I knew that this conversation needed to be had.

“And what do you suppose we should do about it if he persists?” asked Toran. “The last thing I want to do is put down the son of our oldest friend because he couldn’t handle a loss…that shouldn’t have even meant so much to him by the way.”

“I know, Tora, I know. I don’t understand it either but his obsession with Valene seems to have driven him to the brink of an aimless madness.”

“That’s just it, Wade,” Toran approached closer. “I’m not so sure that it is aimless or obsessive. His emotions…they are…powerful and mysterious but I cannot say that they are aimless,” he said.

“What are you? An empath now?”

“Talon is, and he’s been around the young alpha. Even he cannot seem to place his emotions and you know he is among the most gifted.”

“Well, whatever his problem is, the only thing we can do for now is hope that our talk has steadied his mind enough to mentally and emotionally get back to where he was. And if he doesn’t then we will cross that bridge when we get to it. Until then, we cannot allow Ares to disrupt our progress of getting answers and finding out who did this?”

“About that,” Toran hesitantly countered. “I’ve been meaning to speak with you…about something that has been bothering me the last two years…since the night of Vale’s death.”

Two years? What could my beta have been keeping from me for two years? “What is it?”

“You…you know how my abilities work, Alastair-the ability of object memory absorption,” Toran remarked and waited for me to confirm.

“I do,”

“You also know that…that night when I looked into the memory of what happened…I couldn’t see the culprit's features. I could see no hint of who it was.”

“Yes, I know. What’s been so bothersome about this information outside of the fact that it has made it harder to-” as I started to finish my sentence both me and Aziz’s minds began considering how things worked in the past. “You never had a problem seeing wildlings in the past.”

“Neither going forward from that night,” added Toran. “Wildlings…they don’t possess that sort of power,” he said. “So-”

“So either their power is growing or…one of our people was the culprit.” I gradually began to realize.

“Either way, neither probability is good.”

“No,” I agreed with my beta. “It isn’t. Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner, Toran?” I asked, now aggravated by the fact that Toran kept this huge piece of information from me.

“Because had I told you then what I know now, what would you have done having the mindset that you had two years ago?”

I didn’t even need to answer as we both knew what I would have done. “I would have slaughtered…everyone in that town until I found answers.” It indeed was a dark time in my life when I lost Valene. I was quite a volatile creature during that time.

“Now that we both know this information and now that you are in a better frame of mind, we can move forward from here.”

“If it was a member of the town, they’ve certainly gotten too comfortable by now,” I realized. “This, we can use to our advantage.”

“Exactly.”

“So-”

Before I could finish my sentence, the sound of hands clapping in the distance cut me off, alerting both Toran and me. Quickly, we were on high alert, the presence that we sensed was…different than any that we were intimately familiar with.

“Bravo…” the accented voice said from the distance. The twang in her voice was subtle and alluring. “You’ve finally caught a bit of common sense.” The more she spoke, I began to realize that her voice was familiar. “Shame it took you so long to figure that out,”

Both Toran and I started to shift when suddenly we felt the transformation halt, and not of our own accord. It was as if something had trapped our beasts from being released.

“What the-”

“No need for that,” she said and gradually surfaced from the darkness. “I am not here to fight. Though at times I have thought about killing you.”

“Who…are you?!” I struggled angrily through Aziz’s voice as he was only partially in control.

“I…am the woman who led you to that special miracle baby at the orphanage,” she emerged into the moonlight, and suddenly a familiar old woman’s face appeared.

The same that I met the night that I adopted Valene. She was the one who led me to her infant bed.

“You!” I exclaimed.

“I am the woman who watched over her day in and day out as she made her way to that little bar that you now conveniently own,” she said as her face shifted again into the beautiful Claire Westbrook! I was confounded, to say the least.

“Alastair!” Toran exclaimed. “What’s going on?!”

A valid question, indeed, but one that I could not answer as I was far too shocked to even comprehend what I was seeing. Who was this woman?!

“I…am the woman who blessed you with a chance to be…a father to her…to be in her life.”

“You’re wearing down my patience, girl. Now you’d better get to the point before I-”

“Before you what…Alastair?!” she growled angrily, and suddenly that voice…I recognized that voice, but…it couldn’t be.

The woman, who still wore Claire’s face was now hardly an inch away from mine as her features gradually turned into a woman that I had long ago known and loved every day since. But she was dead…she was supposed to be dead.

“It…it can’t be.” I gasped, hardly able to sustain breath in my lungs as I looked at her.

“Oh…it is,” she said. “And you have a lot to make up for, Alastair, and so much to explain.” she snarled. “You can start…with how failed to protect her.”

“Merari?” that was her name, and I…I never thought I’d speak it again and be referring to her. “I..you were dead.”

“Obviously, I found a way to live,” she said. “No, thanks to you, though. You’re on a roll it seems…not protecting those that you supposedly care about.”

“Merari, you know that’s not fair,” I countered as she brought back to remembrance the evening that I had lost her.

“That’s always your answer, I bet,” she hissed. “How many times have you had some reason as to why someone that you allegedly cared about died under your watch?”

“Merari, I-”

“It doesn’t even matter anymore,” she cut me off. “Me..and you,” she said, walking away from me, and as she did, both Toran and I were released.

“Alastair…is this?” Toran started to ask and before he could finish his inquiry, I simply nodded my head to confirm.

“Yes, this…this is Merari, the human that I…that I fell in love with.”

She seemed to have heard me say this and turned around. “None of that matters anymore.” she hissed. “The only thing that matters now is that you give me the help that I need to find her.”

“Fi-find her?” she couldn’t have been talking about who I thought she was talking about. “Find who?”

Merari scoffed at me. “Our daughter,” she hissed and stormed past me.

“Our what?” I incredulously retorted. “We-”

Merari turned around so fast, I paused. “If you want answers, then help…me find her.”

There was raw emotion in her voice, and if I didn’t know any better, I saw the sting of tears in her eyes.

Regardless of the craziness that she was spewing, something pulled me to want to help Merari. If this was truly her. A daughter? Me…having a daughter with Merari, that…I wasn’t sure how to wrap my brain around the notion of it. But if it was true, and helping her would give me more answers, then it was something that I had to do.