The candles flickered around them reminding her of the plans she'd made to, for the first time, do something romantic for the man she'd married. All the while he was downstairs, working on god knew what but here she stood with files in hand that told her much more than she wanted to know.
Jax had been in New York, yes, but not alone.
Spotted going into the Ritz and out the next morning- at restaurants and cafes, museums and parks- was Jax and Lavina. The pictures were time-stamped, they looked to have been taken with a long-range camera by someone hidden in a car or behind a bush and why would they do that?
That smile she saw on Jax's face made her shrink.
He had his arm hooked in Lavina's when they walked and in the rain, he held an umbrella over her head. In one picture they were dressed up, she wore a gown and pearls and he had on a suit.
"Isn't he handsome?" She said, her voice broken and meek.
Ash watched her shrink and succumb to pain and heartache. It was like he could see it on her, how everything shattered to pieces that could never be reassembled.
They knew her by now- they knew that Lola didn't trust easily, she didn't make friends with new people after Melissa and she never let her guard down for more than a few hours at a time because that's how you got hurt.
But she had done it for them- broken every rule and forsaken every oath she'd pledged to herself in order to survive.
He promised to earn her love, and that he had, but suddenly he had no interest in caring for what he had earned.
Maybe it's boring to get what you want, the fun lies in chasing the impossible.
Everything turned bleak at best, the prospect of a future in Wild Cliff and the one she had allowed herself to hope for with Jax.
"Lola," Ash's deep voice broke her train of thought.
"Don't feel bad for me,"
His mouth opened and then closed, shutting the words down and letting them spin on his tongue before giving it another shot.
He bit down and muttered a curse.
"You don't know why they were together or what they were doing. I get that it looks bad but maybe you should find out the truth before you speculate or overreact to the photographs."
She dropped the photographs and scoffed.
"Overreact?" She gasped, "Overreact!?"
"Lola," he walked closer, holding out his hands.
She swatted them away as he got closer and stepped around him- she fisted her freshly curled hair and stared maniacally around the room.
"Look at all this bullshit!" She ripped the roses from their vase and broke them in half, the thorns pressed into her hands and the blood tinkled down on the stems turning them crimson.
"Lola!" His voice broke in worry.
"I tried! I actually fucking tried with him and he let me..." her breaths wheezed and she threw the roses against the walls.
"...he let me fall in love with him." She heaved.
He hurried over, his hands twitching as though he thought about touching her but then pulled them back.
He towered over her cowering frame and saw the pain of her heart reflecting on her skin. He looked down her neck and her chest and noticed the robe slipping- exposing the lingerie under the robe and her chest that was covered only by the sheer fabric. Her nipples were hard against the lace.
Ash took a breath and clenched his jaw, and the light from the fire contoured half his face showing just how sharp it was. He gently reached out and grabbed her robe, lifting it to cover her chest and then tightened the waistband to make sure it sat where it should.
"I'm sorry." He said.
She looked up when his soft voice sounded in a hushed tone.
"About what?"
"My cousin." He answered. His eyes narrowed to slits.
"You've done nothing wrong," she whispered.
His eyes glistened under the fire and the flames reflected in his deep gaze. The wax slowly dripped on the surface creating patterns that twisted into symbols of darkness and Lola sunk into the depth of the terror she saw. The red petals from the roses fell into the wax, bathing until they hardened and it looked like blood that had pooled on snow-covered ground.
She looked back at him, his neck glistened from the sweat that was gathering, and not even now when pain seeped from her eyes in anger and sadness did Ash look away.
"Right," he breathed. His lips pulled back in a forced smile and his eyes narrowed on her face, flickering over her lips when he stepped closer.
His green eyes turned dark when he saw the pain on her face and he couldn't turn away no matter how badly he wanted to.
She dragged her tongue over her lips and let out a whimper as she turned the files. She fisted her hair with the photos wrinkled in her fists.
"Ash it hurts," she whimpered.
Her lips trembled as she looked at him, begging silently for help to ease the pain.
"Hey," he grabbed her arms with the softest touch and pulled her closer.
She squeezed her eyes closed, feeling the tears rise behind her eyes and press to escape but she couldn't.
Lola hadn't cried in years, not since the day she killed her family. It wasn't that she hadn't tried to or wanted to on occasion but whenever the threat of tears occurred it reminded her of that day and one breath was all it took for the tears to slither back down her canals.
Her fingers tightened around the pictures, everything crumbled in her hands and Ash watched as the picture of Jax holding the umbrella over Lavina slowly disappeared into a ball of shriveled up paper.
Lola filled her lungs with air and let out a heart-clutching scream that sent Ash into a swivel of pain as he felt hers.
She dropped her hands, pulled away from Ash, and staggered forward toward the candles. The file fell from her hands and the pictures spread on the floor just next to some of the melted wax from the candles on the floor. A tornado of pain and suffering swirled around her trying to pull her into its core, the wind in her hair and the surge from the tip of her toes rising in her body were all in her head but all very real.
I said I wouldn't trust anyone. I made a good life for myself, I had Melissa, I had enough...why did he do this to me?
All the excuses she had come up with to protect him, defend his honor and his love for her when in reality he had been pulling away for a while.
She looked down, her eyes gracing the now shriveled-up papers that scattered around the floor. Some were so close to the candles that she thought they might catch fire, burn the room down- burn the house down.
Something small caught her eye in the corner of the photo in the rain, it was tucked away under the folded edge of the yellow file cover and she slowly bent down to get a better look.
"What is it?" Ash asked.
She reached for the file and pulled down the edge, a small picture- no bigger than the size of a stamp- was hidden away.
She took it out and brought it closer. The faces were blurry at first when her vision was obstructed by the fire around her but as she brought the picture closer, she could see them.
Her chin rested on his fingers and his thumb was soft on her lips.
"Lola?" Ash said, breaking her from the already shattering truth in her hands.
She looked up from the floor and they locked eyes. Ash's eyes widened slowly, his lips parted as though he was going to say something but didn't and his shoulders relaxed- his eyes followed the tear that fell down her cheek.
"You're crying," he said hoarsely.