"What do we do now?" Lola asked. neither had spoken a word since Lola's confession. Jax fell back like he'd been pushed, he stared blankly at her face as if trying to figure out if he'd heard her correctly.
She shook her head and tried to compose herself. They needed a plan for how to move forward, maybe a divorce, but she needed to keep a clear head as they continued.
"I don't know." He said in a raspy tone and turned his body to face the lake.
Jax put his hands in the pockets of his jeans and drew a deep breath- on the exhale his body visibly relaxed and he hung his head.
"We should get a divorce. You'll be free to be with whomever you want,"
Jax's head snapped to the side in a flash and he glared at her for the statement.
It was as though her words were completely misguided though that was the path they were on. If he didn't love her any longer then they shouldn't be together, at least that was the course of thought that Lola walked- Jax seemed somewhere completely different.
"We're not getting a divorce." He declared.
Lola's jaw fell agape and she hugged her body and took a step back.
The cold wind was getting sharper and ripping at her skin where it was visible. Jax's shirt was losing its ability to keep her warm and for every whiff of his scent, she sunk deeper into the dark cloud that was basking around her.
"You don't love me anymore, there isn't a single reason for us to be together." She explained, her voice growing weaker with each word.
She held a breath, her throat contracted and the pit in her stomach grew.
With one foot back and the other pressing harder into the ground she tried to stay balanced.
"You don't remember what it feels like to love me." The crack in her voice made him wince.
She continued, "You said that you would earn my love. That what you felt was more real and stronger than anything in the world and when everyone explained the mate bond to me...they made it sound like magic. Two souls meant to find each other in this world, destined to be together and to love each other." She wiped the tear that fell.
The sorrow that glinted in his eyes expanded when he saw that tear. His face contorted in pain, not the kind you saw but the kind you felt with your soul.
Her first tear in front of him, for some reason caused him more anguish than the pain in her voice. The tear sparkled a reflection and as if it were a mirror Jax could see himself in the manifestation of her agony.
"Lola," he said stepping closer.
"Don't. Don't say my name like that, not anymore." She furiously wiped the tears that fell with the sleeve of the sweatshirt.
"Oh god," she spat in disgust when the tears kept on falling.
They left a cold trace on her cheeks and her eyes were turning red as she forced herself to look at him.
"There's no use for us to be together anymore. Divorce me and you can be with Lavina. We both know it'll make your mom happy and I'm starting to think that you won't mind it so much either."
His jaw clenched and his shoulders went rigid as he lowered his head.
His eyes took on a predatory gaze and his nostrils flared.
"We are not getting a divorce and I am not going back to Lavina." He walked over in a flash and grabbed her shoulders.
"I don't know what this is that is happening to us but I do know that you're my mate and that means something to me still." He cupped her face in his hands.
The desperation in his gaze seeped into hers and she looked at him through the blurry vision of her tears.
"Do you feel anything for me?" She whispered, any louder and her broken voice would shatter.
Jax, desperate for a save to ease her pain, parted his lips as an answer slid from his tongue.
"I wish I did, I know I should...but no I don't."
And there it goes- her heart- breaking into more pieces than she thought humanly possible.
The wind around them was slowly starting to settle into the knocks of the dense forest. As the wind settled, the cold didn't feel as sharp against Lola's skin and Jax's hands did nothing to warm her either.
She stood in the feeling of loneliness staring into his eyes, wondering why her faith was a series of miserable events.
"Then please just divorce me," she cried.
"It hurts to look at you and know that you don't love me, that you feel nothing of what you used to. What's the point of us staying together? Nobody wants it." She sobbed.
Jax's hold hardened and he squeezed his eyes closed and listened to her sobs.
He wanted to say the right thing and make it all better but he couldn't because the truth had been said already and no lie would be able to undo that damage.
Lola opened her eyes in a sudden realization, her brows furrowed and she grabbed his hands and pulled them down.
"Are you not divorcing me because you want to fix this or because of the Blackwood image?" She asked.
Taken aback by the question, the words twisted on his tongue and he stared blankly back at her.
She remembered how adamant his mother had been about making the marriage public knowledge and how important their image as the 'happy perfect couple' had to be solidified.
A divorce now would wreck that image, it would wreck the Blackwood's reputation as 'obtainable' by regular people.
"I'm sorry," he said. Jax's shoulders jerked and though he looked around as if in thought it was clear in his eyes that the pain he felt was for the pain he caused Lola, not from regret over the choices he's made. "I'll try to find out what's happening." He said.
They shared a look filled with pain, betrayal, and loss.
"We should head back, it's late." Jax walked to the car and held the door open for Lola. She stared at the ground in complete shock a numbing pain. When she lifted her head she saw him there by the door, watching her with a soft gaze but one that lacked any love.
She watched him, the strong stance he took by the door and the slowly narrowing gaze that replaced his shame.
"You go, I'll walk." She said quietly.
He sucked on his teeth and tightened his fingers in his fist.
"No, you're not. Get in, Lola."
She was walking around the car when his voice turned dark and demanding.
Her body froze in response as the hinting threat in his tone clambered around her heart.
"Who are you?" she shook her head and stared bewilderedly at the man that her heart still beat a little faster for.
"Your husband still. Now get in the car, it's dark and late and we need to head back."
Lola crossed her arms and lifted her head.
"No." She said.
"Seriously? Are you choosing to rebel? There have been hits on your life more times than I can remember and it's my job to protect you."
Lola scoffed.
"Then you're fired." She spat and turned to continue walking.
At least I'm not crying anymore. What a dick.
Jax reached out and grabbed her arm. He pulled her back, tightened his hold, and held her put.
"Get in the car, Lola."
"No. Let me go!"
How can a person switch like this in a second? I don't even see Jax in him anymore.
She writhed and pulled to get free from his hold and with each jerk Jax's eyes darkened and his patience dropped.
"Fine." He groaned.
Jax's hands came under her legs and she was lifted in the air and hurled over his shoulder.
"Are you crazy! Put me down!" She slammed on his back, and the sweater around her shoulders slipped down over her head.
Jax stepped around the open car door, leaned down, and placed her in the passenger seat. He clipped her seatbelt in while she tried vigorously to remove the shirt that was covering her eyes.
"Get this off of me!" She grabbed the sleeve and pulled it, the shirt dragged across her face and Jax grabbed it from her hands and tossed it in the back.
He held his face right in front of hers, leaving little space in between them as his finger under her chin and forced her back.
"You try to get out from this car and I will duck tape you to the seat. Got it?"
She scoffed and turned her head. Jax rolled his eyes and walked around the car.
"You've gotten a lot more defiant," Jax remarked as he got in behind the wheel.
He slammed the door shut, gripped the wheel, and turned the key. The engine roared to life, Lola carefully turned and looked at him again.
"You used to call it independence...it was one of the things you loved about me." She stated calmly.