The car came to a stop on the familiar grounds and Jax turned the key, shutting the engine off. They sat in silence and looked out the window at the little lake where they had taken a stroll at the beginning of their relationship.
At that point things were starting to thaw between them, a seed had been planted and was slowly setting roots in their souls. It was a brighter time even though they had no clue as to what they were doing or what it would lead to. Lola was starting to trust him, she felt in her bones that he wouldn't do anything to harm her and that she could finally lower that guard she had around her heart.
Jax was happy to have his mate, his wife, the woman he loved by his side.
He knew it would be hard but he was ready for it, for all of it. He took her to the lake to make a promise, one of love and eternity.
Jax stepped out of the car and stepped around- he opened Lola's door and held out his hand. As Lola left the car their hands dropped as if their skin didn't dare to be touched.
They walked side by side but not together. He watched the water dance in little waves and she looked at the ducks that had come to take a swim.
The crickets chirped in the bushes and the birds were flying in clusters across the sky.
They both remembered the last time they were here, how they talked through smiles and the feel of their touch.
She had been honest with him about things she hadn't ever been honest about before but she held back, not telling him everything and keeping a few key details to herself. Only she didn't know they were key at the time. She wondered if this was where it all started; perhaps if she had just been honest from the start then they wouldn't be in this limbo of uncertainty.
Now it was different, Jax watched the contours of her face and stepped closer.
Lola turned, a tremble waved in her breath when she saw how close he was standing
First, she looked at his lips, the ones that were still the same as the first time they met in school.
Then she watched his nose, it wrinkled when he laughed- which he hadn't for a long time. Her eyes graced his cheek and down his sharp jaw, the one that clenched whenever they disagreed and she always managed to hide just how hot it made her when that particular muscle feathered.
His ears, his neck, his chest, and his hands- all exactly as they had been.
She knew that she needed to raise her gaze and face the truth and it was time now to watch the part of him she fell for first and the one that had changed the most.
Lola looked into his unrecognizable eyes, they were dark and distant. At one point they had been loudest in screaming his love for her, even more so than his words.
She could almost feel the frostbite forming on her face from his icy glare. Perhaps it wasn't intentional, maybe he thought he was looking at her like he always had but there was no hint of love in his eyes.
"You wanted to talk." She was the one to break the silence.
The wind blew in around them and Lola pulled the sweater around herself. Jax furrowed his brows and watched her movements. He chewed on his inner cheek, watching her cheeks turn rosy and her fingers roll into her fists for warmth- he walked over to the car without a word and opened the trunk. When Jax turned back and closed the trunk he walked over to her and stood closer than he had in a long time.
He wrapped the sweater around her frozen shoulders and held it together in her front. His breaths were fanning her face, she had forgotten what it felt like to be so close to him without being disappointed.
Just close, their bodies feeling each other, his warmth heating her as well and keeping her from ever being cold again.
Jax heaved a sigh, his hold tightened around the sweetheart and he leaned down- stepping even closer- so his forehead met Lola's.
She closed her eyes, relishing in the feel while her body trembled, not from the cold, but from anticipation of whatever was coming next.
"Lola," he whispered her name like a secret.
With his fingers fisting the shirt he pulled her in close. Lola's lips parted as their foreheads pressed harder against each other and she felt the tears pool in her eyes.
"I don't know what happened." He said.
She drew a deep breath and filled her lungs.
They had been on this path for so long that they had almost begun to make excuses for why it was normal.
"I don't either but I know that I love you," she said.
Even though she forced the tears down by biting on her tongue until the taste of blood filled her mouth, it was harder to mask the sob in her voice when she spoke and Jax picked up on it right away.
He stepped back, one step that made a vast difference and he dropped his hands to his sides.
She opened her eyes, dreading what she would see on his face but she knew she had no other choice.
That was all she had to hold onto for hope, the fact that they loved each other still but looking into his eyes it told her something that his words hadn't been brave enough to do.
"You don't," she whimpered.
Her arms and hands were hidden under the shirt and as it hung to above her knees it made her look ever so smaller under him.
"I know that I'm supposed to, I remember that I used to but I don't remember what it felt like to love you."
It pained him to speak and to see how her eyes sunk with each word.
"Just like that?" She whispered.
"Just like that." He said.
Lola turned around and faced the lake with half a mind to step into the cold water, just to feel something else other than the pain in her heart.
She felt the burn of her tears pressing against the back of her eyes and knew that she wouldn't be able to keep them at bay for long.
Jax cocked his head to the side and his shoulders sunk.
"You know, in the time that I've known you, I have never once seen you cry." He remarked.
When she thought back on their months together she realized that if she had cried he would've seen his reflection in her tears, knowing that it was him that hurt her each time.
She turned her head while keeping the shirt tightly tied around her, his scent lifted from the sweatshirt and up her nose.
"But Ash has, why?" He asked. For those few words, it was evident in his voice the pain he felt over the fact. Lola lifted her head. She heard the pain in his voice, how hurt he must've felt over the fact but she was hurting too, she had been hurting for a long time, and she wanted him to hurt more.
"Because he's been here to mend the pieces broken by you,"