Kacie
I hear what he’s saying but somehow since the sex in the bathroom to this moment right now, my hardened heart built a wall around itself. I can’t bring myself to tell him I know that he doesn’t hate me. The words won’t form to tell him that I know he doesn’t look at me any differently now that we know I’m a witch. Is it my own self loathing that’s holding me back? Is it because I can’t accept this change about myself? There has been so many changes, Jake and Viktor have been my rock. They’ve been my one constant in this storm called life. My insecurities and Jake’s insecurities are holding us back and pulling us in the opposite direction of the other. Why can’t I just tell him that he isn’t just my Beta? Shouldn’t he already know that he’s more than a ranked member by now? Shouldn’t he already feel secured in his spot in this relationship? It only makes me angrier.
“You’re a good fuck, Jake, but if I have to console you 24/7 and reassure you of your position in my life, will you ever be more? You have to tell yourself that you are apart of my life. You have to deal with your insecurities. I have my own shit to deal with. I can’t hold your hand whenever you are afraid or insecure. You may not hate me but after today I don’t know how I feel. I hate that you didn’t listen to me. I hate that you ignored me and I hate that you think that you can cry and everything will be okay!”
“Kacie, that’s enough,” Viktor said.
“No, it’s not! If you want to take his side too then that obviously shows what I mean, doesn’t it? I was just someone who came in between the two of you two being together, right?” I yelled.
Everything freezes. Everyone is still. The only noise is my deep inhales of breath followed by my exhale. I’m so angry, I’m so hurt. Am I doing it to myself? Probably. Does that make this hurt any less? No, it doesn’t. It hurts. It hurts a lot and when no one answers it’s like a knife to the chest. The longer they don’t move and don’t deny it, the further the knife pierces my heart. My mind continues to race and no matter how hard I try I can’t get the thoughts to stop. The negative thoughts just get worse and morph, creating a large angry dragon that wants to lash out and hurt everyone within reach.
So that was it. I was the unplanned mate. The unwanted person who just came in and got in the way of them. If I had never shown up… no, Viktor would have taken Diana as his chosen mate. They would have snuck behind her back. I was a complication. I came between them. All this time I thought it was the three of us but really it was the two of them who took me in. It was the two of them that let me join, not me and Viktor bringing in Jake.
Movement in the corner of my eye has me turning to Jake. He’s on his feet, his back to me for the millionth time tonight. Anger bubbles and threatens to overflow at the same time my heart cracks. I watch him with narrow eyes as he walks away from the bed. Now he’s going to walk out like I’m nothing to him. He’s going to leave us here, or… is he going to take Viktor with him? Or am I completely wrong? Maybe the two of them are going to stay here, while they kick me out.
“I’m sorry,” Jake chokes. “I didn’t know… I didn’t mean…”
“Jake,” Viktor started but Jake didn’t look back at us. His hands balled into tight fists. “She doesn’t mean it. Sit down and lets talk things over. I don’t want us to fight like this.”
“I think I need to give you guys space. I think… I think I need space too,” Jake murmured. “It’s about time I realized that I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
“That’s not true,” Viktor said. “You’re one of us,” Viktor’s voice cracked. He turned to me, his eyes searching my face, as if trying to urge me to say something. As if my opinion mattered enough to stop Jake from doing whatever it is he was doing. “Tell him, Kacie.”
“If he wants to leave us that’s his choice. I won’t try and force someone to stay who doesn’t want to be by my side. I won’t beg anyone to be with me. I’m not pathetic,” I cried.
Jake moved towards the door and Viktor reached for Jake but before he could grab him I wrapped my hand around his arm. Viktor stopped and looked back down to me. Panic, fear, and desperation flashed across his features and in his eyes before he looked back to Jake. His eyes locked on the back of his head as he willed for him to turn around. The door opened and Jake hesitated in the doorway before he closed the door behind him.
“There’s no choosing,” Viktor said. “There isn’t him or you. It’s both of you. There was a me and him before there was you and there was a you and me before there was three of us. Now that there is three, can there be an us without the other? I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, Kacie, but this isn’t like you.”
He reaches down and grips my hand. Viktor pushes my hand down until I release him. He turns from me and walks towards the door. I watch him helplessly as he opens the door and walks through it. When it closes my shoulders start to shake. I’m stuck between laughing and crying. I wrap my arms around myself protectively. I guess I’ve got my answer.