Chapter Sixteen
“They don’t know how to get the other half of the fucking sword!” I yell at Haines as I pace back and forth in our bedroom. “They come here and tell me this awesome story and make me feel like, ‘Hell, yeah! I can do this shit!’ and then they drop the fucking ball.” I completely blame this shit on Adkiel. Why? ’Cause I don’t like his face!
Haines sits quietly on the bed, slightly reclining on the pillows with his legs crossed at the ankles. He yawns and stretches, his chest filling with air making his muscles roll along his torso. He reaches to the bedside table and grabs a bottle of water, and my eyes are drawn to the building tent in his pants. He looks at me and his erection jumps.
“Why are you hard?” I ask.
He reaches down and adjusts himself. “Because you’re pacing around the room with no bra on. I’d love to have your breasts in my face right now. But we don’t have time.” His lips curve into a smile. “As you were saying.”
I look at his erection again and feel lust pool between my thighs. That looks like so much fun. I snatch his robe from the chair in the corner of the room. “Haines, can you please put a shirt on or something?” I ask, handing him his robe. “You are completely making me not want to be angry right now, but I wanna be! Damn-it.”
Adkiel’s suggestion was to find a demon to help me get Hell’s Flame, but my mother and husband who are demons and technically have no ties to Hell can’t help me. I am so screwed. And we’ve only got two days left. I feel like I’m back at square one—give myself over to Samael to save the lives of the people around me. Well fuck that! I am enjoying life. I’m all for taking one for the home team, but I need to come up with another plan.
Haines takes the robe and folds it up, using it as a cushion for his lower back. “We’ll get this all sorted. You’ve already learned so much in such a short period of time. There are ancient texts written about you. You will not die.”
I scoff. “I’m not worrying about me dying. It’s everyone else I’m worried about. Your niece is only a few days old. She was born into an impending shit-storm. I don’t even know the little cutie pie, but she will not live in hiding for the rest of her life. Ryan and Trent are keeping Roman home from school until this dies down. He keeps taking off his satchel because apparently it smells like syrup.” I shake my head and smile. “His dads are afraid he’ll take it off at school and then he’ll be easy pickings for Samael. I am so going to kill that bastard.”
How dare he threaten children? Anyone who hurts a kid should be tortured and killed. I’ll fix Samael before he even gets the chance to do anything to them.
Light bulb!
“Perrian, I believe I may know someone who—”
“Screw that,” I say, bending down to pull on my socks. “I know a guy. I wonder if he’s home from work?”
****
It took a few minutes to convince Haines to let me leave the house by myself. I’ve got the satchel safely around my neck, and I’m not going too far. Ryan and Roman should be home, but Trent may still be at work. I still can’t believe it took me almost seven hours to remember that right down the street from me lives a Hell-borne demon. Or at least a half breed.
Ryan snatches open the door before I get a chance to knock. “Your husband called to tell me you were on your way and to open the door. He wanted you safely within the borders of the ward. How are you?”
The worry in his eyes is genuine, but the wariness hiding behind his smile makes me nervous. “I’m good. You got your hair cut.”
Ryan shrugs and helps me take off my coat. Shaking his head, he takes a big unsteady breath. “Roman and I went to the barber shop. He was getting a little antsy being cooped up in here.”
I want to comfort him and say that it’ll all be over soon, but I don’t know how long soon is. If Trent can’t help me, we could all be in hiding for the next few weeks. Months?
“Look, Perry,” Ryan says, hanging up my coat and pointing me in the direction of the kitchen. “Trent told me not to worry you, but I thought you should know.” He gently grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him. “Samael was at the barber shop. It’s like he knew we were there, like he could sense us, but he couldn’t see us. It’s hard to explain.”
Holy crap. This is bad. Really, really bad. He sniffed them out. He’s trying to prove a point and it’s coming through loud and clear. Time for Samael to move on to that big padded room in the sky. “Ryan, I am so sorry. This is my—”
“Stop it. The satchels do their job and you’re going to figure this out. No worries.” He starts moving toward the kitchen again. “I trust you.”
Roman and Trent are sitting at the kitchen table making a picture using different shapes of pasta noodles. The picturesque scene makes my heart clench and brings a misty tear to my eye. I am running out of time. We all are. I have a feeling that Roman is going to slip that stupid satchel off when no one is looking, and he’s not going to be within the safety of the wards. I hope it doesn’t happen, but something tells me it will if I don’t end this.
“Hey, guys,” I say, pasting on the sweetest smile I can plaster on my face for Roman. I’m worried Trent won’t be able to help me, but Roman gets the happy face.
“Hey-hey, hi-hi!” Roman sings. “You came over because you want Daddy to make French toast, didn’t you?”
I nod and grab a banana off the counter. “Yup. That’s exactly why I’m here, kid. You’ve got a taste for breakfast for dinner?”
He nods his head and sticks a pre-glued veggie pasta string on his picture. “Uh-huh. And since you and me both like breakfast for dinner we’re gonna get it. Aren’t we, Dad?” He looks at Ryan and smiles.
Why the heck not. I’m in. “Yeah, Ryan. Aren’t you gonna make it for us? Please?” I sing.
Ryan frowns at me, and then reaches his hand out for Roman. “Sure,” he says, as Roman puts his hand in Ryan’s. “You’ve got it. But let’s finish your picture upstairs while Perry and Dad have some grown-up time.”
They both gather up the noodles, paper, and glue and head upstairs. Life must be awesome for a kid—no worries, no bills, and danger is cool. God, please let me keep his life this simple.
I turn around and see Trent grabbing a bottle of white whiskey from a child-proofed cabinet along with two shot glasses. He twists off the top and fills the tiny glasses, shoving one toward me and picking up the other.
“Drink it, Perry.” He downs the first shot and pours another. “We’re going to need some courage juice. Haines already told me what you needed my help with.”
His words are clipped, almost cold. He’s probably pissed off about Samael sniffing out his husband and son. I’d be raging mad if I were him, too.
Trent pushes the glass toward me. Usually, whiskey isn’t my thing but the thought of going to Hell, or a dimension that leads to it, makes me down it in one giant swallow and then fight the urge to strap Bible pages all over my body. “Jesus,” I whisper. “Did you actually get this from Hell?” I choke out. I can feel it burning its way through my chest and into the pit of my stomach.
He pours another shot for me. “Two for the show,” he says, downing his second shot. “If we manage to get this done I’ll take off my satchel and be crazy-angel bait. That’s the only way I’ve been able to come up with to lure him to us. That cattle rapist killed your father, is trying to kill you, and is hunting my family. At the damned barber shop! The only thing standing between us and him are the satchels. And you.”
Nodding my head, I fight the urge to throw-up and down the next shot. “Oh. My. Goddess. I can’t breathe.” I slam the glass on the counter and grab my chest. “It’s…fucking…boiling.” Is this corn liquor? Can’t a bad batch of moonshine kill you?
He’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks I’ll let him be bait. How could he even think of risking it? What the hell was in that liquor? Does the body of the male praying mantis really keep pounding away during sex while the female eats him, starting with the head? Why is Roman in the room? Why the hell am I thinking in questions?
“Dad? Can you hand me the bowtie pasta?” He’s looking at me strange.
Come on, Perry. Keep it cool while Roman is in the room. “Hey, kid,” I cough out, slapping my hand over my mouth so that I don’t throw up on his colorful pasta.
Smiling, Roman pats my hand, soothing me, and then takes off running into the other room and up the stairs.
Once I hear his little footsteps in the rooms upstairs I give myself permission to let go and stop pretending I don’t feel like I’m dying. A pain-filled tightness grabs hold of my chest, and I can’t take a deep breath. Sound and light seem to get sucked into a wormhole, and it takes me along with it. Sliding out of the chair I back up and clutch the counter, feeling the cool marble as my fingers fight to find something to hold on to.
Trent is standing there just looking at me, shaking his head and twisting the cap back on the bottle of liquor.
“Trent, what did you do?” I ask, attempting to pull myself to a standing position.
My head spins, my eyes flutter, and everything goes black. It’s quiet, and dark. And it smells terrible. Did Trent just poison me? Did he make a deal to save his family? As much as it pains me, I wouldn’t blame him. Not one bit.
****
“Holy shit!” I scream out. “What the—” Trent grabs my arm and tries to help me up off the floor. I slap his hand away. “What just—”
“It’s a potion that shifts us to the Gates. Thought we’d jump right into it.”
Gates. This isn’t Heaven or the Gates that lead to it. This place sucks. It makes me feel like hitting. And crying.
Trent steps away from me, and I finally notice that he has purple pointed horns on either side of his head and his eyes are yellow. His shoulders are broader and his bronze skin has a weird yellow tint to it. I guess his demon form shows through in Hell.
“Trent, you’re a scary looking mama-jama while you’re all demon-ed up.”
He’s looking at me with his mouth hanging open, and his eyes are wide. What the hell does a sex demon look like in this place? Am I a sexy beast or just a beast-beast?
That dueling feeling starts inside me again. But unlike being at the Heavenly Gates I feel poised and…powerful. My demon half is rejoicing and thinking of all the men I could seduce if I’d just let go. But my angel half is quiet. Like she’s waiting to see what happens.
“Perry,” he whispers. “You’ve got big, silver wings and…your skin. It’s almost glowing.”
I look down at my body and notice a long, silver, flowing gown that cinches at the waist and billows out all the way down to my feet. Picking up the gown so that I don’t trip over it, I notice that my hand is glowing. Not like a light bulb; more like someone put a towel over a lamp, but the light still manages to shine through. I turn my head to check out my wings and notice they are luminescent too.
“It’s the darkness here,” I say more to myself than to Trent. “It wasn’t as noticeable in Heaven because it was so bright. But this place is so…”
Empty. It’s so empty and void of everything. I look around and see nothing. No shapes. No trees, no walls, no anything. It’s just me and Trent standing in a vast empty place that seems to go on forever. It’s maddening, and I want to go home. Not to the house I live in, but back to the Gates that lead to Heaven.
“Come on, Trent. Let’s do our thing so we can get the hell out of here.” I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to.
Trent is still staring at me, but the once friendly look has turned predatory. His stance is firm and balanced, like he’s ready to pounce on me—broad shoulders squared, one foot in front of the other as if he’ll run toward me, and his hands are balled into fists.
Take a bite of you, a voice says. Consume that beautiful light so that it will shine through me and make me less of what I am. A demon.
I take a few steps back and then mimic his stance. If he attacks me I’ll be ready. “Trent, are you thinking of eating me ’cause I’m sure things like that are frowned upon. Especially by your sweet husband and that awesome son of yours. You know, Ryan and Roman?” He shakes his head as though the names of his loved ones brings him a little closer to reality. “Besides, I’d hate to have to kick your ass, and I don’t know how to get home.”
He seems to think it over and then takes another step toward me. I put my hand to my waist, ready to pull out my sword.
This place seems to bring out the worst in you. I want to cry, kill, and abandon my duties to my family.
Trent seems to want to eat me.
“Come on, Trent. Get your shit together. Ryan and Roman need you.” I say their names again to get him to reconsider. “And right now I need you. Help me get Hell’s Flame so I can stop Samael from killing your family.”
That seems to do it. His eyes squint and he bares his teeth. “Touch the Gate, Perry.” His voice is low and thick, like he’s trying to stop himself from throwing up.
Gate? What the hell is he talking about? There’s nothing here but me, Trent, and a huge fucking gate that appears out of nowhere. It’s so large, and eerily close, that I have to take a few steps backward to see the entire thing. It’s made of shadows and despair. The top of the large gate isn’t visible. If there were clouds hanging in the gray, muted sky, the top of the Gate would rise high above them.
“How?” I whisper.
“It’s going to open soon,” he says, instantly getting nervous. “Claim your fire and let’s go. Souls are about to be ushered in.”
What? How does he know? I don’t want to see this. “How do I claim it?”
The Gates seems to groan, like a person in tremendous pain and ecstasy, and the whole thing shudders. Trent grabs my arm and pulls me backward.
“Hold your hand out, but don’t touch it, and let it flow into you.” His words are rushed and his eyes begin to dart back and forth. “Perry, I don’t want to be around to see this when it happens. I saw it once before and I’ve been wishing for years that I could scrub it from my brain.”
Take it into me? I don’t want to take it into me. Whatever this thing is made of, whatever is in this place, I don’t want it inside of me. I took the Light of Heaven into me and felt whole. Goddess knows what taking a piece of Hell into me would do.
“Hurry the fuck up, Perry.”
Nope. Can’t do it. Won’t do it. This place is tainted and I refuse to have it be a part of me. But it already is a part of me, isn’t it? I am half demon.
Screw that. “Dude, I can’t do—”
“Get your shit together, Perry! You’ve got people to protect and one of them is my son.”
I look at him, and then back to the Gate. The sound of something unlocking echoes and the entire structure convulses. Everything stills as the Gates begin to open.
“God damn-it, Perry!”
God help me. Lilith help me. I don’t want to do this. My upper back trembles, making my wings flutter like a butterfly caught up in a sudden gust of wind. Nervous angelic tick?
With my right hand I manifest the hilt of my sword, keeping it hidden so that I don’t hurt Trent, and with my left I reach out toward the Gate. My angel half begins to stir, lifting her head and finally taking notice of everything that’s happening. She gives me strength. I close my eyes and imagine the shadows and darkness that make up the rungs and simple pattern of the Gate are coming toward me. Opening my eyes, I see that it’s not my imagination. It’s actually happening. My first instinct is to snatch my hand away, but I fight through it as the angel in me pushes us to keep going. The shadows touch the fingers of my left hand and begin to disappear into my palm.
“Trent,” I say in a low voice. His name sounds more like a question. “Get out of here. Go back home. I’ll meet you there.”
I can’t see his face, but I hear the terror in his voice. “I’m not leaving you here! You don’t know how to get home.”
In Heaven the demon part of me rebelled and tried to claw her way out, afraid of being surrounded by such peace. But the angel feels no fear. Only victory. “Please leave,” I tell Trent, gripping the hilt of my sword tighter. A quiet calm takes over and I feel like I am capable of anything. Even taming my demon half. “I have to pull out my sword. It’ll kill you. Just go.” I know I can make it home. I don’t know how I know that, but I do.
“Look, Perry, I’m sorry I thought of eating you. I would never hurt you. You’re safe with me.” God, you are beautiful.
A strong wind starts to build, and I feel my hair and dress begin to flow as whispers and soft cries fill the empty space. I close my eyes again, focusing on the energy flowing into me. A bright light flashes, and it’s so brilliant I can see it through closed eyes. It’s coming from me. The pulsating light that shines through me lights this space up like a disco hall.
“Trent, you have to go. I don’t know what I’m doing, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it.” That sounded absolutely stupid, but I know what it means. My body, my spirit, my sword made of Heaven’s Flame knows what to do, even if my brain is still unsure. All of this seems to be ingrained in my body. “Demon!” I say in a voice that doesn’t seem to be my own. “Leave this place before you never get the chance.”
“Please,” he pleads. His voice trembles, and I can hear his words become heavy with threatening tears. “You can’t… I didn’t mean to…”
I turn my head to look at him and see his whole body shaking. “I will not tell you again.” My voice is hard and cold. Every fiber in my body wants to leave now, with him. But something greater than my will keeps me here.
He lowers his head and disappears with a barely audible ‘pop.’
The soft cries and pull of the wind gets stronger, and a feeling of dread settles in to me as the Gate begins to open. I pull out my sword and hold it close to my chest.
With the light of the sword and the light of my body beginning to build within me, shining so brilliantly, I begin to see things hidden in this dark place—disfigured forms rising from the ground; horned figures slinking out of the darkness. They are drawn to my light and want to consume me.
These bitches don’t stand a chance.
I raise my sword in the air and see the magnificent light gleam through the blade. The darkness of the Gate that entered my body dances through my right hand and curls its way around the light of the sword. The light and dark coil around one another and join at the end, making the tip of the sword blunt, but thin. As the light and dark mingle everything becomes clear. I know the answers to all the questions I never even thought to ask when it comes to Heaven and Hell and how everything in this world started. The hilt wraps itself around my hand and wrist and holds tight as I look around and see these frightening monsters surround me. These are demons. Not like my mother or Haines or Trent. These are full-blooded, Hell-borne demons that know nothing but destruction and death. One of them reaches out and wraps its talon-ed hand around my arm. I’ve never seen anything more evil, more destitute, more hellish in my life.
I’ve done what I came here to do. Home. I want to go home!
A blinding explosion erupts through the darkness, and I slash out with the sword aiming for the claws and hands that reach out for me. I swing so hard I knock myself off balance, and when I hit the ground it’s the floor in Ryan and Trent’s kitchen.
“Oh my God,” Trent screams. “She’s here, Haines. She just appeared in the kitchen.” He hangs up the phone and slams it on the counter.
He walks over to me and reaches out his hand to help me up.
“Get the fuck away from me!” God, I feel terrible. That place. That thing. This place. “I need…air. I need…” Haines. I need Haines. But I need to be by myself.
It’s so hot. Or is it just me? I scramble up off the floor and tear my sweater over my head as I run for the back door. Haines will probably be coming through the front, but I need to get away.
Somewhere behind me I hear Trent yelling, telling me to come back. His voice is shaky. Is he embarrassed? Does he feel guilty for thinking of taking a freaking bite out of me? Why would he think that? Why did I hear him think that?
I stand just outside of the fence that encloses Trent and Ryan’s house. My breath forms ringlets in the cold air as it rushes from my lips. All I have on is a tee-shirt and sweatpants, but I don’t feel the cold. I should. Last I checked it was only supposed to reach a high of twenty-eight degrees. Why don’t I feel cold? I usually feel the cold.
“She’s out back,” I hear Trent say. He’s probably talking to Haines.
With one hand as leverage I jump over the fence and take off running toward the wooded area. It’s only half a mile away, and I need space. Space to think. To cry. Just space.
Maybe it’ll help bring peace back into my life. Deep inside I know that that won’t happen. Not for a long time. Even if I manage to defeat Samael, peace won’t be any closer. Because this isn’t Heaven. And that’s where I want to be. That’s where I don’t belong.
“Perrian!” Haines screams.
I turn around and look at him, putting one hand up in a ‘stop’ motion. He can’t help me. Do I need help? I don’t know.
He looks vulnerable as he stands there in the yard, the corners of his lips turned down and his eyes wide with…fear. His hands are balled into fists and the warm fog of his breath shoots out quickly, over and over. He looks like he’s measuring how long it would take him to get to me. I can see he’s struggling to let me go. If he tries to come closer I’ll run, and I have the feeling that I could outrun him. Maybe not before, but I can now.
“Let me…” His voice trails off and he lowers his eyes.
I shake my head. “No, Haines. Let me go.”
His eyes meet mine, and he nods his head. And I love him for it. I turn around and begin to run.
In the past week I’ve been to Heaven and Hell, and I honestly don’t know which one was worse. Hell was terrible, and I know that I never want to go back there again. But Heaven was… It was almost just as bad. It was beautiful and full of light and love. I want to go back there and never come back here, to this place. To my family. To my friends. They can keep this life and all the shit that goes along with it. Maybe they’d be better off without me. What makes this so difficult and makes Heaven just as bad is the thought that maybe, God help me, I’d be better off without them. And they would be better off without me.
I’ve never felt more at peace than I did when I was in Heaven, despite my demon side trying to claw its way back to Earth. I wanted to cry because I was so happy. There was no confusion as to what my purpose was in life. There were no worries that they would miss me, because if they truly loved me they would know that I was in a better place. And I feel awful for even feeling that way.
The clearing of the wooded area is only a few feet in front of me, and I don’t know how I made it here this fast. My breath is steady and I still don’t feel the cold. I run a few yards into the woods and fall to my knees.
“God, please,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around myself as huge tears begin to blind me. “I can’t do this. I can’t be here. Please, please…”
I close my eyes and wait. Someone has to answer me. I’m the fucking Angel of Death and I know God has to hear me. Doesn’t He?
“Lilith? Why did you let this happen? Why did you let me happen?” I just want to go home. “Make it stop, please God, make it stop.” My heart feels like it’s breaking over and over again, and there is nothing I can do about it.
Haines’ comfort won’t help, my mother’s arms won’t help, and Rita’s words of wisdom mean nothing. I can’t do this. This only just started a few weeks ago and in my heart I know I can’t do this.
“I give up,” I whisper. “I can’t do this. God, please don’t make me do this.”
My head is throbbing, and I can’t breathe through my nose. This has to stop. I have to stop. No more.
“They all reach this point, Lady Bug. They all get to the point where coming with me is mercy.” I look up and see Samael kneeling in front of me.
“I can’t do this.”
He opens his arms and as foolish as it seems, I fall into his arms. He embraces me and I begin to cry again. Huge sobs that wrack my body take over and I begin to scream empty words into his jacket.
Samael seems sane. “And you don’t have to. Shh, it’s all right. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person if you give up. You’re doing the right thing. Your family and friends will be safe, and you will know peace like you’ve never imagined.” His voice is so sincere.
I pull away from him and look into his lavender eyes and everything is all right with my life. Because it will soon be over, and I can go home and be happy. Be at peace. Never in a million years did I ever think I would get to this point. But I’m here.
He smiles and gently pulls my hair out of my face. “Perrian, you just have to say the words. Give into me and I can help you move on.”
Nodding, I pull my arms from around him and run my fingers through my loose, curly hair. “Thank you for calling me by my name,” I say, smiling. It almost makes me feel better.
Don’t do this, Perrian.
I shake my head. “What did you say?”
“Your name, it really isn’t so bad.” His smile is angelic. “Are you ready?”
Hold on, Perrian. You needed help and it is coming to you.
Is he messing with me?
“Yes,” I say, nodding my head and feeling a little unsure. “I am. And you’ll leave them alone? All of them?”
“I give you my word.”
This is better. It all works out for everyone this way. It is finished.
As I open my mouth to tell Samael he can have me, two strong hands wrap around my upper arms and I am yanked back and thrown into a pile of fallen leaves. Something falls around my shoulders and I look down to see the satchel that Aunt Rita gave me. Instantly, my head clears and I look up to see Haines and Aunt Rita standing over me.
“Never take that off,” she says, chin trembling, fingers spreading out and balling up over and over again. “It was a summoning spell he used on you.”
Samael is still on his knees, that crazed look creeping back into his eyes. “I almost had her!” His eyes scan the area in front of him. He can’t see us.
“Why?” Haines asks. “Why did you take it off?”
I look down and wrap my hand around the little, powerful, brown satchel. “I—I didn’t mean to. What just happened?” It must have come off when I pulled off my sweater.
“A summoning spell,” she says again. “Your satchel protects you from him completely and when you took it off you heard his call. That and your feeling of hopelessness added to it. You were ready to leave us. Though how his call was able to breach the barrier…”
That bastard tricked me. Maybe I felt shitty to begin with, but his added shit-stacker made it worse. It made death seem like the only thing to do.
This ends now. “No more.” I put my hand to my hip and feel my sword manifest. “You’ll be fine, Haines. Blended with Hell’s Fire, Heaven’s Flame won’t hurt you. Both of you, get back.”
I pull out my sword and see that the hilt is already wrapped around my wrist.
“Oh,” Samael says. “There you go. I was getting a little wor—”
His eyes are priceless. Almost like he’s dropped the soap in a jail shower. His skin, normally polished and luminescent is now pale, and his full lips are pulled into a thin line. The small look of triumph drains from his beautiful face.
“How can he see you?” Haines asks.
“It’s the sword,” Aunt Rita and I say in unison.
Samael smiles. “Got into Hell, did you? And Heaven? Which one made you ready to come with me? I bet it was Heaven.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “That and your summoning spell. Stooping to using magic to get me to give in. Sounds like you’re scared.” With my sword at my side, I take a few steps toward him.
He stands his ground and straightens his jacket. “Who’s here with you? Your mother? Is she still mourning? Maybe your lover-boy. Is he cheering you on?” His voice is contemptuous.
Lunging toward him, I raise the sword and slash downward. It skims the front of his coat and leaves a trail of burning fabric.
“I am going to run you through, you son of a bitch.” I snarl and lunge again, this time turning in the opposite direction so that my back faces him for a few moments. When I bring the sword down it just barely misses his neck.
He falls backward, eyes wide with fear, and he begins to crab-walk backward but his retreat is ended by a large tree. “I will kill them all!” he says, and he disappears.
I stare at the empty space he once occupied. “Not if I kill you first.”
My sword vibrates, as if reminding me it’s still in my hand. I move to put it back in its place but I’m stopped by a wave of clarity. I can see the summoning spell he used on me now dissipating, almost like a thin trail of blue light, tinged with red. It trails from my chest, through the satchel, and back into the air. He used my blood to make the summoning spell. From my parents’ room. The blood on the floor from where I sat bleeding.
A bright bang of light hits my eyes and I see…the truth. That’s what my sword helps me see; the truth in the world. The truth in the life of others. Those whose souls are ready to move on. I don’t get to choose where they go, but I can see why they’re going where they will end up. And I see the truth of this world.
There was no Big Bang, not in the sense that creation just happened. God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was an explosion of light and evolution began, overseen by God. It wasn’t seven days. Not our days. Peter, the apostle, had it right. One day to God is like a thousand years to us. Try a few thousand. God set it all in motion.
Another flash of light hits me and I see me; my purpose. I am duality in its most pure form. The dark and light within me helps me not to judge. Most people aren’t just good or bad. We’ve all got a little of both in all of us. But in me there are equal parts, so much good and so much bad that sets me apart from everyone else. That’s why I haven’t been able to form bonds with too many people. Deep down they see me for what I am. A perfect judge who does not judge. And that’s why Haines was given to me. He sees it in me and does not hate me for it. He loves me, and that love keeps me grounded and sane and whole.
Now you see.
“Yes,” I say out loud. “Now I see, Mother. Thank you.”
It was Lilith, our Goddess, whose voice spoke to me when I was ready to give in. Thank you so very much.
I turn around to look at Haines and Aunt Rita, and I see the truth in them. Haines loves me more than anything and will help me in any way he possibly can.
Aunt Rita loves and fears me, but she loves me more. Her heart is pure light. The kind of light that only shows in ones like Rita. And my father.
I give another silent Thank you, and put my sword away. “I’ll try to never let that happen again,” I say, jokingly. “With or without the satchel.”
They both look pretty pissed off. Aunt Rita’s hands are on her hips and her bottom lip is shaking. Her eyes are glossy with unshed tears and her breathing is ragged. She’s trying not to cry. Or kill me.
Haines runs his tongue along the inside of his jaw, lips slightly parted. “Never. Take that off. Again. Do you understand me, little girl?”
Does he know he’s turning me the hell on? Wrong place. Wrong time, Perry.
I try to hide my smile, feeling almost giddy for getting past something that could have been devastating. “Yes, sir. I will never take it off again.” I look at them both and manifest my sword. “I feel pretty bad ass. This thing is awesome, isn’t it?”