Chapter Fourteen
“You look refreshed, Perry,” Aunt Rita says, walking into the kitchen to find me and Haines eating cereal. “And you’re no longer bleeding. That’s a plus.”
I swallow my cereal and give her a sarcastic smile. “Did you move in?”
She swats my butt as she passes and grabs a bowl out of the cabinet. It’s nice having Aunt Rita and my mother here with us. Makes for a great distraction. None of us really talk about what’s going on. We don’t have a solution. Besides, there is strength in numbers and I want to keep an eye on them. Not that I can do much.
“Just for the next day or two.” She shrugs and starts going through the cabinets. “Maybe a week or so. I want to make sure those satchels work just as well as the wards around the houses do.” She grabs three boxes of cereal and begins to mix them all in a large green bowl. “Do you have lactose free milk?”
“Bottom shelf,” Haines says, giving me a sideways smile.
It’s nice to get along with him. And have mind-blowing, awesome sex in the process. Up until a few weeks ago if Haines would’ve smiled at me I would have anticipated nothing but nefarious intentions. Now, it makes me feel nice to have him smile at me.
Aunt Rita puts her hand over her heart and stumbles away from us. “My God, Perry. What the hell did you do to him? He looks happy.” She seems to be in a good mood. She’s teasing Haines.
Or maybe she’s just trying to lighten the mood. My father’s funeral is in a few hours. We’re going to drive to a secluded area in the nearby woods and cremate him. Part of me wants to stay here and let them tell me how everything went. I don’t want to watch them burn his body. It’s just a shell for who he really was, but it’s his shell.
A knock at the front door pulls me from my thoughts. It’s four in the freaking morning. I look at Haines and his face is unreadable, but I know what he’s thinking.
I touch his hand. “It’s not Samael. He can’t get past the wards. Besides, I don’t think he’d knock.” I stand, but he grabs my waist and sits me back down. “Haines…”
“No,” he says. “If he did manage to get through I don’t want you anywhere near him.” He disappears through the kitchen door.
Aunt Rita is a kick ass witch, and I have no doubt that Samael would be in flames right now if he tried to get in here. In fact, I wish he would try. The wards extend a few meters beyond the porch and watching that son of a bitch burn would make me happy. But according to auntie it wouldn’t matter too much. He’d be healed within minutes. The wards are just a deterrent. Not a solution.
Hushed whispers from the hallway get closer as Ryan and Haines come through the kitchen door.
I’m out of my chair so fast it tips over and hits the counter. “Ryan? What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, sweetie,” he says, hugging me tightly. “I saw the light on and wanted to come check on you. Trent and Roman are asleep. Are you all right?” He grabs my hand and leads me back to the breakfast bar, taking off his coat and draping it across the chair. “Your dad’s funeral is in a few hours. I want to come. Plus, I couldn’t sleep.”
Ryan is sweet. A great friend. We haven’t known one another very long, but he and Trent are awesome.
“I’m good, Ryan. Thanks for coming to check on me. And no,” I say, patting his hand, “you can’t come to the funeral. You won’t be safe.”
He reaches his hand under his orange night shirt, pulls out a gray satchel and wiggles it in front of me. “Umm, yes. I’ll be fine. Besides, you need a friend around. Family and friends help in times of need. You’ve got the family here already. I’m your friend.”
Rubbing his shoulder, I pull him in for another hug. He’s off his rocker if he thinks I’ll let him come. He’s mortal, and he has a kid. “Thanks. And no. Things go wrong.”
He looks at me stubbornly. “You can’t stop me.”
Before I get a chance to threaten him a light tapping at the back door catches my attention. Is there an ‘Open for Business’ sign glowing in the window?
“Did you guys hear that?” I ask.
“Yes,” Haines says, standing to walk toward the door.
I walk past him, yank open the door, and am hit with a small rock right above my left breast. “Oww. What the fuck?” I say, looking at two people standing about three feet from the fence surrounding the backyard. Whoever they are, they can’t get too close to the house. “Fucking angels! What? Come to stone me to death?”
There are two people, angels, standing just outside the barrier of the ward. They are tall and thin and they both have a tender look about them, but the woman looks soft. She’s tall with dark brown hair and olive skin. That angelic look is absolute bullshit.
I begin to walk toward them, and Haines grabs my arm. “Really, Perrian? You’re going out there?”
“I’m not going outside of the ward. I just want to know what they want.”
“We’ve come to talk to Perrian,” the woman says. Her voice is regal with an Indian accent.
“I’m sorry, I don’t believe I asked you a question,” Haines says, giving the woman a vicious look.
That kinda turned me on. A few weeks ago, he probably would have shoved me past the ward just to get rid of me. “Haines. I can talk to them.”
“We can talk to them,” he says, entwining his fingers with mine.
Aunt Rita brushes past us. “I hope that we includes me, too,” she mumbles, walking toward the angels.
As Haines and I walk closer to them I see that the woman’s eyes are a rich brown with gold flecks around the iris. Her long, dark, bone-straight hair reflects the light of the moon. She has on a blue and gray petticoat with brown pants and gray flats. She looks sweet, normal. Like Samael, but not. I can’t put my finger on it.
“Ari-el,” Auntie says, nodding to the woman. “And Adkiel. What do you want?”
The guy, Adkiel, nods toward her and smiles. His college frat boy look makes him seem harmless. Wavy brown hair and a delicate chin are almost a distraction from the strong arms and wide shoulders. “It’s been too long, sister.”
“Well, you don’t come to visit me. None of you do. But now you want my niece. Come to tell her she’s an abomination? Have you taken the side of Samael? He is mad, and you two joining forces—”
“No, sister, “Adkiel says. “We’ve not joined him. We’ve come to pay tribute to our fallen brother. And to give Perrian information.”
I walk closer to them. No one wanted to give anyone information a few days ago. Maybe this crap could have been avoided if information was given. Part of me wants to tell them to go kick rocks. “What kind of information?”
Ari-el’s smile is wicked. “The kind that will help you stop Samael.”
Yeah! That sounds like the kind of information we need. Why don’t I trust them? “I don’t trust you. I don’t know you. Why would you help?”
The two angels look at one another and then back to me. They don’t look like they want to share, but why else would they be here? Oh yes. They could want to hand me over to Samael.
Adkiel reaches out to touch me, but thinks better of it. “Because, sister, you are not the atrocity Samael gives you credit for. Much the opposite. You were foretold by the prophets of the Lord and being evil, though you are half demon, is not what or who you are.”
He doesn’t think I’m evil?
I don’t know what to think. “So, I’m not the Bringer of Death? That’s comforting.”
Ari-el looks at Aunt Rita and then to me. The sides of her mouth draw up and she wrinkles her nose. “No, Perrian, you are the Bringer of Death.”
Holy shit. That can’t be good. That’s just not a good title to have.
“I’m the reason my dad is dead? Because I bring death to those around me? That crazy bastard was right?”
Ari-el shakes her head and begins to walk toward me. “No, you have it—”
With a bright flash, she hits the ward and looks like she’s caught in a slingshot. Her body floats forward into the barrier and then she is shot backward, smoke rolling from her body as she hits a large tree. A sickly crunch echoes and makes me cringe.
“Jesus!” I try to run toward her but Haines grabs my arm and pulls me back into the yard. Silly me, one step off the property and I’m Samael fodder. Where’s my satchel?
Aunt Rita and Adkiel run toward her. There is smoke coming from her mouth and some of her hair is missing. She groans and tries to stand up but falls back to the ground.
Ryan runs up behind me and whispers in my ear, “I swear to God, if that wasn’t so violent and painful looking I would say it was awesome. Your aunt made a kick-ass ward! Someone has a new pupil.”
I snicker, but stop myself. That did look really painful. “Is she going to be all right?” I yell. “I think we should bring her in the house. Haines, your neighbors aren’t going to appreciate a fried angel unconscious on your property.”
“Perrian,” he says, never taking his eyes off my aunt and the angels, “I don’t think it safe. Your aunt would have to lower the ward to let them in.”
I understand his hesitation, but if they know something that will help me I’m all for it.
Adkiel picks Ari-el up and cradles her like a baby. He whispers in her ear and looks around the neighborhood, making sure no one is watching us. Werewolves may be out of the closet, but even they don’t do anything weird like trying to magically cook someone who gets too close to their house.
Aunt Rita walks them toward the backyard and puts her hand up. “Quiesco.”
My ears pop and the wards lower as they walk past us.
“Rita?” Haines warns.
“Haines, just calm down. If either of them attacks I’ll do what the ward just did. Except there won’t be any singed angel left over. Well, at least for a minute or two.” She turns around and puts her hand up again. “Sine carmine reditum.”
Again, my ears pop, and goose bumps cover my skin. The ward is back in place. I turn to Ryan and point toward his house. He doesn’t need to be here.
He starts to argue but sees a light turn on in his house. “You are so lucky Trent’s awake.” Ryan stalks through the backyard and heads toward his house.
I wonder if she can teach me to do that to Samael. Frying him would be a good way to incapacitate him long enough for me to kill him. But how the crap do I kill him? Gun? Knife? Bedpost?
Haines hooks my arm through his and turns us around, guiding us to the backdoor. We walk into the kitchen and are met with the putrid smell of burning flesh.
“You should probably open the windows,” I tell Haines.
He wrinkles his nose. “Yes, that sounds wise.”
The smell gets stronger as we walk toward the living room and see the angels on the couch with auntie. She looks at Haines and timidly smiles. “I know a spell to get rid of the smell. But not the stains on your couch.”
He shakes his head and pulls me to stand behind him. If I’m as powerful as they say I am and all hell breaks loose, I want him behind me.
Ari-el opens her eyes and it looks as if every blood vessel in her once white orbs have erupted. Her lips flutter and she looks at Adkiel. “Tell…her,” she says, pointing at me.
She looks terrible, pained. I look at Adkiel and shake my head. “No, stay with her. You both can talk to me later.”
Okay, that was the grown-up thing to say. But the part of me that is itching to find out what the hell they have to tell me wants to haul Adkiel’s ass out of there and make him talk. But I’m an adult. I pay taxes and all that crap.
Aunt Rita stands up and walks toward us. “Close your eyes, dears.” She bites her bottom lip and frowns. “Better yet, Haines, go upstairs and tell your mother-in-law to stay up there, too. Perry, get behind the couch.”
Haines’ eyes widen and he looks as if he wants to say something. A look of panic spreads across his face as he looks to auntie and the angels. “I must insist that you do not destroy my house, Rita.”
She shrugs. “Here’s the thing, I’m about to help her evoke the Light of Heaven. She’ll heal instantly and we can find out what they know.”
“The light!” Ari-el says. “Tell her about the…” Her eyes close and her breathing quickens.
Holy shit, she’s dying. This may be completely selfish but if she bites the big one her buddy over there may feel too much like crap to tell me whatever the hell they came here to tell me.
I lean into Aunt Rita and whisper, “Can you tell her not to go into the light, please?”
Aunt Rita looks torn. She wants to tell us what the hell is going on, but she wants to help her friend. And I’m being a complete and total shit.
I shake my head. “Never mind. Just help her. She looks like she’s in a lot of pain.”
“Dear, Lord,” Auntie says as if tired of being interrupted, “please let me finish. I’m going to evoke the Light of Heaven. Haines is a full-blooded demon so it would probably incinerate him. You, Perry, are half angel. It won’t kill you. I’m not really sure what it will do to you, but you won’t die.”
Umm, that is not too comforting. I won’t die, but I could end up fried or worse. Upstairs seems mighty appealing.
Epiphany—so therein lies the problem. I’m half angel, half demon, and no one knows what to make of me. Well, Samael wants to kill me so he seems like the only one who has a definite plan for me.
I was happily oblivious a few days ago. Now, I don’t know anything that can help any of us, but I know just enough to make me wish I didn’t know anything.
Haines grabs my arm. “We’re going upstairs, Perrian.”
I shake my head and look at Ari-el on the couch. Time to woman up and makes things happen, see what I am capable of. Glimmer of hope sparking inside me? I just pray it doesn’t lead to my bursting into flames. “No, Haines. I’ll be fine. If the healing Light of Heaven—”
“—the light, brother please, tell her…”
“—does something terrible to me then we know not to ever use the stuff around me again. Remember, dearest husband, I’m a bad-ass half-breed. Or at least that’s what I hear.”
Trying to lighten the mood I smile to reassure him that I’ll be fine. God, please let me be fine.
He grabs the back of my neck, pulls me closer to him, and looks into my eyes. His expression is unreadable. “Rita,” he says, still looking at me, “I leave Perrian in your care. Please do not disappoint me. I’ve come to care for her well-being more than I do my own.”
Giving him a sideways smile, I touch his hand that’s resting on my neck. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
He rubs the back of my neck and walks away, heading toward the stairs to tell my mother to stay put.
This should be interesting. A half angel, half demon being surrounded by the Light of Heaven. I don’t know much about it, but it doesn’t sound warm and fuzzy for a demon. Just a few days ago every bone in my body was broken, mended, and my skin felt like it was going to splinter off. After that kind of torture pain doesn’t sound all that scary anymore. I should be fine.
Adkiel comes and stands next to me. “Perrian, would you like for me to hold your hand?” he says, smiling sweetly.
Is he coming on to me? “Nope. I’m good.” I take a step back and start focusing way too much on my shirt-lint.
“You seem uneasy,” he says. “I have the gift to comfort those who need it. That is where my gift lies. I help the dying cross over. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
Well now I feel pretty bad. He just wanted to make me feel better.
“Thanks, Adkiel. I appreciate the offer, but I’m good.” I give him a sincere smile and look back to Aunt Rita.
She’s whispering to Ari-el and making the sign of the cross over different parts of her body—her forehead, heart, wrists, and feet. Ari-el lies there staring at me and trying to smile. I wish she’d knock it off. It looks like it hurts her face to make the subtle movements. And she’s missing half of her front tooth.
Before I realize what he’s doing, Adkiel reaches over and makes of the sign of the cross on my forehead.
“Thanks?” I say, leaning away from him.
“Perrian—” he begins.
“Call me Perry.”
“—Perry, I know the only angel you’ve known is Samael but not all of us wish you harm. Samael has lost a bit of his mind, and his grace. It’s his own doing. He decided a long time ago not to ask for forgiveness, but to try to earn it. He should have known better. No one, not even angels, can earn forgiveness. It’s already there for you to receive. You just have to ask for it.”
I never thought of it that way. Samael pulled this whole ‘wipe-out-my-offspring-and-God-will-forgive-me’ thing out of his ass. Even if he does succeed he’s still screwed. And so are we.
When I was younger and found out I was part demon I never tried to make things right between God and me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. No one is perfect and I’m not claiming to be, but I knew there was nothing I could possibly do to make things right. I just kept doing what I’d always done—prayed. The Big Man hears me. Of that I have no doubt.
Adkiel clears his throat and looks at me. “There is something we needed to talk to you about. I’m sorry for forgetting, but things took an unexpected turn, did they not?”
Thank cheesy bread he’s the one who brought it up. I was trying to be the bigger person here. “Yeah, things did get a little weird. I completely understand if you want to wait.”
“No,” Adkiel says, taking me by the elbow and leading me toward the love seat. “There is no need to wait, Perry. In fact, this will help us see if you can use the weapon.”
That sounds super promising. And super scary. What if I can’t use it? What is it?
“The weapon,” he continues, “is the Light of Heaven. There are very few things that can kill an angel, and the Light of Heaven combined with Hell’s Fire is one of them. Angels cannot wield this weapon. We cannot touch Hell’s Fire. Just as demons cannot use the weapon either. The Light of Heaven is lethal to them. This is why we believe you are the one to do it.”
Words? I don’t have any. Did he just give me the key to killing Samael and stopping this whole crazy situation? Did he just fill me with the hope that had been slowly slipping away from me, no matter how badass I tried to be? Or did he just snatch it all away? What if one side is stronger than the other and I can’t use the weapon? This just brings up a whole new list of shit I don’t know.
I scoot a little closer to him, trying to be quiet. “Well, thank you for sharing. It’s good to know but it also scares the crap out of me. There’s nothing I can do about it right now, so I have a question for you. Bringer of Death. Why am I the Bringer of Death? That doesn’t have a nice ring to it.”
He shakes his head and smiles. “Oh, no, Perrian. Quite the opposite. You are one who will bring peace to those who need it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Sister,” he says, touching my folded hands, “you will take the place of—”
“Come now, you two,” Aunt Rita says as she comes to stand in front of us. “Let’s get this done. That way we can cremate Kevin at dawn. It is the best time to do it.”
Damn-it! “Aunt Rita, we just need a minute more.”
“Then you’ll have it later,” she says, brushing it off. “It’s the morning of the third day, and dawn will ensure we will be surrounded by our brethren. It’s what he would have wanted.”
Okay. I can do this. I can keep my yap shut and not tell my aunt to shut the hell up. Whatever these two came to tell me sounds like the game-changer. I can wait five fucking minutes.
Looking at Ari-el I see she’s reaching for me. The tips of her fingers are burnt and there is a patch of singed skin on her hand.
I stoop down and take her hand. “Yes? Do you need something?”
She shakes her head, takes her other hand, and rests it upon mine. If she didn’t look like she was in God-awful pain I’d say she looked peaceful. “Everything happens…for a reason…sister. I knew not to touch it. But I did. I…I didn’t mean to touch it. The barrier. But now…we will see if you are really the Peace…Bringer.”
Peace Bringer. That sounds a lot more awesome than the Bringer of Death.
I shrug and start to stand. “Well, I hope I don’t let you down.”
As I try to pull away she holds tight to my hand. “Stay…please. Hold my hand.”
Holding her hand seems like the nice thing to do, but getting fried by the Light of Heaven is not on my agenda for the ever. “Umm, shouldn’t I be behind the couch?”
I look at my aunt. Her eyes are wide, and I can see her nostrils flaring from her increased breaths. Holy fuck, she’s afraid.
“Ari-el,” she says, “we need to keep her safe. I don’t want her getting hurt. She’s suffered enough these last few days. We don’t know what will happen.”
Adkiel comes and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Have faith, sisters. Perry will be fine.”
Aunt Rita shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. “I will not allow it. Perry, get up and get behind the couch.” She looks between Adkiel and Ari-el. “You should be glad I’m allowing her to stay in the room. Do not test me for it will not go over well. She is mine to protect.”
I’m pretty sure a wrestling match is about to go down, and no matter how high and mighty these two may be Aunt Rita is going to be victorious.
I try to stand but it feels as if a weight has settled in to my legs. All the bells and whistles that are supposed to go off when you’re in trouble begin to float through my head, but another more pleasant feeling begins to steal in. This is where I’m supposed to be and moving from this spot will prove me a coward. It doesn’t sound like my idea, but it feels better than trying to hide.
“No, Aunt Rita. I’ll stay right here.”
She harrumphs and begins to argue, but I cut her off.
“You said you had a vision about me, right?”
She shakes her head but still doesn’t seem to want to give in.
“You’re here for a reason. So am I. Maybe I am more than some half-breed mutt Samael keeps claiming me to be. And before you interrupted me and my buddy Adkiel here, he was going to tell me what I was.”
“Bringer of Death,” he says in a matter of fact voice.
I glare at him. “Thanks, Adkiel. That helps.” I turn back to my aunt. “I’ll be fine. Let’s start answering some of our questions. Help me to stop being confused about me and my purpose. This may not be the solution, but it may help us find it.”
She inhales deeply and begins to chew on her bottom lip. “I’m supposed to protect you. I haven’t been all that great at it.”
I smile at her. “Hey, you’ve done pretty well. Let’s point the ‘you’re wrong’ finger at my parents for right now. You and I are good.”
Without going into it any further Aunt Rita closes her eyes and begins to chant. I look at Ari-el and see a proud look in her eyes. Thank Christ she’s not trying to smile anymore.
Aunt Rita’s voice gets louder with each passing word. It sounds like music; the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. It’s melodic and soft and powerful. It’s the most beautiful language I’ve ever heard.
Looking at Ari-el as she closes her eyes, I pat her hand and close my eyes too. My aunt’s voice begins to climb, a crescendo nearing, and a subtle cool wind begins to blow through the room. I know a few of the windows are opened, but the tranquil drift doesn’t seem to come from outside. The air outside of our house is crisp, the smell of changing leaves and new fallen rain. This breeze that floats through the living room is sweet and smells of flowers. Like roses and orchids and new born baby skin. And it’s suddenly so bright in here!
Oh, God, it’s so bright. Through my closed eyes a blinding, beautiful, warm light pulses through the room. I need to open my eyes, but I’m afraid the light—if you could call the most pure of all lights that—will hurt me. But I will. I will open them.
As my eyelids peel back from my eyes and Aunt Rita’s voice becomes farther and farther away, the wind I feel fluttering against my face pulses. The radiance is so brilliant and so lovely. I can’t focus. It’s a sensory overload. The light is like a field of freshly fallen snow. It hurts my eyes, but I dare not close them.
“Look at me, sister,” Ari-el says as she stands in front of me.
I’m still kneeling. “What’s going on? Where is…the house?”
Her hair is once again soft and long, and her olive skin seems to glow from the inside. Her magnificent brown eyes are clear again. And she has wings! Big freaking wings! They are so white they are almost clear. They stand at least twelve inches above her head and come down below her knees. Her gown is the most stunning shade of blue; like the ocean or the sky. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bluer color in all my life.
“Be not afraid, Perrian. This is what I wanted, to bring you here to this plane.”
It doesn’t matter what she meant to do. I’m so happy. Happy? That’s not the right word. God help me, I don’t know the word!
“This is the Heavenly Plane, Perrian. This is how our kind heal, by coming home.”
Tears are falling from my eyes. I’m so…delighted. I’ve never been so fucking happy in my fucking life. God, please let me stay. I don’t want to leave. Since I have demon blood coursing through my veins, will I be made to leave? “Is this Heaven?” I ask her, tightening my grip on her hand.
“Not quite,” she says, pulling me to stand. “If we were going to enter that marvelous place, this would be where we would find the Gates. Adkiel and I were going to take this slowly, but since you and I are here we can do this now.”
Here. I should be looking around, trying to take in what I can only imagine is the most beautiful scenery I could ever lay eyes on. But something stops me. Something within me is so afraid to look around, and I keep my eyes glued on Ari-el’s face. Why?
“Perrian. We must complete our task. You must do what you’ve been chosen to do.”
What? “Do what?”
“Have you claim your part of Heaven’s Flame. The Light of Heaven which is part of the weapon that will defeat Samael. My brother told you of this, yes?”
I shake my head and put my hands on my hips, only to have my elbows brush against something soft. Looking to either side of me, and catching a glimpse of the lush green grass, I try to grab the fabric of my—Heavenly?—gown that seems to puff out on all sides. I pull at the soft fabric and feel a tug at my back. Yanking harder, I yell out as a sharp pain radiates up my back and to my shoulder.
Turning around, it seems as if the material moves with me. It’s not… “Oh my…is this…what is this?” I don’t think I like it! It feels wrong to have these on me. “When did I get wings? Jesus Christ, they are huge!” And dark silver, almost gray.
Even after yanking on them the cashmere soft feathers align effortlessly with one another. The edges of my wings are thicker and look more plush than the middle. Though I love the feel of them, the darkness of my wings contrasts so severely with the light that surrounds us.
“They are beautiful, Perrian. I’ve never seen wings such as yours,” Ari-el says as she reaches for me.
But I back away from her and keep turning, trying to get a better look at them. They keep fucking moving! “This is too much! Too much too soon.”
I’m frightened. I don’t know why, but this seems wrong. Her wings are beautiful and well, angelic. Mine look ominous.
Her wings seem to glow, but mine seem to reflect the light. Or are they absorbing it?
Demon. That’s what I am and knowing it makes me feel guilty, like I don’t belong here. When I first found out I was part demon, I flipped. Started apologizing to God about it. After a day or so of crying my mother asked me if I felt the love of God before I knew what I was, and if I did then why was I doubting it now? He always knew what I was.
She grabs my face and pulls me close to her. “Calm down.” Her eyes are stern, but kind. “I can’t claim to know how you feel because I’ve had mine since my creation. But you must calm yourself. The more emotion you feel, the more forgotten memories will begin to surface. This place is a remembrance of your life. It serves so that you will leave it all here and go in to experience the wonders of Heaven. Are you listening to me?”
Freaking out. I’m still freaking out. This is off. I’m in the Heavenly Plane with silver, menacing looking wings. I want to calm myself, but this is too much.
“Perrian, close your eyes and just listen to me, okay?”
I shake my head but don’t close my eyes. The wings are distracting. Hell, I haven’t even bothered to take a look at the rest of the scenery. Fear won’t allow me. When I try, Ari-el tightens her grip and pulls my focus back to her.
“Sister, close your eyes and listen to my voice. Now.”
Fighting the urge to slap her hands away and shove her, I close my eyes and grab her elbows.
“That’s it,” she says. “Just listen. You are safe here. More safe than you have ever been. Remember that blinding light? Pull that into your mind and concentrate on that. Can you do that?” Her voice is calming.
“I can do that. I’m doing that.” Center on that light, Perry. It was wonderful. You would look at it every day, all day if you could.
“Good,” she says, smoothing out my eyebrows. “Reach out your dominant hand and imagine that light coming toward you.”
Instantly I feel white hot heat in my right hand. The heat sates me and makes me feel whole. But it also scares the shit out of me. I begin to panic. Will it hurt me? Will Heaven’s Flame cast me out because I don’t belong here?
“Perrian, it can’t hurt you. You are of this place. The Light of Heaven didn’t hurt you and neither will the Flame you shall invoke. Do you understand?”
I nod my head. “If you say so.” Fuck. This feels off. A part of me wants to flee, to somehow make it back home with Aunt Rita chanting over Ari-el’s burnt body. But the other part wants to dance. Wants to sing and run free.
“I do. Now, pull that light, that heat toward your hand and mold it into something you can hold. A sword, a thunderbolt. Anything you can wield.”
What if I let it in and it destroys me? “Ari-el, why am I scared? I should feel good, shouldn’t I? I did at first but now I’m scared.”
She kisses my forehead and keeps a steady grip on my cheeks. “It’s your demon half. It’s rebelling against this place, but you must fight it. There is a part of you that wants to escape because you feel like you don’t belong.”
Tears fall down my face. They rain. Are my tears falling to earth? I don’t like this. “I don’t belong here, do I? That’s why I feel so bad.”
“Listen to me. If you weren’t supposed to be here then you wouldn’t have been able to shift here. It’s all right. Remember what I told you to do? Focus that energy? Do it now. Turn the Flame into something you feel comfortable handling.”
Fencing. I took fencing lessons when I was in high school and was pretty good at it. I had to quit the team my junior year of high school. At the last fencing match of the season I lost to that slutbag, Melony Porter. When she dealt the winning blow and I got extremely pissed off, everyone within ten feet of me either experienced the best orgasm in their life, or a killer headache for the rest of the day.
How did I forget that? How did I forget that that was the day I realized I could affect people when I wasn’t sexually aroused? I thought it was at my birthday party, but it wasn’t. That’s important. I think?
“Perrian!” Still holding my face, Ari-el jolts me back to the present. “Do it. Stop thinking about the past. That’s what this place does. It brings back memories of extreme emotion. Focus on your weapon.”
Quieting myself, I think about the sword; gently gripping the handle. Feeling it conform to my hand. I look at the vibrating light now coming toward my hand and imagine it forming into a fencing sword. I was always partial to the epee. It’s a little heavier than a foil, but it made me feel like a musketeer. The handle fits perfectly in my hand. The blade and the hilt are of perfect balance.
“Good girl, Perrian. You are a quick learner. I thought we would have to practice this for weeks before I even brought you here. See, this is who you are. This is who you are becoming. The Peace Bringer. Don’t forget that.”
I quiet myself as I look at my sword. Its light shines so true and hot. And mine. It is mine through and through.
“You feel it, don’t you?” she says, letting go of my face.
I don’t know what ‘it’ is but I feel something. “What is it? And what am I supposed to do with this?”
She backs away and clasps her hands in front of her. “You feel your power. Who you are becoming. And you can put that where ever you want.”
“Umm, like my pocket?” It suddenly disappears, but I can still feel its presence.
“Now that you have claimed it, it is yours to call when you see fit. Come, your aunt is almost complete.”
No! I didn’t get a chance to check this place out. I was too afraid, but now I—
As if someone just took a picture, a bright light flashes and we’re back in the living room. We were there and now we’re here. I don’t want to be here. I want to go back. I want to go home. No, it didn’t feel like home, not at first. But it is. No matter how hard my demon side rages against Heaven, it will always be my home.
“Holy shit!” I yell. Still kneeling next to Ari-el, I hear Aunt Rita’s voice begin to fade away as she completes her ritual. It’s as if no time has passed here at all.
Ari-el is lying on the couch just as she was before, but where she was once burned and pained, she is whole and healed. Falling back on my butt, I pull my legs up to my chest and roll on my side.
It’s gone. That wonderful, beautiful, frightening feeling is gone. Please come back. Please don’t make me come back here. This place is different. It’s dark and full of sorrow and pain. That place, where I just was, was perfect. Perfection.
I rock back and forth on the floor, pushing my face into the plush carpet to blot out the darkness. So empty. I feel so empty here. How do the angels bear it?
How could my father and aunt choose to be here rather than there?
Aunt Rita comes and starts to smooth the hair from my face. “What the hell just happened to her?”
“She was at The Gates,” Ari-el says. “I helped her claim her part of the Light. Her part of the Flame. I hadn’t planned on doing it this quickly, but she shifted with me as I healed. I didn’t think she’d be able to. Not so soon.”
“Perry,” Aunt Rita says. “Perrian, honey, open your eyes. What’s wrong, dear?”
I cover my face with my hands and sob, sucking in short breaths of stained air. It tastes different here. Contaminated. The darkness in this world is almost corporeal, entering me through the air I breathe, being filtered through my body. “There’s no light here, but it’s too bright. I don’t understand. Why would you want to be here?”
God, please, help me. I…I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I feel the slight hand of Ari-el touch mine. “It’s how angels feel when they leave the Heavenly Plane. She feels the loss of it.”
“I never felt like this,” my aunt says. “What did you do to her?”
Adkiel picks me up and sits me on the couch. “You wanted to come here, Rita. It was your choice. She has never known such peace, and amid all the turmoil in her life right now the Heavenly Plane made her feel the way it was designed to make everyone feel—like it was time to go home and be at peace. Time to leave all the emotional baggage behind and move on.”
Get your shit together, Perry. You’re freaking out and you know it. Breathe. Just breathe. You’re here with your family and you have what you need to defend yourself.
Out of a great feeling of loss and distress I feel heat. Heat and love and lust. I look up to see Haines standing at the door, watching me.
“Why is she crying?” he asks my aunt. His ears are red. Is he upset?
Sitting next to me, Aunt Rita begins to rub large circles on my back. “This may sound odd, but for all intents and purposes she was in Heaven. And now she’s here. Back to a place where the sole responsibility of saving us falls on her shoulders.”
For a moment he looks dejected. Crossing his arms across his wide chest, his gaze lowers and he worries his bottom lip. He thinks I’m going to reject him again.
We’ve made such progress in the past few days, and him feeling rejected could throw us backward. I won’t let it.
I clear my throat. “Auntie, please let Haines and me know when things are ready for the funeral.” I look at the angels. “Thank you for coming and thank you, Ari-el, for showing me how to… I don’t know, claim my part of the light?”
She smiles. “The Light. And you are welcome. But we still have much to tell you.”
I nod. “After the funeral, please? Or tomorrow evening. Is that all right?”
“Yes,” Adkiel says. “We will attend the funeral and then take our leave. We will return at dusk to tell you what we know.”
I think he understands what I feel, to a certain degree. He misses the Heavenly Plane—or Heaven—probably more than I do. He knows what Heaven is like. I only got a small taste of the front door. But unlike me he doesn’t feel torn. He can return there and have nothing here to miss. I have my mother.
And my husband, whose stoic face shows flashes of pain. He doesn’t know what to do for me, watching me sit here with tears still running down my face as I constantly rub my arms.
“Thank you all,” I say, standing up and walking toward Haines. I wrap myself around his body, almost climbing him as if he were a tree. I bring my lips to his ear and lock my arms around his neck. “Take me upstairs, please.”
Wrapping his arms around my waist, he quickly turns around and walks toward the stairs.
“Where is my mother?”
Haines hikes me up higher on his body and wraps his arms around me, bringing me closer. “Resting in the downstairs guest suite. She told me to keep an eye on you while she prepared herself before the cremation. I think she just wanted a bit of quiet before we left.”
I understand. She and my father have been together for centuries. They sacrificed so much to be together. And now he’s gone. And she’s still here.
“What happened, Perrian? Were you really in Heaven?” He carefully walks up the steps, taking his time so he won’t juggle me back and forth as I cling to him.
I shake my head. “Not Heaven. I think it was the passage way to Heaven. Ari-el called it the Heavenly Plane.” I feel fresh tears fall down my cheeks. “Can we talk about it later?”
Haines pushes our bedroom door open with his foot and sits me on the bed. He tries to walk away from me, but I won’t let go of his hand. I need something to hold on to here. All I want to do is go back there to that beautiful place, but I can’t. Can I?
“I’m just going to lock the door, all right?” Before letting go of my hand he looks at me for approval, brows knitted together and lips drawn in an attempted reassuring smile. “All right?”
Nodding my head, I let go of his hand and crawl back on the bed. I’ve got to pull it together before we leave in a few hours. I’ve never felt stronger and at the same time more weak than I do right now.
Even though I can’t see it I know my sword is still here with me. I feel its presence; its light. It makes me feel powerful and in control. But I’ve never been more emotionally unstable than I am right now. I still want to cry. Because I’m happy and because I’m miserable.
Haines takes off my shoes and socks and pulls the blanket over my legs. Resting his back against the headboard, he pulls me into his arms and rests his chin on top of my head. “Shall I have your aunt bring you something?”
“No,” I whisper, taking a deep breath and pushing my face into his chest. “You smell nice. What cologne do you wear?”
The rumbling of his laugh echoes through his chest. “I don’t wear any. It might be my deodorant.”
I put my face close to his armpit, inhale deeply and rub my foot up and down his shin. “Will you make love to me?” I need to feel grounded and the only thing that makes me feel here is Haines. His arms. His deodorant?
Holding my chin, he tips my head up. “Do you need to feed?”
Is that what he thinks? He couldn’t possibly believe that’s the only reason I would want him. “No feeding. Just touch me, please.” I unbutton my pants and pull them off, along with my panties. I crawl up and straddle him.
“Perrian, I don’t want to take advantage of you. You just had a very trying experience.”
I unhook my bra and then pull his tee-shirt over his head. “I’ll beg if that’s what you want.” I feel completely naked in every single way. My heart is on my sleeve and my emotions are raw.
Haines pulls me in, holding on to the back of my neck. “No. Please don’t,” he says, his breath tickling my neck.
I back away from him and grab the band of his pants, pulling them down just enough to free his cock. On my knees with my ass in the air, I wrap my hand around his velvety hardness and feel how heavy he is. I look up at him and say, “I won’t be any good at this.”
“You’re already perfect, Perry,” he says, eyes glued to my lips.
His cock throbs and I use my tongue to trace the mushroom-shaped bulge, a drop of his seed sitting there just waiting for me to taste. I suck his cock lightly into my mouth and use one hand to massage his balls. A quiet hiss escapes his lips as his fingers reverently move around my jaw, and I feel victorious. He grabs a handful of my hair and starts to guide my movements, pulling closer, deepening his hardness into the back of my throat.
As I bob my mouth up and down on him, swirling my tongue and tenderly scraping his shaft with my teeth, I look up at him and see his eyes half closed as he looks down at me. He whispers my name and thrusts his hips forward over and over, his cock swelling in my mouth. I gag and fight the urge to pull away from him.
Haines pulls me away and pants, “No. Not yet,” he says, his stomach contracting as he takes deep breaths. “I don’t want to come in that beautiful mouth of yours tonight. Come here,” he says, holding the sides of my face and pulling me toward him for a kiss.
Hungry kisses cover my lips, my neck, and my breasts. His hands cup my ass, stroking the rounded flesh. He lifts up so I can free him of his sweat pants. At this level, my thighs are on either side of his, and my breasts fall right in his face. He pulls one nipple into his mouth while gently pinching the other. One hand slips between my thighs, and he slides a teasing finger through my wetness. I arch toward him, pushing my breasts further into his mouth, and feel a soft shiver race up my spine. I wrap my arms around his neck as his gifted tongue laves my nipples, his large hands tease me as they run along the planes of my body.
His teeth surround my nipple and he bites, hard enough to make me cry out. Pain and pleasure come together, and without any hesitation he places his long, full member at my entrance and pulls me down. Though my body is the one absorbing the shock, Haines cries out and holds on to me. Sheathing his entire length with my body, I pause for a moment and feel my muscles stretching as he fills me.
“You are always so tight,” he says, teeth gritting as he takes deep breaths. “You fit me, and I fill you.”
Getting up the courage to move as his body fills mine, I lift up and slowly come down as I coat his cock with my juices. “You always feel so good,” I tell him as I slowly ride him, the delicious friction already causing a massive frenzy deep inside me.
He grabs my ass and spreads my cheeks as he thrusts upward again and again. The muscles in his shoulders flex as he lifts his hips and pulls me down on to his hard shaft, going deeper and deeper with each plunge. I gasp but he kisses me, harder this time, and softly bites my bottom lip. “Feed if you need to. Take what you want. But not my immortality. I don’t offer it to you. Not anymore.” His voice is strangled, raspy.
I break our kiss and sit back to look at him. Did I hurt his feelings downstairs? Does he think I don’t want him anymore?
His gaze holds mine as everything falls away, and he tightens his embrace to keep me still against his body. “Now that I know you don’t need it to defeat Samael, I will not give it to you. I want to live as long as I can and be near you. And when you’ve decided you’ve had enough of me I will fawn for you, begging you to come back to me.”
He takes his hands and grips my hips, urging me to move again. Haines runs his palms up my ribs and cups my breasts. His fingers squeeze my hardened nipples and it feels like a direct line to the orgasm already brewing deep inside me. I rock back and forth as he releases my tender buds, and he strokes his hands along the column of my spine.
For the next hour we disappear into one another. If there was nothing holding me to this world before, I believe on this night I have found my anchor.