Chapter Ten
My father sits down on the bed beside my mother and gazes at her as if she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his life. I never noticed until just now that he’s always looked at her like that. When I was growing up even if they were arguing, which they rarely did, his eyes never lost the look of reverence for her. How am I just realizing that he loves her more than the air he breathes? Will I ever have that with Haines?
“I met your mom a long time ago, Perry. She was beautiful and lively.” He rubs his thumb along her cheekbone and smiles. “I knew from the moment I saw her that I would give up everything to be with her. If she’d have me.”
“I was completely afraid.” My mother glances at him and grins like a schoolgirl with a brand new crush. “No one had ever done what we did.”
“Eww,” I say, with a look of disgust. If this is where we’re going then they can keep this story to themselves. I’ve had enough pain and suffering this week.
My father touches my mother’s hand. “Not like that, Lady Bug.”
I feel a shudder ripple through my body as visions of Samael begin to dance in my head. “Let’s pause this for a moment.” I put my hands up. “Samael’s new nickname for me is Lady Bug. So, Daddy, I’d like you to never call me that again. But please, continue.”
He frowns and shakes his head. His look is almost sentimental. “Your mother can trace her lineage back to Lilith and Naamah, the first two succubae turned by Samael. I knew it was forbidden to be with her, to be with a demon. I tried to blame it on her powers, but that wasn’t it. I was immune to her call.”
“Barbara,” says Haines. “Why were you afraid of him?”
“Because our kind aren’t supposed to mix. It was unheard of.” She looks at my father. “I met your dad in 1712 in Italy. I’d seen him through the years, but we’d never actually talked.”
I close my eyes to clear my thoughts. “Let’s pause this again. What?”
“I’d been around for millennia, Perry,” my father says. “And your mother was the one thing that made me want time to stand still. The one thing that made me want to give it all up.”
Haines comes and sits next to my pillow. “Give up what?”
“Grace,” my father says, pulling my mother’s hand to his lips and kissing her palm. “She was the only thing anywhere, in any dimension or plane of existence that made me want to forsake my grace.”
Bells, whistles, and light bulbs go off. They met over three hundred years ago. He’d been around for millennia. Grace. Grace is the kicker. “Dad, you were an angel?”
“Yes.”
“Holy fuck.”
My mother’s voice is stern. “Watch your mouth, Perrian Ettis.”
“Jesus, you two.” Aunt Rita stands up and goes to sit in the kitchen chair in the corner of my bedroom. “You never told her anything?”
“Keep talking,” I tell my dad.
He laughs. “Do I need to continue?”
“Keep Goddamned talking!” How could he laugh? This isn’t funny. I’m half angel and half demon, and no one thought to share this with me? To hear his empty laugh hurts more than the changes my body has been going through. Almost.
My father excuses my tone and continues. “Your mother and I had trysts, tried to keep our relationship a secret. And then twenty-six years ago, we found out she was pregnant. With you.”
He tries to touch my hand but I pull away from him.
He stares down at the vacant space where my hand once was and frowns. “I knew I wanted to be with you and your mother but we couldn’t simply live as a demon and an angel. So, I made the plunge. I loved her so much. And to know she was carrying my child made me love her even more. So, I stood on a cliff in Heaven, looked down at your mother, and jumped. I gave up my grace, but I gained so much more.”
“What was Heaven like?” I ask.
My father winces. “I don’t remember. I try sometimes, but I can’t. After I woke up in your mother’s arms the memories of Heaven started disappearing.”
Haines hands me a handkerchief from his pocket. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. “This is how you tell me? By having me threaten to talk to Samael? How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me like this?”
“Perrian,” my mother says. “We didn’t even know how to begin. There has never been anyone like you before.”
I want to hate them right now. Hate them for lying to me. Hate them for not preparing me for Samael. “So if I’m half angel, why is Samael trying to kill me? I’m like him.”
“Oh, no dear,” Aunt Rita says. “You are not like him. And you’re not like your mother or Haines. To Samael, you are an abomination that needs to be done away with. But your demon and angel sides make you immortal, so your essence would live on. He can’t simply kill you. He probably wouldn’t even know how to.”
My father nods. “There is a great chance you’d be reborn as an angel.”
“And that, my dear niece, is why Samael is itching to get his hands on you,” Rita says, rubbing her arms as if a chill has set in. “An angel-demon hybrid reincarnated as an angel? Only God knows what would come of that.”
Haines strokes my hair. “That’s why he needs you to give in to him, like the other succubae and incubi have done. And that’s why you have to kill him. If he absorbs your essence he won’t need demons to give in to him. He’d be able to kill them without any thought at all.”
A huge weight descends upon me. I’m supposed to get rid of Samael, an angel, so that he’ll stop annihilating our kind. Me. The ‘me’ who just found out who she was and what she was supposed to do.
I sneak a look at my mother and instantly feel like crap. She’s proud of me; proud of what she thinks I can do. Yesterday, I could see it on her face. Hear it in her voice. She’s frightened of Samael. I’ve never known her to be frightened of anything. Why should she be? She’s a badass succubus who can kick butts, take names, and look hot in the process. Her life is up for grabs.
I look up at Haines. “You heard Ryan. I can’t kill him.”
Aunt Rita laughs. “Yes, you can, honey. If anyone can, it’s you. You are part angel. And only an angel can kill another angel. God can kill Samael, but He can kill anything.”
“What’s happening to her body?” Haines asks.
Oh, yeah. I forgot about the hot, searing, praying-for-death pain I’ve been in. Hearing your father was an angel will do that to you.
“You poor girl.” Aunt Rita comes and rubs my arm. “Your body is changing into something else. You’ll still look like you, but you’ll be stronger. Faster. Your bones will be denser. You will truly be immortal.” She looks from me to Haines. “Did you ah…consummate your marriage?”
I look at my parents. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no. We did um, something, but for all intents and purposes I’m still a virgin.”
Her eyes become slits. “Haines, you demon, how did you feed her?”
He looks at my parents and frowns. “It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.” Haines looks proud, but once he realizes my parents are giving him the evil eye he calms down. “And that’s all we’ll say about that. More importantly, how long will it last?”
She frowns. “Perry, how many times have you changed?”
“Twice. Please tell me two is the magic number.”
Rita shakes her head. “No darling. It will never stop.”
“No! I can’t do that for the rest of ever.”
“I’m just kidding,” she says. “It’s three times. That sounds better than ‘ever,’ doesn’t it?”
I think it over. “I suppose it does. That was not funny.”
“But it made you feel better, right?” she asks.
This is not the time to crack jokes! One more time and it’s done. Or I’m done. I don’t think I can survive that torture again. Looks like I don’t have much of a choice.
Haines massages his temples. “Is there anything we can do to make it less painful?”
“Feed her while it’s happening. Her strength comes from both her angel and demon sides.” She shrugs. “That’s the best I’ve got.”
I touch her arm. “So, you’re not completely sure?”
“I’m pretty sure.”
Haines rubs my shoulder, silently letting me know that he’ll do all he can to help me through this. The fact that he’s still here with me even though the poo has hit the fan comforts me. The people that I’ve held dear and trusted my entire life have put me in a very precarious position.
“So,” I say, reaching for my glass of water, “I guess I don’t need to take Haines’ immortality. Unless you want me to?” I take a sip of the cool water and breathe a sigh of satisfaction. I’ve been so busy trying to ignore how terrible all the pain has been and I didn’t even realize my throat was raw. Probably from all the screaming.
He takes my glass from me and sets it on the night stand. “That’s a bit of a relief. I was willing to—”
“Take one for the home team?” I say, giving Haines a huge smile.
“—what you said.” He gives me a devious grin and a wink. “And I suppose living life as a human would have been interesting, but I’d rather pass.”
Wow. He was willing to let go of everything, his life included, to stop Samael. It’s rather peculiar. Haines was ready to die to get rid of Samael. More than anything I want to live, but if I let go and forfeit my life, Samael goes away. My life never meant so much to me until forking it over could save an entire species. Of demons.
“Hey!” I yell as an idea slams into my brain. How could I have forgotten? “What’s with me being pinned to the ceiling? Right before all the pain ends I’m usually stuck to the ceiling. It’s weird.”
Aunt Rita smiles a knowing smile. She must be really happy today. “It’s your wings, dear. You are sprouting wings.”
I fight the urge to rub my back. That’s awesome, in a completely non-awesome way. What am I going to do with wings? The image of me walking around in a huge trench coat pops into my head. I don’t think Samael has wings. Maybe the more insane an angel gets the smaller their wings become.
Aunt Rita seems to have read my mind. “You won’t be able to see them in this dimension, Perry. This earthly plane hides your angel wings. Shift to another dimension and there they’ll be—big, colorful, beautiful.”
My father smiles and a sentimental look covers his face. Poor Dad. He says he doesn’t regret giving up his grace, but I bet he’d give anything to remember.
“Aunt Rita, how do you know all this stuff?”
She smiles. “I’ve been around for some time. I used to be an angel, too. But I knew it was time to give it up when I became envious of humans.”
I let go of her hand. “Seriously? What a way to drop the ‘I used to be an angel’ bomb. Doesn’t being an angel trump being human?”
Aunt Rita and my father laugh. They exchange a look and then reach for one another, holding hands and smiling.
“Dear girl, you have no idea. Your father found love. I found…peace. A real peace I never knew existed.” She reaches out and caresses my face. “God gave me a vision of you when I was still an angel. He knew you were coming. He knows everything. I think I was charged with keeping you safe.”
“Bang-up job, Auntie!” I say, pointing at my parents. “You couldn’t even keep me safe from them.”
“Yes, I should have been around to guide you, but your parents wanted to raise you with no help from anyone. What do you get when you mix an angel and a demon?”
I look at my parents. “A confused, pissed-off kid.”
“Oh, Perrian.” My mother shakes her head and then stands up. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”
Has she not seen the bloody handprints on the ceiling? “Are you insane? Haines wouldn’t have called you if he didn’t think I was about to die.” I would have a few choice words for my mother if I didn’t respect her. “Besides the emotional turmoil I haven’t even had a chance to deal with, my body is being torn apart.” My eyes are burning from unshed tears. I’ve cried enough. “Mom, come here for a minute. Let me break your hand. Then imagine it’s your whole body!”
She puts her hands up. “Perrian, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“And then let me toss you down the steps of Chechen Itza a few times so you can sustain some internal damage.”
“Perry, I just meant that…”
“But here’s the kicker, Mom. Let me turn back time and lie to you for your entire life. Let’s see how that feels.”
My father gets up and stands next to my mother. “Honey, we tried to do what we thought was best.”
“She’s right, you two.” Aunt Rita shakes her head and looks between me and my parents. “You should have done this differently. You should have told her something.”
I bring my hands to my face and hold them there, thinking of what to do next. What can I do? I peek through my fingers and look to Haines for an answer. I know he doesn’t have one, but maybe he can beat them up.
Haines clears his throat. “Thank you all for coming, but Perrian needs her rest.”
My mother looks like he just slapped her in the face.
She begins to protest, but Aunt Rita chimes in. “Come on Barbara. Kevin. Let’s give her some space.”
I can tell my parents want to stay with me, but they get up and walk toward the door anyway.
“Good night, Perry.” My father kisses me on the forehead and then leaves.
My mom touches my hand and then follows behind him.
“If you need anything,” Aunt Rita whispers, “anything at all, just call me. I’ll do what I can.” She smiles and gives me a hard kiss on the cheek. “We humans are limited, but we have our ways.”
Haines looks back at me before he walks out the door. A gentle smile breaks across his face. Sweet bastard.
A tree branch dances across the bedroom window as a strong gust of wind hums by. I smile in spite of everything I’ve learned. We’ve only been married a few days and have loathed each other from the start, but the thought of him helping me through this makes me blush.
When did he and I start liking each other?
“About ten seconds after he thought you were going to die, Lady Bug.”
“Gnahh!” I almost fall on the floor once I realize Samael is sitting right next to me. “You are fucking creepy!”
He buffs his nails on his black jacket and preens. “And I don’t even try. Must be a God given talent.”
I hear the wood of the headboard creak as I lean against it, trying to get as far away from him as I can without actually getting off the bed. I’m still sore.
“Ohh!” he says sympathetically, tsk-ing and covering his mouth like a fucking fool. “Poor Lady Bug. It must really hurt.”
“You have no idea.” I pull my knees to my chest. “What do you want?”
“To talk.”
“About?”
“Us.”
“There is no us.”
“Lover, you have no idea.” He gets up and goes to look out of the window. “So, what do you think?”
I mull it over for a few seconds and let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I think that this is stupid. I think you should stop killing your offspring and leave me alone.”
Samael pulls out a can of soda and pops it open. The click and fizzle from the can startle me. Where the hell did he get that from?
He takes long pull and breathes a sigh of satisfaction. “Go on.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, weighing my words. “If you stop killing us I won’t pony-up and try to kill you. And leave my mother alone.”
“Sweetie, you don’t have the cojones to kill me.” He chuckles. “I’m an angel of the Lord, and you’re a goddamned mutt.”
Ouch. That really hurt my feelings. “That’s a bit harsh.”
“Lady Bug, that was me putting it nicely.”
“What’s with you calling me Lady Bug? It freaks me out.”
He looks wounded. “You don’t like it?”
“Not so much now.”
He shakes his head. “What do you want me to call you?”
I shrug. “My name.”
If I hadn’t been looking at him I wouldn’t have noticed the change. A kind of ripple starts at his head, working its way down his body, to his shoes. Even his clothes look different. Less wrinkled, more fresh. What the hell was that?
“I don’t like your name. Perrian. PerryAnne. Peerian.” He rolls my name around on his tongue a few times, putting emphasis on different syllables. “Sounds like an alcoholic beverage or one of those stupid dolls that grow hair when you pull it.”
“Then call me Perry.”
He shrugs. “I’ll think about it.”
I stare at him and frown. “Why do you hate me? Why do you hate my kind?”
Samael looks thoughtful for a moment. “Because, Perry, your kind are my punishment. And now I have to clean house.”
“How are we your punishment?”
He doesn’t speak. He looks as if he’s praying. When he comes back to the present time and opens his eyes, he looks like the epitome of what an angel should be. His features are soft and his cheeks seem full. His lavender eyes are strong, and he looks to be in full control of his sanity.
“My weakest moment was made manifest.” Samael scratches the side of his head and then pushes his blond hair back into place. “I wanted to know what sex was like. What made people go crazy over it. And borne from that moment was an abomination that draws on the power of sex itself.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“But you.” The crazy look comes back, and he sniffs the air. “You are just…uncalled for. Repugnance made into flesh. The child of an angel and a demon.”
“Are you trying to hurt my feelings?”
“You just have to die, and you don’t even know why.” He smiles a freakish, toothy smile that shows all of his teeth. “I’m a poet.”
“And you didn’t even know it.” I feel sorry for him. All this hatred directed at me and all of his offspring for the simple reason that he feels guilty.
“I know, right!” He comes back and sits on the foot of the bed. “You just gotta die, Perry. And you don’t even know why.”
A shiver runs down my spine, and I feel goose bumps cover my body. “Don’t tell me—abomination, repugnance. I’m uncalled for.”
“Oh, no. There’s a secret, Lady Bug. And no one knows what it is.” He leans toward me, almost sizing me up. “Your parents don’t know. Your auntie doesn’t know. Why, only a few beings on the face of anywhere know it.”
My throat is suddenly dry and my breath catches in my chest. “Sure, I’ll bite. What is it?”
He leans back and puts his feet up on the bed. “You, you terrible girl, will bring death to all those around you. That is your gift. That is your curse. And that’s why you, Perry-Lady Bug-girlie, have got to die.” He pulls away from me and walks toward the window. “And I’m going to take you before you implode on everyone around you. So, you’re welcome.” He opens the window and begins to climb out.
I want to run to watch the bastard fall, but his face still hovers above the windowsill as if he’s standing on solid ground. We’re on the second floor.
“Was that cryptic enough?” His head bobs out of sight and when I see his face again, he is sideways. “I’m actually doing you a favor.”
“You…you’re lying.” No matter how calm I try to sound I stammer and begin to shake.
“Were that I was, Perry-girl. Were that I was.”
Samael’s face drifts upward as he disappears from my sight.